the next two days are...weird. siwoo felt humiliated and appalled that her own husband would treat her son that way. she's so angry and unbelievably upset by it all, and on top of that, she had to tell juwon and jihye that their dad had been arrested. we had to all go to court over the weekend where he was sentenced to twelve years for child abuse. jihye was balling her eyes out, not understanding any of it and upset that she doesn't get to see her daddy. meanwhile juwon just...i don't know. juwon just sat in silence.
i don't understand how yeonjun has been so calm about it all. his guitar is broken. his face is all cut up and bruised. i was avoiding talking to him about it, not wanting to bring any of it up. but by monday morning, i was so confused by his reaction that i outdent stay silent about it any longer.
juwon leaves the car, closing the door behind him before walking across the school car park.
"yeonjun." i say to him.
he turns his head to me.
"what are you thinking?" i ask him.
he pauses. "i'm thinking, people are going to be looking at me pretty weird with a face like this-"
"i'm serious." i say. "you seem so calm about it all."
he pauses again in thought. he shrugs slightly.
"tell me how you're feeling." i say to him quietly.
he inhales and exhales slowly. "well...as soon as those security guards came in and grabbed him, i felt sort of...free." he says. i look at him and he looks down to his knees as he thinks. "it's just strange." he says. "in the moment, it just felt like he was angry. but now he's been arrested, charged for abuse. it sounds so real and official." he says. "sounds like a story. but it happened. to me." he says.
i sigh, looking down at my knees. "it wouldn't have happened if i didn't-"
"no." yeonjun says. "stop it. stop doing that."
"what?" i ask.
"blaming yourself for it. i'm glad it happened."
"you're glad?"
"strangely." he says. "i mean...he's gone. he can't control me if he's gone." he says. "yeah, it hurt like hell. and yeah, i'm crushed about that guitar." he says. "that was my guitar, you know? i bought that with my own money that i earned. i played it for years. it felt like a part of me. so...the guitar? yeah, that...that probably hurt more than his beating." he says. "but i'm strangely glad that it happened."
"why?" i ask him.
"because...the way the audience cheered? the way they reacted and the feeling i felt - we felt - like it was such an achievement and we felt so appreciated and special." he says. "i had never felt like that before." he says. "and even if my dad's response was unforgivable, i felt sort of uplifted and empowered. i stood up to him and it felt...i don't know. it felt good." he tells me. "plus." he adds. "i made out with this amazing girl that night..." he says, starting to smile playfully. "what was it...four times?" he says, causing a smile to form on my face. i look away, feeling flushed at the mention of it.
"i feel like it would be better if it was rounded up to five though." he adds cheekily. "that's a good number. five fingers. five senses. five olympic rings..." he's saying, suddenly being all cute and playful.
i bite my lip for a second to conceal my smile. "do it then." i say.
"what?" he says, smiling at me innocently.
"kiss me." i tell him.
so we rocked up to english late. i think we could have snuck in unnoticed, except yeonjun's cut and bruised face is a little distracting. the room goes silent, and even mr. carter stares for a second.
"uh...sorry." yeonjun says awkwardly, apologising for us being late. "my bad."
we take our seats on either end of the circular table, aware of everyone staring at us but just trying our best to ignore it. everybody is staring. and i mean everybody. a couple of people are whispering between each other but i can't make out any words. their eyes are either hooked onto yeonjun, to me. i understand why people are looking at yeonjun - the state of his face is quite unsettling and i'm sure everyone is wondering how it happened. but i don't understand why people are also looking at me. there's no reason for them to look at me. it's unnerving. it's a horrid feeling.
"uh...okay. we'll play a few rounds of finish the quote and then move on to character analysis." mr. carter says. he doesn't seem so lively and enthusiastic like usual. this time, it's like he knows something unsettling. it's like everyone knows something. do they know?
i look to yeonjun as he looks to me.
this time last week, all everyone could talk about was yeonjun and beomgyu's fight. now, beomgyu is just sat in silence, like every other member of the class. jayden and landon aren't even talking. they're just sat in silence, like every other member of the class.
finally, when both period one and two are over, the awkward silences and constant stares are minimised.
daeun marches up to me. i stare at her. she stares at me.
"what in the world?" she says, dragging me into the girls bathroom.
"woah!" i say, in attempt to keep all my books off the floor, and my face off the ground.
"what happened?" she says. but she immediately whacks me on the arm.
"ow!" i say.
"that's for ditching kendall's party!" she says. then she grins massively. "and oh my god! what the hell? that video?!"
"what video?"
"the video of you guys singing! that song! simple simplicities!" she says, as if i'm supposed to be aware that there's a video.
i just stare at her. how does she know about this?
"hello?! it's gone viral?" she says.
"WHAT?!"
"chaewon! you guys were insane! it was amazing! why didn't you tell me you were performing? i would have ditched kendall's too just to watch!" she says.
my heart is thumping. "wait, someone posted it?" i say, processing this all too slowly.
"yeah, then about five million people shared it!" she adds on casually. "chaewon, why didn't you tell me?" she says with a stroppy face.
my heart sinks with guilt. "i would have, but a lot was happening. we were trying to keep it secret incase yeonjun's dad found out-" but i cut myself off when i see daeun's expression switch. "what?" i ask.
her voice lowers. "everyone knows what happened." she says. "about him abusing yeonjun." she says.
my heart sinks even lower. that's why everyone's been staring. they've all seen the video, and they all heard about yeonjun's dad.
"how did everyone find out?" i ask.
"apparently a kid in our year's dad is in nypd." she explains. "he did the arrest, told his kid about it but then he went and spilled the beans to the entire school." she says.
i'm silent. i don't really know what to say about it.
"were you there?" she asks, already knowing the answer in my expression. "what happened?"
i bite my lip before i start to explain. "yeonjun has always loved art and music. his dad doesn't accept it though, and made him get rid of all his stuff because he wants him to get a proper job and quit playing around." i say. "obviously it's complete bullshit. yeonjun is insanely talented, and should be allowed to do whatever the hell he likes. so he turned their old garage into a secret studio, keeping everything." i say. "we wrote that song and performed it so that yeonjun could stand up to him and show him that it's not a joke, so he'd start taking hi seriously. but...well, he didn't take it so well." i say.
her eyes study me as i explain it to her.
"he smashed yeonjun's guitar backstage. then yeonjun reacted by pushing him back against the wall. that's when his dad just lost ir, and hit him over and over."
"oh my god." she says quietly, lifting her hand up to her mouth.
"security burst in, and he was arrested." i finish. "and...that's it." i say. "that's what happened."
she shakes her head with disbelief. "that must have been terrifying." she says to me. "are you okay?"
"me? yeah, i'm fine." i say. "yeonjun is the one i'm worried about."
"yeah, i can't imagine how he's feeling." she says.
"he explained it in the car." i tell her. "he's strangely calm about it, and is almost glad it happened." i say. "him and his dad have never seen eye to eye, and now he's in jail, he's not a problem anymore." i say.
"what so he's just...okay?" daeun asks.
"well that's how he's acting." i say. "i don't know how he's really feeling under it all."
she nods, taking it all in. "so you two are on okay terms now?" she asks.
oh god, last time we spoke about yeonjun, it was when i was mad at him over that weekend. so much has changed since then. how do i even put it into words?
her expression shifts, with pure confusion and excitement taking over at once. "what's that face?" she asks me.
"what face?" i ask.
"that little smiling, flushed face going on." she says. wiggling her finger in front of my face.
i just sort of blink.
"spill." she says, instantly knowing. "what happened?"
"we've just...kissed a couple of times."
"kissed a couple of times?!" she screeches. "that's not something you say casually!" she says.
i'm smiling like an idiot, my eyes sheepishly avoiding hers.
"oh my god!" she's smiling. then her face turns to horror. "oh my god!" she says in a deeper tone. "but you're not allowed to-"
"i know, i know." i say. "can we not talk about this at an extreme volume please?" i ask her.
her hand covers her mouth. "oh my god." says her muffled voice. "chaewon, this is crazy. how is everything so complicated? kendall and i are just close pals, going to tourist destination and house party's." she laughs at the ridiculousness of it all. "but you and yeonjun...you two have been through it all. fights, arguments, secrets, performing, coral videos, court cases, kissing-"
i hold my finger to my lips, just as some girls enter the room. i don't want any more rumours. even if they're true. so i make sure her lips are sealed before anyone can overhear anything we're saying.
they look at us, so we smile at the awkwardly.
so everyone knows about yeonjun's dad hitting him? and there's a video of us that has gone viral? this exchange trip has been anything but predictable.