Declan was woken up by the smell of coffee and fresh pastries.
He rolled over, clutching his temples, and trying to soothe the pressure beneath his skull. His brain was throbbing, and his body was aching, and he could have sworn that he had never been this hungry before. He grabbed the packet of painkillers on his nightstand - courtesy of Sebastian, he was sure - and downed two with a gulp of water.
He groaned as he sat up, and decided that he didn't have enough energy to actually leave his bed yet. Instead, he watched Sebastian, who was cleaning the dirty dishes Declan had left in the kitchen sink yesterday.
"You don't have to do that." Declan told him, cringing at how raspy his voice sounded.
Sebastian turned around, and offered him a smile, "You're awake."
"I'll finish those later." Declan gestured to the dishes, "Leave them, it's alright."
"I don't mind." Sebastian shrugged, "I'm nearly done-"
"It's not your mess-"
"No, it's yours, and I'm happy to help you with it." Sebastian replied cheerfully.
Declan rubbed his eyes, trying to stop the room from spinning. He gave up eventually, collapsing back onto the mattress, and pulling the covers over his head. "Oh, fuck." He mumbled, "Evan." He reluctantly pushed the duvet aside again, and fumbled around for his phone.
"It's over here." Sebastian said, ripping off his soapy rubber gloves, and picking Declan's phone up off of the kitchen counter. He crossed the room, sat down beside Declan, and handed him his phone.
Declan offered him a sheepish smile, "Thank you." He turned on his phone, and a message from Evan popped up on the screen. It simply read 'I'm okay. At breakfast with Cal. His lego collection was adorable.' Declan smiled in amusement, and tossed his phone onto his bedside table, before sinking back into his mattress.
"Is he alright?" Sebastian asked warily.
"He's fine." Declan sighed, "He's...He's Evan."
Sebastian snorted, "Glad to hear it." He stood up again, grabbed a white paper bag off of the counter, and held it up for Declan to see, "I bought you a pastry."
Declan propped himself up on his elbows, "You went out?"
Sebastian shrugged, "Well, you were still sleeping, so..."
"Sorry." Declan scratched his head bashfully, "I've got a raging hangover."
"Don't worry, I got you coffee, too." Sebastian held up a paper cup, "It might be a little cold, but..."
"It's alright." Declan smiled, "Thank you." He couldn't express his true gratitude, but he hoped Sebastian knew. It was a gesture so simple, and yet, it meant to much. Because the truth was, no one had ever been as sweet to him as Sebastian was.
They sat side by side on Declan's bed, their backs pressed to the wall, their legs stretched out in front of them. Declan sipped on his coffee, and ate his pastry, and let the painkillers slowly start to kick in. The silence between them was nice. It was comforting.
"Do you want me to go?" Sebastian asked eventually.
"What?" Declan shot back immediately, "No."
Sebastian fought the smile that was tugging at his lips, "You don't have work?"
"No." Declan shook his head, "Do you?"
"No."
Declan smiled softly, reaching over to tangle his fingers between Sebastian's, before giving his hand a short squeeze, "Okay."
"You feeling any better?" Sebastian asked.
"A little."
"Good."
Declan dropped his head onto Sebastian's shoulder, "Thanks for looking after me."
"'Course."
"And...uh..." Declan hesitated, "Thanks for telling me about Felix. I didn't mean to pressure you, I just...I just wanted to know more about you; your past. Sorry if it came across as-"
"I'm glad I told you." Sebastian promised him, then, after a beat of silence, "I think he would've liked you."
"Yeah?" Declan asked hopefully.
"Yeah." Sebastian agreed.
Declan draped his leg over Sebastian's lap, merely because he wanted to be closer to him. He squeezed his hand, and curled into his side, and nuzzled into the crook of Sebastian's neck. He didn't understand it - the constant need to be close to Sebastian - but he couldn't fight it either.
Sebastian squeezed Declan back, his thumb tracing circles onto the back of Declan's hand. He was always so gentle with how he touched Declan. It made Declan's heart feel so unbelievably full.
"The story doesn't have to end like that." Declan murmured into Sebastian's shoulder, "You know that, right?"
Sebastian tensed up beneath him, and said nothing.
"You can speak to him again."
"How?" Sebastian asked.
"We can find him." Declan said, "Online."
"Online?"
"Everyone has social media these days."
"I don't."
"I know." Declan smiled bashfully, "I tried looking for you, but...well..."
"You tried looking for me?" Sebastian frowned.
"Anyway..." Declan cleared his throat, "I'm sure we could find Felix." He tilted his face up, and his eyes locked with Sebastian's, "Do you want me to look?"
Sebastian stared down at him, his lashes framing his dark eyes. His lips were parted, and his cheeks were tinted pink. Declan wanted to kiss him, but he knew it wasn't the right time. Finally, Sebastian sighed, "Yes please." He whispered, as though the request was impossible to choke out.
"What's his last name?"
"Waters."
"Felix Waters." Declan mumbled, typing his name into his phone with shaking hands. For a split second, Declan regretted his offer. He was suddenly hit with the fear that Felix might be more attractive than him. Funnier than him. Smarter than him. Happier than him. Better than him.
Declan was everyone's second choice, after all.
"Is this him?" Declan asked, clicking on an account that belonged to a boy who looked to be around their age.
Sebastian froze.
It was him.
Felix was pretty. Silver eyes and caramel hair. He was smiling in all of his photos; big toothy grins that displayed his dimples. He wasn't alone in any of the pictures; he was always with people, and sometimes, a dog. He looked happy. He looked perfect.
Declan had never been so jealous of anyone in his entire life.
"They're still friends." Sebastian breathed out, clicking on one of the photos. In it, Felix was with another boy, slightly shorter, and wearing the same sickeningly sweet smile as Felix.
"Who are?" Declan asked.
"Felix and Benji."
"Benji." Declan murmured, "Did you know him, too?"
Sebastian shrugged, "Not really." He said, "But he was...nice. Too nice for a place like that."
"And Felix?"
Sebastian laughed fondly, "Felix wasn't innocent. He was a criminal." He said, "But he still didn't deserve to be there. None of us did."
There were so many things Declan couldn't possibly put into words. There was sympathy, and pity, and unending adoration. He hoped Sebastian knew how strong he was.
Sebastian clicked on another photo. It was Felix and a different boy; he was kissing him on the cheek, and their hands were linked between them.
Declan cautiously turned to look at Sebastian, afraid to see jealously in his eyes; regret, longing, sadness. Instead, he was smiling. "He looks happy." He said simply.
"He does." Declan nodded.
Sebastian flung an arm around Declan's shoulder, and tugged him closer. It instantly snuffed out the fear pulsing beneath Declan's skin. He wasn't envious of Felix anymore. There was nothing to be envious of.
"Should we message him?"
"What?" Sebastian's eyes snapped to his, and they were full of panic, "No. Absolutely not. No."
"Okay." Declan surrendered instantly, "It was just a suggestion-"
"Sorry." Sebastian ran a hand down his face in distress, "It's just that...well, he looks like he's got his life together, and I don't wanna...ruin it." He admitted, "I'd only be a reminder of how much pain I caused him."
Declan nodded in understanding, because he had no right to argue with Sebastian about this. It wasn't his place. He was merely an observer in someone else's story; the story of Sebastian and Felix.
"You don't...you don't agree?" Sebastian asked tentatively.
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't need to." Sebastian sighed, "It's okay, you can be honest. Tell me what you think."
Declan frowned, "You care about what I think?"
"'Course."
Declan twisted his ring around his finger nervously, "I wasn't there, I don't...I don't have any idea what it was like between you two, so I'm not...I don't think I have the right to an opinion on this, but..."
"Declan." Sebastian said firmly.
Declan took a deep breath, preparing himself to step into a situation he had no right to be in. "You overdosed." He said softly. "That was the last time he saw you, Sebastian."
Sebastian stilled. His jaw twitched. But he didn't pull away. He didn't snap. He didn't say anything at all.
"You two loved each other." Declan continued, "It might have been a mistake, but it still...it still happened. Felix still cared about you. He probably still does." He said, "I think he would be relieved to know that you're okay."
Sebastian loosely interlocked his hand with Declan's, and traced the outline of his ring with his fingertips. He slowly started to twist it around, mesmerised but the action. Declan let him do it, equally entranced.
"You don't have to." Declan promised him, "If it's too much-"
"I want to."
Declan looked up at him, only to find Sebastian already staring at him, blatantly ignoring the photos of Felix lighting up the screen.
"Closure." Sebastian said, "Isn't that what everyone's always going on about - closure?"
Declan smiled, "Yeah. Closure."
"Okay." Sebastian was still twisting Declan's ring around, his fingers shaking as they hovered over the metal.
"We'll have to message him from my account, so I'll just say I'm a friend of yours-"
"A friend?"
Declan gulped, "Is that...?" He hesitated, "Are we not-?"
"No, no, that's fine, that's..." Sebastian cleared his throat awkwardly, "We are friends, so...that's fine...that's...perfect..."
"Okay." Declan's gaze returned to his phone, desperate to hide the blush rising in his cheeks, "I'll say I'm a friend of yours, and if...if he wants to catch up, he can just-"
"Catch up?"
"Y'know, meet up and-"
"Meet up?"
Declan rolled his eyes, "Seb."
"Fuck me." He hissed under his breath, still playing with Declan's ring.
"Later." Declan waved him off.
Sebastian snorted.
"Anyway, let's just...finish this..." He choked out. He started typing, Sebastian peering over his shoulder, scanning the words on the screen scrutinisingly, "How's this?" He asked, showing Sebastian the short message he had drafted.
"That sounds nothing like me."
Declan shrugged, "Should I include your last name, too? In case he knows another Sebastian?"
Sebastian laughed shortly, "No, I think he'll know."
"Okay." Declan replied, then clicked 'send', "It's done."
"What?" Sebastian snapped, "You sent it? You..." His eyes widened, "Fuck."
"Here." Declan pulled his ring off his own finger, and slipped it onto Sebastian's pinky.
Sebastian looked down at the silver ring, coiled around his pinky like a snake, "Why are you giving me this?"
Declan shrugged, "Just hold onto it for me." He requested.
Sebastian started twisting it around his pinky, enthralled by the action.
Declan smiled, pleased that he had successfully distracted Sebastian from the message he had sent to Felix. "I'll need it back though." Declan added, "That ring means a lot to me."
Sebastian ripped his gaze away from the ring, and met Declan's eye once more, "It does?"
"It was the first thing I ever bought with my own money." Declan explained, "I spent my first ever paycheque on it when I was sixteen. I never took it off after that."
Sebastian curled his fingers into a loose fist, as if to protect the ring, "I'll take good care of it." He whispered.
"I know you will."
Sebastian smiled, then kissed him on the lips, "I'm glad that you got your phone fixed." He hummed into his mouth.
"Me too." Declan replied, carelessly tossing his phone aside, almost breaking it again as it landed on his nightstand with a clatter. "Now I can call you whenever I wanna do this." He brushed his lips against Sebastian's jaw, and started dragging light kisses down his neck, enjoying the way Sebastian's whole body stiffened under his touch.
Sebastian tangled his fingers into Declan's hair, and gave it a hard tug, exposing Declan's throat, and drawing a sharp gasp out of his mouth. Sebastian grinned triumphantly, pushed Declan into the mattress, and pinned his wrists above his head. Declan didn't try and fight it. He just stared up at Sebastian with shining eyes, and flushed cheeks.
They kissed, and time crumbled into dust around them. With Declan's hair bundled up in Sebastian's fist, and his body shaking with pleasure, everything else ceased to exist.
The sex felt different this time. It felt careful, and hesitant, and unsure of itself. It felt gentle, and thoughtful, and full of passion. It felt like two hearts slowly learning to beat in sync. Two bodies slowly learning to trust themselves. Two people slowly learning to take care of each other.
When it was over, they both fell back asleep, and slept through the rest of the day.