I thought everything would be different here. I thought I would be able to let go off my past and leave it behind, but yet somehow, even in this entirely new environment, it's haunting me.
My mother can't leave me alone and neither can my--whatever he is. every single piece of my life seems to be haunted and right when I thought that things were going to be simple.
I thought I could live this life forever, but in order to prove to everyone around me that I can change, I forced myself to believe that Chrissy was it for me. But all she is is a bright light in a dark dark storm.
too often I've forced myself to do the right thing, but I've only recently realized that right is only what others believe it is. to me, right is being myself but that's not right at all in everyone else's eyes.
I step into the conjoined showers, thankful that no one is here and when I let the hot water run, I put my two in one in both my hair and on my body.
Foam washes over my hair then shoulders and finally, the rest of my body before I look up into the running water, eyes closed. The water runs down my hair to my forehead, cheeks and finally lips, dripping from them down to my feet.
I start to regret telling Chrissy I'd be by later because I'd rather be alone right now. And as I open my eyes looking at my feet while the water runs I realize it might be too late to uphold that promise. The darkness has set and Chrissy may already be asleep, although everything in me tells me she'd never if she knew we could have a chance at hanging out.
I run my hands over my torso and my shoulders before finally stopping the water from running and grabbing a white towel to press against my face.
I stay that way for a while, somehow the darkness has always comforted me.
After making my way lazily toward the sinks, I wipe the steam that has formed off the mirror and run the water, splashing cold in my face.
It really could be too late to go see Chrissy right now.
I look at myself in the mirror and gaze into my eyes for a moment. All I want to do is be alone, in the darkness, maybe even at a party, drinking with girls everywhere.
I splash the cold water in the mirror and turn toward the lockers. Anything that hasn't bee put into a locker is now damp from the steam, but thankfully everything I own is tucked away in my bag.
I slide into my skinny jeans before doing the same with my black top. and when I get to my black vans, I tie the black shoe laces and enter the screechy hallway.
Everything this school does seems to be to save money and as I walk down the hallway, I can't help but notice just how late it is. no one is here, everyone must be at parties, and somehow I've decided to spend this time with Chrissy.
A part of me wants her to be it for me, but a larger part of me know something it can't yet admit even to me.
I see the door market with letters at the top: 'D48' this is it. Chrissy's new dorm room.
I let out a small breath before grabbing the handle softly with one hand and pressing it down.
"Knock Knock, ready to go babe--" As soon as I speak I find myself stopping. Her eyes.
I realize she's half naked as she pulls her bra down and I can't help but just stand there and stare with a smirk on my face. I'm glad I came after all.
"Stop staring you perv!" I suddenly hear and instantly I roll my eyes but they're quickly covered and I'm pushed out of the room before Chrissy shuts the door to my second long day-dream.
"What are you doing?" Chrissy speaks, trying not to let whoever she was hear us.
"I came to pick you up, remember?"
"for dinner?" I add, hoping it'll spark something in her brain after all of the cleaning and unpacking she's been doing.
"I know," she giggles.
"I meant why did you stop in the room? you didn't even glance at me," she says and as I watch her lips move, I've already forgotten why.
"Guess I was too hung up on that roommate thing you wanted me to check out," I smirk and she rolls her eyes, lightly slapping at my shoulder.
"Let's go babe," I hold her small cute hand as I lead her to the gravel parking lot.
"Can I drive?" she asks squeakily and I shake my head.
"Fuck no," I huff and then get into my dark grey Lambo.
"Hold on I forgot my phone," Chrissy says embarassed and we quickly go back to the hallway.
"Surprised that's all you forgot," I joke and she chuckles.
"Stop it Miles!" her smile says before she opens the dorm room door.
"Oh . . . Madison . . . Did we wake y—" Chrissy speaks but I cut her off.
So that's her name.
"Madison huh? We're sorry, but uh . . . this naughty girl just forgot her phone." I speak glancing at Chrissy.
"Miles!" Chrissy swats my arm again but I can't help but smirk at her.
"I'll be staying over at his for the night, so no more interruptions, I promise." Chrissy manages quietly despite her excitement and before I know it, we're heading toward the card again.