And without even realizing it immediately, I find my eyes filled with tears, as well as a knot in my throat that prevents me from speaking.
In all my life, I think I have rarely experienced such joy; and it's amazing how a few simple words can make me feel so loved, so indispensable to someone, so alive.
Simple words, but of such a powerful impact that they take my breath away and make my heart race; I'm afraid it might explode at any moment, so much so that it's on fire.
Then, not to mention the intense warmth I feel: it branches from my chest to my stomach, as if I had something uncontrollable inside me. I think it's the desire to abandon myself into his arms, in a weeping of emotion; tears born of overwhelming and irrepressible happiness.
In a moment, I think back to that period he mentioned. It was a short time ago, yet it seems like an eternity past. Surely, it must be because of the anxiety and fear felt, so vehement and disarming, that my mind has unconsciously tried to banish the memory of it.
However, I remember vividly how my every thought at that time was directed to Jake.
I thought of him in everything I did.
And whatever I saw, it reminded me of him.
How badly I missed him, how desperately I wanted to receive a message from him; I was willing to sacrifice everything, just to know that he was safe and sound. I waited so anxiously for his return that a single message would be enough; even receiving only his classic stylized smile, formed by two dots and a parenthesis, was all I needed.
However, what he just said is something extremely poetic and romantic. He managed to move me; to make me melt gently, like under a mild spring sun.
Since he has totally opened up to me, revealing his past, I'm discovering the real Jake; and I realize that I love every side of his personality, even the smallest of the facets. I already knew this, yet I did not expect he could be so much loving, so much caring.
I raise my head suddenly, at the same time as my hand immediately reaches his face; a passionate kiss follows, charged with a myriad of feelings, containing a tornado of emotions. I feel him tremble under my touch, under my lips, in a quiver. He moans softly, probably taken aback by my gesture, before surrendering to it unrestrainedly. He immediately reciprocates with passion, holding me tightly to him; the arm around my shoulders keeps my mouth pressed against his. Our tongues seek and entwine several times, eager for a reciprocal contact. Our lips part from each other, slowly and unwillingly, only to let me utter in a whisper: "That's a beautiful thought, Jake."
With his other hand, he wipes away my tears; he gently rests his thumb under my eyelid to wipe them away in one movement. He smiles fondly at me as he returns to looking at the sky. "It's just the plain and simple truth." He runs his fingers over my face in a caress. He sighs in a shiver, before concluding: "You have no idea how much you fascinated me from the start, making me lose my mind; I couldn't think of anything but you, and when I would be able to write to you again."
"You were my constant thought, from the morning just after I woke up until the night before I fell asleep..." I answer in a huff; emotion prevents me from going any further. I am sure that, if I just kept talking, I would end up in an uncontrollable, sobbing fit. I still manage to add something, namely the two most beautiful words in the world, followed by his name: "I love you, Jake."
"I love you too." He resumes tenderly, caressing me and snapping another kiss on my forehead. "And you can't imagine how much."
We spend a few minutes in each other's arms, cuddling and effusing, simply remaining silent; Lying supine admiring the sky. His fingers caressing my side, in a gentle touch that causes little shivers all down my back.
I move my hand away from his abdomen, stopping cuddling him, to place it on the ground; I rise with my upper body, turning toward him. Looking into his eyes, barely succeeding in restraining my curiosity. "Uhm, you still haven't told me what's in that bag, though..." I chuckle softly, pointing at it with a quick movement of my gaze, then winking.
"Oh, yeah, I almost forgot..." He arches both eyebrows, in an amazed expression. He pulls himself up with his torso, sitting down. Grabbing the bag with his left hand, he turns his gaze toward me; a playful grimace printed on his face. "Are you ready to see what's inside?"
I immediately burst out laughing, playing along. "Uhm, I guess so..." I curl my lips, rubbing my forehead. I feign a thoughtful attitude as I glare at him, squinting. " You don't want to poison me, do you?"
"Mhm, no..." He closes his chin between his index finger and thumb, mimicking my own feigned concern. "At least, not intentionally." He stifles a laugh, placing the bag in the middle, in a spot where I can see its contents; he slowly opens it in front of my eyes, creating some suspense. "Ta-daaan! Here, I hope they are edible."
I lean my upper body forward, peeking in. "Are these sandwiches?" I smile, pulling one out; I lift it up in front of my eyes, examining it.
That's right, they are two ham sandwiches, identical to each other. What's more, not even toasted.
I smile.
Well, he certainly couldn't do wrong with this.
It's a love; although it's something extremely simple, I really appreciate that he wanted to prepare them by himself, just to surprise me.
"Uhm, the fact that you're asking is not a good sign..." He bursts out laughing, pulling his sandwich out of the bag as well. "But that's the best I can do." He gives me an embarrassed smile, lifting the corners of his mouth in a tight grimace.
"That's fine." I comment, immediately taking a bite. "And it's good, too." I take his hand to hearten him, using the free one. I thank him with a smile, shaking his hand firmly.
"Thank goodness." He chuckles, perhaps to mask that sigh of relief he heaves, also starting to eat.
Come on, there was no reason to be so uptight. As if I really care if you can cook or not!
After finishing our "dinner" we stay a few more minutes on the roof. It must be the perception of peace and tranquility, which the landscape before our eyes instills in us, that makes us never want to come down from there again; or, the strong feeling of being as if back to normal. These days together with Jake, our date at the restaurant and this brief moment staring at the stars, is a bubble of happiness in the midst of all the misfortunes that have happened.
And I am ready to fight with all my might to make sure it never breaks out.
It's half past eight in the evening when we decide to go back downstairs. We have really talked about an endless amount of things in this short time; only smalltalk and frivolous topics, for the purpose of carving out one of the last moments of lightheartedness, before moving on to action. By the way, I really found out so many things about him that made me soften; and I'm so greedy to know, I would stay up all night to learn more. It reminded me about one of the first chats we had, where he asked me what I would take with me if I went to a desert island; I still laugh over his answer, which was the computer, and how the island had to have power and Internet coverage.
"I can't believe you've only been to the beach once..." I comment, as I pick up the empty bag, so as not to leave anything lying around; I crumple it in my hands, slipping it into my pocket.
"I told you, only once, when I was a mere teenager." He smiles, clutching his shoulders, flaunting carelessness, as he folds the blanket back on itself. "My mother was constantly working, she never got to take me there."
"I guess we'll have to make up for it then." I pound my fist into my palm, nodding decisively. "When it's all over." I help him secure the blanket over his shoulders so his hands are free for the descent. "Where would you like to go?"
"Oh, as long as I'm with you, the place doesn't matter." He smiles affectionately, resting his hand on my head, messing up my hair. "But if I had to express a preference, I would say a quiet and exotic beach, mhm." We start walking toward the staircase. "You know the ones with white sand, palm trees and crystal clear water?"
"Of course Jake, I guessed." I burst out laughing, watching him as he begins the descent, placing his shoes on the first rung.
"The important thing is that there should be very good internet coverage..." He pauses a little, now halfway up the stairs, to look up and meet my gaze. "And that the hotel room doesn't have a balcony."
I squint, furrowing my brow. "I don't understand the point of that last request..." I can hardly keep a straight face; I let out little huffs, caused by suppressing laughter.
He struggles to suppress them too, shaking his head animatedly. "Here, it has to do with my only experience at the sea." He resumes lowering himself down; I turn my back to him, also beginning to descend. "You should know that I was with a group of friends; we had decided to spend a weekend at the beach before exams."
"It sounds like the beginning of a joke." I humor, curious about the continuation.
He laughs in delight as he places both feet on the ground; although turned away, I can tell by the sound of the jump he makes, avoiding the last few steps. "Indeed, it's a funny tale." He rubs his hands between them, wiping away the dust. "On the evening of the first day, we had decided to go out for a drink, to a pub near the hotel."
"Uhm, I bet they had to force you to go, since you don't like alcohol." I comment amused as I mentally picture the scene.
"How did you guess?" He feigns amazement, chuckling. "And they succeeded, since it was one of the few times I got drunk."
I'm tempted to turn around, to look down at where he is standing, but I desist from doing so; better not to take a risk, since I'm not really a height lover. "But what does the balcony have to do with it?"
"I'll get to it now, just wait." He replies, continuing with the story. "Well, at one point my friends had panicked, because they couldn't find me anywhere." He makes a small aside. "Of course, they had the keys to the rooms and there wasn't a front desk, where I could request a copy."
"So what happened?" I urge him on, speeding up my movements to finish the downhill.
"At some point, they decided to go back to the hotel; they were hoping to find me out there, waiting for them. But no sign of me, unfortunately." He sighs, as I feel his hand caressing my side, signaling that I'm almost arrived. "Then, they came into the room, discussing how to find me, as well as pondering what place I might have gotten myself into. You know... they thought I'd been wandering around town drunk."
I definitely burst out laughing, no longer able to contain myself. I place my feet on the raised floor that lines the walls of the dwelling, finally able to look Jake in the eye. "Don't tell me you were already in the room..."
He prints a kind of sly smirk on his lips. "Exactly! And I'll tell you more, I was blissfully asleep in bed already." He looks amused at my puzzled expression; preceding my question, as to how he had magically gotten in, he adds: "The only plausible explanation is that I climbed up from the outside, reaching the balcony of our room located on the third floor. From there, I managed to break in through the window, to put myself to sleep."
I shudder. "I've got goosebumps, like enough to fall over and be dead." I shake my head, bringing a hand to my forehead. "You'd better not drink anymore, you're too dangerous."
He squeezes in his shoulders. " I guess I was too sleepy." He gives me an embarrassed smile, taking me by the hand as we make our way to the front door.
"Forget about a room without a balcony, as a requirement it must also have bars on the windows." I mutter, looking at him sideways, then bursting out laughing with him.
I feel so much happiness with Jake.
I want more carefree moments like that; and we will have them, whatever it takes.
We return to the apartment and decide to start packing immediately, as well as prepare our backpacks for tomorrow's raid. We both try to carry as little stuff as possible, only the bare essentials for walking and ambush; plus several items for our protection and defense.
I focus exclusively on bringing first aid supplies, picking up what I think is necessary from the bag Helen has prepared.
And let's keep our fingers crossed that we never need them...
In the meantime, Jake places the gun inside one of the outer pockets of the backpack, having retrieved it from a drawer in the hall; he makes sure it is loaded, still carrying some bullets.
Then, we spend half an hour packing what we don't need into the various bags and suitcases; thank God, most of the things were already packed, left untouched from the day before. We load as much stuff as we can into the car, so we don't have to go crazy tomorrow morning before we leave. In the chalet right now, only the suitcases with clothes, backpacks and electronic devices useful to Jake, as well as his computer, are left; not to mention the food in the fridge, which fortunately isn't much. We'll finish it tomorrow at breakfast, to avoid waste.
After all the preparations finished, I sit down next to Jake.
I'm exhausted!
The poor hours of sleep are beginning to take effect. Jake, on the other hand, is still quite energetic, as if fatigue doesn't touch him at all, not even in the slightest; it must be that his body is used to sleeping a few hours a night. But, honestly, I don't have the slightest idea how he doesn't feel even a little tired.
I watch him put the camera on charge. Soon after, he turns on the laptop, connecting it to the desktop computer. I think he's taking care of the arrangements for tomorrow, such as setting up the fake phone cell and everything related to monitoring the area.
I decide to make myself useful as well, looking for a motel in Colville, as decided during the meeting with the group. After a few minutes, I find one a couple of kilometers from the center, rather unknown and anonymous. I think it suits us just fine: it's in a highly populated residential area, which therefore reduces the risk of being attacked without being noticed.
Also, it's not registered on any online reservation site. At first glance, it looks like an anachronistic and outdated motel, which leaves me to think that it has an old-style management too; maybe who knows, we'll be able to stay without having to provide many details, or check-in with fake identities.
"What do you think?" I ask Jake, placing the screen of my phone in front of his eyes.
"Uhm." He lays his finger on the display, scrolling through the motel information. " It might work." He nods, confirming his approval. "Don't book anything, though. We'll do everything tomorrow; best to check it out in person first." I see him turn off the computer monitor.
"Okay, we'll decide once we see how it looks." I take a screenshot at the address in order to memorize where it is.
"Well..." I watch as Jake rises to his feet and positions himself behind me; he encircles me in a gentle embrace, placing his cheek against mine. "Now let's go rest, I can tell you're exhausted..." Without even waiting for my response, he reaches out his hand, to lead me to the bedroom.