She meant it
"I will walk where my own nature would be leading" - Emily Bronté
October
•1908•
Tommy's POV
The past two weeks have been... difficult
Mar kept leaving the house at night, so much that me and Freddie took it in turns to stay around
She had Nala after all, and even though she was unaware of her blackouts, unaware that she was leaving her alone, it still wasn't okay.
So we took turns in keeping an eye on her
Tonight was Freddie's night.
"Night son" dad said
"Yeah, night" I sighed, returning to my work
I had so much to catch up on in the betting den after the last few weeks of ditching.
"Is she back yet?" Arthur asked, joining me by the fire
"No" I said
Mum had been down at the yard all day with Charlie
She seemed to really like it down there with the horses.
A bit of piece and quiet
She'd left Finn with dad. Which quickly proved he was out of his depth taking care of another child
And John was sulking upstairs after being brought home by a policeman
That really didn't go down well with dad.
Especially after it was John's stupid plan that landed David in prison.
Mariana's POV
"I don't know what to do" Dorothy stressed again as I handed her a cup of tea
"That's the tenth time you've said that Dot, I can't exactly help you unless you tell me what's wrong" I said, sitting down.
She'd appeared on my doorstep frantic, near on the edge of tears
"I..." she didn't say anything
"Dorothy" I urged
"I'm pregnant" she said.
What?
I couldn't say anything, I couldn't find the words to say anything
"Hello hello, I picked up some vodka, I know you probably don't want any but I just tho- oh sorry... have I interrupted something?" Freddie asked.
"No"
"Yes" I spoke at the same time as Dorothy
"Oh. I'll uh- I'll put this in the kitchen" he said, excusing himself
"What are you going to do? Is it Arthur's?" I asked quietly
"Of course it's Arthur's" she said, putting her cup down.
"I don't know, I haven't told him yet, I'm scared he'll... we weren't supposed to be anything serious Mar, it was just a bit of fun" she said
"Not anymore" I said
She sighed, dropping her head into her hands.
"We'll go to the doctors tomorrow" I said
"You think I should get rid of it?" She asked surprised
"No, but you need to get checked out, see how far along they think you might be" I said
She nodded, looking down
"Yeah, you're right" she said
"Right, I made more tea, someone want to tell me what's going on now?" Freddie spoke up again, entering the room.
Tommy's POV
I couldn't sleep. It was early in the morning now, pitch black outside but something kept me awake.
I'm not sure what.
Everything just seemed like it was going downhill these days
Since Anna and Michael being taken
Mar's entire family going off the tracks
I eventually started to fall asleep when I heard banging
Loud incessant banging on the front door
I got up, meeting Arthur and John in the hallway who also looked sleepy and confused
"What's going on?" John asked, all of us making our way down the stairs.
Polly's POV
How could I tell him?
How could I tell my own brother his wife was... gone?
I knew I should have gone to check on her earlier
Charlie said he'd done all he could.
But she wasn't listening.
"Do you know what time it is?" Arthur shouted, opening the door
"Oh, dear Pollyanna, of course it'd be you banging on my front door" he grinned.
"Arthur..." I said, trying to hold the tears in
"What? I thought you were bringing Catherine back, where is she?" He asked
"I need to come in" I said, pushing past him, only to see the boys all stood on the stairs
"What's the matter?" He asked.
"Kitchen" I said gently
"Don't tell me she's staying there the night, I'll drag her back here I don't care what Charl-"
"Arthur, kitchen" I said, cutting him off
"Alright, oi, back to bed" he told the three boys, catching them on the stairs as well.
"What's going on? Why you acting weird?" He asked, shutting the kitchen door
"I'm so sorry" I said, unable to hold the tears back anymore
"For what?" He asked.
"Catherine she... oh Arthur she... she stepped out into the canal" I tried to explain, through the sobs that had began to break out.
"Is she okay? Did she fall in? Where is she now?" He asked rapidly
"No, Arthur, she's... she's gone. She's dead" I said
The canal was swarming with coppers when I went to pick her up
Charlie was sobbing in the stables speaking to a policeman
It was an awful sight, her body lay lifeless by the edge of the canal after they'd pulled her out.
"No she can't be de-..." he stopped talking, looking down for a moment before he abruptly punched a cabinet
"Arthur" I tried
"Did she fall in? Where is she?" He asked
"I told you she... stepped in. She meant to Arthur. She... she meant it" I said, choking out words. I felt unable to breathe properly
I couldn't believe she'd actually done it, that she'd go to this.
Leave her children behind
Leave me and Arthur behind
"Where is she?" He asked
"She was still there when I left, I needed to tell you but-"
He was already out into the hallway, throwing the front door open
"She might have been taken to the morgue" I called after him, rushing to the doorstep
"Arthur" I called after him, but he ignored me
Storming down the street.
"Aunt Pol?" I turned around, John was sat on the stairs, looking confused
Finn began crying, having woken up from the shouting and banging
I shut the door slowly, as Arthur and Thomas joined him.
"Go in there boys" I said, dreading telling them
This would kill them.
I rushed upstairs to soothe Finn
The boys couldn't know she meant if. That she chose to leave them
They wouldn't understand.
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"Is she alright? Is she at the hospital?" John asked, I shook my head
Arthur still wasn't back, so I had to sit and tell the boys what happened
"No John, I'm sorry, she... she didn't make it, she's not with us anymore" I said.
"You're wrong" Arthur said.
"Arth-"
"You're wrong, where's dad?" He asked
"Your dads gone to see her" I said sadly
I hope he had anyway, god knows what he'd do if got hold of Charlie
"She can't be dead" John said, beginning to cry
"I'm sorry" I said, pulling John into my side.
Tommy hadn't said a word, he'd just sat staring at the fireplace as Arthur began shouting again
"She's not gone, you're fucking lying" he shouted, before I heard him smash something in the hallway
"Arthur" I said, getting up to stop him.
He was smashing every thing off the table before I grabbed him, pulling him into a hug and feeling him slowly deflate and break down, beginning to sob into my shoulder.
Then I heard the front door open, thinking Arthur Sr was finally back
"Tommy where are you going?" I asked, watching him leave
He didn't say anything
And then the door was slammed shut again.
And Finn began to wail again.
Mariana's POV
It was around 3 in the morning when I woke up, hearing voices downstairs
I got up, checking in on Nala's crib on my way out
I stood at the top of the stairs, and saw Freddie and Tommy at the front door.
"Oh my god, Tom I'm so sorry" Freddie said
Tommy looked blankly at him, before his eyes trailed up the stairs and met mine
"Tommy? Are you alri-" I began to ask, but I didn't finish my sentence as he met me halfway on the staircase, pulling me into a hug
A noise escaped me out of surprise.
"Tommy?" I questioned, looking at Freddie
Who had began to tear up
What happened?
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