The diner was quiet when Harvey and Calvin pushed through the glass doors at lunchtime. The morning rush had fizzled out into a slow stream of customers, and the rain was keeping most people at home. Declan was wiping down a table, Evan leant against the back of a chair, watching him work, and humming to the music that played through the speakers. When Declan noticed Harvey and Calvin, he exchanged a look with Evan, who promptly stumbled over the chair he was grasping - how that was possible, while standing still, Declan would never know.
"Calvin!" Evan rose his hand to wave, his cheeks instantly reddening, his smile widening just as quickly.
Declan rolled his eyes, grabbing Evan's arm, and shoving it down to his side, "You're acting like a schoolgirl with a crush." He murmured.
"Hi." Calvin grinned at him, stopping beside the table Declan had just cleared. He was hugging a hard hat to his chest, and bouncing his heel up and down nervously. "You look...uh..." He cleared his throat, scanning Evan up and down hesitantly, "Pink looks good on you."
"Really?" Evan blurted out, his eyes blown wide, "I didn't...I've never really..."
"God, this is painful." Declan commented dryly.
"You read my mind." Harvey snorted, sparing a disgusted look in Evan and Calvin's direction, though there was fondness in his gaze, too.
Evan and Calvin continued flirting bashfully, throwing clumsy compliments, and half-formed jokes at each other. They both had pink cheeks and sheepish smiles. Despite how sickening Declan found it, he couldn't help but feel his chest swell with warmth. It made Declan happy to watch his friend - who had cried in his arms just last night, after staying over at his for the fourth time in just two weeks - find comfort in someone else.
"Hey, Declan, have you got a minute?" Harvey asked, his tone a shade darker, his eyes lacking the warmth they had emanated just a moment ago.
Declan frowned, "Is everything okay?"
Harvey nodded, and offered Declan a smile that was anything but convincing, "Everything's fine, I just... I wanna talk to you about something."
With his nerves fluttering in his chest, Declan turned to Evan, pulling on his arm to drag him out of his conversation with Calvin, "I'm gonna take my break now." Declan murmured, "Just grab me if you need me."
Evan nodded, "'Course." He smiled, then quickly turned back to face Calvin, "Fancy doing some washing up for me?"
"Unpaid labour?" Calvin teased.
"Well, if I'm caught chatting to you instead of working I'll get told off." He explained, "Unless I stick you on the pot wash. Winnie doesn't mind it then." He shrugged, "All my friends do it when they come for a visit - not that you're a..." His eyes widened, and he opened and closed his mouth a few times in quick succession, clearly looking for the right thing to say.
"I'm not a friend?" Calvin asked jokingly.
"Well, you're...you're a..."
"It's okay." Calvin laughed, "I'll be whatever you want me to be."
Evan's expression relaxed, and his smile returned, brighter than ever. He looped his arm around Calvin's and dragged him behind the counter. Their voices faded, and Declan was left with a sense of dread that crawled up his throat and choked him. He turned to face Harvey, who was pointedly not looking at him.
"What is it?" Declan asked quietly.
"Can we sit somewhere?"
Declan nodded, slipping into the nearest booth, leaving Harvey to slide in opposite him.
Harvey placed his hard hat down on the table, then dropped his hands into his lap. "How's your day been?"
"Where's Seb?"
Harvey sighed, "Seb always brings a packed lunch to work." He explained, "You should see him with his little lunch box - it's actually kind of adorable."
Declan wanted nothing more than to see Sebastian with or without a lunch box. Pathetically, he missed him. He had been with him just last week, for a stolen hour of sex before Declan had to rush off to a shift Winnie had demanded he work at the last minute. But the last time he saw Sebastian - really saw him - was a few weeks ago after Declan's doctor's appointment.
"Cal and I usually go to the sandwich place around the corner." Harvey continued, "But y'know, I thought today we'd-"
"Harvey." Declan cut him off, "Why are you here?"
Harvey sighed, "Seb told you about Felix." He said plainly, "Didn't he?"
Declan stiffened, "He did."
"He's meeting up with him."
It shouldn't have mattered.
And yet...
"There's nothing going on between them." Harvey said quickly, "Seb doesn't have feeling for him, he just-"
"So, why are you telling me?" Declan demanded.
"Because I like you." Harvey admitted.
"You-" Declan froze, "What?"
"And just to be clear, I don't like you in a 'I wanna fuck you' kind of way, though, y'know, if I swung that way, I totally would. You have very fuckable lips." He said, tilting his head to the side curiously, his eyes fixed on Declan's mouth, "But, anyway, that's beside the point - I like you in a 'I think you're cool' kind of way."
Declan stared at him blankly.
"I respect you, Declan." Harvey sighed, "And I know Sebastian respects you, too-"
"Not enough to tell me this himself." Declan muttered bitterly.
"Sebastian is a great guy - the best, if you ask me - but he's also a fucking idiot." Harvey said, "The last time he dated someone, he was seventeen-"
"We're not dating."
"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." Harvey scoffed.
Declan narrowed his eyes, "Has Sebastian told you otherwise?"
"No." Harvey shook his head, "He's just as stubborn as you - adamant that all you guys are doing is having meaningless sex. But like I said; Seb's a fucking idiot."
Declan suddenly felt extremely restless. He pulled at his shirt distractedly, then twisted his ring around his finger, then glanced over at Evan and Calvin who were both laughing behind the counter, their hands submerged in soapy water.
"Felix means a lot to him." Harvey said softly.
"I know." Declan gulped, "I know he does, and I know I'll never mean that much to Sebastian, and I know...I know what you must think, Harvey - that Sebastian's just wasting time with someone like me. Thanks for the fucking reminder-"
"What?" Harvey blurted out, his eyes widening in alarm, "No." He snapped defensively, "No, no, no, Declan, that's not-"
"I'll never be Felix." Declan's chest was tight, and his skin was starting to prickle with heat, "Or Alex, or...or whoever else Sebastian might wish I was-"
"He doesn't want anyone else, Declan!"
"Well, he sure as fuck doesn't want me-"
"Declan." Harvey slammed his hand down on the table, making Declan jolt back, his mouth snapping shut. "I'm not here to fuck with you, I'm just here to...to tell you what Sebastian won't, because you deserve the truth." He confessed, "I promise you, I'm here as a friend."
"A friend." Declan echoed.
Harvey smiled weakly, "Sebastian doesn't want Felix." He said simply, and Declan knew that there was more to that sentence - 'he wants you' - but Harvey wouldn't say it. Maybe he believed that there were some things that only Sebastian could say.
"I know." Declan breathed out, because despite the pain in his heart, he knew - logically - that Sebastian didn't want Felix. He only wanted to reconnect with someone he thought he had lost forever.
"Sebastian would never admit it, but the only reason he's meeting Felix is out of guilt." Harvey murmured, "He still hasn't forgiven himself after all this time, and he thinks that maybe...maybe this is his chance to make things right." He sighed, "Don't you think we should give him that chance?"
Declan had no right to stop Sebastian from seeing Felix. He had no right to feel this heartbroken about it, either. After all, it was his idea in the first place.
It hadn't felt like such a bad suggestion at the time.
And now, he regretted ever asking Sebastian to tell him a bedtime story about his days at boarding school.
He wished he had never known Felix's name.
Declan glanced up at Harvey, and he could read all the inner torment in his eyes, "This is... I appreciate this, Harvey..." Declan said plainly, because he couldn't quite bring himself to say thank you.
Some of the tension eased out of Harvey's shoulders, "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt Seb either. It just didn't feel right - you not knowing."
Declan continued twisting his ring around his finger, hating all the ugly emotions raising up inside of him. "Will he be angry at you?"
"Only if he finds out that I've told you."
"And if he does?"
"He won't be happy." Harvey admitted, "But he'll come to his senses."
Declan propped his elbows up on the table, and desperate to suppress the jealously coursing through his body, he fixed on an amused grin, "You think I have fuckable lips?"
Harvey groaned, "I'm gonna regret saying that, aren't I?"
"Absolutely." Declan teased, "Now, tell me, how much time have you spent thinking about my lips-?"
"Shut up." Harvey hissed, "They're just very...they're very full...and pink..."
"Wow." Declan rose his brows, "Full and pink?"
"All I'm saying is-"
"If I were a girl, you'd totally fuck me." Declan finished, "Or at least, fuck my mouth." He winked.
"Hey, I'd fuck you in other places, too-"
"Yeah?" Declan could hardly contain his laughter.
"Though your mouth would be very...well..." His eyes flicked down to Declan's lips again.
"Lucky for you, I give earth-shattering blowjobs." Declan said proudly, "Just ask Seb-"
"I definitely won't be doing that-"
"God, you should hear the noises he makes when I have my lips wrapped about his-"
"I've heard the noises he makes." Harvey shot back, "The walls in our apartment aren't that thick, y'know?"
Declan snorted, then promptly dissolved into laughter, Harvey following suit.
Despite how empty he felt, for a brief moment, he was happy.
And then he remembered how much prettier Felix was than him, and the joy instantly left his body, leaving him cold and lifeless.
Declan jolted back when two plates were dropped onto the table between him and Harvey. He glanced up, his eyes meeting Evan's bright gaze. Declan smiled gratefully, and picked up one of the sandwiches Evan had made.
"I used yesterday's bread, so it's free." Evan grinned proudly, sliding into the booth next to Declan, Calvin slipping in beside Harvey opposite them.
"Thanks!" Harvey smiled brightly, ripping his sandwich in two and passing half to Calvin.
"Is it a good idea for both of us to take a break at the same time?" Declan asked Evan skeptically, scanning the quiet diner to ensure that none of their co-workers needed their help.
Evan shrugged, "There's barely any customers." He said, "If it picks up, I'll cut my break short."
"This is really good, Evan." Calvin complimented through a mouthful of bread.
Evan's eyes lit up, "Really?" He asked breathlessly.
Declan elbowed him in the ribs, "You're embarrassing yourself." He muttered, amusement tugging at the corners of his lips.
Harvey snorted, "D'you two wanna sit at a separate table?" He offered, his gaze darting between Evan and Calvin. "I feel like I'm interrupting a date-"
Calvin choked on his sandwich, before swallowing hard, his cheeks burning red, "We're not... We're just..."
"Uh-huh." Declan laughed, his gaze catching Harvey's, who also started to laugh.
"Anyway..." Calvin - with some difficulty - ripped his eyes off of Evan, and focussed them on Declan instead, "You and Seb, huh?"
"There is no me and Seb." Declan replied impatiently.
"Oh." Calvin deadpanned, "Sorry, I just..."
"They're fucking." Harvey interjected, "But they're not dating. Because that would be absurd." He rolled his eyes.
Declan kicked Harvey under the table, "How's Mel?"
Harvey's brows furrowed in confusion, "Who?"
"The girl with the tattoos." Declan supplied, "You called her Paige-"
"Oh." Harvey's face fell in realisation, "She's... Well, I'm gonna assume she's doing okay. I haven't spoken to her, so..."
Declan thought back to the countless people he had slept with; strangers who's names he didn't know, who's lives he wasn't a part of. Everything was easy. Nothing was complicated. Sex was just sex, and people were just people.
Sebastian had changed all of that. Because sex with Sebastian meant something. Sebastian meant something.
He remembered now why he had sworn off relationships in the first place.
History always had a way of repeating itself.
Fuck you, River Newman, he thought bitterly.