Dias leg hurts more than usual, it's mostly because his been walking for hours. After his conversation with Tori he knew what she wanted him to do.
Toris house comes into view and suddenly Dias legs refuse to move any longer. His been holding on to this secret for so long that even the thought of saying it out loud makes him feel sick. He takes in the cold air. Tori appears beside him and sighs loudly.
"You thinking about turning around? Heading back to your room to sit alone in the dark carrying secrets that should have died with me?"
"Please just shut up." Dia spits.
Tori laughs and it makes Dias heart hurt. A few hours ago he would have given anything to hear her laugh again, but now it's making him mad.
"Why...why do I have to do this?. Like you said Tori you're dead now and telling Darren the truth isn't going to change that." He says.
"Dia when I asked you to keep this secret I was being selfish." Tori walks in front of him. "It's been eating you alive everyday since then and you know it."
Dias head throbs so much it blurs his vision. Tori grabs his arms and shakes him.
"You have to tell him Dia. Free yourself of the lies and the manipulation that we spent years building before it kills you."
Tears burn Dias eyes. He bends down to his knees his legs no longer strong enough to carry him.
"What will he think of me Tori?. If I tell him the truth he's going to hate me." Dias words are barely heard amung his sobbing.
"If you keep lying you're never going to get better. This will forever be your life Dia. Just headaches, tears and lies." Tori wispers in his ear.
Dia watches his tears hit the tar road. Images of her bleeding hand, her dying eyes and the fear they held right up to the moment they glazed over plague his mind. Dia rises to his feet and continues his journey to the door. He knocks three times before Darren finally opens the door.
"Dia? What are you doing here?" He asks.
Darrens wearing grey sweatpants and a shirt. His eyes are sleepy and seeing him like this...vulnerable and normal. Without any of the pain in his eyes or tge scars down his arms is almost enough to make Dia change his mind about what he says next.
Dia wipes his eyes and breathes deeply.
"I need to tell you something."
....................
Darren wraps a blanket around Dia and sits down next to him. Up till now Dia hadn't really noticed how cold it was. He pulls the blanket tighter around his shivering body and sighs. His tired from all the crying and the struggle of walking here. Dia can't believe how fucked his life has gotten.
"We've gotta stop meeting like this." Darren jokes before sitting down.
Dia can feel the warmth of his body through the blanket. He takes a deep breath.
"You said you wanted to tell ne something" Darren says softly sensing the fear in Dia actions. "What is it?"
Dia can't risk looking at him and losing courage. So instead he stares at a picture of Tori and her mom hung up on the wall.
"Tori and I were there the night your mom died." The words feel like lead in his mouth.
"W-what?" Darren says.
Dia shuts his eyes and forces the memory out of his head.
"We were having a sleepover at your house, Tori and I had spent the whole day in her room listening to music and watching movies."
As he speaks Dia can remember everything about that day. That's the thing about painful memories, they don't just stick in your head they burn themselves inside.
"Your dad was downstairs making dinner...."
............
Dia can hear the sound of a pots lid scattering as it hits the floor downstairs. He sits up and looks at Tori.
"Do you think we should go help him?" He asks.
Tori rolls her eyes at the idea.
"No. He'll be fine" she says.
Dia shrugs and lays back down.
"So?, tell me more about him" Tori says excitedly.
Dia smiles nervously.
"I already have, like 6 times already." He says.
"Oh come on please. Between the two of us you're the only one with any guy action going on right now so you have to spill. It's a bestie rule." Tori says.
Dia groans like he doesn't want to tell her again but deep down inside the idea of it makes him happy.
"His name is Miles and he lives down the road from my house. We met yesterday when my mom left me stranded at the grocery store and I had to walk home-"
"And then the universe steps in" Tori says excitedly.
"Yes. Miles shows up and says he also has to walk home so we end up walking together. We talked for hours and when we finally got to my house he leaned over and kissed my cheek before leaving." Dia says.
Tori squeels and tackles him kissing his cheeks.
"I'm so proud of my little queer." She says.
Dia laughs pulling her off him.
"It doesn't matter anyway. He ignored me the whole day at school today." He says.
Tori licks her lips in thought.
"He hangs out at the old skate park downtown right?" She asks mostly talking to herself.
"Tori...no" Dia says sensing the bad idea before it fully forms in her head.
"It's like 8:40pm right now and that place doesn't close till 10pm-"
"No, no way Tori" Dia objects.
"So if we leave right now we can make it there and back before my parents even notice." Tori says her insane plan finally forming.
"Are you insane? It's Sunday, there's no way in Hell we can afford going out late today." Dia argues.
Tori flicks her hand at the air.
"Oh pish posh, we'll be quick. They won't even know we're gone anyway. My mom is too busy getting drunk on wine while my dad tries to pretend that he's capable of making dinner." She says.
Dia chews his lip.
"I don't know-"
"We'll be gone an hour tops. That's plenty of time D." Tori says.
Dia looks up at her and her excited look only feeds his own excitement.
"Fine. But just for an hour" He says.
.................
"Okay so you guys snuck out that night, so what? You guys used to sneak out all the time." Darren says.
Dias eyes have not left the picture since he started talking.
"This time was different. My parents were even more against my friendship with Tori than usual. I practically had to promise them my soul in order to get them to agree to that sleepover. Yet we still snuck out."
Darren puts his hand on Dias.
"What does this have to do with my mom?" He asks.
Dia sighs.
"When we got to the skatepark Miles was gone. We must have just missed him. By that time it was almost 11pm. Your mom must have gone upstairs to check on us or something and found out we were gone. I don't know why she never told anyone where she was going. Tori's phone was ringing like crazy with phone calls from your mom..."
...............
Tori ignores another phone call and groans in annoyance.
"Maybe you should answer and at least let her know we're alive." Dia says as they keep walking down the dark sidewalk.
"What for? She's probably too drunk to understand me anyway." Tori says.
Her expression is angry but Dia knows that just below it is all the pain Tori feels. Dia liked Toris mom, she was cool and really funny. She had this way of being really easy to get along with that made people enjoy spending time with her. The only other person Dia knew who could do that was Tori.
"We're almost there" Tori says.
They walk for what feels like hours talking and laughing under the yellow streetlights. The sharp turn leading into town appears in front of them. For some reason the ground seems shiny, it's only when they get closer that Dia realizes that the shine is from the bits of broken glass on the floor.
...............
"We stumbled on to where the accident took place. When we turned the corner your moms car was turned over and there was glass and blood all over the sidewalk."
Darren swallows hard.
"You...you saw her?" He asks.
Dia has to jab his nails into his palm to keep from crying.
"Yes." He says.
"But that's not-"
"She was still alive when we got there" Dia words fall out of her mouth.
.................
The world seems to be moving slowly. The car is upside down it's headlights burning holes in Dias eyes. Neither one of them move. A few seconds ago they were walking merrily enjoying the night air. But now they're frozen on the spot unable to breathe.
Toris mother is laying on the ground a metre away her face on the ground, her left leg bent too far to the right and a pool of blood forming underneath her. There's so much blood Dia can almost taste it. Her body twitches and she lifts up her head.
Fear...It's all Dia can see when she looks in her eyes. Fear born from the thought if death, fear born from the work of pain. His legs won't work and it's as if his mouth is full of sand. Tori slips her hand into his and they just stand silently watching her twitch and hearing her suffocate as the blood gushes out of her mouth.
She reaches out with her hand as if asking them to save her. But they don't move. The two of them watch as her eyes galze over, the life they once held escaping into the night air. No tears, no words...just silence and headlights.
..............
Dias mouth is very dry but ge still finds a way to continue speaking.
"I wanted to call the police, an ambulance or something. But Tori stopped me-"
................
Tori grabd the phone from Dias hand.
"What are you doing?" She asks.
"Call-calling for help" Dia says softly.
Tori shakes her head slowly.
"What will you say when they answer Dia? Will you tell them that all we did was stand here and watch her die instead of doing something?" Tori voice breaks. "Are you going to tell them that we killed her?"
Dia blinks hard hoping that this all a dream and that he'll wake up in Toris room with a empty Doritos packet in his hand. But no matter how hard he tries he can't blink this nightmare away.
"You're right."Dia says.
As the words leave his mouth his mind grows calm. Fear and shock still radiate in his body but he knows what he has to do.
.................
"We both agreed. I would call the police and report the accident anonymously. I would tell them that I found her dead and that they should hurry."
The room is silent, only being filled by Dias words.
"After that I tried to tell Tori that we should leave but she didn't want to. She said we had to make sure the ambulance would arrive. So we hid in the darkness and waited. When it showed up they carried her into the ambulance in a body bag. We knew she was dead...we knew that we'd killed her." Dia chokes on his tears.
Darren removes his hand and sits still tears running down his own face. Dia looks at him his heart hurting more than it ever has before.
"I'm sorry." He says standing up.
The blanket slips off his shoulders and onto the floor. Dia steps over it and walks to the door. Before he reaches it Darren stands up and faces him.
"Why didn't you say anything? All this time, all those years we spent wondering why she left the house that night. Where she was going and why and the whole time you knew" Darren says.
His tears can be heard even in his voice. Dia lays his hand on the door handle and cries softly.
"We were afraid." He says.
Darren laughs historically and wipes his eyes.
"Afraid...AFRAID OF WHAT DIA?" He yells.
Dia turn around slowly.
"That you would blame us for not doing anything, for not acting quick enough. For just standing there watching her die instead if doing anything." He says.
Darren walks towards Dia so fast he half expects him to attack him. Instead Darren puts his arms around him pulling him in tightly. In this moment inside Darrens arms after confessing the worst thing he has ever done Dia breaks down completely.
He buries his face in Darrens chest feeling it move as he breathes. The tears Dia sheds now are tears his been holding on to for as long as he can remember. But even now dispite having told the truth he would still take it all back if it meant that Tori would come back.