Hannah and I part ways after checking in at the university. I speed walk to my apartment, bags in hand. I fumble with my keys to get me in, and finally I get the door open, throw my bags on the ground and let out a long breath. I turn on the lights and- "SURPRISE!"
I let out a shriek and my hands fly up to my mouth. The first face I see is immediately recognizable with her striking blue hair and big doe eyes - Mia. She blows a party horn and wears a silly cone hat. I was almost expecting more people here, but it's just her. It's honestly pretty adorable.
"Welcome back, Lil!" she beams as I give her the biggest hug. "I was gonna invite the whole school for your arrival, but I figured you wouldn't want that kind of attention right now, plus I didn't know who to invite."
"You're so thoughtful, Mia. Thank you!" I say as I squeeze her tiny body tight.
She pulls away from me quickly. "Your hair!" she almost screams. I laugh and flaunt it for her. Her wide smile sparkles and she claps her hands together. I look up and notice that she decorated the whole loft with streamers and lettering that says "Welcome Back" along with balloons scattering the floor.
"This is quite the welcome, Mia, thank you," I say sincerely. It really does mean a lot to me that she cares this much and put so much effort into my return home.
I take out my phone and take a picture of her holding two of the balloons under the Welcome Back sign.
She takes me to the kitchen and pulls out a box of pizza. Good timing - all that traveling made me hungry.
"How are you?" she asks while we eat. "Is that a dumb question? I think that's a dumb question. Never mind!"
"Relax, Mia!" I chuckle. "I'm doing okay. Glad to be back."
"Yeah, umm - speaking of, I never ended up doing what you asked me to," she admits.
"Okay... Why?"
"That group scares me, how was I going to dig up dirt on Hazel when all of them look like they could murder me in any second?"
I almost spit out my pizza. "Them? Murder? Ha!"
"I'm serious, Lil!"
I put my hand up to stop her. "It's totally okay, Mia. I'll do it myself, no worries." I give her a smile.
"I don't mean to disappoint, I know you've been going through a lot, and it's probably gonna take a lot out of you to do this but I just couldn't do it myself. I'm too much of a coward," she frowns.
I grab her by the arms. "Don't say that! I still appreciate the shit out of you. Thank you, Mia."
She smiles. "Here, let me help you unpack your stuff."
Mia and I spend the next hour unpacking. I focus on hanging up my paintings and setting up my easel as Mia makes my bed and puts away my clothes. I open up the window as it starts to get stuffy in the room from all of our hard work. Mia takes a break and checks her phone while I light a cigarette and feel the cool breeze come out of the window onto my hot face.
"Oh!" Mia exclaims.
"What?" I ask as I blow smoke out the window.
"I guess they're having a party Saturday night."
"The Dissidents?"
She nods, "That's all I know now." She puts her phone back in her pocket and goes back to folding my t-shirts.
"Hmm," I mumble and turn back to my cigarette. Tempting, I think to myself. To see Asher's face when he sees me would be priceless. I've rehearsed what I'm going to say to him almost a dozen times in my head. I'm going to tear him down and make him feel just as terrible as he made me feel; it's going to feel so damn good for me.
But, is revenge what I'm really after?
"Earth to Lillian?" Mia waves in front of my dull face. I was too lost in thought to even notice her.
"Yeah?"
"Whatcha thinking about?" She relaxes next to the window with me and rolls up her sleeves.
I shrug and tense my lips. "I don't know what to do, to be honest. I had a plan for when I got here and was so set on doing it - but now that I'm here, I'm questioning it."
"A lot of shit went down last semester, Lil. It's completely normal for you to feel confused about where to go from here. I would be scared as hell if I were you," she chuckles. "Just do what you think is right. I know you will."
Do what I think is right.
Is what I want to do right? Or is it just?
Mia and I finish unpacking around eight p.m. and we decide to finish the leftover pizza from this afternoon in the loft.
"Want to watch a movie?" she says from the kitchen.
"Sure!" I reply. "I'll invite Hannah over."
As I pull out my phone, I see that I have an unread text from Theo. My stomach flutters as I open it: Reminder to take your meds. I'm so happy I got to see you today.
And just like that, the alarm that I previously set on my phone goes off to remind me.
I text him back: Already got an alarm for that, nurse. Glad I visited before I left.
After I send it, I text Hannah and invite her over.
Did Theo just come up with an excuse to text me? I lightly blush at the thought. He's the one that gave me the idea to set up alarms on my phone for when I need to take my meds to begin with. I go to my room and open my nightstand drawer, take out a trio of multicolored pills and wash them down with a sip of water from the bathroom sink. I look up at myself in the mirror and analyze my reflection; where there once was darkness underneath my eyes there is now normal toned flesh without bags. My cheeks have filled out and are no longer sunken in. I look healthy for the first time in what seems like forever. It's uncanny and I don't know how else to feel about it. Is this what healing includes? Puffy cheeks and normal under-eyes? I brush my fingers over my lips that are no longer dry and cracked - they're plump and smooth. I smack them together and finish my self-analyzation with a light touch to my pendant as I'm nervous at what other changes my body has made over the past few months.
Hannah eventually comes through the front door. "Whoa!" she exclaims as she notices all of the welcome-back decor that Mia had set up for me. Mia all of a sudden blows a party horn as Hannah walks in.
"Welcome back to you too!" she yells.
"This is great, Mia! Thank you," Hannah says in excitement.
I run up to her and give her a tight embrace. "Thanks for being there for me. Thank you for everything." I whisper in her ear. She hugs me tighter as a response.
The evening is well-spent with my two best friends sitting on the couches in the living room and glasses of white wine; my first taste of alcohol since my incident. I decide to take it easy and relax after two glasses as my tolerance has significantly decreased. My face feels flushed and hot.
"What do you mean you're not having anymore?" Hannah questions as I finish my last sip.
"I just don't want anymore. I've reached my threshold," I explain while giggling.
"I don't even know who you are anymore," Hannah jests as she pours herself another glass.
Mia chimes in, "Wait, was Lil like an alcoholic before?"
"More like functioning," Hannah chuckles and Mia laughs along with her.
"Hey, I wasn't that bad!" I say.
"Should I tell Mia the things that you would do when I lost you at bars and clubs?" Hannah says.
I stay quiet.
"Exactly." They both laugh together, and I decide to join in. I can't argue with that.
Hannah and I catch Mia up on what happened back in California and tell her about Theo, or as Hannah calls him, my "Sexy Nurse Boyfriend."
"He's not my boyfriend!"
"Not yet!" Hannah jeers and I blush as I roll my eyes.
"Wait, so what happened with Asher?" Mia asks.
Hannah scoffs and almost spits out her wine. "Ha!"
I shush Hannah. "That's a whole other story."
"Well, give me the deets!" Mia demands.
I sigh. "Well, we had this thing going on before everything happened and I thought he liked me, but after it all he never bothered to come visit or even have the decency to send me a text," I shrug. "So, I moved on after I realized he actually didn't give two shits about me."
Mia frowns, "Damn, I'm sorry Lil. You don't deserve that."
"It's okay," I smile. "I found someone that I do deserve, so it all worked itself out."
"I'm glad!" she takes a pause. "Wait, so how are you gonna dig up dirt on Hazel now?"
"I have no idea," I shrug again. "Wait. They're having that party Saturday night, right? We have to go!"
"Uh-" Hannah stammers. "I don't think that's the best idea, Lil."
"Why not?" I ask. "It'll be perfect! I can confront both Asher and Hazel at the same time."
"Lil, you need to give yourself more time before you go see them."
"Why?"
Hannah eyes Mia. "We just don't want anything else bad happening," she says carefully.
I roll my eyes. "Nothing bad is going to happen, Han."
"How do you know? Especially with them? They will rip you to pieces, Lillian!"
I get defensive, "Bold of you to assume that I got weak. They have nothing on me."
Hannah raises her hands in defeat. "Okay, okay. We'll go. But don't say I didn't warn you."
"I think it'll be fine! And fun! My first college party!" Mia exclaims.
"Mia, you're a junior and still haven't gone to a party?" I ask. She shakes her head in embarrassment. "I'm totally going to get you wasted."
"No no no!" Hannah says. "We're not going to party. You're just going to do what you came here to do then continue on with your life!"
Mia and I both groan.
"Fine."
I get a text and see it's another one sent by Theo: Sorry for the late reply, work has me busy. But I'm glad you made it to Seattle safe and sound.
I smile and text back: No worries. I'll talk to you later - major planning going on between the girls and I. Night, Hottie.