I used to think I'm so done having toxic conversations with him. Turns out I'm wrong.
"Okay," I said. I'm trying my best not to feel insulted or teased by his words. But right now, I do. I'm just hiding it from my fake smiles and trying to throw the hate back to him. But he acts as if he has a shield from Captain America, which he uses to avoid getting hit by my words.
He's so good at it.
"How are you?" I almost barfed with his statement. Asking me how am I? I would have answered that question if it came from a different person. Like a stranger or from my classmates, but it's him. I will only be okay if he's not around and if he would quit as a teacher.
I took a deep sigh. I can't believe I opened my mouth to answer. "Why are you asking me that? You know the answers." I was about to say fine because I've been used to doing it over and over in front of different people. Even though I'm not, I tell people I'm okay because I know they won't understand anyway,, or sometimes just because I don't want them to worry about me.
That's me. Always me. Nothing new every single day. I've only been true to Charlie and Britney. They're the ones who know when I'm okay or not. Even if I don't confirm it, they can sense it. I don't even need to tell them. They say it themselves. "Obviously because I'm a teacher. It's my job to ask my students if they're okay or not."
I expected him to say that. But I still thought he would say something like because I want to know whether you're okay or not and see how can I help you in case you're not okay.
But he didn't.
Because he's Arthur Culpo and he would never say something like that. His pride already has taken over him. He can only tell me all those words in my wildest dreams. Never in real life. But I still hope that one day, for real, he would.
Wait, what did I think of?
That's stupid.
"Please stop taking advantage of the moment."
"What advantage?" There he goes, playing dumb... again!
"You always say that you're doing a thing because of your job. Don't you have something else to use as an alibi?" I slightly laughed.
"I'm not lying. I lied before but right now, I'm only asking you how are you because it truly is my job. Don't think of anything else."
I'm like a hamster running in circles and trying to chase something which is hung up high and I could never reach but still trying to. It's pointless.
"You finally admitted that you lied before! Thanks!" I faked my laughter to insult him.
"I'm not going to deny it." Is that him admitting his mistake? I feel like I'm dreaming.
"Why?" I'm hoping he would say something worth it.
"Because I want to." I nodded without showing any emotions.
I tilted my head to look at him but when I did, the first thing I saw was the same old half-butterfly tattoo on his wrist. He took that with me.
And the other half of it is in my left wrist. We got it together.
I remember the day we got it. It was a normal day when he asked me out since he already got my number. Perhaps like a second date. It was fun and at the same time hurt me.
We stopped by a tattoo house and got inside. I was so scared that my mouth almost got dried after I took several gulps of my saliva. "I don't want to go,"
"Come on! It's okay. This is my first time too." He chuckled.
That day, I got my first tattoo with him. And it hurt a lot. But as days passed by, it looked so good on my wrist and I forgot about the pain. Whenever we were together, we would place our hands close to each other and it will form a whole butterfly from the half parts in our wrists.
"You still got that?" I broke the silence.
"This?" He rose it and it became clearer to me. It looks as fresh as it was back when I first saw it. Still looks good on him. And it's the only accessory he has on his body. Same to me. My stepparents also don't know anything about this. I hide them by using a cardigan every time we take dinner so they never noticed it.
"Yeah," I nodded.
Once again, after three years of losing him, I saw his graceful smile which he rarely gives out.
This is a trick!
This is a trick!
This is a trick!
This is a trick!
This is a trick!
I repeated it in my head to remind myself that I should not fall for his stupid smile and eye things. "I will never get rid of this."
"Why?"
"Because it looks good on me."
The smile vanished on my face.
I'm pretty disappointed about his answer.
It proves that he doesn't care about me anymore. That he has completely forgotten about how much I would ruin myself for him a million times. He has moved on that easily.
I was expecting that he would tell me he hasn't gotten rid of it and would never because it symbolizes our love. But he said something to make my smile vanish instead.
Like I asked for a plant and soil is all I got.
I nodded and bit my lips. I knew I should have removed mine in the first place. But I didn't think of it when we broke up.
I didn't want to get it off me.
"Shane!" I frowned when I heard a manly voice behind us.
My smile came back when I saw Eros standing so well wearing their school uniform.
"Who's that guy? He knows you?" He looked at him too.
This gives me an evil idea.
"Yeah," I answered.
"Who is he?" I can feel the jealousy in his voice. He has no reason to be jealous.
"My boyfriend," I answered.
"You got a boyfriend?" He frowned.
"You got a problem with that?"
He shook his head and acted like he don't care about it and it's okay for him.
It's not my loss anymore.