Adjusting back to New York was a tad difficult after Newport. Mother returned to the Fifth Avenue house, and Moody was given a gust room in the dock house. The Vanderbilts went back to their own house on Fifth, although they promised to call as often as they could. I resumed my trips to the offices, and Captain Fraser quickly had Will and James scampering to the Anastasia early each morning to begin their work. The ship was put through her paces, her engines straining to reach top speed and quickly stop, her stability tested to see how far she could heel, and her crew slowly meshing together. None of the officers that Captain Fraser had brought had been assigned their positions yet, only knowing that they would be either junior or senior officers. His old crew had stayed on the Ruth, his top officer taking over as Captain.
Every day when I returned from the offices I would change and then preside over the dinner table. Will and James would come in, not even bothering to do more than wash their faces before they collapsed into the chairs on either side of me and ate like they hadn't seen food in days. They would speak about their tasks, their hopes, and their excitement for the upcoming voyage.
James drank heavily from his water glass before speaking, "It was passing strange to not be working when I came over, I'm glad to get back to it."
"It was odd," Will chuckled, setting his silverware down. "I've missed being out on the sea, it must be in my blood I guess." He turned to me, "What about you, Ana? Planning to join us?"
I smiled, unwilling to give voice to my actual thoughts. "I'm afraid I have my responsibilities here to keep up, but I am glad that you're both excited." I didn't tell them how I once woke up in a cold sweat, having seen the Anastasia foundering and Will, trapped by a fallen strut, sinking with her. The thoughts that had begun to dog my steps, the constant worry. i told myself that it was foolish, that I was worrying over nothing, but in the nights, when it all was quiet, the thoughts would creep up out of the darkness.
Will had used up all his luck that night, surviving against all odds and he still almost died. There was nothing I could do but hope and pray that he could make it through this, that there wasn't some vengeful specter following him and ready to take him away. If there was, it would only hurt more now for him to be taken. At first it was only at night that these thoughts came up, but sometimes the fear would grip me tight at the most inconvenient times. Seeing Will and James playing a brief game of cards, it reared up in my stomach and clenched itself tight around my heart. To lose Will, and possibly James.
James, who Liz had begun pestering me about. She had come over for tea one day, and after ascertaining that the two of them were out, had begun questioning me. She had stirred her tea, lightened by a liberal amount of milk and sugar. "Mr. Moody seems awfully young to be an officer."
"I believe he's younger than me." I sipped my own tea, "Although only by a year."
"But he's capable?"
"Very, and I am curious to see what place he gets." I sighed, "And what place Will is given. I hope he won't be too disappointed if he isn't chief."
Liz had glanced over, "Do you think he would?"
"I think he would worry that he had failed in someway."
"And you would comfort him?" Liz had smiled, a rather toothy grin. "Like you did in the parlor at Newport?"
My mouth had fallen open, "Liz, don't mention that!"
"What, you don't want your staff to know how he was crawling all over you?" She had leaned forward, "How he couldn't pull his lips from you?"
"And what about you?" I had whispered, "The way you kept looking at Moody. I know that look."
"I don't know what you're talking about." She had pulled back, her face firm. "He is just a new friend, and one of your employees. I was simply being nice."
"I believe that as much as I believe that Zachary will suddenly donate his inheritance to charity." I had snorted, "But I won't mention it, as long as you don't mention that." Having reached an agreement, we had resumed a lovely afternoon tea. I had taken some time away from the offices to try to collect my thoughts, heading upstairs to where I might be able to think. They would leave tomorrow, and I would be here alone. I could hope for a wire, but it would be days before I would know if they arrived safe. I found myself wool-gathering in the library, staring at
Will found me in the library, and it was hardly a moment before I was in his arms as he swung me around, his voice light and laughing. "Ana, Oh God, Ana, it's wonderful."
I giggled, my hands on his shoulders. "What?"
"I'm to be first again, Captain Fraser told us all today. I'm first, and he's bumped Moody up to fifth." Will set me down, burying his face against my neck as he kissed at it. "He told me that I had everything in me to make Captain in the next couple years. And he doesn't have a chief above me, I'm the chief even though he just calls it first."
"Oh that is wonderful." I murmured against the side of his head, curling myself around him. "I'm so glad for you." My voice caught though, the lie of it sticking in my throat.
The kisses stopped, and Will pulled back. "Ana, what is it?"
"Nothing," I kissed his cheek, throwing my arms around him. "Nothing."
"I know you well enough to tell when you're lying." He grumbled, but he still held me close. "Now, tell me."
I was glad he couldn't see me, for the stinging in my eyes meant that there were tears threatening to fall. "I'm just going to worry Will, while you're gone. But I don't want you to think about it, not while you're out."
"Worry about what? That I'll have a girl in Southampton?" Will chuckled, his hands firm on my waist as he pulled me back to where he could see me. "You're the only girl for me Ana, you know that."
"Oh, it's not that at all." I shook my head, unwilling to voice what I thought.
"The Anastasia has a full complement of lifeboats. And you know how strong of a swimmer I am, and the water is much warmer now."
"But what if you get stuck below decks?"
"Ana, I'm on the bridge almost the entire time." He huffed, "You know that." He sat in a chair, pulling me into his lap. I flung my arms around him again, letting him pull me close to him. "It's only going to be two weeks. Part of one to get there, get unloaded, get reloaded, and part of the second to get back." His hands ghosted over my sides, making me shiver. "Then I'll be yours for a week before I head out again. And Captain Fraser has already said that he understands the social constraints your Mother is going to put on me. I'm welcome to stay and deal with them when they come up, and he'll still have my spot for me." I watched him grin, "Then you'll have me for three weeks, it's all alright."
"Oh Will," I whispered, utterly miserable. He was right, all the safety features on his ship were the latest, and he had been able to swim for hours at a time in Newport. I pressed my face to his chest, trying to convince myself that he'd be waiting for me two weeks from now.
"But I can't go Ana, not if I know you're going to be like this." His lips brushed against my ear, his arms wrapping around me. "I want you to promise me, promise me that you won't worry. We'll send a wire when the ship comes in, and I have no doubt you'll be in the offices waiting for it to be delivered." He chuckled, deep and rumbling against my chest. "Hell Ana, you might even be at the wireless taking it down." His voice grew somber though, his hold so tight that it almost hurt to breathe. "But I can't do this Ana if you're going to be miserable the entire time. Promise me, promise me that you'll not focus on it. You'll have Liz over for tea, and Morgan. Hell, go on a carriage ride with Oscar, as long as you take Liz or your Mother. But you have to promise me, Ana."
I drew back from him, looking him in the eye. His face was open, concerned, and I could see the conflict in those lovely blue eyes. He wanted to go, he wanted to get back to work, to begin sailing again, but I had to let him. I had to let him go and trust that he'd come back, safe and sound. His thumb was soft as he brushed at the tears that had fallen from my eyes. His hand did cradle my face after though, and I leaned into it. "I promise Will, I won't worry."
"Good," It was a sigh of relief, his thumb rubbing against my cheek. "I don't want to have to do this every time I leave."
"You won't." I sighed myself, leaning into his touch. "But I'll still miss you though."
"And when I have a minute to think," He chuckled, "I'll think of you." He didn't leave my side the rest of the day, on leaving for a moment before returning to the parlor that we had ensconced ourselves in. He chuckled when he passed me his jacket, frock coat and greatcoat with a roll of gold braid. "Do you think you could add on my two rows of lace to the cuffs?"
"You know you can take this to the tailor we've got contracted." I muttered, already measuring out the flat braid.
Will had stooped to kiss my head at that, "But then I wouldn't be carrying a little bit of you around every day I'm gone."
"You already have the handkerchief." I sighed, reaching for a packet of pins and beginning to line up the braid. It would take little effort to secure it, but working on it was only adding to my worry. Every stitch only made me think about him wearing it while drowning, that he would die in it. I pressed my fingers to my eyes, desperate for the thoughts to escape.
Will looked over from where he had settled in a chair, "Ana, you said that you would stop worrying."
"No," I felt my mouth screw up, "I said that I wouldn't worry while you were gone. I said nothing about right now."
"It sounds to me," Will muttered, rising out of his chair. "As if you need to have some poetry read to you." I couldn't help the little thrill that raced through me, my fingers now flying over the stitches. "Perhaps I'll bring some Burns, read it to you as it should be read." The frock coat had its braid now, and I quickly had the next set secured. Will's voice had dropped down, his accent thick. "If that will nae bring ye out o' this, I canna ken what will."
I barely looked up, the greatcoat finished and flung aside. "I wasn't aware that we had a copy of Burns's poems."
"You didn't, I bought it." He chuckled, "I shall go and fetch it." He made for the door, only stopped when it was flung open and Peggy bustled in.
She looked to me, "Miss Anastasia, you should be getting changed. Your guests will be here in a hour!" And then she whirled on Will, "Reggie is having a fit, he's going to have to get both you and Mr. Moody ready. Really, the both of you, for shame!"
I blinked, trying to remember. Oh yes, the Vanderbilts and the Fields, not to mention Mother, coming for a send off dinner. With Captain Fraser and the other officers. My mind had ben so busy, between the sewing and my worries, not to mention the thought of Will reading me poetry in his Scottish brogue as I writhed in his arms, that I forgot. I stood, keeping the jacket in my hands, one cuff done and the other halfway finished. "Of course Peggy, it just slipped my mind. I'll head off right now."
"I should say so, and here I thought we had taught you better than this." She sighed, shaking her head as she followed me. Louise continued the clucking as she buttoned me into a dinner gown, fixed my hair, and sent me on my way. Will was already in his uniform, and we both began to greet the arriving guests. Mother, as ever, was first in, and made herself quite at home. Captain Fraser arrived with the other officers in tow, and while he was cordial, I was surprised to see the officers move right past Will.
I looked after them in confusion, "What is that about?"
"If I had to hazard a guess," A familiar voice called out from the foyer, Ezekiel grinning. "They think he's getting special treatment. You are their boss after all, and are marrying him."
"You say that as if they haven't seen him working to prove himself." I chuckled, letting him pull me into a brief hug. "He's been exhausted every day since he started on the ship."
Morgan, on her husband's arm, raised an eyebrow at that. "Well, surely you haven't been pushing him far beyond his limits once he gets back home then. I'd hate for him to collapse once he starts sailing."
I wanted nothing more than to clap my hands to my burning cheeks, but Will held my hand tightly. "Oh, she's been very kind about. Always has a warm dinner waiting, and doesn't insist that we have to attend the theater or any such nonsense."
"And a soft bed?" Morgan looked to him now, a smirk on her face.
Will managed to keep his voice steady, even as he blushed a little. "Far softer than the one I will be returning to in Southampton, and a great deal softer than my new bunk."
"Well, you won't be spending much time in your bunk." Abe chuckled, "I know I'm never so lucky."
Morgan called back as he began to lead her off, "It will just make your return to your bed here all the sweeter! I'm sure Anastasia will see to that." I had to take a moment to collect myself, hiding my face behind my hand until I was certain that the redness had faded. Damn Morgan Fields and her sense of humor. If she kept it up during dinner I didn't know what I would do. I shook myself out of my embarrassment as I saw James coming down the stairs, his frock coat having its new single cuff of gold already.
I looked to Will, "You let Moody go to the tailor."
"Moody isn't your fiancé." Will chuckled, nodding to James as he arrived at the bottom of the steps. It was just as he reached us that the footman at the door opened it again, letting the Vanderbilt party into the foyer. I could see Oscar pause for a moment, trying to place the other officer beside Will. Liz was simply staring at him, almost stunned.
I decided to cut through what could only be described as a bit of tension. "Ah, Mr. Moody. It's so wonderful that you're joining us." I was genuinely glad to see him joining us at dinner, and embraced him briefly. I turned to the others, "My dear friends Oscar Vanderbilt, and his sister, Elizabeth." Oscar, smiling now that he remembered his name, greeted him with a handshake, and Liz gave him a smile. "You remember them, right?"
"Of course," His eyes barely left her, "I'm honored to see you again, Mr. Vanderbilt, Miss Vanderbilt."
She grinned a little wider, "I thought we had agreed to Liz, Mr. Moody."
"Indeed we had, my apologies." Moody bowed a little at that, his face slightly red.
"Are you joining the Anastasia?" She asked, her voice catching a little.
"Oh, yes. Yes, I'm the fifth officer on her." James shook his head a little, but couldn't bring his eyes back to her after. "Miss Dalian was very kind to get me the job."
"Well, that's Anastasia for you." Liz laughed, and held out her hand. "Would you escort me to the table? I'm absolutely exhausted of my brother at the moment."
"Yes, I mean, if you would like." James stammered, offering his arm. I could see the flush on his cheek as Liz took it, the way he held himself more upright. I watched them as Will led me into the dining room, handing me down into my seat. Liz was across from James, sat by her brother, but she seemed to constantly find reasons to look over. First it was to enthuse about the centerpiece and then to compliment the wine. Oscar seemed rather amused by his sister, although I saw him cast a glare a Moody once.
"Captain Fraser, thank you for joining us." Mother spoke from her place at the head of the table, smiling down at the Captain. "I know you would probably prefer to be home with your family, but I wanted to show our appreciation for your years of service."
Captain Fraser laughed, "Ah, it's not a problem ma'am. She's glad to have a break from cooking, her parents actually asked her to join them. They're having a fine time out, and she'll be glad to see me come home."
Morgan, holding her wine glass out for a refill, spoke up. "Oh, I can completely understand." She reached over to Abe, touching his arm. "It is always so hard when he goes to sea again, I miss him more and more every time."
Ezekiel rolled his eyes, "Mother, you miss giving him tasks whenever he's out."
"You keep that up and you'll be the one I give them to." Morgan sniffed, but she gave me a grin. "You'll come to understand what I mean Anastasia. It's terrible to have an empty spot in your bed, even for a short time. I'm always so glad to see Abe again."
Will began to cough quite loudly, although he shook me off when I reached over. His face was rather red when he sat back up. "Ada was glad to have me come back every time, I'm sure Ana will have a fire going and dinner set by the time I walk in."
"I'll be at the offices, waiting for you." I chuckled, "And if you're lucky I won't catch a ride with the pilot to meet you."
"So anxious to have him back," Morgan's lips spread in a slow smile, "Anastasia, you must want him terribly." Mother, her brow furrowed, looked over from her conversation with Captain Fraser. Morgan chuckled, "Want him back by your side, I mean." Mother shook her head, returning to Captain Fraser. I counted myself fortunate that Morgan didn't make any other comments like that, instead beginning to interrogate the other officers that had been holding themself aloof. It was rather nice to see them under her gaze, withering under her comments. It took Abe drawing her attention for them to get some relief.
The rest of the dinner passed reasonably well, and it wasn't too long before we were bidding everyone farewell. I had to promise Captain Fraser that I would have Will at the docks bright and early, with Moody in tow. The others headed off on their own, although Liz did linger a bit while Oscar spoke with Will briefly. I was almost about to offer her a sherry when James came in from the dining room and she suddenly was tugging on Oscar's sleeve to get him to leave. Mother was the last, giving me a kiss before climbing into her auto. The staff was cleaning up and the three of us had retired to the parlor where Will and James were actually enjoying a smoke when I decided to head up, giving Will a kiss on the cheek as I did. James blushed a bit at that, "Good night, Miss Anastasia."
"Good night, James." I smiled, "I'll see you in the morning." I climbed the stairs slowly, hoping to keep the worries at bay for a little while longer. Louise helped me into my nightgown, although I dismissed her before she began to brush my hair. I wanted to do that myself, dragging the bristles slowly across my scalp. I didn't have to think about anything when I did that, only about how much pressure to put on the paddle. It was quiet as I did, the ticking of the clock the only noise.
Until my door clicked.
I spun around on my vanity stool, looking out into the darkness of the sitting room. Bare feet made their way hesitantly across the room, and I strained to determine who it was. It was only when I heard the breathing that I knew, it was Will. He paused in the doorway, and I noticed a book in his hands. I set my brush down, "What are you doing here? Peggy will kill you!"
"Peggy is far too concerned with getting the dining room cleaned up." He stepped in, stopping in front of me. "And I promised you poetry." Will leaned down, his accent strong. "And ye will be gettin' it, lass. Now, shall we?" He held out his hand, leading me to the bed. He sat down next to me, and I felt my stomach fill with a thousand butterflies as he leaned me back onto the pillows. "I ne'er get tired a seein' ye like that."
"Will," I breathed, reaching for him.
He shook his head though, his book open as he still sat on the edge of the bed, although he did turn to face me. His hand slowly began to trace my legs, sliding the nightgown up as he did. "My luve is like a red red rose, That's newly sprung in June; O my Luve's like the melodie, That's sweetly play'd in tune;"
I shivered as his hand reached my thighs, tracing their way through my curls before diving deeper. I tried to muffle my moan as he brushed his fingers against that bundle of nerves, clapping a hand over my mouth. I could already feel my body flush with heat as he began to stroke at me with his fingers, and Will set the book aside as he laid down beside me. I looked to him, "No, ah, no more poetry?"
Will chuckled, pressing a finger into me. "As fair art thou, my bonnie lass, So deep in luve am I; And I will luve thee still, my dear, Till a' the seas gang dry;" He began to stroke me, curling and twisting his finger as he drove me deeper into this madness. I was writhing against him, my hips bucking against his hand. He paused for a moment, his accent gone. "I would be a failure of a Scotsman if I did not know some of Burns by heart."
"You're not a failure." I sighed, my hands clutching at the sheets. "Never a failure. Oh God Will," I almost cried out as he let another finger enter me. I was beginning to pant, circling my hips against his hand. I could feel my muscles begin to clench, and I threw my arms out as I arched my back. I felt like I was sweating, the heat in me building to levels that heralded a sweet release.
"Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear, And the rocks melt wi' the sun; I will luve thee still, my dear, While the sands o' life shall run." Will held me close as he spoke these lines, my body as taut as a bowstring as the pleasure finally crested, singing through me and leaving me spent on the blankets. I wound my fingers through the shirt of his pajamas, trying to catch my breath. Will stroked his fingers through my hair, "And fare thee weel, my only Luve, And fare thee weel, a while! And I will come again, my Luve, Tho' it were ten thousand mile."
"I think it's roughly three thousand miles." I mumbled into his chest, curling myself around him. "I would die if it was ten thousand."
"Shhh, Ana." He pressed his lips to my forehead. "Sleep love, it will all be alright." He moved so slowly it took me a moment to realize that he was sliding away. Will stood from the bed, the book in his hands. He gave me a small smile, "I cannot stay, you know that."
I blinked, my heart sinking a little. "I know, I wish you could."
"As do I." He nodded, creeping slowly and quietly back out. I tried to burrow back into my pillows, stretching out to try and take up as much space as I could. If I warmed the whole bed, I wouldn't notice that it was so empty.
The morning found me at the offices, anxiously watching out the windows as the last of the cargo was loaded onto the Anastasia. The ships cranes were smoothly lifting the crates and nets of cargo, her crew efficiently storing it below. I could see the officers walking among them, checking on everything as it happened. Spread across my desk were the reports from the inspectors, ascertaining that the ship was complete in terms of her life saving equipment and her stability. There were lifeboats aplenty, and life belts in every room. I had insisted that they be on the bridge, stored where they could easily be grabbed. Life rings dotted the railings, freshly painted with the ship's name.
"It's a lovely ship, Miss Dalian." A male voice spoke up from behind me. I turned, nodding my thanks to one of the men that had joined me in the office. When I had arrived the passengers who were heading off this afternoon had been waiting below while the cargo was being brought around. I had invited them up to my office, offering them my hospitality in the hopes that it would help distract me. They were a good bunch, and had made all the right noises about how lovely the ship was and how they were sure that it would be a safe and fast crossing. I think my concern unnerved them a bit, the man who spoke up had been the first one since they had made their initial greetings.
"Ah, gentlemen, the ship is ready for boarding." Mr. Keller said, opening the door to my office. "Miss Dalian, would you care to join them?"
I turned from the window, "Of course, Mr. Keller. Gentlemen, please go on ahead so you can find your cabins." They filed out quickly, and I brought up the rear. The small staff of stewards that would see to the passengers were waiting for them and quickly led them off down the docks. Captain Fraser and his officers were waiting, all of them nodding as the passengers made their way aboard. I followed them up the gangplank, standing before them. "Captain Fraser, I trust everything is in order?"
"Yes, ma'am." He nodded, "The cargo has been safely stowed, the engines are lit and we are ready to depart."
I looked down the line of officers, from Will to the three men between him and Moody and the one below him. I gave them a smile, "Then I wish you all a safe voyage, and a safe return. Captain Fraser, would you mind if I had a brief word with First Officer Murdoch?"
A knowing smile split his face, "Not at all, Miss Dalian. The rest of you, you know your duties." The rest of them headed off, and Captain Fraser followed them. I paused, taking in the sight of Will in his uniform. He looked so similar to the first time I had seen him, only with a few new lines around his eyes and a bit of color to him from Newport. I took a breath, trying to memorize his face.
He brought his hand up to gently grasp mine, "It will be alright, Ana."
"Just," I squeezed it tightly, "Just come back to me, Will."
"Tho' it be ten thousand mile." He quoted, stepping forward and pressing a kiss to my cheek.
I held him close, "I don't care about the distance, I just want you back." The ship's whistle let out a bellow, and it was time for me to step back down the gangplank and watch as she was towed to the middle of the Hudson. Her engines kicked in, her two funnels belching smoke as she began to pull away under her own power. Some sailors from other ships watched with me, as did Mr. Keller, but I was the one who stayed the longest.