"Av, you know how it works. You stay in my eyesight and don't climb up the climbing frame without me." Louis said sternly.
"Yes, daddy. I know." Ava said impatiently and ripped the bucket out of Louis' hand who grabbed her arm and held her in place, shooting her a pointed look.
"I'm serious. If you don't listen we go home and you can forget about the dessert tonight after dinner."
Ava gasped and ripped her eyes open in shock.
"Oh no." She mumbled. "No wowwy, daddy. I tell you. Can I play?" She asked with her puppy eyes.
"Go ahead, princess." Louis smiled fondly and let go of her.
As Ava ran to the sandbox Louis sat down on the bench next to Harry who was silent the whole time but watched Ava with a longing gaze. Louis felt uncomfortable and he had nothing to talk about to Harry so he reached in his pocket and grabbed his phone, answering some mails. He didn't notice that Harry glanced over at him from time to time, thinking of a possible way to start a conversation but he was scared. Scared that Louis would snap or yell at him or that he would change his mind. He felt like a child compared to him- back in the days their huge age gap wasn't noticeable because they understood each other blindly and because they were happy, not caring about it, but now Harry could feel the eleven years difference between them clearly.
He was so deep in thought that he jumped when Louis suddenly spoke up next to him.
"Do you mind?" He asked.
Harry's head turned over to him and he frowned, not knowing what he meant. Louis sighed and gestured to the pack of cigarettes in his hand and shook them around. "Do you mind?" He repeated.
"Oh, n-no. Not at all." Harry said quickly.
Louis nodded curtly and lit up one of the cancer sticks.
"You want one?" He asked.
"N-no, I don't smoke." Harry mumbled.
He had asked Louis once to try one and Louis had been close to freaking out, forbidding him to ever smoke a single cigarette in his life, but now he didn't seem to care anymore when he was the one offering one to him.
"When did you start again?" Harry asked hesitantly as he fiddled with his fingers in his lap, remembering that Louis had quit smoking when they were still together.
He felt Louis' gaze on him and glanced up and he had been right. Louis was studying him for a moment before he sighed and leaned back.
"About a year ago." He said eventually.
"Why?" Harry wondered.
Louis sighed again, contemplating to continue the conversation or just ignore him, but he knew at some point he had to get along with Harry anyway when he would have to spend more time with him and it wasn't like a small conversation would hurt him.
"Because of the stress, I guess. Ava had been a handful and we restructured a few things in the Company which took a lot of time and nerves. Liam had smoked a lot during that time and it's hard to resist when you witness it all the time..." Louis shrugged after his vague explanation.
Harry knew that it wasn't the whole truth but at least Louis was talking to him so it was a start and he took it as it was for now.
"But the Company is doing well?" Harry asked further.
"Yes. Otherwise we wouldn't think of expanding." Louis huffed out at the- in his eyes- stupid question.
"Do you know when you want to do it?" Harry asked.
"No, not yet." Louis said shortly, keeping his gaze on Ava who was playing with her moulds carefree. He was slowly getting tired of the questions and he already regretted that he had picked up on them in the first place.
"And how are your parents and sisters?" Harry wondered.
"Okay, stop." Louis said and turned to Harry with a scowl. "I don't get it. Why are you asking these questions? Why are you asking questions at all? Seriously. Enlighten me, please." He asked genuinely confused.
"I- I just want to make conversation." Harry said quietly and pulled in his shoulders.
"No. No, you want to know what's going on in my life, but I don't understand why. You clearly didn't want to be a part of it anymore, so why don't we just skip all of this shit and you concentrate on Ava? That's why you're here, right? If you want to make conversation so badly, then ask about her and not about my life, because that's none of your business anymore." Louis said harshly.
"Louis, please...why are you so rude to me? I'm trying here, okay? We're both adults, why can't we just act like those?" Harry asked pleadingly.
"Why did you leave?" Louis blurted out without thinking about it.
He had enough, he needed to know. No matter how much it would hurt him, he couldn't grope in the dark anymore searching for a possible explanation when he could just get the answer to the question he was asking himself for three years now.
"I..." Harry started clearly taken aback by the sudden change in their upcoming argument but his face crumbled when he realised what Louis actually wanted to know from him now and tears welled up in his eyes.
He looked at Louis' eyes- the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen- and he couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't stand the empty look in them, he couldn't stand the desperation in them, so he dropped his gaze and stared at his hands in his lap. He knew Louis was hoping for a valid explanation, something that would easen his pain or that would take away the thoughts of having done something wrong or not being good enough. But he couldn't give him that, because he couldn't lie to him.
"I wasn't ready..." He whispered.
His eyes were burning and he squeezed them shut tightly to keep the tears from falling down. After taking a deep breath he took all his courage and lifted his head only to see Louis frowning at him.
"Ready for what?" He asked confused.
"For this." Harry moved his hand around. "Ready to have a family, be a father, settle down. You were working all day and I was all alone with Ava and I took care of the household and had to attend courses. I was just so overstrained and exhausted, you have no idea how hard all of this was...I just...at first I thought I just had to get used to everything but it got worse with everyday and when she got sick I was going nuts. I couldn't hear her cries anymore, I couldn't see her hurting and it was all too much. I constantly thought about what other people my age were doing and I couldn't do it anymore..." By now the tears were falling down his face, he hoped to desperately that Louis at least understood him just a tiny bit but his eyes were full of disappointment and anger.
"So you just left instead of talking to me?" He asked uncomprehending.
"You have to understand-" Harry started but Louis cut him off harshly.
"So you said you were too young, not ready for all that but you weren't too young to fuck your mother's boyfriend?" He laughed sarcastically. "You weren't too young to start a relationship with a guy who was eleven years older than you? You weren't too young to always wanted to fuck without caring about protection, risking to get pregnant again? You weren't too young living the life of a fucking prince as you used my money to buy yourself everything you wanted just because you could? But you're telling me now you were too young to settle down and instead left when it got a little tough?"
Louis stared at Harry who was trying hard to keep himself together and not letting his words get to him although he knew he was right with everything.
"I feel sorry for you." Louis shook his head in disappointment. "I'm so fucking glad that you didn't give me the chance proposing to you on this day, so thank you. You were doing me a favor." He spat and stood up abruptly, walking over to Ava with quick steps.
Harry's mouth dropped open in utter shock at Louis' confession and he forgot to breathe for a second. Louis had wanted to propose to him on that day? What the hell?
Louis blinked away the tears that were welling up in his eyes as soon as he had his back turned to Harry. He couldn't be weak now, no. He didn't want his daughter to see him like this and escpecially not Harry so he inhaled deeply and put a smile on his face instead as he approached Ava.
"Hey, princess. Y'alright?" He crouched down and Ava looked up with glowing eyes.
"Look! I make a castle." She pointed to the pile of sand and Louis laughed.
"Wow, yeah I can see that."
"Daddy?" Louis could see how Ava frowned as she was digging in the sand.
"Yes, darling?" Louis wondered.
"Why you together wif Mr. Hawwy?" Ava asked quietly.
Louis froze at the question, not entirely knowing what Ava meant.
"W-what do you mean?" He asked nervously.
" 's he my uncle like uncle Ni an' uncle Li an' uncle Zee now?" Ava looked up at him now curiously.
Louis was once more baffled by her attentive and curious mind. He gathered himself quickly and cleared his throat.
"No, bub. Harry is uh...he's an old friend of mine and your uncles. But you will see him more often from now on." Louis said carefully, studying his daughter's face precisely to make out how she took the news. She frowned.
"Why's he not my uncle then?" She pouted.
"Would you want that?" Louis asked perplexed. He held his breath, anxious for her answer.
"Yes." She nodded quickly. "I like him. An' you know what, daddy?" Ava got up so she was kneeling and placed her hands on Louis' thighs.
"No, what is it?" Louis asked curiously.
"He's really pwetty, like pwince Eric." She said with big eyes. Louis couldn't help but chuckle and pushed the uneasy feeling that erupted in his stomach aside quickly.
"Yeah? You think so?" He asked.
"Yes. Bu' no wowwy, daddy. You the pwettiest." Ava said nodding.
"No you are." Louis grinned and leaned forward to kiss her cheek.
Ava giggled before she got back to building her sand castle. Louis glanced over to Harry- who was watching them with a sad look on his face- and sighed. He felt bad for what he had thrown at him earlier and he could punch himself for admitting that he had wanted to propose to him- he had never wanted him to find out and now he had been the one letting it slip in his anger- but he hadn't been thinking before talking as so often and couldn't help himself.
"Daddy, can I slide wif Mr. Hawwy?" Ava spoke up, ripping him out of his thoughts and self-pity.
"Why don't you ask him?" Louis smiled at her and she gasped and nodded quickly before she ran over to Harry.
Louis watched how she stopped in front of him and placed her hands on either of his thighs and Harry snapped his head up searching for his eyes. Louis just raised his eyebrows at him and pointed to the slide, so Harry got up and went over to the slide with Ava holding her hand tightly. Louis' heart stung terribly seeing this and as so often he asked himself how all of this could've happened in the first place. He knew at the latest tonight when he'd lie in bed he would break down after Harry's confession on why he had left them, but right now he couldn't let his emotions take over- not in front of his child.
"Daddy you watch!" She yelled over to Louis who was just walking back to the bench and turned around.
"Course I will, bub." Louis called back.
"Okay, how do you wanna slide?" Harry asked Ava as they were standing on top of the slide. He had no idea what to do now, he was new to all of these things after all.
"You sit an' I sit on you lap." Ava explained and pulled Harry down by his arm.
"Okay, okay. No pressure please." Harry chuckled and sat down adjusting himself.
"Silly Mr. Hawwy." Ava laughed and sat on Harry's lap without inhibitions. Harry's heart warmed up at Ava's trust in him and how she wasn't reserved around him.
"If someone's silly here then it's you." Harry said grinning and held her close to himself so she couldn't slip. He couldn't help but glance over at Louis in fear to do anything wrong and make him even more angry, but Louis just watched them with a smile on his face. Harry was sure it was forced to not disappoint Ava.
Ava laid her head back so she was looking at him upside down.
"No, you! Now, go." She demanded and wiggled on his lap impatiently.
"Demanding, are we?" Harry frowned playfully but pushed himself off either way and they slid down laughing.
"Again, again! Daddy, you see?" Ava yelled.
"Yes, I've seen it." Louis called back smiling. "Looked like you were flying."
"But we not, silly!" Ava laughed and pulled Harry toward the slide again who almost stumbled over his own feet when she ripped on his hand.
Harry and Ava were sliding together a few more times until she got bored and wanted to swing. Two hours later she was getting tired and started to whine.
"I think it's time to go home." Louis said amused when Ava tiredly walked over to him and flung her arms around him pressing her head against his thigh.
"No, don' wanna." She whined. She looked up with her puppy eyes and jutted out her bottom lip.
"Baby, you're tired, I can see that." Louis chuckled and ran his hand through her hair.
"No." She grumbled.
"Yes. We can come back tomorrow." Louis said softly.
"Mr. Hawwy come?" She averted her eyes from Louis and looked at Harry who stood beside them awkwardly.
Louis lifted his head and looked at Harry expectantly. He wasn't entirely sure if he liked that Ava wanted to spend so much time with him, but he had no idea how to deal with the situation so if Ava wanted it like this then Louis would go with it. He feared the moment he'd tell her that Harry was her father though.
"If it's alright." Harry said hesitantly, searching for a sign in Louis' eyes.
"Sure." Louis said shortly without any emotion.
"Then I would love to." Harry smiled at Ava who squealed in joy.
They left the playground after Louis had gathered her toys together and stopped in front of the car. Louis buckled her up in her seat and turned to Harry.
"You need a ride?" He asked.
"No, I...I take the bus." Harry forced out a small smile.
"You sure?" Louis checked.
"Yes, thank you though." Harry assured. Louis nodded curtly and was about to enter the car when Harry spoke up once more. "Louis?" He said quietly.
Louis hummed as he turned back around.
"I'm sorry. For all the pain I caused you. I know there's nothing I could say or do to make up for it, I just want you to know that I'm deeply sorry." Harry said with desperation lacing his voice.
Louis sighed. He was tired of hearing Harry's apologies.
"Stop apologizing, please. It won't change anything, so just...just leave it, okay?" Louis sighed and it was the first time Harry saw some kind of vulnerability in his eyes. He didn't know exactly what it was but something apart from that flashed through Louis' eyes. He knw that he had hurt him deeply and he was still hurt- who wouldn't?- but could it be possible that there was more?
"Okay..." Harry said quietly, deciding to drop it to not make their already difficult situation even worse.
"Are you still sure you want to be a part of her life? Can I count on you not to leave again?" Louis asked.
"Yes. One hundred percent. I won't leave." Harry had never been so sure about anything than he was now in his life.
"Good. I tell her tonight if she isn't too tired." Louis said shortly.
"Oh...o-okay." Harry said surprised. He had never thought Louis would tell her this fast.
Louis nodded and with that he turned around for good and entered his car. When they came home, Liam was nowhere to be seen so Louis guessed he was still with Niall. He shrugged it off and heated up the food Liam had made before he had gone out and him and Ava ate quickly before they went upstairs to get ready for bed.
"Did you have fun today, bub?" Louis asked softly as he sat down on the edge of her bed where she was just adjusting her stuffies and dolls.
"Yes, daddy. An' you?" She asked.
"Me too." He smiled. "Come here for a second." He patted his thighs and she was quick to climb on his lap, looking up at him curiously. "You were asking me why Harry isn't your uncle, right?" He started.
"Yes." She nodded fastly.
"He can't be your uncle, bub." He said and brushed a strand of hair out of her face smiling slightly.
"But why not?" She frowned. "He not like me?" She asked sadly.
"No, darling. He adores you, so much. But he can't be your uncle because he is something else to you already." Louis said softly.
"An' what?" She asked confused.
"Do you remember how uncle Li and I always told you that your papa has to be away for a while because of his work?" Louis said carefully, studying her face precisely to make out any possible emotion, but there was nothing apart from confusion.
"Mhm." She mumbled and twirled a loose thread from Louis' jumper around her finger, obviously not able to connect the dots.
Louis prepared himself for changing his daughters life completely with what he was about to tell her now. He had no idea how she would react and he was terrified of it.
"He came back now, bub." He said. He was taken aback on how fast Ava's head snapped up and her eyes glimmered excitedly. "Harry can't be your uncle, because he is your papa, princess."
Ava's eyes grew wide and she gasped.
"My papa?" She asked slowly.
"Yes, baby. He is your papa and he would be happy to get to know you better, would you want that?" Louis asked carefully. It was the first time ever that he couldn't make out her emotions at all, so he had no idea what was going on inside of her now as she just stared at him.
"Why he not say it?" She asked quitely after thinking deeply.
Louis sucked in a sharp breath at her shaky voice and now he saw it. He saw the sadness in her eyes and it broke his heart. He tightened his grip around her and pressed a kiss to her head before looking at her again.
"Because I wanted to tell you, darling. I wanted you to get to know him first." He said softly.
"He not want to be my papa?" Her bottom lip wobbled and tears welled up in her eyes and Louis wanted to take away her pain so badly, but he couldn't and he hated himself for it.
"No! No, darling. He wants to be your papa. He wants nothing more than that, actually. He wants to do all the papa-kiddo things with you, like playing with you and going to the aquarium and eating ice cream." Louis explained.
"But you stop being my daddy then?" She asked scared.
"Baby no, of course I will always be your daddy. But now you have me and your papa." He smiled at her softly.
"But why's he not here?" She wondered further.
"Because he doesn't live with us. But you can always see him whenever you want to, okay?"
Ava seemed to be deep in thought and Louis let her gather her thoughts patiently. He waited for two minutes, scanning her face as she furrowed her eyebrows until she finally spoke up.
"An' when he go away again?" She asked.
"He won't go away anymore. He will stay here, just because of you. You are so important to him that he won't ever leave your side again." Louis said.
"An' tomowwow we go to the playgwound?" She checked.
"Tomorrow we go to the playground again. You, your papa and I." He smiled.
"I say papa to him?" Ava wondered.
"Do you want to call him that?" Louis asked.
"Hmm..." Ava thought for a second before she nodded. "Yes. But you be daddy." She said seriously.
"Yes, bub." He chuckled. "Everything alright?"
"I sleep wif you t'night?" She asked hopefully.
Louis smiled at her fondly, a heavy weight was lifted off his chest and it was the first time since their conversation had started that he could breathe properly.
"Of course. Come on." He said and she immediately flung her arms around his neck and pressed her thighs against his sides.
He got up from the bed and grabbed one of her stuffies before he went to the bedroom where he placed her in the middle of the bed before he got ready himself. It was way too early for him to go to sleep but he didn't complain. He just wanted his baby to feel secured and make sure that she was alright. After brushing his teeth and changing into shorts he accompanied Ava on the bed and she instantly snuggled into his side.
"Dis is my name." She said and pointed to Louis' chest tattoo.
"That's your name." Louis confirmed smiling.
"I wanna 'ave you name too." Ava mumbled.
"We talk about that again when you're older, bub." Louis chuckled. "How about we watch a movie?" He suggested and rubbed her back abstinently.
"Yes! Little mermaid, please!" Ava said excitedly.
"Of course." Louis sighed fondly.
It was her favourite movie of all time so he wasn't suprised at all. He turned on the tv and put on the movie before turning off the light with his phone. Twenty minutes into the movie Ava was out cold, but Louis never stopped rubbing her back. He continued watching the movie, not really caring what was on as he just enjoyed having his daughter in his arm.
About an hour later Liam came into the room and quirked a surprised eyebrow.
"Hey." He whispered gently as he walked towards the bed and pointed to Ava questioningly.
"I told her about Harry. She didn't want to sleep alone." Louis explained quietly.
"How did she take it?" Liam wondered.
"Actually pretty well. Dunno how it will be tomorrow." Louis frowned.
"I'm sure she will manage well enough. She has your strength after all." Liam smiled.
"I think she's a lot stronger than me." Louis muttered.
"How are you?" Liam studied his face for any sign, but Louis didn't give anything away.
"I don't know. We were fighting again. Well I was fighting, he was apologizing a million times." Louis said bitterly.
"Lou." Liam sighed.
"I know, I know. I couldn't help it." Louis huffed.
"He's here now and that's all that counts. Try to at least be civil with him for Ava's sake." Liam said softly.
"I try. It's hard though." Louis muttered.
"I know, Lou. But you're not alone with this." Liam smiled slightly.
"Thank you. For understanding and for supporting me. For everything actually." Louis said honestly.
"Don't thank me. You'd do the same." Liam said.
"But you're a much better person than me." Louis smiled.
"That's bullshit and you know it. You're just...difficult. And stubborn." Liam grinned.
"Fuck off." Louis chuckled.
"I go downstairs a bit, okay?" He checked and Louis nodded, but he couldn't get rid of the feeling that something was off.
"You seem troubled." He stated.
"Let's talk about it tomorrow, alright?" Liam sighed.
"Oh lord, what happened? At least tell me what it's about." Louis quirked an eyebrow.
"The Company." Liam said.
"I have a feeling what this conversation will be about and I don't like it." Louis said suspiciously.
"We have to at least talk about it. Maybe we find another solution, but it would help us a lot to expand." Liam explained.
"Fine." Louis grumbled. "We talk about it. But don't get your hopes up." He warned.
"Yeah, yeah." Liam rolled his eyes with a smile. "Good night." He pecked his lips and Louis hummed.
"Don't stay up too long." He teased softly.
"Yes, mum." Liam huffed and left the room, silently closing the door.