I wake up to the feel of the warm assault of the sun's rays on my face. Slowly, my lashes flutter open. I narrow my eyes at the brightness that welcomes me, a small groan escaping from the back of my throat as I feel an avalanche of a massive headache.
I want to hold my head, but for some reason I can't move my hands. I stare at the white ceiling as my vision adjusts to the morning light. The longer I stare at it, the more it looks so unfamiliar to me.
Then it hit me!
Memories of last night flood my mind, drawing a clear picture of every scene that transpired last night. My friends, Enzo's cousins, the drinking, the dancing and. . . . . .
the kissing.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa alaala, immediate warmth climbing up to my cheeks.
I cannot believe I kissed him! I kissed Enzo! At talagang ako pa talaga ang nag initiate. Shocks, nakakahiya.
I crane my neck around, realizing that I am in his room. In his bed!
My gosh! Did something happen? The kiss is the last memory I remember, everything beyond that is all a blur.
Shit. May nangyari ba sa amin?
Tangina, bakit ba hindi ako makagalaw?
I curse under my breath, shutting my eyes tight. Parang sumasakit lalo ang ulo ko sa naaalala. Gusto kong sapuin ang noo, kaya lang hindi ako magalaw. Para akong nakagapos.
I raise my head and look down on my body. Napakunot ang noo ko sa ayos. I am covered by a blanket. No, not covered, wrapped.
Para akong. . . . . lumpia.
I force myself to sit up, groaning as I try to lift my upper body up. I guess the ab workouts at the gym is pretty useful at uneventful times like this.
I almost broke into a sweat when I manage to sit up. Pilit kong kinakalas ang mga kamay and I let out a sigh of relief when I see that I am still wearing my dress from last night.
May panty pa naman ako, so I guess walang nangyari.
Pero bakit ako naging lumpia?
I look around his room, and I am in awe at how clean and organized it is. The walls are bright white, and the floors are of white marble. The queen-sized bed is in the middle, fronting a wide flat screen TV. On either side of the bed are oak bedside tables with industrial design lamps on top. There is a shelf at the corner that houses books and a few collectible airplane figures.
I see my phone on the bedside table and I reach for it. Nagulat nalang ako sa dami ng messages, all mostly from Leo.
From Love Naming Lahat:
Mga gaga nasaan kayo?
From Love Naming Lahat:
@Hatdog where are you? Are you with Enzo?
From Love Naming Lahat:
Nakakaloka kayo, bakit bigla kayong nawala? Huy I will assume Ces is with Enzo ha. @BatangHamog, are you with Ivan?
From Love Naming Lahat:
NASAAN SI ADA HOY?
From Love Naming Lahat:
Kaistress kayo, lumandi lang ako saglit. I heard nagshots pa si Ada sa kabilang table, jusko nasaan ka na @MotherTeresa?????!!!!!
From Love Naming Lahat:
Magfafile na ako ng missing person kapag ni isa sa inyo hindi magreply bukas ng umaga ha.
From Mother Teresa:
Umuwi ako, I'm at my dorm.
From Batang Hamog:
Nakauwi rin ako. Di ko alam paano, pero nakauwi ako.
To Squad Pempem:
I'm home.
From Love Naming Lahat:
(1) buti naman at buhay kayo
(2) weh? home niyo mukha niyo, buong madaling araw ako nag review ng cctv para malaman kung sino mang shokoy ang dumampot sainyo, sumama lang naman pala sa mga jowa mga hayop
(3) edi sana ol
I let out an amused scoff at Leo's messages.
Minamasahe ko ang mga sentido nang biglang nag replay lahat ng nangyari kagabi.
"Mhmm," a breathy moan escapes from the back of my throat as he continues to kiss me harder, his large hands squeezing my ass as he carries me. He backs up against a door, pushing it open and bringing both of us inside.
When we got inside, ramdam kong mas lumalalim lang ang mga halik niya, more heated and intense. I couldn't help the shaky breath that erupts from me, earning a groan from Enzo that almost sounds frustrated.
With one last hard kiss, he forces himself to pull away, releasing a heavy breath. He gently lets go of me, planting my feet back on the ground.
"That's enough," he says, prying my arms off of him, nakakunot ang noo, umiigting ang panga.
I also furrow my brows, pursing my lips into a pout.
"You don't want to kiss anymore?" I ask, taking a dangerous step forward, feeling his ragged breath against my skin. Para akong nalalasing muli, his scent is mixed with the alcohol in his breath, intoxicating me.
"I do," he says, parang may iniindang kung ano, "but that's enough."
I furrow my brows further.
"Why? Am I not good?"
He lets out a hard breath and places his hands on his hips, shifting his weight on one foot as he looks up and lets out another sigh. "Putangina naman," he whispers.
My brows furrow further, crossing my arms over my chest as I confidently stare right through his dark eyes.
"You don't like kissing me?"
He flicks his tongue against the side of his lip and and releases another breath. When he bites down on his bottom lip, he suddenly gathers me by the waist with his arm, the other hand holding the back of my head as he leans in and presses a mind blowing kiss on my lips. Panandaliang akong nagulat, but my body quickly adapts and adjusts and before I know it, I am already kissing him back.
His tongue explores every corner of my mouth, grazing and sucking. He kisses me like a starved orphan offered a full-course meal for the very first time. His kisses are steeped with igniting passion and a promise of realness and primal desire.
I couldn't stop myself from eliciting a small moan from the back of my throat as he holds on to me tighter, pulling me impossibly closer. I can literally feel his rapid heartbeat, racing with mine.
His kisses this time are more aggressive, harder, and hotter. As if he is making most of the moment. It is electric and galvanic, spreading an untamable warmth throughout the expanse of my entire body. It is breathtaking, and yet also very short-lived.
A gasp streams out from between my lips as he pulls away, intoxicated by his kisses. I feel the weakness in my knees and for sure I would have sunk to the ground had he not been holding me tight enough.
Our chests heave up and down in unison, matching each other's rhythm.
He cups the side of my face with his large hand and caresses my cheek with his thumb.
"You have no idea, baby," he whispers in the sexiest way, his low voice flowing smoothly like honey with a gush of fresh air.
Once more he leans in and kisses me briefly before he lets go of me entirely and takes a step back.
"That's enough. You're drunk," he says.
I swallow a lump in my throat, feeling the drumrolls in my chest. When I look up at him, he is still staring at me with that same dark intensity, but the distance he put between us is clear indication that we're done.
I let out a sigh, gently pushing his chest.
"Pangit mo kabonding," I say, rolling my eyes as I turn on my heel and walk away, pagewang-gewang ang lakad.
I huff out a breath, stretching my arms, wiping the sweat off of my forehead.
"Why is it so hot?" reklamo ko, reaching for the hook of my dress on the back of my neck that basically holds everything together. I fumble with it, unable to snap it open, kaya lang bago ko pa man ito mabuksan ay inawat ako ni Enzo.
"Stop it," he says, gathering my hands in his.
"Ano ba? It's so hot!" I whine, trying to pry my hands out of his hold.
"Tsk, ang pasaway talaga," he mumbles as he suddenly lifts me up and slings me over his shoulder, making yelp in surprise.
Another yelp escapes from me when he suddenly throws me into the bed, quickly wrapping me with the sheets. Sinusubukan kong magpumiglas, pero hindi na ako makagalaw. I am left lying in his bed, literally wrapped in his sheets. I can only stare at him with furrowed brows and a pout.
I shake my head at the memory that plagues my thoughts, my cheeks burning red. I press my palms against my face, shutting my eyes close as I revel in the sea of my embarrassment.
"Jusko ka, Celeste," I mutter to myself. "Ang bobo mo, gaga, nakakahiya ka. Ano ka ngayon?" I continue to ramble, shaking my head, wiggling my legs.
"Well, I think you're perfect."
I sharply look up with wide eyes at the sound of Enzo's voice and I find him standing by the threshold of his room, shirtless!
Unconsciously, my eyes travel down, getting a glimpse of his hard and well-sculpted abs, down to his hips where his grey sweatpants loosely hang on to. Feeling the warm assault on my cheeks, I immediately return my gaze to his face only find him with an amused smirk.
"Good morning," he says, walking towards me. "Did you sleep well?"
I can only bite the inside of my cheek, nodding as I try to avoid his gaze kasi nahihiya ako, I instead find myself looking straight into his abs.
"That's good," he says, a trace of amusement in his voice.
"What do you want for breakfast?" he asks.
"Pandesal," I say nonchalantly, but my eyes grow wide at the realization of what I just said. I look up at him and shake my head. "No, I mean, I-I--"
He only chuckles, leaning to press a kiss on top of my head before pulling me up and out of the bed. "Come on, I made breakfast. I asked my mom's secretary to get you a set of clothes, then I'll drive you home. We can still go to church if you want to."
Tumango nalang ako, letting him lead the way. Bakit parang wala lang sa kaniya? Guni-guni ko lang ba yung halikan namin? Napakamot tuloy ako sa batok ko as he lets me walk ahead of him.
I barely make it to the door when he says something.
"Now that you're sober, do you still want to kiss?"
I turn to him sharply, my cheeks immediately turning warm and red. There is an amused grin on his lips, pero I can still catch a glimpse of the intensity in his eyes.
"I-I, no, uhm, i-isn't it too early for that?" I want to pummel myself to the ground! Did I really just say that? I probably sound so willing and desperate. I mean, maybe I am a little willing, pero jusko ka Celeste, ano ba?
This is just play pretend, tapos nakikipaghalikan ako? Won't this complicate things? But it doesn't seem to bother him at all. I mean, for experience I guess?
Yes! Experience. That's all there is to it. He's just doing his end of the bargain. For experience lang yon. How will I kiss my future boyfriend if I don't know how to, right? Right! Experience lang yon.
Pero tangina, I have to admit, it was one hell of an experience!
I get pulled out of my trance when he only chuckles, shaking his head as he comes near me, placing his hands on my hips from the back as pushes me gently out the door.
"Come on," he says, "I have something for your headache."
"Uhm," I clear my throat, nodding my head, "what's for breakfast?"
"Fresh lumpia."
Napakunot ang noo ko, "for breakfast?" pero he just smiles at me.
Sasakit lalo ang ulo ko kapag inisip ko pa kung ano ang koneksyon ng fresh lumpia kaya I didn't push. Pakiramdam ko mabibiyak na ang ulo ko sa sakit, tapos parang hilo pa rin ako. Totoo na talaga 'to this time, I am not getting a drink for a long time. Pakiramdam ko kailangan ng ilang buwan bago makapag fully recover ang atay ko.
Kailangan ko pa naman to be in my best game sa mga panahon ngayon, especially now that finals are coming up. Hindi lang naman kasi utak ang gagamitin, puhunan ko rin ang katawan. Especially since I guiltily abuse my body during exam seasons. Madalas hindi na ako natutulog, tapos late na naliligo, tapos minsan hindi pa kumakain. Kapag sinamahan ko pa ng inom, eh baka ako na ang matapos at hindi ang mga inaaral ko.
"Okay, tignan natin if you people did your readings," our quantum physics professor says as soon as he enters the classroom. Agad akong napatuwid ng upo, turning to Ada na ngayon ay nakakunot na ang noo as she quickly flips through the pages of her notes.
Our professor fishes out a handful of index cards from his satchel and begins to shuffle it. "Okay, so who's the lucky winner for today," he mutters, walking around as he scans the room.
"At the count of three, I want all notes put away. One, two," everybody begins to quickly hide their notes, ang iba naman ay sumisingit pa ng tingin bago ito sinuksok sa mga bag nila. For a moment there is a sound of utter chaos, and then followed by chilling silence, "three!"
"Okay, Miss Silva!" Our professor pulls out a card and immediately scans the room to look for Karen, and unang alay sa araw na ito.
"Sir," Karen quickly stands up, putting a hand on her hip as she flips her hair. Kahit na side view lang ang nakikita ko ay kitang kita pa rin ang namumutok niyang red lips.
"Tell me anything about the bound state?" our professor says, leaning against the desk in front.
It's pretty obvious that she doesn't know because she starts to pretend to think, running her fingers through her bleached hair habang pasimpleng sinusundot ang katabi na hindi rin alam ang sagot. She does that for a good minute, before she proceeds to other methods such as arching her back to flaunt her huge breasts, tapos nagpapacute na tinignan ang prof namin, fumbling with her fingers.
"Um, sir. I--"
"You don't know," he says. I mean, the guy is like 60, there is no way he'd fall for her tricks.
"Miss Alvarez," I quickly straighten up when he turns to me, standing up as he motions for me to get up. "Care to explain it to your classmate here?"
I nod my head, "yes sir." I clear my throat, "The bound state is---"
"Humarap ka kay Miss Silva, Miss Alvarez. You don't need to tell me the answer, I already know it. Educate those who don't."
Shet nireregla ba 'to ngayon? Mainit pa naman ang dugo nito ni Karen sa amin ni Ada for some reason, tapos ganito pa. Kapag inabangan ako nito mamaya, jusko nalang.
I nod my head, slowly turning to Karen na nakataas na ang kilay at galit ng nakatingin sa akin.
"The bound state is a state whose position probability density at infinite tends to zero for all the time. Roughly speaking, we can expect to find the particles in a finite size region with certain probability."
"That's right!" Our professor says as soon as I finish. "Well done, Celeste. As always. You may sit down."
"Thank you, Sir." I glance at Karen as I sit down, at kitang kita ko kung paano siya umirap sa akin, crossing her arms over her chest as she also takes her seat.
"Hep, Miss Silva, hindi pa kita pinapaupo." With that, ramdam ko ang pagtutok ni Karen sa likod ng ulo ko kaya pinigilan ko ang sarili na hindi siya tignan. Aandar na naman ang pagiging bruha nito mamaya, ewan ko nalang talaga.
Nagpatuloy ang klase at halos fifteen minutes ding nakatayo si Karen bago ito nakaupo, pero wala rin naman tanong na nasagot. Naawa na rin lang siguro ang prof namin, it's that or he just gave up. He probably reallized that he's not getting anything from her no matter how much he milks her.
By the time the class ends, halos patay na lahat ng tao. Recitations during this class are always so deadly. Tapos hindi ibig sabihin na tapos ka ng sumagot ay hindi ka na tatawagin ulit, you can still get called especially if the question is related to your previous answer. Madalas paubusan ng ipon at bala ang klaseng ito, kaya naman sinusubukan ko talagang mag-aral ng mabuti para maraming baon. I mean, I don't like it, pero I also don't like failing kasi alam kong may magagawa naman ako.
I guess that's an issue for a lot of students, especially those who aim to achieve. Nakakapagod mag-aral, nakakabiwisit, pero ayaw mo rin bumagsak. Ayaw mo rin na bare minimum lang ang napapakita kasi alam mong you can do more, tapos madidisappoint ka nalang sa sarili mo. Parang it's just a toxic cycle tapos yung kalaban mo sarili mo lang din.
"I need to recharge after this," Ada groans as we walk out the door, minamasahe ang batok.
I smile, minamasahe ang balikat niya habang naglalakad kami papunta sa susunod na klase. "Kain tayo after this next class, " I tell her. Of course, nabuhayan agad ng loob si bakla sa salitang 'kain" pa lang.
"Hay ayan na," Ada breathes out as she eyes Karen and her group at the end of the hall. I just chuckle and shake my head. Partida ang tatanda na namin, in college, pero hanggang ngayon may mga taong immature pa rin.
"Ayan na ang mga pasikat," nagparinig si Karen as we past her and her cronies. Hindi ko naman ugaling pansinin siya kaya mas lalo lang nag-iinit ang ulo niya because she doesn't get the reaction that she wants from me.
"Tapos 'yang Ada naman dumidikit lang kay Celeste para matawag na matalino rin. Ang dumi pa naman ng kulay."
I stop walking.
I don't really mind anything that she says about me, but it's a whole different case when it comes to her badmouthing my friends, especially Ada. Kayang kaya naman kasing ipagtanggol ni Demi ang sarili niya, but Ada is a bit more sensitive. Hindi siya pumapatol pero kinikimkim niya lahat and it affects her a lot of times. Especially when it's about her skin color which is one of her insecurities.
Huffing out a breath, I turn to look at Karen.
"Ces, 'wag na," Ada says, trying to pull me but I storm towards Karen.
She scans me from head to toe as I walk towards her, standing straight to compete with my height because I'm so much taller than her. I look down at her, staring her down.
"Ang weird noh?" I say, "ang dami mong nasasabi na kung ano ano pero sa klase wala kang masagot kapag tinatanong. It's not pasikat, we just know the answers because we studied. Once in a while, why don't you try to use your brain instead of your boobs noh? Tsaka wag ka masyado ma-adik sa pagpapaputi, masyado ng nahahalata ang kaitiman ng budhi mo."
I don't give her a chance to answer. After giving her another rundown, I turn on my heel and walk away. I link my arm around Ada's and pull her away with me down the hall. Nararamdaman kong nag-iinit ang mukha ko dahil sa inis, ang bilis pa naman mamula ng mukha ko. Kaya ang hirap hirap itago ng mga emosyon kasi namumula agad ako.
"Thank you," Ada says in a small voice, "ang pula na tuloy ng mukha mo."
I turn to Ada and let out a small breath, smiling. "Of course, ikaw pa."
Palapit pa lang kami sa classroom ng susunod na klase ay tanaw ko na ang pamilyar na mukha ng kaklase namin na tumatakbo papunta sa akin. Napatigil tuloy kami ni Ada.
"Celeste," tawag sa aking ng kaklase, "kulang tayo ng materials. Hindi nadala ni Ben yung naka-assign sa kanya, nakalimutan daw."
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. We have a lab activity for this class, tapos kulang materials namin. Not only will we lose points for being incomplete, hindi rin kami makakasali sa gagawin.
"Seryoso? Eh importante yung sa kanya," I say, nakakunot na ang noo.
"Kaya nga eh," disamayadong sagot ng kaklaseng babae.
"May extra kaya kayo?" I turn to Ada.
"Sige, try ko tanungin," she says, quickly walking away to look for her groupmates.
Sana naging kagrupo ko nalang si Ada dahil sure akong hindi kami magkukulang. Nakakainis rin kasi kapag teacher ang nagdedecide ng groups kasi madalas nakakagrupo ka ng pabuhat.
"Hay," sinapo ko ang noo ko, "magbibitbit na nga lang hindi pa magawa," I mutter to myself.
I can't help but get anxious. Ito sakit ng groupwork eh, kapag may pumalpak na isa, damay lahat. I hate how my grade is also dependent on other people who aren't conscious at all.
Biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko, kaya naman ay kinuha ko ito mula sa bulsa ng pantalon ko.
It is a text from Enzo.
Hindi na talaga kami nagkikita sa oval sa mga panahon ngayon. Busy na kasi talaga siya sa flights, lalo na at palapit na siyang gumraduate sa pagiging Airline Pilot kaya minamadali na niya ang required hours niya, kasabay pa ng flights na nililipad niya commercially and privately.
From Guy at the Bar:
How are you? I'm on my way to a flight today.
To Guy at the Bar:
Stressed af.
From Guy at the Bar:
Why?
To Guy at the Bar:
Wala, kulang gamit namin for today's activity. Naiwan ng groupmate ko. Kainis.
From Guy at the Bar:
What do you need ba?
To Guy at the Bar:
Alligator wires and steel nut bolts. Pero don't mind it na, may extra yata sina Ada. Ingat ka sa flight mo.
Hindi na siya nagreply, siguro nakarating na sa airport. Pag-angat ko ng tingin ay nakita kong papalapit na si Ada, pero umiling lang ito, silenty telling me the bad news.
"Wala?" pagbabakasakali ko.
"Wala eh, sorry talaga Ces."
Napabuntong hininga nalang ako, pressing my lips into a thin line. "It's fine," I say.
Mahigit fifteen minutes na kaming naghihintay sa kaklase naming umalis para bumili sa pinakamalapit na hardware store. We have roughly ten minutes before our professor arrives at nang dumating na ang kaklase ay wala itong dala.
"Ubos na daw," sabi nung nakaiwan ng gamit na gagamitin sana namin ngayon.
I couldn't help but groan and roll my eyes. He had one job! At this point, I am already set on giving up. I can only huff out a breath and lean against the wall, hugging my books against my chest as I stare into oblivion, accepting my fate. Dinidistansya ko nalang ang sarili ko dahil baka bigla ko nalang mabigwasan yung kaklase ko.
Karma ko yata 'to dahil pinatulan ko si Karen kanina.
"Huy, huy, tabi kayo."
"Sino kaya hinahanap niyan?"
"Jusko po ang gwapo."
"Ang gwapo! Sino yan?"
Biglang napuno ng bulong-bulongan ang paligid ko, so I can't help but look up and crane my neck to see what the fuss is about. Akala ko dumating na ang professor namin pero nanlaki nalang ang mata ko nang makita kung sino ang paparating.
I quickly push myself against the wall when I see Enzo at the end of the hall, threading through the sea of my classmates that flocked the halls. He's not hard to find because he's extremely tall and fit, so he pretty much stands out in the crowd.
But what makes him stand out the most is that he is wearing his pilot uniform. This is the first time I saw him wearing his uniform, and just like what everyone else is gushing about, he looks extremely handsome.
Ang gwapo!
His white top fits him well, hugging his muscles. His black slacks run down his long legs, held together by his belt. Kumikinang ang sapatos niya, tapos agaw pansin rin ang mamahaling Rolex sa palapulsuhan. Lutang na lutang rin ang kaputian niya sa suot. His hair is neatly swept back, and I can see that he's freshly shaved.
He looks so sophisticated!
Tapos ang bango pa!
Malayo pa siya pero amoy na amoy ko na siya.
He takes long and confident strides as he tries to look for me in the sea of students. Una niyang nakita si Ada, at nilapitan ito. Nang ituro ni Ada ang direksyon kung nasaan ako, agad siyang tumingin banda sa akin at nang magtama ang mga mata namin ay mas bumilis lang ang lakad niya, kasabay ng pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko.
By this time, nakatingin na lahat sa akin because of his fixed stare on me. Not to mention he's walking towards me as if he's on a runway.
I suddenly wonder if he ever considered modelling as a side hustle.
"What are you doing here? I thought you have a flight?" I ask him as soon as he reaches me. Agad na bumungad sa akin ang amoy ng pabango niya, filling my system. His smell is like a drug that sates me. Para tuloy akong nalalasing at nahuhumaling. Jusko ka Celeste, not at this time of day!
Hindi niya ako sinagot, instead he hands me the paper bag that he's been carrying.
"Is that okay?" he asks as I take it from him and rummage through its contents. A gasp escapes from the back of my throat when I realize what the contents are.
"Bumili ka?" I ask him, taking out the assortment of alligator wires and bolts. He bought more than needed. "May flight ka diba?"
"It's okay," he says, "are those alright? I didn't know what kind you needed, so I just bought all the varieties."
I look back inside the paper bag and can't help but smile. Binili nga niya lahat.
When I realize that all eyes are on us, I clear my throat. Hinanap ko ang groupmate ko na agad namang tumakbo palapit sa akin ng inabot ko sa kanya ang paperbag.
"Bigyan mo nalang din yung isang grupo na wala niyan," I tell her, pero her attention is barely on me. She keeps on stealing glances at Enzo.
"Ces, sino yan?" she asks but I just ignore her, turning to Enzo.
I grab his arm and pull him with me. The crowd of students that surrounds us split like the Red Sea as we pass through. Alam ko madami ng assumption at theory sa mga utak nila by this time, pero hinayaan ko nalang.
"Thank you so much, you didn't have to," I tell Enzo as I usher him to the entrance of the building. Wala na kasing estudyante sa banda dito dahil nagsimula na ang klase. "Hindi ka ba malelate sa flight mo?" I suddenly feel guilty because the way to the airport is at the opposite side, tapos dumayo pa siya dito para lang ibigay sa akin ang mga ito.
"It's fine," he says, smiling at me. He reaches for me and runs his hand over my head, running his fingers through my hair. "I'm not running late anyway, don't worry."
Napabuntong hininga ako, nodding my head.
"Thank you," I say with a small smile. I could never deny the effort he just made. "How can I ever repay you?"
He only smiles. "It's fine," he says, "but maybe I can come over late tonight? When I come back from my flight. Will you be up late?"
I bite the inside of my cheek and nod my head.
"Sure. I'm always up late studying, so I guess you can come over."
He lets out a small smile and nods. "I'll see you tonight then," he says and I nod.
He takes a step forward until the distance between us shrinks. He leans in and presses a kiss on my temple, running his hand down the back of my head.
"I have to go," he says. I nod my head, biting the inside of my cheek.
"Ingat ka."
He smiles at me. "Aral ng mabuti ha," he says with an amused grin as he walks away.
I roll my eyes at him as a chuckle escapes the back of my throat. I wave at him goodbye, and he does the same before he enters his car that is parked in front of the building.
Puno ng chismis ang naabutan ko nang bumalik na ako. They were all gushing about Enzo, at how tall and handsome he is, and I could hear them making guesses on whether he's my boyfriend or not. Hindi naman din kasi ako gaanong malapit sa mga kaklase ko kaya naman ay wala namang lumapit kasi hindi naman kami close.
"Mukhang plus pogi points ang piloto natin ah," Ada muses as soon as I reach her. I only roll.my eyes as she snickers habang dumidikit ako sa kanya dahil parang bigla akong nahihiya. Naasiwa ako sa bulung-bulongan at tinginan ng iba naming mga kaklase. Hindi pa humuhupa ang init sa pisngi ko.
"Sana all my gwapong jowa."
"Kainggit, maganda na, matalino na, may gwapong pilot pa. Ano bang wala sa kanya?"
I feel my cheeks only getting warmer as I listen to those who talked, napapansin ko pa silang sumusulyap sa akin kaya naman ay halos magtago na ako sa likod ni Ada. Buti nalang at dumating na ang prof namin.
Since finals are around the corner, madalas nag-aaral ako buong gabi hanggang madaling araw. I usually sleep around 2AM tapos nagigising na naman ng maaga at 5AM para mag-aral ulit. Sa dami ba naman ng subjects na kailangan aralin, kailangan talaga ilaan halos lahat ng oras sa pag-aaral. Being a student, para hindi na ako ang may-ari ng oras ko, laging nakalaan sa kung anong deadline na ibinibigay ng profs. Parang nakakasira ng ulo, nakakawalang gana, pero kailangan gawin. Labag sa loob mo, pero gusto mo rin mag-achieve at the same time.
I'm slumped in my couch as I scribble some notes on my iPad nang biglang tumunog ang doorbell. It's almost 1AM at alam ko na agad kung sino ang bisita ko ng ganitong oras. He's been here a few times already, madalas just to hang out just for a minutes after he drives me home from a weekend of adventure or church. Nahihiya rin naman kasi ako not to offer kahit tubig man lang. Madalas we just talk about random things before he decides to go home.
It's nice having a guest from time to time na hindi schoolwork o di kaya chismis ang pinag-uusapan.
I quickly get up on my feet, shuffling towards the door. Inayos ko muna ang buhok ko, running my fingers through my hair, pinning them against my ears.
"Hi," sabi ko nang makita siya as I open the door. He's still wearing his pilot uniform, halata ang pagod sa mukha as he smiles at me.
"Hey there," he says as he leans in and presses a kiss on my forehead as he usually does and proceeds to enter as I step aside to let him in. Napatingin ako sa mga dala niya as I close the door, and follow him as he makes his way to my kitchen.
Nilapag niya ang malaking paperbag sa counter and then proceeds to take the contents out.
"What's all this?" I ask, taking out a box of tea from the bag.
"Your stress-free starter pack," he says, eyeing me with a small grin. I roll my eyes at him, nakangiti as I help him empty the bag.
"Saan ba 'to galing?"
"Hong Kong," he says casually.
"You came from Hong Kong? At dumiretso ka dito? You should have gone straight home to rest. You look tired."
He turns to me and smiles. "I can rest here," he says, "bakit? hindi ba pwede?"
"Pwede naman," I say softly, for some reason, biglang nahihiya.
"You said you've been stressed these days," he says, lining up an assortment of goods on my kitchen counter. "I've read these can help with that. Tea, spicy noodles, dark chocolate," he says as he picks them up one by one, showing them to me like a little kid.
Napangiti nalang ako, feeling the familiar warmth that encapsulates my heart. Lagi nalang ganito ang nararamdam ko tuwing nandito siya. He comes up with the most heartwarming gestures that I just can't help but admire him for it. Alam ko namang ginagampanan niya lang ang kung ano man ang usapan, pero siguro dahil na rin na hindi ako sanay sa alagang binibigay ay hindi ko maiwasang damdamin ang lahat.
"What do you want? I can bake you dark chocolate banana bread, it'll only take around thirty minutes."
"You can bake?" I ask, clearly surprised of this uncharted skill of his. "What can't you do?"
"You," he answers playfully, pero napakunot nalang ang noo ko dahil hindi ko maintindihan ang ibig niyang sabihin.
"Ha?"
"Nothing," he chuckles, "why don't you go back to the living room, I know you're studying. I'll join you when I'm done."
I reluctantly go back. Nakakahiya kasi parang nagtatrabaho siya tapos ako nakaupo lang dito. I try to read my notes, but I can't help but glance at him from the living room from time to time.
"Three cups," he mutters softly, pero naririnig ko pa rin, as he looks at what seems to be a recipe on his phone, scratching the back of his neck as he shifts his weight from one foot to another . He looks so cute, nakayuko at nakakunot ang noo habang nagbabasa, nakasuot pa ng yellow na apron above his uniform.
"One, two, three," he says as he puts cups of flour on a mixing bowl.
Hindi ko na namalayan na tumigil na talaga ako sa pagsusulat at nakatingin nalang sa kanya habang busy siya sa kusina. My head is propped on top of the backrest of the couch, nakadungaw as I watch him cook.
I didn't realize that I have a foolish grin on my lips until he looks up at me and chuckles. Mabilis naman akong tumalikod, pretending like nothing happened as I aggressively scribble on my iPad.
"It'll be done in twenty-five minutes," he says as he walks over to the couch. He sets a cup of tea on the coffee table before he sits on the space beside me, leaving barely any distance between the two of us. Naamoy ko ang pabango niya, the familiar intoxicating scent. Kahit buong araw siyang nagtrabaho at nagluto pa sa kusina ay hindi talaga kumupas ang mabangong amoy niya. Siguro dahil araw-araw niya ng gamit ang pabango ay dumikit na sa balat niya.
"You didn't have to bake for me, you know," I say, "napagod ka lang lalo."
He smiles, leaning against the backrest of the couch as he looks at me. "Hindi na," he says, "hindi na ako pagod."
I bite the inside of my cheek, for some reason hindi ako makatingin sa kanya ng diretso. Marahil dahil nag-iinit ang mga pisngi ko. These days, napapansin ko, he always manages to get a reaction from me, even unconsciously.
Tumango nalang ako at pinilit ang sarili na magpatuloy sa ginagawa. Kahit hindi nagsasalita ay ramdam ko na nakatingin lang siya sa akin, watching me as I scribble on my notes. Konti nalang naman ang kailangan kong isulat, kaya nang matapos ay sinara ko na ang iPad at inilapag sa mesa.
I then reach for the tea he prepared for me. Hindi na masyadong mainit, which I prefer dahil ayaw ko naman ng sobrang mainit.
"Good?" he asks.
I turn to him and nod, smiling as I return it on the table.
"What kind of tea is it?"
"Osmanthus."
I nod my head, crossing my legs as I lean against the backrest of the couch, mimicking him.
"Paano mo naman nalaman ng pantanggal stress ang mga dala mo?" I ask him, turning to him so we're face to face.
He smiles, letting out an amused chuckle. "Research, darling," he says, making me roll my eyes.
"Parang hindi naman nawala ang stress ko," I say plafullly, unconsciously angling my body towards him, "based on your research what else gets rid of stress?"
He stares at me for a few seconds, na para bang binabasa ang laman ng utak ko. He then lets out a breath and shrugs his shoulders.
"Kissing," he says as he looks away.
"Kidding," he adds as he closes his eyes and throws his head back, resting it on top of the backrest as he crosses his arms over his chest.
Biglang kumalabog ang dibdib ko. I just stare at him for a few seconds, scanning my eyes over his long lashes that are splayed over his skin, his sharp nose pointing up at the ceiling, and then to his naturally red moist lips.
Hindi ko alam ko anong nag-udyok sa akin, but I don't stop myself from stretching my hand and reaching for the back of his nape as I inch closer.
He opened his eyes, lifted his head up and looks at me. Umigting agad ang panga at nakakunot ang noo habang tinitignan ako.
"Let's test your hypothesis," para wala sa sariling kong sabi.
I don't wait for an answer from him, I just lean in and press a chaste kiss on his lips. When I pull back, parang bumalik ako sa katinuan and realize how embarrassing I must seem. Heat quickly rises up to my cheeks, tainting them with a crimson hue. After that kiss at his place, hindi na naulit 'yon.
Nahihiya, I slowly inch away kaya lang agad niyang nahawakan ang palapulsuhan ko, pulling me back in. His eyes are squarely pierced into mine, oozing with so much dark intensity. Umigting muli ang panga nito as he stares at me. I shudder at his touch when he cups the side of my face, making my heart hammer against my chest.
When he leans in and gives me a proper mind blowing kiss, my heart goes into overdrive, stopping and going into full speed. Wala na akong naririnig kundi ang paghaharumentado ng puso ko.
Just like the first time, agad naman akong nadala sa mga halik niya. They're as intoxicating as his scent. I close my eyes as he showers me with an assortment of kisses. At first it was slow and cautious, like he's asking permission to take it up a notch. Then it gets softer, and slowly warm and delicious. Now with the deep kisses, I've managed to ride onto his rhythm, responding completely to him.
My senses are completely taken over by the heat of the moment, an influx of emotions plaguing my system. Unconsciously, I inch closer towards him until I find myself climbing over him, straddling him. His lips are fiery and passionate against mine and I lose the ability to think straight at the feel of his hands holding my waist tight.
Ibang klaseng emosyon na ang nararamdaman ko, calmness in a swirl of a raging storm, intense heat radiating all over my body, at sa hindi ko maintindihang rason, may konting kirot sa puso. I need to stop, I need to pull away, but my body is leaning towards being the victor in the war against my brain. And I know the former is clearly winning as I kiss him back with equal fervor, my fingers gripping his hair on the back of his head, my other hand squeezing his shoulder.
Only the melody of our kisses fill the silence. I feel something hard beneath me, and when he runs his hands up my back under my shirt, a moan emanates from the back of my throat, igniting his own groan. Feeling all of these emotions and sensations all at the same time for the very first time is making my lose my mind, but I wouldn't say for the bad. I've never felt such pleasure, and we haven't barely done anything.
At the subtle aching of my chest, I find myself softly pressing my palms against his chest, informing of my need for air. With one last deep kiss, his tongue swiping across the expanse of my mouth, he grants me my request and he pulls back.
Our chests are heaving up and down in unison, the sound of our ragged breath breaking through the quietude. Our eyes are bridged together as I look down at him, him looking up at me. There is barely any distance between us, only a slight nudge and our lips would regain connection.
Umigting muli ang panga niya as I unconsciously lower myself, putting my weight on him. I see his eyes darken, piercing through mine as his hold on my waist only tightens.
"Bakit parang na stress ka tuloy?" I manage to mutter in a small voice, pero mas dumilim lang ang paningin niya.
I watch him as he shifts his gaze from my eyes back to my lips, and the sight alone is enough to bring my urges back to life.
Nang nagtama muli ang mga mata namin, it is as if we came to an unspoken agreement and before I know I am wrapping my arms around his nape, allowing him to ravage my lips once again.
I unleash a shaky breath when he wraps his arms around me, takes me with him as he gets up, and lowers my body onto the couch until my back comes in contact with the soft material. Panandaliang naputol ang halikan namin, and I find myself absentmindedly reaching for his neck as he hovers over me, bringing back the connection between our lips.
The first two times I've kissed him, I was drunk. Now sober, I just realized how sweet his lips are, how soft and tender they are against mine.
A whimper makes its way out of my lips when he trails his kisses down my neck, showering my skin with open-mouthed kisses. And when I feel his hand sliding under my shirt, across my stomach, tingles run down and tumble over my skin. A gasp is elicited from the back of my throat when he cups my breast and he curses against my skin.
"Fuck," he hisses, teeth grazing against the thin skin on my neck.
Parang sasabog ang dibdib ko, not because of the overflowing sensations that I'm feeling for the first time, but because of the realization that I am not wearing a bra!
I can't believe I have been walking around with him in my house without a bra! Normal naman din kasi sa akin na hindi nagsusuot kapag ako lang mag-isa, lalo na sa ganitong oras ng gabi.
Pero agad naman nalusaw ang mga nasa isip when he continues to expertly knead my mound, a moan escaping from between my lips. Agad naman itong natabunan ng mga halik niya, masking the pleasured sounds that are sinfully escaping me.
Everything is dim, with only the warm cove lighting in the living room at isang ilaw sa kusina, but I've never felt so bright. The feel of his lips against mine is like having a taste of the sun for the very first time.
We are both lost in each other's kisses, my mind unable to decide where to focus, on his lips on mine or on his hand on my breast. Elation just percolates through my veins as our tongues blend into a tango.
Beep!
The sound of the kitchen timer, pulls me back out of our pleasured trance and so does Enzo. Slowly pulling back, my lips tremble as I stare into him, a line of spit still connecting our lips. I swallow a lump in my throat, feeling the insane hammering of my heart against my chest.
Parang naririnig ko rin ang lakas ng tibok ng puso niya, pressing his lips together.
He shifts his attention on my lips once again, halatang nagpipigil, bago binalik ang tingin sa mga mata ko.
"Banana bread is ready," he says huskily, at sa tunog palang ng boses ay parang ayaw ko siyang pakawalan. However, I nod my head and he slowly rises off of me. He slides his hand out of my shirt and I bite the inside of my cheek as I stop myself from reacting to the way his fingers glide over my stomach.
When he gets up, sabay naman ang pag-upo ko. I swallow another lump as I pin my hair behind my ears, swinging my legs off of the couch. As if nothing just happened, Enzo just casually walks to the kitchen and tends to the oven.
I huff out a quiet breath as I unconsciously lick my bottom lip. Ramdam ko pa rin ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko at ang panlalamig ng balat ko ngayong humupa na ang init.
I press my hand against my chest, feeling the way my heart beat. Ayaw ko man, pero hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili na hindi isipin na nag-iba na ang pagtibok ng puso ko, at patuloy na nag-iiba sa tuwing magkasama kami.
I am pulled out of trance when I feel Enzo pressing a kiss on top of my head. Hindi ko namalayang nasa harapan ko pala siya. He takes my hands as he squats down in front me, eyes piercing through mine.
"Is something wrong?" he asks, concern and a dash of fear laced in his orbs.
Nothing is wrong when I'm with him, but the way my feelings is starting to get anchored on someone temporary is where the wrong is starting to lie.
Pero kahit na ganon, ay hindi ko pa rin mawari na mali ang lahat ng ito.
I shake my head and smile, allowing myself to reach for him to cup his cheek.
"Of course not."
Seeing him smile somehow washes away the thoughts in my head that any of this is wrong. Everything feels so right with him.
*********