Hey all,
Welcome to my story, which I wrote a few months ago when I had time to write for fun. Those were the good old days. I hope you like it, and please leave some feedback. I'm hoping to update once a week.
***
Thursday, September 9th, 2021
"Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out. You knew she would be here today. It has never taken long for life to bring you closer when you were in the same city. You just need to stay calm and confident. You can do it, Avery."
I want to say that this small pep talk was working for me, but I would be lying. Does not matter that I had weeks to prepare for this day, I still had no idea what to expect from her after all this time.
Once again, I stopped in front of the mirror and looked at myself. I was wearing my favorite navy blue suit that I got years ago before one of the most important business meetings of my life. Since then, it has been my lucky charm for every important event up to this day. Getting the first big investor for Potluck in 2016? Navy suit. Being chosen for Time 100 for the first time in 2019? Navy suit. Meeting my ex-girlfriend after breaking her heart 6 years ago? Navy suit.
"15 minutes and it is finally your turn, Avery" I heard Nora's voice over the door. "Are you okay?"
"Just come in..." I said without raising my voice but she most likely heard me as she entered the room a second later.
"Hey, are you ready for the interview?" She asked while looking at me with a worried expression on her face.
We are here in West Harlem, NYC, recording an online event for a new Trevor Project initiative in connection with homeless LGBTQ+ youth in the city. This will be my first official appearance since I have announced of stepping down from my CEO position of Potluck, giving the seat to Kristen, my co-founder. This will be the first time I can truly say what I believe for a cause that is close to my heart.
Of course, life would have been way too smooth this way, which never happens to me. A week after signing the contract that I participate in today's session, I received the news that she is also invited to play some of her songs as part of the live stream. It has been almost 5 years since the last time I have seen her and over 6 years ago that we badly ended things. You would think that this much time is enough for someone to move on, especially as we have only dated half of that time... Well, I was never able to move on fully. Maybe it is because of the way we separated, maybe the fact that she was my first love, maybe because she has written a whole EP about me. A whole EP about our relationship and break up. A whole EP about how big of an asshole I am.
I guess that EP was one of the reasons I was truly scared of today. Knowing how she remembers our relationship hurt more than almost anything I have experienced so far...
"Hey, are you okay? You seem pretty zoned out." I recovered after hearing Nora's voice again. I shook my head and cracked my fingers, trying to relax once again.
"Yes, yes, of course. I am just a bit... overwhelmed" I tried to find the right word to describe my feelings.
"I haven't seen her... maybe she couldn't make it." She suggested quietly. Of course, she was aware of the reason for my current state. She was there when I learned the news that she is going to be here today and Nora offered to come with me immediately. She was one of the few who has been by my side since the very beginning and who knew me with her. Nora knows how much she still means to me.
"She will be here. Life likes to play games with us this way." I smiled at her sadly. "That is one of the reasons I stayed away for so long."
***
I took one last big breath and adjusted my suit before stepping out of my designated changing room. The corridor was quite lively, people hurriedly going from one place to another. The live steam was already running an hour late due to the upcoming storm which meant that everyone was a bit more stressed than ideal.
As soon as we entered the main production room, it became quieter. The room wasn't too big as an online event did not require that, but it had enough space for people to sit in case they wanted to see the sections before or after their part. Of course, as Covid-19 was still fairly part of our life, everyone was wearing masks even though we all had to provide a negative test to participate this morning.
The last 5 minutes of waiting went rather quickly. The producer used the last few minutes of the break before my section to tell me a few things to pay attention to but luckily I had enough experience with interviews like this and I know the body language and angles I had to be careful with. Lisa, the host seemed great and built up the interview quite well based on the predetermined questions we agreed on. I wanted to make sure the focus wasn't on my past position and more on what I was planning to do now and how I am planning to help the LGBTQ+ community. I felt like I was able to truly convey what I wanted to achieve in the short term within the city and I was just hoping that the message will get to the right people who dare to reach out and be part of the new movement.
It was only a few minutes left from my section when I suddenly felt it. My eyes immediately glanced towards the door and my eyes met with the all too familiar dark brown eyes of Cari Fletcher. I froze for a second and got lost in those eyes before I remembered where I was. I shook my head lightly and forced myself to turn back towards Lisa to finish my last few sentences. Luckily I only had to force a smile on my face and nod a few times while Lisa completed our outro and we went for another break. Even during that time, I kept feeling her gaze on me but I did not dare to look at her until the producer announced that we are officially on a break.
My eyes immediately found Cari, she was sitting in one of the chairs designated for the viewers. She seemed to be in a fairly heated conversation with a guy sitting next to her who I immediately recognized. John has been helping her since even before our relationship and I believe he is now officially her manager.
I couldn't stop myself from taking a more thorough look at her. She was wearing ripped jeans and a white crop top hoodie while her ginger hair was down on one side. She has always been beautiful but now I was looking at a grown-up strong woman and not a young, teenage girl anymore. As much as it hurt that I wasn't there during that transformation, I was also incredibly proud of who she became.
Maybe she felt my eyes on her because in the next second she looked in my way before I was able to turn my head. I did not know what to do so I just nodded toward her, but she didn't react at all, she just kept staring at me.
I had a small amount of hope that maybe she sees things differently now from the way she described us in her songs but based on that single look, I don't think that was the case.
I really wanted to talk with her about it but I also didn't want to stress her out even more before her performance, so I just stayed behind in a corner while they were preparing the stage for her and her guitar partner who I have definitely seen before in some of her videos.
After the last few adjustments and the introduction from Lisa, they have started to play their first song, which I immediately recognized as "Bitter". I had the swallow hard. This was one of the songs that I first believed wasn't related to us, but then I heard back from common friends that she wrote it after we run into each other a year after our break up.
I remember that meeting quite vividly. I was back in NYC for a business trip after a year of living in San Francisco. Of course, my friends here convinced me that we should go out for a few beers on one of those nights. At that time I was dating a girl for a few months and selfishly, I took her with me hoping to forget my memories with her in our city. We, of course, run into each other that night and had a short, awkward conversation where I pretended that I moved on after seeing how happy she was living her new life without me.
This quick run-in with her was enough for me to get back to San Francisco, break up with the girl, and stop going on dates for quite a while after that.
After the song was done and Lisa invited her for a short conversation before the next song, I decided that it was better if I don't stay for the rest. I slowly stood up and after a last glance at her, I walked back to my changing room.
"Here." Nora handed over a big cup to me as soon as I walked in. I looked at her suspiciously. "It's just cherry tea, I know you are driving today."
"Thanks." I nodded and finally took a sip. I immediately felt a tad bit better thanks to the familiar taste. "How did I do?"
"Are you sure this is what you want to talk about?" Nora lifted one of her eyebrows and looked at me expectantly.
"There is nothing else to talk about. She is beautiful and seems really pissed at me." I shrugged my shoulders, trying to downplay how much it hurt me actually. "She sounds even better now than 6 years ago."
"Okay. Well, I am here when you are ready to talk about how you actually feel." She said, seeing right through me. Nora was one of my best friends for a reason.
"I appreciate it." I smiled at her gratefully.
I have taken my time to change my high heels to leather Oxford boots and I have also called the office where they were happy to inform me that we have already received a few emails and phone calls regarding my plans for the community.
After that, I had to say goodbye to Nora as she was expected for another meeting while I still had to have a conversation concerning another upcoming event with one of the executives of Trevor Project before I finally finished my tasks here for the day.
By that time the stream was also over and people were packing up the equipment. Fuck, you missed your chance to talk with her, Avery. As much as I was afraid of today, I thought I will get the opportunity to actually talk with Cari, but I couldn't see her anywhere anymore. Resigned, I went around saying thank you to everyone who worked on our live stream today and left the building.
It was raining pretty heavily when I finally left the building. Thanks to the always careful Nora, I had my umbrella with me. Never thought I would appreciate her constant bugging about the NYC weather but here we are.
As I was walking toward the parking lot, I noticed a familiar figure a few feet away. Cari was standing next to the parking lot designated for taxis while holding a piece of clothing above her head to cover herself from the intense rain. I might get that chance today...
I took a few calming breaths and walked closer, extending my umbrella above Cari while being careful not to touch her without her consent. She didn't turn toward me, but I felt that she stiffened before slowly letting down her hands. We were standing like this for almost a full minute without saying a word.
"What are you doing?" I heard her raspy, quiet voice.
"Can I take you home?" The sentence slipped out of my mouth before I could have done anything. This was not exactly how I wanted to start this conversation even though that's what I really wanted to do. In more ways than one.
"My Uber is almost here." Cari said while looking down at her phone.
"I will wait for it with you. I don't want you to get soaked in this weather." I added. I didn't want to push her but I also couldn't just leave her here in the middle of a storm.
"There is no need for that." Cari shook her head but still didn't look at me.
"It's raining harder by the minute." I tried to reason with her and it was true. The darker clouds were getting closer and closer and it was hard to hold the umbrella up due to the increasing wind. "I don't want you to catch a cold..."
"Since when do you care about how I am doing?" She finally looked at me with an annoyed face. Her eyes were darker than usual. She was definitely angry.
"Car..." I started but she hold up her hand to stop me from finishing this sentence. I closed my eyes for a second and calmed myself down before looking at her again. "I will not leave you here alone in the middle of a storm," I added with newfound confidence in my voice while I looked away from her. Fletcher can decide to not talk with me but she can't order me to leave. My heart was beating like crazy and I was shaking slightly which was not because of the weather. It was more due to the fact that I haven't been this close to her since that night, 6 years ago.
Fletcher's phone buzzed indicating a new notification. She looked down and immediately started to swear. I didn't want to violate her privacy but couldn't stop myself from taking a quick glance at her phone. I could immediately see that her Uber got canceled and she was trying to find another one.
"Do I need to make a Uber account in order to let me take you home?" I asked a minute later when I could sense that Cari was getting more and more frustrated as no one was accepting her ride around the neighborhood.
"I will just walk to the closest station." Fletcher brushed me off and started walking in that direction. I stood there for a second in shock but then quickly run after her, keeping the umbrella above her even if that meant that I was getting soaked for a second.
"Cari, come on, don't do this. The closest station is 3 blocks away and we both know that this is not the safest neighborhood of NYC." I tried to reason with her and she finally stopped. This is my chance to convince her. "Please. I promise that we don't need to talk if you don't want to."
"We stay quiet and I sit at the back." Cari listed her conditions which I immediately accepted. She doesn't need to know that I don't have a backseat in my car. "Okay, let's go."
As promised, we did not exchange any further words until we got to my car. I could see that she was contemplating which one is mine. We stopped next to a matt black Aston Martin Vantage 2018 and I couldn't stop myself from smiling when I saw her checking out my baby.
"I really shouldn't be surprised." Cari sighed, but I could not hear the edge in her voice anymore. She knew that this car was one of my dreams from the very beginning. "This car does not have a backseat."
"Nope." I popped the "p" while opening the door for her. Fletcher looked at me, she looked at the clouds, and finally got in. I quickly closed the door and got in as well. Turning on the seat heating for the both of us was my first task. I was seriously getting cold outside and I am pretty sure that Cari was feeling the same.
I finally turned towards her.
"Where can I take you?" I asked and I noted with satisfaction that she did not seem as cold anymore, thanks to the seat heating.
"30 Montrose Ave, Brooklyn." Fletcher said quietly.
I bit into my lower lips while typing in the address. I didn't share with her that we were living less than 20 minutes away from each other. Once again, life always brings us closer when we are in NYC. I turned towards her again.
"You promised that we don't have to talk." Fletcher claimed immediately. I rolled my eyes.
"Seat belt," I said simply.
Cari blushed slightly but didn't fight with me. She was well aware that this was a sensitive topic for me due to an accident I witnessed when I was in kindergarten.
I glanced at the GPS which said that it will take an hour to reach our destination. I have one hour to warm her up a bit...
The first 5 minutes were spent in utter silence beyond the soothingly purring engine sound of my baby. Cari was on her phone while I was contemplating how to initiate a conversation without making her annoyed again.
"Can you put on some music? I can hear you think." She said without looking up from her phone. I bit into my lower lip again but nodded. Even after so many years, she knew my body language.
I did not even look at the screen while I clicked on Spotify and I totally forgot what I was listening to on the way to the studio. As soon as I heard the first few accords, I reached out again to shut it down but she quickly grabbed my hand to stop me. I looked at her and couldn't really describe what I saw. Fletcher did not seem annoyed but can't say she was happy either. She let my hand go and turned towards my Spotify, quickly looking for something that is not herself.
"Did you know that I was going to be there today?" Fletcher asked after a few extra minutes when she finally decided on a song that I didn't know before.
"I already signed the contract when I learned about it, but yes, I did know." I nodded. I didn't want her to think that I arranged things this way. "I couldn't cancel."
"Did you want to cancel?" She asked her next question. We just stopped at a red light so I was able to look her in the eye. She seemed a notch less angry but I could still see that she was deeply hurt.
"No." I decided to stay honest with her. "It was just a matter of time until we run into each other."
"Why were you listening to me?" Of course, she couldn't stop herself from asking why her song "Stranger" started up when I opened Spotify.
"I wanted to be prepared in case you decided to bring out an older song when you saw me." I shrugged my shoulder like it was nothing, even though my stomach was cramping from anxiety.
"So you are aware that my EP is about you." Cari stated the obvious. Even though it was not a question, I nodded, confirming her statement. "Have you been following me?"
"Cari Fletcher, I have always told you that you are crazy talented. I was always wishing that you receive the recognition you deserve in this business. Of course, I have been following your career." I said like there couldn't have been any other acceptable answer. There wasn't, not for me. I could see from the corner of my eye that she sank a bit more into her seat and was looking at me through her long lashes. "Besides, even if I have wanted to, I couldn't avoid it. Our old... acquaintances like to rub it under my nose how disappointed they are in me." I smiled sadly. I could feel that she tensed up once again but I kept looking at the road. I finally dared to ask a question as well. "When did you move back to NYC?"
"Almost 2 years ago." She said and I was surprised to hear that information. I thought it was a more recent change. "The label opened a new studio and office here. My friends and family are here." She kept explaining, not that she needed to. "What about you?"
"Officially 3 months ago but I have been commuting back and forth between San Francisco and NYC for the last year or so. I have been working in San Francisco before." I explained as I wasn't sure how much she knew about me now.
"I know," Fletcher said. "Founder and CEO of Potluck, the biggest food delivery app in the whole world." She finished introducing me in a similar style as Lisa did today. Did she follow my career or did she look me up after running into me?
"Not anymore. Kristen is officially the CEO since January." I corrected her while slowing down due to a forming traffic jam. "I am only an advisor now and a member of the board."
"Yeah, I read the news." Fletcher confirmed that she has been following my career to a certain extent. I could feel that she wanted to ask more questions which made me smile faintly. That was exactly what I was hoping for. Once we start talking, we can't stop. It has always been like this. "So everything you longed for has been fulfilled..."
"I can't complain from a professional point of view. Personally, on the other hand..." I looked into her eyes but she was the one turning away now. "What about you?"
"I am getting there. Can't say Covid-19 helped. I was supposed to be on tour during the majority of the year last year." Fletcher sighed while playing with the zipper on her coat. She used to do that a lot when she was nervous.
"And your personal life?" I asked boldly. I had to at least try.
"I don't think I would like to share that part with you," she answered quietly. I had to swallow an invisible lump in my throat but I just nodded. Can't say her answer surprised me.
We were sitting quietly for another few minutes, listening to the chill music she put on. It reminded me of old times when she was the designated DJ for our road trips. I glanced at the GPS which let me know that we were only a few minutes away from our destination.
"Can I invite you for a coffee sometimes? To discuss what really happened?" I finally gathered enough courage to bring it up.
"You have no idea how long I have wished to hear that sentence from you..." Cari's voice was shaking a bit while she sat a bit more straight in her seat. "...but I don't think it is a good idea, not anymore."
"Car, not everything happened the way you think." I spoke up. I needed to.
"Don't call me that." Fletcher said with the same edge in her voice once again. Only her close friends and family call her this and I guess I wasn't part of that group anymore. "It's better if we avoid each other. NYC is a big enough city to do that."
"We both know that somehow we always end up at the same place when we are here." I pointed out quietly while I parked in front of her building before turning toward her once again.
Fletcher ran her hand over her hair while biting her bottom lip. She seemed to be considering what I have said.
"Let's make a bet. If we run into each other again, I can invite you for a coffee." I suggested it. We used to love making small bets like this one.
She quickly glanced at me.
"If we meet two more times in the upcoming month, okay." She suggested. "You can't pay for a private investigator to find me or anything like that. If we meet by chance, okay. You know that I will know." She finished her criteria.
"Okay, as you wish." I extended my hand to finalize the bet with a handshake. Fletcher looked at my hand and waited for a second before finally accepting it. Her hand was just as cold as I remembered. She always liked to warm them up on my body, making me shiver in the process. She always referred to me as her personal heater. We were polar opposite in that sense, I was always super warm. It was a perfect match. It used to be.
"Thank you for taking me home." She nodded politely.
"Thank you for letting me take you home. See you soon!" I smiled at her and she rolled her eyes but without a real annoyance this time before getting out of my car.
Not too bad for the first encounter with your almost fiancée after 6 years.