𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧
It's been a week since Rosemary's disastrous party, I thought the argument me and Abby had would have been resolved by now. But no things remain off between us. She's been more closed off and won't let me, how do you fix something when the other person won't even let you?
It's as if her trust switch has been flipped off, and I have no fucking idea what I said or did for her to get this way. One minute she was fine and we were making out in a bathroom, the next we are fighting and I spend the night on the couch instead of in bed with her.
When I wake it's due to baby birds tapping on my window. Different from waking up to one, or both boys waking me. Or to Abby's soft snores and hair tickling my face. There was complications with an order, so I had a late shift at the grocery and decided to stay at Lucy's. Not like would have made much of a difference.At Abby's I would have ended up on the couch, at least this way I got to sleep in the comforts of a bed.
Lucy tries to keep the disproval from her face as I make my way into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee. She was here last night when I came stumbling through the door only slightly drunk, and giving her a half assed explanation.
Lucy's always an opinionated person but she voices her opinion on drinkers loudly. "Can you stop giving me that look?"
Her mug hits the table hard. "I wasn't giving a look."
That's bull fucking shit and she knows it. Glaring I finally find my voice, "don't lie to me Lucy." She huffs crossing her arms. "Well, are you at least going to tell me what happened? I thought things were going great between the two of you?"
Pausing we watch each other and an understanding settles between us. Lucy sees how I feel of this situation, but she also knows what Abby went through. What I put her through and whether or not that effects our future together this thing, this feeling will always be between us.
"I'm not too sure myself. One second we're fine, and everything is going perfectly. The next she's running to the bathroom with tears in her eyes, and refusing to tell me what's wrong."
Lucy has her thinking face on, and the silence scares me. Busying myself with sipping my coffee and scrambling eggs, the only food I manage to not burn when I cook it. "Have you ever thought too look at it from her perspective?" Shaking my head I say, "no...I guess it never occurred to me."
She pats my arm like a mother would do. "You left her without an explanation, and you come back just as fast acting like nothing happened and everything is normal." Pushing my plate away no longer hungry my eyes stay glued to my hands wrapped around the warmth of my coffee mug.
"She let you back in despite her heart warning her to." Lucy continues, "but that doesn't mean she won't still have feelings of distrust towards you."
Fuck I messed up. I always knew this however, just hearing things from Lucy makes my heart sink. How on earth am I ever going to prove to her that I'm a better person now, and that my foolishness caused me one of my favorite things in this world...her?
"You could go to her." Lucy tells me as if reading my thoughts.
When I show up at Abby's house it's well past one in the afternoon. I know her schedule has been crazy now that she's renovating her bakery, I'm pretty sure she goes into work tonight.
I knock once, then twice.
Either she's ignoring me or she's not home. I'm not sure which is worse. Getting back in my car I need something to fill my time. I can't just wait around all day for Abby to see that I'm not going anywhere. Magnolia creek doesn't have a bar, luckily the town over has a small one. I could go there to spend my time, remembering my actions of last night I decided against it.
So, I had a few drinks with some co-workers after work. I'm trying to be better for Abby and part of that means not resorting to drinking when things don't go as planned. So, instead of taking the exit out of town I take a right and end up parked in front of the graveyard.
This has been my secret refuge lately. Whenever I have a problem that needs resolving or just someone to talk to who can't judge I come here to my grandpa's grave. "Hey, gramps." I say knees in the grass a foot away from his grave. "I guess I'm making this an annual thing now."
He's not here but I swear I can hear a laugh. "Life's pretty messed up. That was never my plan, but I'm sure you already knew that." My plan growing up was always baseball, and I became so obsessed with my dreams that I let all the others pass by without a second glance.
"How did you ever see eye to eye with grandma?" I wish more than anything he could be here to answer. I'm needing his advice now more than ever. I love Abby but damn she's stubborn much like me. Realizing I won't get a full answer from stone, pulling one of my old baseball caps out of my pocket. It's one I got my first year playing for the cougars, he would've loved being in the crowd cheering me on, and I would've loved him being there had he gotten the chance.
"Grandma told me you loved baseball, and couldn't wait to play with your grandkids. I'm sorry you never got that chance." Placing the cap on the stone so it looks as if it's wearing the cap, smiling then standing I make one last stop before heading out. "Hey, mom. How's life with gramps?"
Tears swell in my eyes I'm not a sentimental person, yet something about being a parent and knowing the sacrifices my mom made for me changes everything. "I'm a father now...which makes you a grandma." Laughing at my own words I say, "that's weird to say. You are way too young to be a grandma."
Technically if she were still alive, she would be in her forties, but she's forever stuck at twenty-two. "I found love mom, and I let it go just as easily as it came. I will regret that for the rest of my life, but I'm not done yet. Abby will know what it's like to trust me again of that, I'm sure."
I wonder if this is what went wrong with her and my dad? From stories she told me growing up my father was an amazing man, so I can't imagine why she would let him go so easily? "Love you mom."
Visiting her has made me rethink everything. One of these being that I need to build a better relationship with my kids before it's too late. I've been thinking about taking them to do something just the three of us, I can add that to the long list of things to talk with Abigail about.
𝐀𝐛𝐛𝐲
My shift at Val's seems to go on forever, and by the time it's time to close for the night I'm more than ready to go home and sleep. The boys are spending the night at my mom and dads. I'll be alone tonight; Nathan didn't come home last night and it's my fault.
We were doing fine up until Rosemary got in my head, and made me think of how all these changes must be confusing for him. He came back here to get better so that he could go back to his old life. He had no intention of falling in love with me all over again, or having two kids.
Rosemary's words might have hurt but they were true Nathan wasn't built for this life, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't know this when I let him back in again. Which lead to me overthinking everything, and that lead to us fighting, now he's staying at Lucy's and hasn't texted or called since yesterday morning.
Unlocking my door, setting my things on the counter and jump when I notice Nathan sitting at my kitchen table. What the fuck! He scared the shit out of me. Better yet he could have called to tell me he'd be here. "What the hell are you doing here, better yet how the hell did you get in?" Yelling, my heart pounding.
He reaches into his pocket pulling out a tiny silver key. "You gave it to me remember? You can have it back if you want." Nathan sets the key down on the table sliding it to me. Taking a long look at the key, shaking my head I answer. "You could have called instead of scaring the crap out of me." Using the clean version feels weird especially when the twins aren't around, habit, I guess.
"I know I should have called but I was scared you would tell me not to come, and I had to come Abby I'm—"
"I'm sorry!" I say so fast he doesn't get the chance to say it first. He has nothing to feel sorry for I'm the one who started this mess, therefore I should be the one to apologize. "That's not exactly what I was expecting you to say."
"I'm sorry about how things went down that night. I guess my stress was finally getting to me." He accepts my apology by leaning down and showering me with kisses. When he pulls away the expression on his face is serious telling me he's going to ask me something, and he's scared I'll say no.
"I was wondering if I could take the boys on a father son outing?" He shouldn't have to ask me, they're his kids as well. However, I'm glad he did it shows that Nathan cares about my opinion. "As long as you run the details by me first then it's fine."
"I want to take them to a baseball game. I've got this friend who can get me a good deal on tickets, and I just know they'll love it." Honestly, I'd be shocked if Nathan's idea of a perfect outing with his kids didn't involve baseball.
Once I start laughing, I can't stop. He just looks at me like I've been hit in the head, and maybe I have. "Is it something I said?" He asks looking even more confused.
"A baseball game just like how we first met." His brows knit together, "technically that was our third meeting." He corrects as I hit him on the arm. It might be our third meeting but it's the one that made me not fully hate him. Partly because that's the night I realized Nathan was different from the other players. He was kind, and caring, Nathan was the type of person who everyone loved and everyone did, hell they still do.
He tickles me in order to get me from hitting him. Giggling he brings his mouth to mine again, returning his kisses he moans. Screw Rosemary Vaughn for getting into my head and making me doubt things again. A relationship is built on trust and I'm slowly learning to trust him again.
"Nathan..."
His kisses stop, "yeah?"
I pause picking my next words carefully. "You are an amazing father, and an even better boyfriend."
"Boyfriend? Is that what we are now boyfriend and girlfriend?"
My heart sinks is that not what he wants? I was so sure we were both ready to take this next step. "Is that not what you want?" Shaking his head, he replies with, "it's everything I want and more." His lips find mine again and it's not long before our clothes are scattered across the floor, and we're just limbs tangled together.
𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷𖧷
If you're enjoying my book All in the Game. Please click the star and share your thoughts in the comments. I will update chapters every Wednesday so be on the lookout.–Morgan 💕
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