YOONGI's POV
"Damn you, Jeon Jungkook. You just wait. You haven't seen the worse of me yet."
I revved the engine a couple of times, matching the rage that was burning me alive. Once I drive this bad boy out the gate, there is no turning back. What I feel now isn't some childish jealousy. I am not jealous, to begin with. Jealousy is when you want something that's not yours. Therefore, this is me being territorial, protecting what's already mine.
I am coming back with Rozie, that's non-negotiable. Jungkook and I being in civil terms, that I can not promise. He should have known that there are boundaries that should be left uncrossed. Whether he did it on purpose or not, that's the least of my concerns. I come to claim ownership of what's mine if I haven't made that clear enough in the first place.
My hands were both fired up with wrath and disdain and so I wait no further. I shifted the gear to drive and began swerving the car down the curb, but before I even reach halfway through, someone suddenly popped right in the middle of the road. I quickly stepped on the brake, putting the car to an abrupt stop. If it wasn't for my expert driving reflexes, I would have sent this idiot flying down the lane.
"Are you fucking out of your mind?!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, hammering my hand hard on the hooter. I was fuming. Of all the possible times to come across a moron, why the fuck now?!
I might be drawing too much attention already by all this noise I'm causing, but this lunatic does not seem to get that my blaring horn implies Get the fuck out of my way.
I blasted at him some more but the dumbass just stood unnerved, not even flinching at my urgency. Anger prickled my skin. My temper was already intractable.
"Michin saekkia! (Crazy bastard!)" I exasperatedly rolled my window down, really aggravated by how my patience is being tested at this very critical point in time. I was hanging by a thread, trying to convince myself that I'd be serving some jail time if I do entertain the irrational ideas floating in my head.
I would have been out of Gangnam by now. God damn it!
"Bikyeo." (Get out of my way!) My good manners have been flung out the window and I don't give a shit. Don't make me drag you to the side with my bare hands.
"Get out of the car." The man replied, demanding in a stern voice.
What?!
His face was shaded by the shadow of the gingko tree nearby. His voice was familiar but I was too furious to put up a guessing game in my head. Not going to lie but there was so much command in his tone that I find very distasteful but intimidating at the same time. I despise it. Nobody's ordering me around here.
"The fuck do you think you are?! Neo juggo sipeo?! (You want to die?)" I threatened unwaveringly. My foot was itching to step on the gas wanting to run this motherfucker over.
This guy has the guts to be domineering with me. I have no room for toxic masculinity. I'm saving all my energy for the long drive so I could get my ass to Busan and this sick fuck is holding me up.
"Ya! Nan i jenjanghal sigan-i eobs-eo. Gileseo kkeojyeo." (Hey! I don't have time for this shit. So, get the fuck out my way!) My voice shook as I brimmed with hostility.
"An deullyeoI? (Can't you hear me?) I said, get out of the freaking car." He remained unfazed despite it all. I was appalled by his aggressiveness, but he's no match for me. No one tells me what to do. I am the boss of me.
"Fine. I warned you." I hissed, revving the engine again, ready to put this psycho into the silence he deserved.
However, the loony was up for the challenge. He began stepping toward the light and as soon as he was in full view, he slammed both his hands onto the hood of my car.
I was stunned.
"Kill it!" He glared at me, his fierce stare pierced through the windshield, making my hands fall off the steering wheel just like that.
Now I know why he sounded familiar.
"Jin Hyung?"
_________________________________________
JIN's POV
"So how's the collab going?" I casually asked, putting two glasses of his favorite whiskey onto the table.
"Jeon Jungkook, gaejasig-ya, took my girl off to Busan." He said through gritted teeth.
Okay. So, we're heading right down to business. Small talk isn't really for this guy.
"My girl, Hyung. Mine." His fingers pointed to his chest, a distraught look on his face.
That's really overemphasizing, but okay.
"Just cut the kid some slack, Yoongi-a. He just lost his grandma." I was really trying my best to pacify him, considering how he was so willing to murder me earlier if I fell short of revealing my identity at that time.
"That I understand, like totally. I may come across as cold..."
I almost snorted at what he said. He is self-aware after all.
"...but, you know me. Halmeoni takes a special place in my heart."
She has in mine too.
"What I just can't wrap my head around is, why does Rozie have to tag along? Is that a trend in the generation these days? Is a funeral something you can invite strangers to now? " He picked the glass from the table, his hand shaking as he took a sip.
He has a point though. Korean funerals are really just for family and close circles of friends.
"She and Jungkook barely knew each other." He said as soon as he decided to just finish the entire glass. "How long has it been, a month? two? And don't give me that part where he for some reason warms up to her just like that. We both know how introverted he is."
What he said brought me back to the countless times we were drinking with JK. Hobi, I, and the maknae line would often get out on weekends and head off to a private bar in Gangnam. Yoongi well, had better ways of spending his rest days, either sleeping it off or sleeping with someone. Namjoon, on the other hand, of course, had to free himself from the rest of us. So you'd find him in his room, burying himself in a good book or he could be out with the rest of his art junkie friends.
Recall
"Jungkook-ssi, you will get laid tonight." Jimin slammed a newly opened bottle of beer in front of the youngest member.
This was the very first time he tagged along with us on our nights out. It took months for him to even start speaking to us.
"What the fuck are you talking about? We don't even know if he even kissed a girl at his age." Hobi, who grew very fond of Jungkook, reacted in a brotherly tone.
"The hell?! He's fifteen years old! I kissed a girl when I was nine." Jimin arrogantly stood up from his seat, his hands on his waist getting all sassy.
"That's because you're a fucking perv. And what kiss was it? A peck on the forehead by your grade school teacher?" I teased.
"Excuse me!" Jimin looked at me from head to toe like he usually does when someone hits his ego.
"See how he'll get all defensive." I hear Taehyung whisper to Jungkook's ear, excited to see what was coming up next.
"Mind you, it was a french kiss, a long and juicy one!" His fellow 95-liner boasted.
"Why do I feel disgusted when I think about it?" Hobi commented as he downed his second bottle, his cheeks now turning red. He was the most lightweight among all of us. One more bottle and he'd be staring in midair, spaced out.
"At nine years old. Did you even know how to tie your shoelaces back then?" I added, sarcastically poking at him again. Hobi and the youngest two burst out into laughter.
"The boy's got charisma. She was thirteen. A very good teacher I must say. I could still recall how soft her lips were." Jimin confidently went on, not minding my mockery.
"Aish, sometimes we do make up stories when we're still kids and eventually believe they were true." I retorted, sending everyone into chuckles.
"That's enough, grandpa." Jimin rolled his eyes at me, an easy sign that he has reached his tolerance to ridicule. "So, have you ever kissed anyone?" his question was directed to the maknae, diverting the attention away from him.
Jungkook appeared to be dumbfounded for a moment and quickly avoided our eyes. When he looked up, he soon realized that we were serious about the question given that all eyes were still on him. He bobbed his head once and blushed like a little kid.
"Your mom?" I scoffed, making everyone howl around him.
"No,..." He has this cute way of thinking before he speaks. It's as if he's really being careful about the words that come out of his mouth. "...my classmate. Our friends were playing truth or dare and then it happened."
"He's so cute, isn't he?" Taehyung couldn't help but state the obvious.
"So was it good?" Hobi chimed in, his eyelids were now drooping. He's not going to last long.
"It was just quick." He answered in a small voice, we almost didn't hear it.
"A smack?" Jimin pried.
"Smack?" Jungkook seemed confused.
"Can you demonstrate what a smack is Jimin?" I blurted out, making Hobi spit out his beer, laughing so hard.
"You want me to demo that with you? Come here. I can give you more than that." He stepped onto the table and went across, straight to where I was seated.
"Get your hands off me! I'm telling you!"
"Say my name, one more time. I wanna hear it." Jimin pulled me by the arms, pushing his face onto mine.
Jungkook's eyes were as big as the moon, shocked at what he was witnessing. Taehyung placed his arm around his shoulder, quickly assuring him, "They're really like that. You'll get used to these idiots. Here, drink up!" handing him his untouched bottle of beer.
End of recall
"I'm not buying it. Something's up. Something's definitely up with those two. I just know it." Yoongi really has made up his mind with this theory. The whiskey he just poured onto his glass vanished as he drank it in one go.
"Well, I think maybe you're just... overthinking? Could be the pressure? Stress? Have you gotten enough sleep lately?" I know that a stupid pep talk won't work on him, but I'm taking my chances.
"Seriously?!" He glared at me like he was about to fly his fist into my mouth. I backed up in my seat and grabbed a pillow beside me, just in case.
"I mean. It's just that..." Oh, God. Why did I ever think I could talk him out of this? "I don't really see whatever's in your head, happening because..." I'm really choosing my words carefully. This man's a ticking bomb.
He slammed the glass back onto the table before I can finish my sentence."Because it's Jungkook?!" His hand gripped onto it like what he'll do with my neck if I say another word that's not in favor of him.
"Yoongi. I'm not being biased here, but you know how shy he is even until now. He'd always keep his head low whenever he's around women. He can't even say hi to the noonas in our style team." I am stating facts, which I hope would give Yoongi a clearer picture of what I'm trying to point out.
"But we're talking about 23-year-old JK here. Who knows he must have his own share of kinks and stuff. He has lived with all 6 of us for 10 years. And we are from far from celibate if that's not obvious."
Well,...
A heavy sigh escaped my lips.
Still. Come on. It's Jungkookie.
"Like how many times have we given him a box of condoms? Or send him porn videos when he gets uptight. He's not a little kid like we all think he is, Hyung. He's a full-grown man. A spawn of devils that we all are." Yoongi was at the edge of his seat. I was sitting right across from him but he was leaning toward me so close he can just strangle me any time he wants.
I admit that I still see JK as the baby in the group. Yes, he doesn't look like it anymore and yes, he may have gotten himself into a couple of fights with the members. The worse of them unluckily was with Yoongi, but betraying any one of us? He would never do that. Not our JK. He's a good guy. He's better than the rest of us.
"Seriously Yoongia." I was really running out of things to say to him. "JK wouldn't do what you're thinking," I stated in a tone that our counselors would use during our therapy sessions. I'm already thinking of what Namjoon would say if he was in my place.
But the shrink's tone didn't work apparently, "Stop picking sides!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. O-kay. That just aggravated him some more. What now, Kim Seok-Jin?!
"I am not taking anyone's side." I kept my cool, refusing to show him that I am taking into consideration calling help if this goes for the worse.
"Yes, you are!" He sneered at me. "Oh well, what do I expect? He's everyone's favorite!"
"Look, just try to be mature about this." I discreetly put both glasses to the side, knowing his tendency to throw things when he's mad.
"I am dealing with this the best way I can! But you're not helping!" He was clenching his teeth so hard. The look on his face was almost the same one earlier when he was revving up the engine, ready to run me over, insanely wicked.
"Don't raise your voice at me. Chill the fuck down, Min Yoongi." I used a stern voice at him now. He's beginning to lose control again.
He screamed, "Fuck off! This conversation is over!", pointing his fingers at me, almost touching my face as he got off his seat.
"Sit back down! I'm only gonna say it once!" I stood my ground, not letting him faze me.
"What for?! This is just a waste of time!" He angrily ran his fingers through his air, picking up his phone from the couch.
"Don't test my patience, Yoongia. You said so yourself we're all devils here and you know you don't wanna get on my dark side." I threatened, meaning every word I say. I can be silly if I want to, all six of them know that. But when I lose it, I am someone you don't want to mess around with.
This is me using the mathyung (oldest brother) card on him, but Yoongi's a wild horse. If you just leave him to it, he'd trample on anyone who gets in his way. He may be a genius but he sure is dumb when dealing with his feelings. This, I have proven again.
___________________________________________________________
YOONGI's POV
My fingers shook as I bring the cigarette to my lips. I shouldn't be smoking. Rozie wouldn't like this if she knew I was. But all this I'm going through right now, is too much for me to handle, especially if I can't act on the things I want to do.
Jin Hyung surely got some sense into me but I'm just not sure how long it will stick before my dark thoughts come to visit me again. My studio began to cloud with smoke I was puffing out, the same state as my head at the moment. My dark thoughts actually never left, they were just swirling around my head, waiting for my weakest point to come before they bite me once more.
"You can't go around saying they cheated on you just because you think they are. I am not trying to feed on your malicious little mind here, but if by even just 1% probability that indeed that could happen, you gotta have proof. And if you do get one, by all means, I'll bring over JK's neck to you with my own hands. Just one thing though, Yoongia, cheating takes two to tango. Both people involved in a bad situation are responsible for it." That last statement crushed me so badly, that it got me sick to my stomach just by thinking of the chances that indeed, what I suppose is true.
"So think about it, man. You guys have come a long way. Don't you believe your relationship is strong enough? Don't you trust her love for you? Your love for each other?"
Recall
"The thing is... You are the very first girl I want to fall for me. I'm not a romantic. In fact, I had to google things up just so I could get some ideas. I know myself too well, and if it's just me, I know I'll mess up. And I don't wanna mess things up with you. I want everything to be perfect just like how perfect you are to me." My voice cracked when I said the last line. I was a man of confidence but when it comes to her, I just fall apart. I couldn't even get on with the rest of what I was about to say as I began to feel tears in my eyes.
"I hope I answered your question." I decided I couldn't speak some more as my eyes started to blur. I have never cried in front of a woman before. This is weakness and I hate it when I'm weak. I should always be in control. Not this. Never like this.
"You don't have to look away, babe." She gently touched my cheek, making me meet her eyes again. The temperature of our hands was contradicting; hers was warm and mine was iced cold. My shaking palms held on to her as she came closer, the warmth of her breath caressed my trembling lips.
Every moment I spent with her was perfect, but the word 'perfect' gets a whole different meaning each time we are together. It just constantly becomes better. Just like when I thought her calling me 'babe' again was the highlight of my night, then she blows me away by telling me the three words I've been aching to hear for so long.
"I love you."
"Sa-Sa-Say that one more time." I stupidly stumbled over, but I didn't give a fuck. I just need to hear those heavenly words again.
"I ... love... you..." She slowly paced her words and followed them with equally meaningful but fast ones. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.", planting quick kisses on my lips.
When I held her in my arms, all the smallest of worries I have had gone away. All the struggles I had were all worth it. She's all worth it.
"Locks or no locks, you are mine. Remember that. You're stuck with me whether you like it or not. You're not going anywhere." It was an oath I meant to keep. She is my end-game and I am hers. I'll make sure that happens.
She enclosed her hands tightly into mine and capped the night with her version of the promise. "...the time we were apart and this moment right now... made me realize how much I needed you in my life. So yes, I'll stay stuck with you but not because I don't have a choice, but because I choose to be."
End of recall
I buried my face in my hands as I struggled to steady my breathing. My dark thoughts were getting the best of me. The ash from my cigarette fell onto the black carpet forming small, gray spots that were quickly dampened by the hot tears escaping from my eyes.
"Do you still stand by that choice, babe?"
___________________________________________________________
According to scientific studies, the brain cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality. This helps explain why using imagination and fantasy is a powerful tool for feeling better. People see what they want to see, in order to believe what they want to believe. The key is to tell a story that is a better fit with the facts and is more attractive.
Psychologically, lying to ourselves is an act of self-defense. Our mind longs to have a rational narrative about ourselves, and our experiences and is drawn to explanations that make sense to us, maintaining a sense of coherence. Our brain screens out things that don't already fit the right picture so we leave out some parts of the truth of who we are and what we went through and live under some form of illusion.
___________________________________________________________
ROZIE's POV
That was the right choice. I said again for the freaking nth time, I've lost count already.
My hands were freezing and I'm sure this isn't from the wind blowing against me as I lingered on the balcony. My body's tired and I could sure use some sleep, but I can't seem to get myself into the bedroom.
My eyes were still closed, and the longer they remain to be, the bigger the fear that was growing within. My mind ran through what happened again, rewinding the scenes in my head so I wouldn't dare forget.
From breaking free from him to saying "I'm really sorry, but I can't. Us, this, all this is wrong. ... It's Yoongi. It should be and will always be him."
From watching him fall apart before me and walking away from him to feeling my heart getting hammered into tiny pieces.
From swiftly picking my things up from the spread to getting by the entrance and giving him one last glimpse, seeing him remain in the same spot where I left him, sobbing as he faced the limitless view of the sea.
My heart felt like it was about to explode in my chest as I clung to every detail as if my life depended on it. But as soon as I opened my eyes, everything was swept away by the ocean wind. Despite desperately withholding the truth from myself, reality still sunk in.
A made-up story that was all.
A make-believe reality I so want to regard as true.
The night breeze seemed to have grown stronger this time. The white curtains fluttered crazily midair in the dark as if purposely drawing my eyes to where they should be. I felt cold beads of sweat trickle down my temples and chills running down my spine as a gust of air blew past my neck. The icy marble ground appeared to move as my sight began to drift straight forward. Putting together a quick fix yet again, my head throbbed, but it was not going to work this time around.
The truth was agonizingly crystal clear- I was not alone.
I'm not certain if it was just me building things up in my mind but the rest of the world suddenly fell silent. The curtains that were flapping not too long ago, have now slowly returned to their rightful places. The evening cloud finally passed by giving way to the moonlight once again shining through the glass windows and onto the bed. I could no longer hear the wind howling in my ears or the waves roaring from behind me.
That was the right choice, Rozie. I said to myself for the very last time.
I finally admitted that it is indeed too late now as I stared into the perfectly beautiful doe eyes looking straight back at me. Dressed in just a white robe, he sat at the edge of the bed with a pillow in between his arms and patiently waited for me to get back under the sheets with him.
That was the right choice, Rozie.
The one you should have taken.