Uncertainty
"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different"
- C.S.Lewis
August
•1913•
Tommy's POV
"Are you sure? I don't want to freak her out?" Freddie said cautiously
"She'll be fine Fred, she's seen Tommy and Arthur, she let Pol in the other day for tea, she'd love to see you" John said confidently
"I just hope she wants to see me" John then added
"She will" I said
"Have you told her yet?" Freddie asked
"Told her what?" I asked
"About Greta" he said.
"No"
"Why not? She'll find out eventually" he said
"She doesn't have to find out, not right now anyway" I said
"Tom, someone will tell her, you flaunted her fucking everywhere, you brought her to my wedding!" John stressed.
"I know" I said, more abruptly than I probably should have
But I was worried
About what she'd say, how she'd look at me
She already hated me for Georgie
I don't know how she'd react if she found out about Greta.
Or if she'd care at all.
But I only just got her back. And she wasn't herself anymore
She needed us. She needed me. And I need her.
I don't want some stupid fling jeopardising that.
"I'm sorry, I just don't want her finding out yet" I said.
"She will though and it'll be better coming from you than someone else" Freddie advised.
I nodded, I know.
Mariana's POV
"Don't be nervous, she's excited to see you" Polly urged, pushing me gently into the room
And I just stood there, in utter shock at the little girl in front of me
With her dark hair in bunches, a summery dress with small flowers on, and a blush of heat across her freckled cheeks
She looked up, staring at me for a moment
And my heart sunk at the thought of her not remembering me.
A feeling that quickly washed away as she ran towards me and hugged me tightly with her little arms
"Mari!" She said happily, her eyes squeezed shut, putting all her strength into her hug
"Hi darling" I said, bending down to hug her properly.
And it was the best feeling in the world
She remembered me.
"You're back!" She said, smiling as she pulled away
"Yeah Nala, I'm back, I'm not going anywhere" I said
"Good" she smiled.
"See, I told you, all she ever talks about is you" Polly said as she walked off into the kitchen.
Freddie's POV
God I hope she didn't hate me.
I mean at least I was getting letters from her in prison
But it was always business related
I hope she still wants to know me.
I know she likes sweets, Mar was always a sucker for them, so I picked up just about every bag of them from the shop
"Freddie" Ada smiled, passing me in the street
"Ada, where you off to?" I asked nicely.
"A lady never tells" she smiled
"Mm but you're not a lady yet kid" I teased
"I am, and I'll thank you to remember it" she said, feigning offence
"Oh my dearest apologies, lady Ada, better?" I asked.
She was actually pretty fun... and pretty
"Certainly sir" she said back, before she continued on her way, looking back at me with a smile as she did.
Mariana's POV
"Stop worrying, I won't bite your head off" I chuckled
Freddie's fidgeted slightly
"I know that, I just don't want to set you off you know, you're still settling ain't you?" He shrugged
"Freddie" I groaned
"Please just, talk to me like a normal human being, I get all the mithering and worrying from everyone else" I said, I was so tired of it.
"I'm sorry, are you settling back in alright though? It's been a while and people have... changed" he said.
The one thing I loved about Freddie... he had nearly the exact same mind as me.
He always understood what I was feeling.
Or how I should be feeling in any situation.
"It's not been too bad, everyone's been supportive, way over the top supportive but it's better than nothing right?" I smiled, earning a nod from him
"And you and Tommy?" He asked
"Weird" was all I could offer.
We were... normal and yet complete strangers it seemed.
He took a breath, before he shifted on the bed
It seemed all I did these days was have emotional heart to hearts in my bed over sweets.
"Look, years and years ago, and I mean years" he emphasised
"I may, for a brief moment in time, fancied you" he said
A statement that made me burst out with laughter
"I know okay, it wasn't my finest moment" he said, earning a jab to the rib.
"My point is, you were this pretty little thing with a fire all of us lads never wanted to cross, you were a spitfire and practically everyone fancied you" he said, that made me feel slightly queasy
"But when I saw the way you and Tommy were, the way you are, anyone can see he more than fancied you, he was obsessed with you" he said
"Freddie..."
"I'm serious, you were just too oblivious to see it, so was he, but he adored you, and I quickly felt anything I did feel towards you melt away, because you could see that you two were like magnets, you were stuck together all the time and he never stopped banging on about you whenever you weren't" he chuckled.
I didn't know Freddie saw us like that.
"Tommy... Tom's a man of very few words, and very little emotion" he said, popping a sweet in his mouth, I nodded in agreement
He certainly was
"But he would do anything for you, he has done the unthinkable for you, if you can't see by now that he's in love then, maybe there is no hope" he shrugged.
"He doesn't love me Freddie" I said
"He does, and I think you love him too" he said
"I don't love him" I said immediately
"Really? Because we've never had an honest chat about the two of you, and I know you do because you look at him the exact same way he looks at you" he said.
Maybe Freddie was smarter than he looked
"And if I did? Love him" I asked, looking down at my own bag of sweets
"If you do love him, I would highly suggest telling him" he advised.
"But what if he-"
"He won't" he said
"You don't even know what I was going to say" I said
"You're going to doubt and overthink it and really it's simple" he said
"Is it?" I asked
"Yeah, you love him, he definitely loves you... and that's the end of it" he said
Does he love me?
And if he had done before, does he still?
September
•1913•
Going out for a drink seemed to be the scariest thing I had done since getting out of prison
I was terrified someone would start a fight with me
Or I'd freak out, or black out
Or certain people didn't want to speak to me anymore.
And one of them was Dorothy
She seemed to be more understanding than most, she always was
And when she smiled at me and hugged me as I walked through the Garrison doors I felt... at peace
Knowing my best friend still loved me, still wanted anything to do with me, was every thing
"I'm moving the rest of my things up soon" she said
"I can't believe it, London" I said happily for her.
We'd always talked about living in London, living the dream.
She was finally achieving that
"Yeah, I'm going to work in a department store for a while, house share with some people but I'm excited" she said.
"You should be" I smiled
"I'll miss you though, I've only just got you back and I feel like I'm abandoning you" she said
"Stop it, if anyone abandoned anyone it was me, and I'm really sorry for that, I got your letters I jus-"
"I get it, I can't imagine what you must have gone through in there, and I'm always here if you want to talk about it, or if you want to drink to forget it" she smiled.
"Thanks Dot, I'll help you move, anything I can do" I offered.
"Thanks, Arthur's already offered his assistance" she chuckled
"That I have, a woman such as yourself needs strong men like me to help" Arthur said cockily
"Yeah, sure" Dot rolled her eyes, before laughing with me.
"Tom, you came" Arthur smiled, causing me to turn my head, watching the man himself stroll in and sit... beside me.
"Yeah, couldn't leave poor Mar here with you lot could I?" He smiled at me, receiving one back.
"Mariana, I'm sorry I'm late" a voice called out beside us
"Lizzie" I smiled, standing up to hug her
"Guys, this is Lizzie" I introduced.
Everyone smiled at her
And yet I didn't miss the way John looked her up and down
And the way she seemed to look at Tommy with a certain smile I had never seen from her before.
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