A: he is another one of my favorites fr, but it an Angst tada
warnings: crying, self-depreciative thoughts, very little cussing but there is some, angst.
Word count: 2700
Sakusa x fem!reader
Please Enjoy
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You and Sakusa hasn't been talking very much. He was didn't live very close to you so daily phone calls and stuff were normal. But after a couple days you never got a call, not even a text. The first day you thought he was tired. Second day you thought more was going on.
You were the manger for the Inarizaki team. And all of them noticed a difference in your behavior but decided not to ask you anything unless it was personal. But they noticed that you were looking at your phone more. Normally during practices, you had it on silent. But now every time you had even a second you looked over to your phone.
Suna saw your and Omi's messages over your shoulder once. He didn't read anything just saw the contact. He walked past you and when he was in front of you, he saw the disappointment on your face. Your looked duller than usual. The bright bubbly y/n he knew wasn't there anymore.
Where had she gone?
This went on for weeks. Until the next training camp. Which you had the choice to go to and you decided too trying to support your team but, on the inside, you were hoping Sakusa would be there. So, you and he could talk.
You were on the bus to the training camp with the boys and all you did was look through you as Saukusa's messages and pictures, remembering all the time you did get to see him. You missed seeing him, but once you were at the training camp you were excited to finally see him after him not calling or texting.
You and the team got off the bus and went into the building to get settled for the weekend. You were you getting bag out of the bus when you saw Sauksa bus pull into the parking of the training camp. You saw his team unload before you saw him. He was last a white mask covering his face similar to the masks your team wore.
You started to walk towards Sakusa, you had a promising smile on your face.
" Omi!" you shout excited to not only see your boyfriend but talk to him as well. He didn't even look at you. Your smile that was only full of hope faded. You watched as Sauksa and his team walked into the gym. Not even Komori sent you a smile, or even looked at you. You looked at the volleyball bag in your hand. I should get back. You walked back to the bus where you came from. You head facing down until you heard a voice.
" What's wrong?" It was Atsumu, shortly followed by Osamu. You forced a smile. "Nothing just couldn't lift the bags is all, but I got them now" You stated. Atsumu looked at his brother to take the lead on what to do, but Osamu just shrugged. " Well, let me help ya" Atsumu offered holding out his hands. You shook your head, passing right by the twins. Atsumu softly scoffed. Once you had left their sights back into the gym Atsumu looked over at his brother. " What's her problem, she's normally happy and always nice. She never straight up ignores us like that" Atsumu complains. " Maybe Suna was right" Osamu speculates. " Right? bout what?" Atsumu turns to face his twin. " He says her messages his Sakusa, and he hadn't talked to her" Osamu continues. Atsumu nods. They both walk back into the gym at the sound of the whistle blow.
Inarizaki had a practice match first thing with Itachiyama. you couldn't help but stare at Sakusa. The way smashed the spikes he hit over the net. You almost cheered for him a couple times, but his name got stuck in your throat like a bad comment about your best friend. So instead, you cheered for literally anyone on your team.
" Go Aran!" You yelled. He looked over to you confused. Because of his confusion he missed the spike. You kicked yourself in the ass mentally. How could I be such a problem? Maybe I shouldn't be a manager. I should just go home. It's all my fault all of this is happening. I was getting too clingy with Omi, maybe that's why he doesn't want to be with me anymore. And I'm just a horrible a manger I only cause them to mess up. You got up from the bench. You nodded at the coach, he wasn't really caring, he was more focused on your team's performance. Your heart was hurting. Why did no one care? You walked out of the gym and sat against the wall and tried to breathe and get fresh air, but your nasty thoughts overpowered the effect of the calming fresh air.
You were starting to zone out and breathe weird. You had never had an issue with panic attacks, but you were pretty sure this was one. Your thoughts overcame your senses you wanted to cry; you didn't care you saw. But you couldn't you physically could not cry you when you tried desperately. You beat your head against the brick wall trying to make the thoughts stop. But they wouldn't let up. You just quit trying and sat there. You sat there and sat there. The only thing that gained you attention was a buzz from your phone. Your bad thoughts were pushed to the back of your brain as you dug your phone out of your pocket and looked at the screen. You were hoping Omi but only got Aran. You took a deep sigh of disappointment. But you decided to answer anyway.
Hey where are you? Are you okay? You never walk out of a game like that.
Yea, I'm ok just needed fresh air
The whole game? He responded back quickly.
You had only left the gym 15 minutes ago, right? You were only 9 points into the first match and now it's over? You stood from the wall and walked back into the gym seeing both Itachiyama and Inarizaki player putting up nets. But soon you didn't see the gym anymore. You saw a frustrated coach standing in front of you blocking your view.
" Why did you leave? I had to coach and do water and towels you forced Shinsuke to do the water too. What were you thinking your manager for a reason? " The coach hissed. You felt small under the coach's gaze, really wanting to cry again. " Yes, I'm so sorry I got caught in my thoughts and lost track of time." you respond, bowing. He huffed walking away. " Maybe we should fire her and get a new manager" he mumbled to the assistant coach. you felt as if the whole world was against you, but you still had to smile like none of it bothered you. But the boys saw how the coach talked. They saw you reaction, they saw all of it. And so did Sakusa he just didn't care.
You took a deep breathe. Put up a smile and went over to the boys that picking up volleyballs, smiling. " Can I help you with any of this?" you ask, wanting to be appreciated and useful. " If ya want too" Osamu responded bending down to pick up a volleyball. you bend down to pick one up as well. Once the gym is clean and everyone is making their way to the team lodges you decide to step out. All the boys were getting ready for bed and would notice your absence. You went to clear your mind when you got a text from Sakusa. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and seeing Sakusa's contact made you smile.
Hey, I don't like you anymore. So, we're over. bye.
Your lip quivered. You decided not to text him back just leaving him on read. You felt the warm liquid start flow from your eyes. You wiped the tears away on your hoodie. You took a deep breath and went back into the lodge. You walked past the second years that were on the couch and went straight to the bathroom. The second years looked around at each other.
You closed the bathroom door. You cupped your hands over your mouth trying not to let your cries be known by anyone walking by the bathroom. Sakusa was your first boyfriend and you guys had been together 1 year and 4 months. Did he have another girl already in mind or did you clingy to him too often excited to have a boyfriend. Maybe he just found you disgusting. You hadn't seen him so maybe he got bored. The calls stopped and he moved on. Your silent tears turned into loud sniffles, and into uncontrollable sobs. You tried to cam yourself down, but you couldn't. How could you when it was obviously all your fault. Sakusa was out of you league and you knew that from the beginning. You just hoped he was happy. he was probably dating a model, or maybe someone who wasn't clingy, or maybe less annoying and loud. Someone better than you which wasn't hard to be.
" Y/N? Hey, are you ok in there?" Kita asked. You didn't hear him your cries of rejection to loud outside of your head and your thought even louder inside. Kita was knocking and then bagging on the door hoping you would answer but you never did. And the louder he got the more of the team that crowded around the door. They were worried for their manager that obviously had some stuff going on mentally. She was just trying to hide it. But now brushing it off was impossible.
" Hey Y/N! open the door we're worried!" Atsumu yelled. You heard his loud yell. And so did the rest of the team that wasn't already there. You froze. We're they annoyed just like the coach and wanted you gone? You wipe your tears and blow your nose with toilet paper. You splashed water on your face. You gave yourself a disgusting look in the mirror. No wonder the didn't like you anymore you weren't anything special and weren't pretty at all.
" Yeah, I'm ok, I'm coming out now" you responded to all the yells and begs for you to come out. You turned the doorknob looking at the ground. You walked out. You saw everyone's feet, but no one's faces. " Sorry I'll leave tomorrow. You won't have to see me again. And everyone will be happy." You said, trying to walk past the crowd. Until you left arms wrap around your torso. And then other arms joined soon after. You finally looked up to see the whole team engulf you in a hug. You looked around confused at everyone's smiling and... relieved? faces. They were glad you came out.
" No don't leave. Tell us what happened." Kita began. followed by a nod from Aran. " Yeah, we know somethin' is up with ya" Atsumu blurted. Kita was quick to hit his shoulder. Atsumu whines " I saw he was ignorin ya" Suna explained. You were nervous he was reading your messages, but you were glad he cared. " Me and Tsumu saw him ignore ya in person." Osamu admits. " I saw ya walk out after I missed that spike." Aran adds. " Yeah, I'm sorry for making you miss that spike by the way" you look back down. " Nah, its ok! You didn't do it." Aran affirms. You slowly nod, trying not to disagree with his sweet words. " And we all saw how much of a dick coach was" Ren says. You look around at all the smiles you were being given but couldn't help but feel unworthy of all the attention and a bit bad for being too loud and worrying the team. You nodded. " Thank you, guys, so much for caring, but I don't deserve the care. And I'm truly ok." You gave a tired smile to the whole team, trying you hardest to make it like your normal smile. but the team knew you were trying to avoid the compliments because of Sakusa. they knew he was the cause.
" What it's that damn Omi?" Atsumu bluntly asks. You look to him in shock at the blunt nature of the question. Kita hits his side this time, making Atsumu slightly glare at the third year. " Yea, but it's ok" you say nodding. smiling through the whole conversation. Aran was done with this mask. he wanted you to know the team cared. " Y/N listen. We know yer hurt by what Omi did and what coach said. And it's ok to be hurt but stop with this mask. We care about ya because yer our manger and make sure we're ok. Let us do the same for ya, please" Aran spits out. You feel surprised and seen. And you feel like you been seen in a good and bad way.
Maybe you can tell them what happened. But what would happen if you did. Aran knew you were putting up a mask. And you knew they would still see of you tried even harder. You were really tried so if you were being honest, you didn't care he saw right through your facade. You wanted it to stop too. So, you decided to tell them what happened.
" Well, Omi- I mean - Sakusa and I haven't seen each other due to distance and about 2 weeks ago he stopped calling me nightly and about a week later stopped texting me. I just thought he was busy and then the more he didn't talk the more I thought it was something I did. And I tried talking to him when he got to the training camp, but like Atsumu and Osamu saw, he ignored me. Not even looking over at me, neither did his cousin." You started to get teary again recounting all the events. " But tonight, when i went for fresh air he texted me," some of their eyes got hopeful and others knew you must have been crying for a reason. " He texted me ' Hey, I don't like you anymore. So, we're over. bye.' and I didn't respond and went back inside, and you guys know pretty much was else happened. Your tears started falling again. The boys guided you to the living room as they all continued to carefully listen. Even Atsumu shut his mouth for a while.
Once you had calmed down from crying again and admitted everything or almost every feeling and bad thing you and felt about yourself the last couple weeks. You enveloped into another hug.
" Can I bet his ass?" Suna asked in his usual tone. You chuckled for the first real time in a couple days.
" On the court" You answered. The whole team looked at each other and started laughing. You felt wanted.
Just because one guy who lived miles away from you breaks your heart doesn't mean everyone in your life hates you. For example, Sakusa broke you and your team of caring boys put you back together. You were their manger after all. And then next day back on the court with Itachiyama, Inarizaki didn't lose. They won.
They thought about how much this douche bag hurt their beloved manger and played like he killed their family. But you felt loved. Not romantically but you knew the team cared about you and your feelings. You cared about all of their feelings. And the coach never got rid of you because Kita had a very long a polite talk with him, saying you could never be replaced. And from every mental break down then on all of you were there for that person.
Your crying in the bathroom on a random Friday in April is what brought a whole team of difference together. And you could live with that label. You didn't need a girlfriend label to be accomplished.
A: I keep saying they'll get shorter, and they just get longer 😭.Anyway I hope you enjoyed, and I may do more angst I just don't know about this one. And sorry if it doesn't make any sense. I took long break in between parts and didn't want to reread. Anyway, hope you enjoy, and I'll probably make one more since I only have one day until school starts back.