'Come over so we can talk in person,'
I've looked at the message more times than I can count on my fingers and I still haven't responded. It's funny how I spammed him for weeks and when he finally responds, I have nothing to say. A part of me wants to say this is stupid and cut him off but here I am standing at his front step at seven pm on a Sunday. I don't even have energy to be disappointed in myself for showing up since I'm lower than low right now.
Hesitating I reach my hand to finally knock on the door but it swings open before I can. Alarmed I pull my hand down quickly when I see Noah standing there with his phone in hand.
'I texted you an hour and a half ago and I got no response? I thought you weren't coming,' he frowns, 'but the front door sensors turned on like five minutes ago and you just stood there and didn't knock so I came down,'
'I was considering going home.' I respond truthfully since there's no reason to lie. That and I was worried anyone else but him would answer the door.
He seems to understand and doesn't say anything as a response. I mean who wouldn't consider leaving? If someone ghosts you then randomly tells you to come over 'to talk' who wouldn't be suspicious.
Letting me in I look around. I'm not sure if I should be surprised that's he's home alone right now. Holding my biceps I awkwardly follow behind him. I didn't plan past this point so I don't know what to do now. Was it always this uncomfortable being around him like this?
'What did you want to talk about?' I finally ask but he just gives me a funny look before pushing the door open.
'What do you mean what do I want to talk about?' He repeats my sentence as if it made zero sense whatsoever. 'You're the one who's been spamming me,'
'Maybe because you've been ghosting me?' I pull a face.
He randomly comes to a halt and I almost slam into his back. Turning around he's freakishly close to me. Taking a massive into the wall, I ignore how much thicker the tension got now that I placed an unnatural distance between us.
'You do realize we're not dating right?' He teases his eyebrows as if it was obvious. Well it was but we're definitely not nothing. Or maybe I have a fake version if events.
But I don't say that out loud. I dont say anything out loud because I can still feel my body healing itself from those words. They quite literally pierced right through my chest and I feel like an idiot. I probably look like one too with how silent I'm being. 'Did Damon tell you to leave me alone?' I don't want him to be an asshole. I've been telling myself that maybe there's a root but fuck. All my fucking life I've been set to the side, it would be nice to not be used for once.
'No.' He responds and I know he's not lying, or at least he isn't telling me the full truth. 'He doesnt know Katie. Be realistic, you saw us playing together and you saw us talking.'
'Then what did I do to you.' I respected him, I was nice to him and I tried to show and give him as much attention as he wanted but that's not enough. 'Am I not pretty enough? Do I not act like how you want me too?' My questions are blatant but that's what I want. I want a blatant answer. I don't want to be ignored anymore. It fucking hurts so if he just lets me know what the problem is then at least I can be at fucking peace. At least I'll have a reason on why he left instead of left wondering and making a list on all my flaws.
'Are you pretty enough?' He does nothing but mock my question.
'Can you just give me a fucking answer? Or do you want me to get Damon to ask you instead.' I shock myself with my response.
I'm not really sure what my intentions with threatening him was. Its not like I can force him to date me because that wouldn't work, well it might but it wouldn't be the same. It's not what I want either, forcing him into something like that wouldn't end well on my part.
'Ask what you want then.' I seem to have done nothing but tick him off. 'Do you have anything else or you just want to know if you're pretty or not.'
Stepping closer to him I dont break eye contact, 'Why did you talk to me? Do you even like me? Or even attracted to me at all? Was this some sort of sick game to you? Like would you have actually dated me or was that just bullshit.'
Feeling Noah's hand move up my forearm he backs me against the wall. 'I spoke to you because I was curious. Define the word 'like.' Obviously I'm attracted to you. I don't know about 'sick game.' And maybe.'
'What do you mean maybe?' I instantly respond which makes him groan in frustration.
'This us why I rarely fuck virgins...they get attached.' He pinches his nose bridge. 'Maybe could've been sarcasm and you immediately saw it as a positive?'
'I'm not attached to you.' I narrow my eyes.
Okay I am attached but why would I tell him that? Even if he knows, I'm not going to get on my hands and feet. Although I would consider it if that's what it took to go back to how it was. When he would give me secret hugs when no one was looking or when he would buy me my favorite coffee's and give it to me during my lunch break.
'Really? You're not attached to me?' He visibly tries not to laugh which makes me feel transparent. I doubt I'm that readable. 'You spam me daily and won't let me be,'
Letting go of my arm I had completely forgotten he was touching me. He doesn't stay off me for long since he slides his hand down to the rim of my shirt.
Shoving him back he raises his hands in the air. Staring at me with so much shock, I grit my teeth. Is he joking. Moving closer to me I make an attempt to step back but I'm quickly stopped by the wall. 'Are you serious.'
'Worked last time,' Feeling my stomach churn I roll my shoulder back.
'Because I liked you.' I don't see the point in lying. I didn't want to talk just so I can throw excuses and lies at his face and at this point what even is the point. Neither of us believe it anyways.
Staring at me he doesnt seem surpised, 'I know that Katie, and I-,'
'Yes I know you do know and that's the thing that pisses me off,' I press my finger against his chest which forces him to move back, 'I was perfectly fine without you and if you knew you were never going to return the feelings why did you fuck with me? Literally why did you fuck me? Why wern't you honest since the beggining.'
'I already answered you.' His tone turns harsher, 'I was curious...That's why I spoke to you and-,'
Losing my shit I grab the collar of his shirt so I can pull him down to my eye level. Shocked he looks at me and makes an attempt to move off but I pull him back.
'Why would you tell me to come over and talk, if you knew you don't feel anything for me.' I grip my hand onto his collar tighter. Gripping my fist in my free hand, I aim it at his chest but he catches it and pulls it behind my back.
Startled I stumble back. I don't fight back since I basically started it, in all honesty. 'Katie I said I was curious. Not that I don't feel shit.'
Looking at him with a confused look on my face, I'm not sure how to take that. I wouldn't be shocked if he wasn't admittedly fucking with me only a couple moments ago. Tugging at my arm I rip it away before deciding to keep my hands to myself.
'You want me to be honest?' He stares directly into my soul. Though I feel like it left my body the moment I stepped into this house anyways. 'I said I was curious but I'm honestly surprised by your dedication. Most girls start crying in hopes I'll feel bad yet when I tell them to stop crying then they'll stop crying.'
'Why are you telling me this.' It's not like I'm any different to those girls. I shed my share of tears but I didn't let him know that. In every voice message and call I gave him I was yelling or my voice was tame, no middle ground. 'I don't care for another girls crocodile tears.'
'I don't know if you still like me or you now hate me after this interaction but I was trying to tell you that we should hangout. Like normally.' He tries to explain but I'm still processing what's going on. It wasn't even ten minutes ago where he was shaming me for wondering if he wanted to talk to me. 'Like no bullshit. I'm just a little new to your reactions and it feels...real...and not like a robot so i cant push buttons to get you to do things so its refresh-,'
Something about his sudden switch is frightening. I know this is what I wanted but I don't trust it.
'Wait wait wait...define 'hangout',' I use his own terminology against him which makes him laugh. I cant tell if its one of him famous 'Noah Watcher' laughs or if its genuine so I don't laugh back.
'Hmm. Harsh.' He notices me not returning the energy, before running his hand through my hair. Pulling away from him he stands up straight. As much as I want and craved this sudden switch I'm not going to trust something like that. He spent half of my stay here being an add and suddenly he wants to take me seriously? What a joke.
Standing there awkwardly I take slow steps backwards until I hit the door. Opening the door slightly I consider leaving and blocking him. I'm so tired from yelling and I just want to sleep. This was the last thing I needed on a school night because now its all im going to think about.
I was praying and begging for him to want me and now i dont really know what to do. Even if I take up the offer what if he acts like this in a relationship. How will being in a relationship with him even be? It'll have to be a secret so it'll be hell watching other girls on him and not being able to do shit. Maybe its not even a good idea at all since they're so many red flags and flashy red warning signs.
I don't know what to do.