^^^ofc listen to "Matilda" during this chapter :)
Harry: 27
Camryn: 27
Darcy: 10
Lennon: 8
Auggie: 7
Bowie: 5
Calum: 3
Bindi: 1 (16 months)
Right after the album came out I got SOOOO many messages saying that the first thing people thought of when listening to "Matilda" was Camryn, so of course I had to make a chapter about it!!!! Thank you SO much for everyone who requested this chapter (there were too many to tag) but you guys are the best!! thank you for always thinking about this little family, it means the world to me <333333
"Hey, sorry I'm late, it's been a day,"Harry huffs with a little exaggerated sigh, widening his eyes as he walks into the studio to find Mitch and Kid Harpoon waiting for him on little stools, talking amongst themselves.
"It's all good, is everything okay?"Tom, Kid Harpoon asks, tapping a pen agains the table to a beat that's playing in his head.
"Yeah, just family stuff, it's fine,"Harry sighs, waving his hand nonchalantly as he tries to shake off the hell of a morning and night that he just had.
Camryn doesn't often still have nightmares and panic attacks about her upbringing, but it's something she will never be completely free from, so there are some days where the trauma and fear hits her harder than others. And today was one of those days.
It started around two in the morning with Harry being awoken to a shout from Camryn that brought them both out of their sleep. She was trembling and had broken out into a cold sweat, her eyes crazed with tears rolling down her cheeks.
If there's one thing that breaks Harry's heart, it's to see Camryn afraid. It doesn't happen much anymore, she's pretty much only afraid now if there's something wrong with one of the kids, but during the first two and a half years of their relationship, fearful Camryn was all he knew.
He quickly scooted closer to her on the bed, taking her trembling body into his arms and hugging her tight as he quietly shushed her, running his fingers through her hair as she sobbed into his chest, trying to scoot close enough to him that their bodies would become one as it's the only way she would truly feel safe.
It took her a while, but eventually she found the strength and peace of mind to explain to him that she had indeed had a nightmare about her mum and deceased stepdad, as Harry had assumed. She explained the dream to him, tearfully admitting how real it felt, and Harry nodded understandingly, cooing at her softly and assuring her that although he knows how real it felt, it's not real. She's safe. She hasn't seen her mother in almost ten years.
It took a while for Camryn to calm down, and an even longer time for her to finally drift back to sleep. It took a few rounds of him singing softly to her and pressing gentle kisses to the top of her head to finally get her breathing to calm a bit and her tears to cease.
He wishes he could forget the way her body trembled against his in absolute fear. It breaks him every time he has to see her like that, but all he could think about was how much he was dreading the next morning because she's always shaken up for about 24 hours after one of her night terrors.
And he wasn't wrong.
This morning was pretty normal, they both got up to get the kids ready for school, and it was all going on without a hinge until they got downstairs. Lennon was carrying a cartoon of orange juice to the table and accidentally dropped it. It didn't spill or splatter on the floor, but the sound of it hitting the hardwood was quite loud, especially for Camryn who had her back turned towards him and was already on edge, her mind still running over the night terror.
It was enough to cause her to have a panic attack right there on the kitchen floor with Harry kneeling down in front of her and trying to calm her down while the kids all watched helplessly and a bit fearfully from a safe distance. Lennon was sobbing and profusely apologizing, his heart sinking to think he was the cause of his mum's distress, but Harry was too focused on Camryn to even attempt to calm him down.
It's not the first time the kids have seen her have a panic attack and it definitely won't be the last, but it does shake them up which makes Camryn feel even worse, so Harry had to deal with the aftermath of that as well which consisted of lots of cuddles for all of the kids from both Camryn and Harry.
He was planning on canceling the writing session he just arrived at and staying home with Camryn to help her with all of the kids, but Camryn promised him she'd be fine because Gemma and baby Brooks were coming to hang out so at least she wouldn't be the lone adult in the household.
"Anything you need to talk about?"Mitch asks, sitting with his guitar on his lap as he plucks aimlessly at a few strings, peeking up at Harry who looks visibly stressed and shaken up.
"No, it's okay, I'll just write it out,"Harry shakes his head, pulling out a piece of crumpled up paper from his pocket that he quickly jotted down at a red light, "I already made up a bit of it on the way here. This one's for Cami."
***
You were riding your bike to the sound of It's No Big Deal
And you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels
"Are you going to tell me what happened?"thirteen year old Harry asks, his bouncy brown curls flying in the wind behind him as he races down the street on his bike next to Camryn with her long blonde hair flying behind her as well.
"No, it's fine c'mon,"Camryn promises, gaining a bit of speed on Harry as her front tire finally goes ahead of his, "it's no big deal."
"I think it's probably a big deal,"Harry calls after her with an exasperated eye roll. She's been keeping something from him throughout their entire friendship, and he wishes she would tell him, but something's holding her back, and his young mind is too innocent to understand what.
"It's really not,"Camryn calls back, briefly looking over her shoulder at Harry and giving him a little grin to try and assure him. He's always worried about her, and she knows he knows that she's keeping a secret, but she doesn't care, honestly. She can't tell him yet. If she tells him he'll tell his parents and then everything will get worse. Things are too good right now, she can't give this up. "C'mon, you're slow!"
"Hey!"Harry shouts with a little smirk, increasing the speed at which he's pedaling his bike as he begins to gain speed on Camryn. "I'm catching you!"
"One sec, I gotta stop,"Camryn pants, hunched over her handle bars slightly as her ribs throb beneath her shirt. She can only imagine how big the bruise has gotten. This morning it was a light blue, but she assumes it's probably a dark purple now.
"You okay?"Harry checks, pulling his bike to the side of the road as Camryn nods and continues to pant, her hand resting on the side of her stomach as her light brown eyebrows furrow just slightly.
"Yeah, just outta breath,"Camryn lies, trying to draw in breaths as her air hitches in her chest, her eyes squeezing shut. "Can we ride back to your house? I'm tired."
"Yeah, mum has ice lollies for us!"Harry eagerly nods, kicking up the brake stand of his bike as he begins to ride in the opposite direction down the street towards his house.
"I call the red one,"Camryn grins widely, forgetting the pain in her stomach for just a bit as she tries to focus on Harry. On how happy he makes her.
"Only for you,"Harry laughs, tipping his head back on the ball of his neck, his little legs pedaling as fast as he can.
Nothing 'bout the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming till now
So you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal
"Hey,"Harry greets with a big smile, opening the door in response to Camryn's knock, finding her on the doorstep with her hand anxiously rubbing the side of her neck, her eyes a bit red rimmed and swollen.
"Hey,"Camryn whispers back with the most fake lopsided grin he's ever seen.
"Hey, what's wrong?"Harry asks softly, reaching his arms out to wrap around Camryn as she sniffles and falls against him, nuzzling her cheek deeper into Harry's chest. They're only fourteen and they've been dating for less than a year, but he does know about her stepfather and mother now, and his parents do as well.
"Nothing...just a rough day,"Camryn sniffles, feeling Harry's hand reach up to cup the back of her head, scrunching his fingers against her scalp, her hair pulled up into a ponytail.
"Where are they?"Harry asks softly, pressing a few kisses to the top of her head.
"It's not important,"Camryn brushes Harry off, shaking her head against his chest as she begins to pull away from him slightly, desperately wanting to change the subject.
"It is,"Harry whispers, allowing Camryn to pull away from him a bit, but keeping her face cradled in his hands. He looks her right in the eye, his green ones looking right into her big blue ones to make sure she hears him. Really hears him. "You're very important."
Camryn sniffles and nods, a lonely tear rolling down her cheek as she turns her neck to the side to show a blue and purple bruise on the side of her neck, her ponytail swaying a bit in response to the movement.
"Buggy..."Harry frowns with his heart sinking to his stomach just as it always does whenever she shows him another bruise. He carefully traces his fingertips over the discolored skin, inspecting it carefully. "You should've called me."
"It just happened, I couldn't get to my phone,"Camryn quietly explains as Harry pulls her back into him, squeezing her tightly to his chest to try and squeeze all of the pain away. "It's okay, though. I'm here now, it's okay."
"It's not okay, but I'm glad you're here,"Harry sighs, pressing another kiss to the top of Camryn's head as they softly rock side to side.
You can let it go
You can throw a party full of everyone you know
And not invite your family
"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Camryn....Happy birthday to you!"
"Thank you everyone,"a newly turned seventeen year old Camryn grins, sitting in a kitchen chair at her and Harry's apartment with one arm resting on top of her big 34 week pregnancy bump, her other hand placed on the table with a big chocolate cake in front of her, seventeen candles blazing.
"Make a wish!"Niall calls with a big smile from across the table, all of the One Direction boys there as well as Jay and the girls, and of course Robin, Anne, and Gemma.
"Okay,"Camryn hums with the biggest smile, closing her eyes and thinking for a second, leaning forward to blow out her candles as everyone cheers and claps.
"What'd you wish for, buggy?"Harry asks, resting both of his hands on Camryn's shoulders as he stands behind her chair, leaning down a bit to whisper it in her ear as she giggles and shies away slightly from Harry's tickling voice.
"That's a secret, mister, if I tell you it won't come true, those are the rules,"Camryn smirks, cupping Harry's chin and pulling him in for a little kiss as Louis gags from somewhere in the kitchen.
"It looks exactly like the cake you got me on my thirteenth birthday, mum,"Camryn giggles, looking down at her chocolate birthday cake with the words Happy 17th Birthday Camryn! written on top of it before looking up at Anne who's grinning proudly.
"It's from the same bakery,"Anne chuckles, winking at Camryn.
"It's your first birthday away from Holmes Chapel, how does it feel, babe?"Gemma asks from her seat next to Camryn, reaching her hand out to squeeze Camryn's thigh with a big grin.
Camryn considers the question for a second, rubbing her hand up and down her bump as she bites down on her bottom lip, flicking her eyes up to the ceiling. How does it feel? How does it feel to be out of the town that she grew up in for years? How does it feel to be away from her mum for the first time ever on her birthday? How does it feel to have not seen her mum in seven months...
"Freeing,"Camryn responds confidently, nodding her head before tipping her head up to look at Harry who's still leaning down behind her chair, grinning proudly at her. "Really freeing."
'Cause they never showed you love
You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up
"C'mere, c'mere, we've got our own bed! How cool is that!"Harry bubbles excitedly like a child, pulling Camryn through their new bedroom doorway, boxes along every wall in the room.
"Slower, slower, I'm gonna get sick,"Camryn groans, her face pale, but definitely not as pale as it was this morning or afternoon while she was trying to help everyone carry boxes up and down the stairs because she didn't want to feel useless. But, after almost puking all over a box Anne very sternly told her to go upstairs and get some rest, something she had been begging Camryn to do since they started unpacking, but Camryn was too prideful and stubborn to do so.
"Sorry,"Harry chuckles, slowing his speed and looking behind his shoulder at Camryn who has her free hand lazily pressed against her stomach, now seven weeks pregnant, but she feels like she's been pregnant for years because of how much she's puked in the past three weeks. "Do you wanna lay down?"
"Yeah,"Camryn agrees with a slight smile as she lays down on the bed next to Harry, their hands still interlocked as they lay on their backs and stare up at the ceiling, an amazed daze running through them.
They have their own flat. They're like official adults. Oh, and they have a child now too. And they're just 16 years old. It's been a lot of change in the past month and they're just purely exhausted.
"Can you believe it? We have our own place,"Harry smiles widely, turning his head against the bare mattress, his cheek pressed against it as he looks at Camryn who breaks out into a little smile at the sound of those words as well.
"It doesn't feel real,"Camryn whispers in amazement, turning her head against the mattress as well as she wiggles her eyebrows at Harry with a little grin, her hand resting on top of her stomach lazily. "We're like official adults."
"Oh yeah, the baby didn't make us adults, the flat did,"Harry teases with a little chuckle, his hand on his own stomach as he squeezes their interlocked hands.
"We're growing up, baby,"Camryn sighs, closing her eyes tiredly as Harry closes his eyes as well, both of them completely exhausted, Harry from unloading boxes all day and Camryn from puking all day. "Growing up and moving away."
Matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright
But I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead inside
"Where's mumma, huh? Where'd she go?"Harry coos to 10 month old Darcy who's sitting on his hip, a pacifier in her mouth as she looks at him with her bright blue big eyes.
"Oh? There?"Harry chuckles, watching as Darcy waves her little hand towards the wall as he presses a kiss to the top of Darcy's brown hair. "In the wall? I don't think she's in the wall, but she might be in mummy and daddy's bedroom, what do you think?"
He walks down the hall towards the bedroom, his heart dipping a bit in fear about what's potentially going on. They were having such a great day and such a great morning, and he'd hate for something to have ruined that, but he knows this holiday has always been a rough one for her.
Mother's Day has always been a touchy subject for Camryn. She never liked to celebrate it much, but she was forced to, mainly out of fear of what would happen if she didn't, when she lived with her mum.
Last Mother's Day she was heavily pregnant with Darcy, and it was definitely emotional for her. She was already emotional from being pregnant, her hormones were all over the place and it was the first Mother's Day she'd ever been away from her mum, and even though she has no relationship with her mum...that somehow made it harder? Because she didn't have a mum to call or send flowers to.
She was actually looking forward to Mother's Day this year. She knew Harry would do something extravagant since it was her first one with Darcy here, and she was looking forward to it, but he knows that it's very possible that the emotions of the day could be getting to her.
He walks into the bedroom and is immediately able to hear Camryn's sobs and sniffles even though she's barricaded in the bathroom. His heart drops to his stomach at the sound of it, and he watches Darcy's little ears pique up at the sound of the cries.
"Let's go find mumma, I think she needs some cuddles,"Harry whispers, snuggling Darcy tighter to him and pressing a kiss to her rosy cheek. "Mummy needs your snuggles."
"Cami, can I come in, buggy?"Harry asks, tapping his knuckles against the bathroom door with his shoulder leaning against it. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah,"Camryn croaks out, hearing Harry immediately open up the bathroom door, pushing it open.
He finds her curled up on the bathroom floor, her back against the cabinets under the sink with her legs pulled up to her chest, her mascara and eyeliner rolling down her cheeks as she sniffles and peeks up at Harry and Darcy, trying to force out a little smile so she doesn't scare Darcy.
"Hi baby girl, there's my girl,"Camryn coos, grinning at Darcy as Harry sits down next to her on the floor, setting Darcy on his lap as he wraps his arm around Camryn's shoulders.
"You doing okay?"Harry asks, resting his cheek on top of Camryn's blonde hair as she rests her cheek on his shoulder.
"Yeah, just a lot of emotions,"Camryn explains through a clogged voice and a sniffle, bringing her fingers up to swipe at her tears. "Mother's Day is always a hard one for me."
"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry, bug,"Harry murmurs, rubbing his fingers against Camryn's upper bicep. "It's pretty awesome that you're a mumma now, though. You get to celebrate it and we get to celebrate you, that's pretty awesome. D and I think you're pretty awesome, huh D?"
"Do you think I'm awesome, D?"Camryn giggles, reaching her finger down to swipe against Darcy's rosy and squishy cheek as she continues to suck on her pacifier, a little smile peeking out through the sides as she looks up at her mumma.
"What were you thinking about?"Harry inquires, his cheek still pressed against the top of Camryn's head as she sighs and closes her eyes.
"I just feel like a part of me died that day when she kicked me out,"Camryn tearfully explains, her voice becoming cracked and clogged as she explains her feelings, "which is so stupid because I shouldn't care. I'm so much happier now than I was then and I'm so much safer...it's just still hard."
"I know it is, I can't even imagine, buggy,"Harry sympathizes, squeezing her even tighter to his side as she tries to nuzzle closer to Harry. "I know this is a rough day for you, and I'm sorry. I've tried to take your mind off of everything."
"No, you've been great. It's been an amazing day, thank you so much, it's just rough, you know?"Camryn murmurs, reaching her little hands out towards Darcy, making grabby hands at her as she giggles and bounces against Harry's lap, holding her little hands up towards Camryn as she picks her up and hugs her tightly to her chest, getting the hug from her little girl that she so desperately needed. The hug that heals everything abut her. "One day it won't be rough, though. I just have to trust that."
You showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest day
It's none of my business but it's just been on my mind
"Be careful, don't hurt yourself,"Harry laughs, sitting on top of the kitchen counter with his legs dangling, his hands gripping onto the edge of the counter as he bites down on his bottom lip to try and keep his smile from breaking through his mouth.
"I'm not hurting myself, I'm dancing,"Camryn explains with her 34 week pregnancy bump hanging lowly between her tips with only a sports bra on and a pair of Harry's boxers. She continues to shake her hips with her hands rubbing all over her bare bump as she attempts to twerk which doesn't work too well because of her large bump, but it does succeed in making Harry burst out into laughter.
"Oh hi, August, are you kicking me?"Camryn giggles, rubbing her hand against the side of her stomach as she continues to twirl around in a little circle. "OH YES!"
"Oh no,"Harry jokingly groans, dramatically face palming as Little Black Dress begins to blast through the Bluetooth speakers in the kitchen.
"LITTLE BLACK DRESS JUST WALKED INTO THE ROOM,"Camryn sings loudly, holding one hand up in the air as she shakes her hips, swishing her hair as Harry watches her with the dopiest lovesick eyes, continuing to bite down on his bottom lip to keep him from smiling too big. "MAKING HEADS TURN CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT YOU!"
"C'mere,"Harry laughs, making grabby hands out towards Camryn as she dances over to him, his arms wrapping around her middle as her arms wrap around his neck. He smiles at her and presses a kiss to her forehead as her bump brushes against his knees. "You make my head turn, buggy."
"You're such a flirt,"Camryn giggles, rolling her eyes with the biggest smirk, her cheeks blushing despite her best effort to make them not.
"Thanks for making me laugh after my sucky day,"Harry grins, resting his forehead down against hers, pressing a kiss to her lips as she hums against his, breaking into a smile against his mouth.
"It's what I'm here for, lover,"Camryn smirks, combing her fingers through Harry's curls. "I love you. You deserve only the best days."
You can let it go
You can throw a party full of everyone you know
And not invite your family
"Cheers!"two year old Darcy squeals, holding up a little plastic teacup as she sits at her little pink play tea table, a little plastic tiara on top of her head.
"Cheers, baby girl,"Camryn smiles, picking up her own little plastic teacup that, like Darcy's, is filled with apple juice. She cradles two week old sleeping Lennon in her other arm, sitting on one of the little kid seats as she holds the teacup out towards Darcy to cheers her.
"Cheers,"Harry adds, clinking his plastic teacup against both Darcy and Camryn's as he sits in a little kid chair as well, his knees practically hitting against his chest as he smiles at his two girls who are his everything, and of course his baby boy in Camryn's arm who has become his everything as well. "How're you feeling, bug? Hows that tiny chair treating ya?"
"Mm, it's not hurting at all,"Camryn sarcastically responds, fidgeting a bit on the tiny seat, her vagina still quite torn up and sore from Lennon's delivery two weeks ago.
"Lemme get you a kitchen chair, baby,"Harry chuckles, shaking his head as he begins to get up from his little seat.
"Nooo, mumma, you sit with your chair,"Darcy whines dramatically with a big pout, shaking her head as she reaches over to tap her palm against Camryn's thigh. "Dis chair."
"You want me to sit in this chair? Okay, that's okay, I can sit in this chair,"Camryn agrees with a little smile before looking up at Harry who's looking at her with the most concerned eyes. "I'll last for a few more minutes, it's okay."
"Lennie don' wike juice he wike milk,"Darcy babbles, sipping loudly at her teacup as she holds it with both of her hands.
"You're right, baby,"Camryn giggles, nodding her head at Darcy who's still slurping her juice loudly before she looks down at chubby little Lennon who's currently breastfeeding but slowing down as sleep begins to overtake him. "Lennon does like milk, he's having some right now."
"This is a great party you threw, DD, thank you,"Harry smiles over at his little girl who has a princess dress on over her t-shirt, a bit spilled down her front.
"It pwincess party,"Darcy smiles, setting her teacup down and reaching for one of the little cookies that her and Harry picked up from a bakery downtown. "Pwincess, dada."
"It is a princess tea party, and it's the best party ever,"Harry giggles, smiling down at his little girl before looking up at Camryn and winking at her as she laughs as well, her fingers combing through the soft hair at the back of Lennon's head.
'Cause they never showed you love
You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up
"Where'd she go, DD?"Harry asks, holding 11 month old Darcy on his shoulders as she giggles and grips her tiny palms into Harry's brown curls. "This is a big house, I don't know all of the hiding spots yet."
Harry continues to rush down the hall with Darcy on his shoulders who squeals the entire time, her little body bouncing up and down with her curls flying in the air, the biggest gap toothed smile in her mouth.
They just moved into their new house two days ago after Harry gifted it to Camryn on her 18th birthday, and they're having their first round of hide and go seek in the big new area, but Harry can imagine it will be far from his last.
"Mummy...we're coming for you! Mama!"Harry calls, squeezing Darcy's little feet that he's holding onto to keep her on his shoulders as she giggles and face plants into the top of Harry's head. "Where are you?"
"DD, can you say 'mama'? Say 'mama where are you'?"Harry hums, tilting his head back to look at Darcy who smiles down at him with the biggest open mouth smile, drool dripping off of her lips and onto his.
"Oh yummy, DD slobber, that's just what I wanted,"Harry laughs, walking into a room full of boxes on the bottom level of the house that him and Camryn decided would be his little office since it has the best acoustics. It's filled with unpacked boxes since they've made little leeway on unpacking, although they've been working on it for hours.
"Mummy, are you in here?"Harry asks with a little smirk, peeking behind a few stacked up boxes against the wall.
"I'm definitely not,"Camryn whispers with a little giggle from behind boxes on the opposite side of the room.
"Oh, mummy's not in here, DD,"Harry teases, rolling his eyes as he walks towards the wall where Camryn is, jumping to the side to peek through the space between the boxes and the wall where Camryn is squished, sitting on her butt with the biggest smile. "AHA!"
"You found me!"Camryn exclaims, holding her hands up in the air and waving at Darcy as she squeaks and reaches her slobbery hands down towards Camryn. "Do you like our new house DD? There's so many fun places to hide in here! And we're grownups! We have our own house, Darcy Anne!"
You can see the world
Following the seasons
Anywhere you go
"Holy crap,"Camryn gawks, standing hand in hand on the sidewalk with her hand interlocked in Harry's as they look at the Hollywood sign in front of them.
"We made it,"Harry whispers, looking at the sign with an awed gaze. Surely there's no way they're in America. Two little kids from Holmes Chapel are not standing in front of the Hollywood sign right now.
"DD, do you see?"Camryn whispers, looking down at her eleven month old little sleeping girl who's attached to her chest in a baby wrap.
"She's sleeping through her first trip to the States,"Harry laughs, squeezing Camryn's interlocked hand as he watches Darcy's little eyelashes flutter, a little light pink knitted beanie on top of her head that Anne knitted for her. "She's not impressed."
"How could you not be impressed by this,"Camryn murmurs, looking all around her as she tries to take in everything. It's the first time she's ever been to the U.S. and it's bigger and better than she ever imagined. She's starting to think she could get used to the LA life.
"How did we end up here,"Harry wonders, looking over at Camryn and widening his eyes as he leans in to press a kiss to her forehead. "Like...how?"
"I don't know...but I love it, and I wanna stay here,"Camryn giggles, feeling Harry's finger subconsciously twist around the engagement ring on her ring finger. "But I do love England and wanna raise D there...so maybe we'll just get a holiday home here."
"I like that idea, buggy,"Harry grins, resting his cheek on top of Camryn's blonde hair. "I really like that idea."
You don't need a reason
'Cause they never showed you love
You don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own
"How could you be so f*cking stupid, Camryn?"Sandra, Camryn's mum shouts, pounding her fist against the kitchen table as a trembling Camryn sits across from her, looking as pale as ever both from the conversation and how sickly she feels.
"We...we made a mistake,"Camryn sniffles, her voice getting clogged up as her lips tremble, her whole body shaking with nerves. "But we're going to try our best to give them their best life—"
"Their best life?"Sandra bursts out with a little mocking laugh, shaking her head and slapping her hand against the wooden table again, making Camryn flinch opposite of her. "They'll have a sh*ty life with you, Camryn! You can't be a mum! You can barely care for yourself!"
"I've been caring for myself since I was six f*cking years old,"Camryn screams, finally breaking as she stands up from her chair, a rush of adrenaline running through her veins, making everything bubble up and spillover. Everything she's wanted to scream for the past ten years and it feels...good. It feels so f*cking good.
"Don't you DARE yell at me in my own household,"Sandra screams, reaching her hand out to grip onto Camryn's wrist, digging her nails into her skin as tight as possible to course a little wince from Camryn's lips. "Either you shut up and sit down or you walk out of this house and leave forever. But if you stay we're taking you to the clinic first thing in the morning."
"Let go of me,"Camryn growls, ripping her arm away from her mother's wrist as her eyes stare straight into her soul, complete vengeance running through them. The vengeance of a mother. And she is one now, even though the woman in front of her never was one. "I SAID F*CKING LET GO OF ME!"
"YOU'RE MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE!"Sandra screams as Camryn walks straight towards the front door, wanting to make it out of her home as fast as possible...but this isn't her home. No, it's not and it never was.
Camryn takes a big inhale, turning around to face her mother as she points towards her stomach with the calmest but most forceful voice she can. "They will never be a mistake." She takes her hand away from her stomach and points towards the door. "And he will never be a mistake either."
You're just in time, make your tea and your toast
You framed all your posters and dyed your clothes
"I can't...I can't..."Camryn chokes out through another sob, sitting on the bathroom floor with Harry, cuddling into his side as he holds her tightly, his own tears leaking onto the top of her head with his eyes clenched shut as his own chest rattles with sobs.
He doesn't know what she can't, but he knows for a fact that she probably doesn't mean one thing in specific. She just can't and he understands that. He can't either.
None of this was how it was supposed to be. They weren't supposed to be sitting on the bathroom floor at eighteen less than twenty four hours after Camryn miscarried their second child on the floor of the downstairs bathroom. They weren't supposed to have to go to the hospital holding the tiny, smaller than their palms, body of their little baby. They weren't supposed to have to buy maternity diapers yet. And the diapers weren't supposed to catch miscarriage blood. They weren't supposed to have to grow up this fast.
"I know, I've got you,"Harry sniffles, nodding his face into the top of her head as he cradles the back of her head, digging his fingers into her scalp more forcefully than he realizes, but both of them could care less. That's the absolute last thing on their mind right now.
"I want Ila,"Camryn screams out, her voice cracking from pain and exhaustion, her hand gripping onto Harry's t-shirt with such a force that she's sure she's stretching it out, but again, she couldn't care less. "I want Ila, baby, I want Ila. I want Ila."
"I know, I want Ila too,"Harry agrees with a little sob breaking from his throat as he clutches onto Camryn tighter, grateful that Anne and Robin took Darcy out of the house for a few hours to allow them to both grieve without having to stress about taking care of their little girl. "I'm so sorry, baby."
"I want my baby, please, I want my baby,"Camryn wails, pounding her fist against Harry's chest as he hugs her even tighter in response. "Ila..."
He doesn't know what to say so he doesn't say anything. He just holds her and he hopes that's enough, although he knows it could never be. Nothing could ever be enough unless they got their little girl back. That's the only thing that would make any of this right, and the thought of having to live with such a wrong for the rest of their lives seems impossibly daunting.
They're only 18.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
You don't have to go
You don't have to go home
"It's okay, I've got you, it's okay,"Harry whispers, cradling the back of Camryn's blonde hair that's been stained with blood to his chest as she grips onto his back, trying to hug her body as tight as possible to him to prevent him from letting go.
"I'm shaking..."Camryn stammers out through a chattering jaw, tears coursing down her cheeks and lading on Harry's white pajama shirt, their legs intertwined with one of Camryn's squished between two of Harry's.
"That's okay, it's just the adrenaline,"Harry explains softly, hugging Camryn even tighter to his chest to try and squeeze the shaking out of her. Maybe if he holds her tight enough he'll be able to still her body.
He's never seen her like she was tonight. Of course he's seen her traumatized and hurt, but this? This was a completely different level. He's still trying to process everything that he just witnessed, so he can only imagine what's running around in her brain right now.
"I've got you, bug, it's okay, you're safe now,"Harry promises, peeking down at her scalp that's right under his chin to try and look at the gnash that's now covered by a bandaid. A broken bottle on top of her head. He can't even think about it without feeling bile rise in his throat. "He can't hurt you, you're safe. He doesn't know where you are."
"I don't wanna go home, I don't,"Camryn sobs, shaking her head against Harry's chest. "I don't want to!"
"You don't have to go home, you're staying right here with me, okay?"Harry whispers, pressing the most delicate kiss to the top of Camryn's head as he squeezes her tighter to his body, feeling her cheek nuzzle in deeper against his chest. "And we'll talk to mum and dad tomorrow, I'm sure they'll let you stay here once they hear what happened. We're not gonna make you go back, bug, I promise you."
"I don't wanna go home, I don't,"Camryn begs again in a complete panic, her chest moving up and down far too quickly for Harry's liking, and he knows she's in the beginning stages of a panic attack that he needs to calm her down from.
He squeezes her tighter, rubbing his palm up and down her trembling back as he presses the most loving kiss to the top of her head. "You don't have to go home, bug, this is your home."
Oh, there's a long way to go
I don't believe that time will change your mind
"Wait, bug, let's go this way,"Harry tries to persuade Camryn, realizing the road that they're walking down, and he's sure she realizes it as well, but if she does, why is she walking down it?
"No,"Camryn stubbornly responds, walking a bit ahead of Darcy's stroller that Harry's pushing with a five month old sleeping Lennon attached to her chest in a baby wrap, her little bump forming just below it.
"Bug, this isn't a good idea,"Harry sighs, the dreadful pit in his stomach becoming deeper and deeper as they pass by houses, getting closer to the end of the street. "Camryn..."
"I want to see it,"Camryn responds, a bit more snappily than she means to, but they both know the snapping is just because she's so nervous. And she hates that she's nervous. It shouldn't still make her nervous. She's almost 20 years old, she shouldn't still be nervous about something like this.
"Fine,"Harry agrees with a little sigh, speeding up in walking so that he can walk beside Camryn, one of her hands on Lennon's back as she tips her chin down to press a kiss to the top of his hair, her eyes scanning a bit of the sidewalk in front of her that she still has memorized.
"The light's on,"Camryn whispers, stopping in front of the white painted house. There's a little wooden fence around it that at one point was painted a light blue, but most of the paint has been weathered and chipped off. The house itself is being chipped of its white paint, leaving some spots brown like it was before.
She didn't think it would still make her anxious or feel heavy to look at it, but it does. And a little part of her hates that it does because that means they're still winning. At least somewhere deep down in her heart, they'll always win.
"Yeah, mum said she still lives here,"Harry whispers, reaching out to place his hand on the small of Camryn's back in an act of comfort. "She saw her at the grocery store a few weeks ago. She said they made eye contact and both just kept going in opposite directions as fast as they could."
"She doesn't even know about Lennon,"Camryn murmurs, her eyes becoming a little teary from what? She doesn't know. Maybe from a lot of things...yeah, a lot of things. "Or the new baby."
"She doesn't deserve to,"Harry quietly responds, wrapping his arm tighter around Camryn's waist to hug her tighter to his side. "She doesn't deserve to know anything about you, baby. And if she really wanted to she could look you up on social media. I'm sure she has once or twice, so she could know about him."
"I don't want her to know about any of them,"Camryn whispers, looking up at Harry with eyes that scare him a little. They're the same eyes he had to watch her have since he first met her when they were thirteen, but as soon as they moved away from Holmes Chapel, they began to disappear. He hasn't seen those eyes in years, ever since they accidentally ran into her mum at a grocery store when Darcy was a few months old. "It scares me to think she knows about them."
In other words
I know they won't hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go
"Hi buddy,"Harry whispers with a little chuckle, his eyes heavy but his heart soaring as he looks down at his newborn son cradled in Camryn's arms who was just born twelve hours earlier. "You're so sweet."
"Daddy and I love you, sweet boy,"Camryn murmurs, her voice a bit dead from labor and exhaustion as she snuggles in deeper against Harry's side as they sit back against the headboard of their bed. They both know they should be getting some sleep now that he's fed and happy and both of the other kids are in bed, but they can't. They just want to stare at his perfection all night.
"You look so much like mama don't you,"Harry coos, reaching a delicate fingertip down to Auggie's downy cheek and brushing it gently as his other cheek rests against Camryn's bare breast.
It's something that Harry and Niall have both been saying ever since they first saw little Auggie, and it's undeniable. While Lennon and Darcy are spittin' images of Harry, Auggie is a miniature Camryn. The first thing Anne responded when they sent her a photo of Auggie in the group chat was "oh my gosh he's all Cami isn't he?". And she loves that, don't get her wrong. She always wanted a kid to look like her, but the closest she got with Darcy was her blue eyes and with Lennon his personality, but...it also scares her more than she ever thought it would. Because she looks exactly like her mum. And she would never want any of her children to look like Sandra or remind her of Sandra. She already gets reminded of her enough whenever she looks in the mirror.
"He looks like my mum,"Camryn admits in the most feeble voice, her throat clogging a bit after she says it, her cheek dropping down to Harry's shoulder.
"No, he looks like you,"Harry immediately cuts Camryn off, shaking his head as he presses a kiss down to the top of her head, "don't think about her. He's all you, not her. Don't let her win in this one too."
You can let it go
You can throw a party full of everyone you know
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Calum, happy birthday to you,"Harry and Camryn's mangled and teary voices both combine softly as they sit in Camryn's hospital bed, snuggling together with Calum laid against Camryn's bare chest.
"Happy birthday, buddy,"Harry grins, leaning down to press the softest kiss to his newborn son's little forehead before protectively raising the blanket against his back to cover his shoulders to prevent him from getting cold.
"It's your first birthday party, buddy! Happy birthday!"Camryn murmurs with her croaky voice that's pretty much completely gone from all of the screaming that it just endured. She rubs her palm up and down her little boy's back as he continues to peacefully sleep against her, his full lips clinging onto some of the milk from his last feeding session. "I'm so glad you came to meet us today."
"Did January 28th just seem like a really good day to have a birthday?"Harry coos, leaning in to press another kiss to Calum's tiny lips his own cheek resting against Camryn's bicep since he's laid a bit lower in the bed to be more on face level with his little boy so he can take everything in about him. "It's a very good birthday, huh?"
"This is a mighty fancy birthday party we're having, I'm glad we get to celebrate you,"Camryn giggles, resting her head back against the pillows and finally allowing her heavy eyes to shut to get a bit of rest as she cups the back of Calum's head. "We're real party animals, aren't we lovey?"
You can start a family who will always show you love
You don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own
"I know, I know, you can do this,"Harry softly encourages, nodding his head slowly as Camryn's teary and absolutely exhausted eyes look right into his, begging him to do something as the most strangled moan and sob erupts from her lips. "I've got you. You're doing it, you're almost done."
"F*ck..."Camryn cries out in the most desperate moan, her voice almost completely dead as she enters into her fifty second hour of labor, continuing to tirelessly work to bring their fourth baby into the world.
"I've got you, I've got you,"Harry promises, scooting closer to the edge of the bed where he's kneeling as he keeps Camryn's hand clutched in his, holding it close to his heart as his other hand trails through her sweaty and greasy hair, her free hand gripping onto his shirt and practically ripping it. "Breathe, baby girl, you need to breathe."
"I can't...."Camryn moans miserably, burying her face deeper into the bed as she lays on her side, her legs clenched and bent together, her brow furrowed as Jay kneels behind her and rubs her hand against Camryn's lower back to try and ease some of the pain and pressure focused there.
"Yes you can, you can, sweetheart,"Jay quietly encourages, watching as Camryn's legs fidget in agony against the mattress.
"Look at me, look at me,"Harry whispers, but all he gets in response is an urgent head shake as Camryn tips her head down closer to their interlocked hands, trying to hide as another agonized moan escapes her lips with the most desperate cry of help me!
"Good job, Camryn Renee, good job,"Harry murmurs, tucking a strand of Camryn's blonde hair behind her ear. "He's so close to coming, baby, he is, I promise you."
"Am I in bed?"Camryn deliriously asks with a little whine, her head raising up a bit to look at Harry, and he can tell by the decrease of pressure on his hand that the contraction has ceased a little.
"Yeah, you're in bed, you're in our bed,"Harry confirms, nodding his head and getting very used to Camryn's delirium that has fallen over her in the past few hours from both her lack of sleep and the overwhelming pain. She hasn't really been coherent in a few hours. "You're in our room with me and Jay. We've got you, you're safe."
"I'm safe,"Camryn whimpers in a pleaded question, needing even more reassurance.
"Yeah, you're safe, buggy, you're safe, we're keeping you safe,"Harry promises, using his hand to gently help guide Camryn's head back down to the mattress. "Close your eyes for me and get a bit of rest, okay? I need you to get some rest in between your contractions. I'm staying right here. I'm so proud of you."
You can let it go
You can throw a party full of everyone you know
"Baby, don't cry,"Harry chuckles, feeling his own eyes begin to sting a little at the sight of Camryn's emotion in response to her first official listen to the album, their own little listening party.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm just really proud of you,"Camryn sniffles with a little teary chuckle, swiping at her tears with her glass of red wine in her other hand, the ending notes to "Fine Line" sounding quietly through the speakers in their bedroom.
"Did you like it?"Harry cheekily asks, scooting closer to Camryn on their bed and wrapping an arm around her shoulder, both of them sitting with their legs folded into a pretzel.
"I loved it, baby it was amazing,"Camryn sniffles, cuddling her body into his side. "You're so amazing. I'm so proud of you."
"You're not still mad at me for not putting "Medicine" on it?"Harry teases, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Camryn's head.
"No, I get the real life Medicine every night...I was just looking out for the fans,"Camryn teases, smirking up at Harry with a devilish grin as he chuckles and shakes his head, planting another kiss against her lips.
You can start a family who will always show you love
You don't have to be sorry, no
"S-S-She h-h-has t-t-tiny f-f-fingers, m-m-mummy,"Auggie whispers in his best little over exaggerated whispering voice as he cuddles into Camryn's side, his cheek pressed against her bicep as his big blue eyes look at newborn little Bindi who's pressed against her chest, still a bit sticky and fresh, but finally asleep.
"I know, isn't she so sweet,"Camryn agrees, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Auggie's head before turning her attention to look at Bowie who has settled himself on top of her legs and is now leaning forward with his blue blanket to offer it towards her. "Oh are you trying to give the baby your blanket? Thats so nice of you, baby, thank you."
"Can you believe you caught her, squish?"Harry gawks, widening his eyes down at Darcy who's sat right next to him on the bed as Calum cuddles closer against Harry's chest, a bit jealous of the new creature on his mum's chest who seems to be stealing some of his snuggle time.
"I was the first one to hold her,"Darcy proudly proclaims, resting her head on Harry's shoulder as she looks over his body to try and get a look at the back of her little sister's head.
"You were,"Harry agrees, turning his attention to the other side to look at Lennon who's placed in between himself and Camryn. "How do you feel about having a little sister, Lennie boy? Is she pretty cute?"
"She's cute and tiny,"Lennon happily pouts, putting his index and thumb close together to demonstrate just how tiny he thinks she is.
"What do you think, bug? The perfect finale to our family?"Harry asks, smiling over at Camryn who looks over at him with the droopiest but brightest eyes, a light shining over her face.
"She's the perfect finale,"Camryn agrees, nodding her head as she leans over the top of Lennon's head just slightly and puckers her lips, Harry leaning over the rest of the distance to press his lips against hers.
***
(A few days later)
"Hey, what did you need to talk to me about?"Camryn asks, walking into her and Harry's bedroom after laying with Lennon to put him to sleep, finding Harry sat on top of the bed with a sleeping Bindi cradled in his arms who Camryn nursed to sleep before laying with Lennon. "Oh hey pretty girl."
"She's out cold,"Harry laughs, smiling down widely at his little girl as he leans down to press a kiss to her forehead, using his hand to swipe back some of her hazel hair from her forehead. "I gotta go put her in her crib real quick, I've got something to show you."
"Her crib?"Camryn asks in confusion, her brows furrowing a bit as she watches Harry begin to stand up from the bed with Bindi still cradled in his arms, his hips swaying to try and keep her asleep and soothed. "Why don't you just put her in the pack 'n play?"
Instead of sleeping in cribs in their own nursery, Harry and Camryn have always just laid the kids in little pack 'n plays beside their own bed until they're about two years old so that when they wake up in the middle of the night they don't have to get up and walk all the way down the hall to go get them. It's easier that way considering their cries won't wake up the other kids and then they don't have to get out of bed, but to get them a little accustomed to sleeping on their own in their own room, they put the kids in their own cribs during nap time.
"Because the thing I have to show you will wake her up,"Harry secretively explains, watching as Camryn's eyebrows furrow further as he chuckles, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he passes by her with Bindi still in his arms. "Just trust me. I'll grab her and put her back in bed with us right after we're done, okay?"
"Okay,"Camryn agrees warily, watching as Harry makes his way out of the room and to the next door on the right to put Bindi down in her room.
He comes back a minute later with empty arms and his phone in his hand, smirking at Camryn in a way that suggests he has a secret that she doesn't know and is excited to tell her. They've always been terrible at keeping things from each other.
"Why do you have that face on? You're sketching me out,"Camryn giggles, taking Harry's hand that's held out for her as he helps her onto the bed, sitting across from her with their legs both crossed in pretzels so that he can have a good look at her face to watch her reactions to what he's about to play for her.
"Okay, I have a bit of a surprise for you,"Harry hums, looking down at his phone and clicking through a few text messages, scrolling a bit before he lands on the final cut of 'Matilda'. "What was your favorite book growing up?"
"My favorite book?"Camryn asks with the crease in between her brow growing even deeper, her hands interlocked in her lap. "'Matilda'?"
"Right, exactly,"Harry nods with a little proud smile, his heart beginning to speed up just as it always does when he plays her a new song. He knows she'll love it, she's the most supportive person in his life and has always been 110% supportive of him even when he's not confident in himself, but for some reason he always has a hard time playing songs for her that are about her, even if they're happy little love songs. There's something so vulnerable about it, but she's his safe place and one of the few people that he feels completely comfortable being vulnerable around.
"So I um, do you remember a few days ago when you had the nightmare and the rough day afterwards?"Harry asks, watching as Camryn stills a bit and swallows a lump in her throat, nervously beginning to scratch at the inside of her arm.
"Yeah, I remember,"Camryn confirms with a little head nod, peeking up at Harry who's smiling softly at her. "Why?"
"Well, I just...I wanted to write something for you. I know it won't make it all better, nothing could make that all better...but I dunno...I thought it might help you,"Harry explains, getting a bit teary during his speech as he watches Camryn smile, "I thought it might help you know for sure that I'm always listening to you. And that I always see you. Because I do, and I love you more than I could ever begin to explain."
"Oh baby..."Camryn whispers in a bit of shock, her eyes already welling up even though he hasn't even turned on the song yet, her hand covering her mouth.
"Do you wanna hear it?"Harry nervously chuckles, raising his eyebrows up at Camryn who eagerly nods and watches as Harry presses the play button on the song.
He's never seen her sit as still as she does while listening to the song. She doesn't say anything, she just listens to the beat and the lyrics, her eyes welling up with more and more tears that run down her cheeks as she quickly tries to wipe at them with her fingers, but eventually she gives up and just lets them run down.
By the end of the song they're both a sobbing messes, curled up in each other's arms as Harry presses the softest kisses to the top of her head while she continues to hide her face in his chest.
"Did you like it?"Harry sniffles with a little chuckle as he squeezes Camryn tighter, hearing another sniffle escape her throat as she looks up at him with teary eyes and red cheeks, her leftover mascara from the day running down her cheeks.
"I love it,"Camryn sniffles, reaching up to swipe at her cheeks. "You put it into words."
"I tried my best,"Harry whispers with a clogged throat, leaning down to press a kiss to Camryn's forehead.
"Thank you for creating this family with me,"Camryn whispers, her fingers still cupping his cheek as she leans in to brush her lips against his. "It's all I ever wanted."
~~~~~~
HELLO MY DARLINGS!!! I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A GREAT DAY!!!
thank you again to everyone who requested this chapter I hope you enjoyed it and I hope I did the song justice!! I, like a lot of people, really resingante with this song especially and ugh I just love Harry for being able to be so vulnerable and write a song that can help so many people!! He's just the best, isn't he?
some of my favorite chapters to write are chapters filled with little flashback scenes, so I hope you enjoyed that!! I just love getting to show how much Harry and Cam have grown and I think it's so sweet to watch their little fam grow up 🥺
also thank you SO incredibly much for the 400k reads, the fact that all of you support me that much is just INSANITY to me and I seriously will never be able to accurately express how much I appreciate it, you all are the best people <3333
I will see you all on Wednesday for Calum and Flynn's new chapter!!! I can't wait for you all to see more about them with Ryleigh, they really are just the sweetest dads ever!!!
I hope you all have a great week!!! I love you, I love you, I love you!!!
MWAH
-Mel💛
~~~~~~~~
For more of the Styles kids in their future lives (including Styles grandkids), check out their spin off books! There's a chapter in this book titled "Masterlist (how to read the kid's novellas) that will give you a list of the order you should read the chapters in!
If you guys have any requests for chapters you'd like to see PLEASE message me! I'd love to write whatever you guys want!
Also, I have a lot of requests right now from people so I'm sorry if I don't get to yours right away, I promise I haven't forgotten about you! I will get to all of them! 💕