It's friday night at sa wakas ay sembreak na namin. We have one month of rest before our second semester.
And as what my parents want, uuwi ako sa amin. Sakto rin dahil sa linggo na ang isa pang celebration ni Kai. That is his actual birthday rin kasi.
Ganoon siguro talaga kapag sobrang yaman na, one celebration for the family and one for other friends and relatives.
Well, that sucks for me kasi kahit may kaya kami ay hindi ko naranasan iyon. My parents would like to travel by themselves rather than celebrating my birthday with me.
In the end, mga kaibigan ko lang ang kasama ko. Or sometimes, mag-isa lang.
Kai is a lucky man. Kumpleto ang pamilya at mukhang mapagmahal ang magulang. He also has an irresistibly cute brother. Maybe that's why he has a good personality. He was surrounded by good influences in his life. His family, especially his mother, teached him to be kind and respectful.
Now I get why he is a gentleman. Kung ikaw ba naman ay may ganoong kabait na ina, you'll never want anyone to harm her. And maybe he adapt that to other girls, kaya kahit sa iba ay magalang at mabait siya.
I wonder if my parents just pour attention and love to me. Will I still crave validation from other people?
I don't know.
I just know that I am so thankful to my two best friends who never leave my side. They were the first ones to accept who I really am. They made me feel special and loved. I will do anything for those two bitches.
Sa ngayon ay uuwi rin sila sa kani kanilang bahay. Kelly went to her province and Tris to her mother's hometown.
Nakarating ako sa bahay mga 7 pm na. Maaga ako para sana sabay sabay kaming mag dinner pero when I got there, wala ang parents ko.
In the end, mag-isa na naman akong kumain sa malaki naming lamesa.
I hurriedly finished my food and went to my room. I cried.
I don't know why I felt sad. Siguro dahil akala ko ay matutuwa sila na nakikisama ako kay Kai. Akala ko they will welcome me with open arms dahil sa wakas ay sinunod ko ang kagustuhan nila.
Mali pala.
Ganoon lang din.
They never changed.
Mabuti na lang at tumawag si Kai dahil naibsan kahit papano ang lungkot ko.
"What are you doing? Hmm?" he said huskily. Nakahiga na rin daw siya sa kama.
"Nothing. I am bored here. I can't believe I will spend a month in this hell." saad ko habang pinupunasan ang luha.
"Don't worry Roshan, I'll keep you entertained. Okay? See you on Sunday. I can't help but to think of your gift. Ano kaya iyon?" he giggled.
I smiled.
"Hmm. Basta. Pero sana magustuhan mo ah? You almost got everything kaya medyo nakakahiya ang ibibi-"pinutol niya ang sasabihin ko.
"I told you multiple times Roshan, kahit ano basta galing sayo. I will appreciate every inch of it."
"Mambobola." narinig ko naman ang pagtawa niya sa kabilang linya.
"Hmm."
"Antok ka na ata. Bukas na lang uli." saad ko.
"Hindi pa. Dito muna tayo." sambit niya gamit ang pa cute na boses.
"Sus." umirap ako pero nakangiti ang labi.
"Anong gagawin mo bukas?" tanong niya, pinapahaba ang usapan.
"Wala naman. Hmm. Tawagan ka?" sagot kong nagpatawa sa kanya.
"I'd like that. Will call you early in the morning tomorrow."
"Hindi ka ba busy? Sa preparations?" tanong ko.
"I know my priorities Roshan. It's fine." uminit na naman ang pisngi ko dahil sa sinabi niya.
"K."
"Kinilig ka noh?"
"Sinabi mo lang ba yun para kiligin ako?"
"Hindi naman pero parang ganon na nga, para rin ako ang maisip mo hanggang sa makatulog ka." tawa niya.
"I never even dreamt of you." lies.
"Well now, you will." he laughed again.
We just had a long phone call hanggang sa nagutom ako at bumaba upang kumuha ng pagkain. We ended the call.
Pagkababa ay may narinig akong usapan sa office ni daddy. I heard Kai's name.
I eavesdrop and stay there to listen for more.
"So we're gonna surprise the kids abuelo?" my mom asked.
She's talking to abuelo? About what? And surprise?
"Of course it's gonna be fine for my daughter. She'll be happy for a surprise engagement party for sure." saad niya bago tumawa.
Engagement party?
"Is this okay for Mr. Cueves? Baka naman ay magalit dahil birthday iyon ng anak niya?" my dad asked.
Lumapit pa ako para mas marinig ang pinaguusapan sa loob.
"Well, they're engaged already. This is just a formality. That party is a good chance to introduce your daughter to our clan." narinig kong sagot ni abuelo.
Ipapakilala na nila akong fiance sa mismong birthday ni Kai?
"And we'll have the wedding a week after my grandchild's party." dagdag niya.
What the fuck?
"Hindi ba ay masyadong mabilis iyon abuelo? They need time to prepare for a grand wedding." giit ni mommy.
"I'll have the greatest team and coordinators. No need to worry for the limited time." sagot naman ni abuelo.
"Hindi ba iyon magiging rushed abuelo? Baka pumangit ang preparations?" tanong muli ni mommy.
"Don't you trust me Diana? And should I wait for a year? Baka hindi ko na maabutan ang apo ko niyan kay Zaccarius. I am old and sick, I can't wait for too long. And if you and your daughter's not yet ready, feel free to back out. I'm gonna find another girl." sunod sunod na saad ni abuelo na agad namang sinagot ni mommy.
"Of course abuelo, we're ready. And we trust you. Sige, we'll conduct the wedding a week after." my mom said nervously.
"That's good Diana. And after their wedding ay tutulak sila sa Espanya upang manirahan. I'm gonna give the rest of my properties there under Zaccarius's name. He will manage it."
"And what will my daughter have?" tanong ni mommy.
"She'll have a share of it of course. Don't worry Diana. Your daughter's future and yours is secured." sabay tawa ni abuelo.
"That's good to hear abuelo. Thank you for the opportunity." saad ni mommy.
"It's my pleasure. Siguraduhin mo lang na mabibigyan ako ni Elizabeth ng apo kaagad. I want it in less than a year." giit niya.
"Sure abuleo. Kayang kaya iyan ng anak ko." sabay tawa ng aking ina.
Para akong nanlumo sa narinig.
I'm gonna marry Kai in what? A week after Sunday?
And we'll go to Spain?
What the fuck?
I angrily opened the door that made my parents gasp.
"What the hell Roshan?! You should knock." sigaw ni daddy.
"What are you talking about? Marriage? Spain? What?" I shouted.
"You heard them all?" tanong ni mommy.
"Yes I did. I heard how you fucking sell me off just like that." sigaw ko.
Naramdaman ko ang pagdapo ng kamay niya sa aking pisngi.
"Your mouth Roshan! Bastos ka." galit na hiyaw ni mommy.
"At wala ka talagang utang na loob noh? We're doing this for your own sake? Hindi mo ba narinig? You'll have a share sa remaining property niya sa Espanya? Hindi mo ba naisip na magagawa mo lahat ng luho mo kung sakali!" sigaw niya habang halos maputol ang litid.
"Then what will happen to my studies?" tanong ko.
"You'll drop out Roshan. Diba ay ayaw mo naman sa course mo? We have a better solution for you. To marry and carry Mr. Cueves child. Ayun lang, ganoon kadali."
"Ikaw naman yung nagpilit sakin sa accountancy diba?" sambit ko.
"And I told you I am not ready for marriage! I am just 19 mom? At gusto mo na akong mag settle sa ibang bansa kasama ang lalaking hindi ko naman mahal? And to fucking have a child?" dagdag ko pa.
"9 months ka lang magbubuntis Roshan, then after that hayahay ka na. Buhay reyna ka na sa Espanya. And you'll realize na tama kami ng tatay mo!" galit niyang asik.
"Mom naman! Ayoko po. Marami pa akong gustong gawin sa buhay." nanliligid na ang luha ko.
"Fuck those excuses! Wala kang magagawa. I've already arranged everything with abuelo. He will announce this Sunday ang tungkol sa kasal niyo."
"Dad." I looked at him for help.
"Your mom's right. Sumunod ka na lang Roshan. This is for your own sake." sagot niya.
"And what do I expect from you? A fucking bystander!" sigaw ko sa kanya.
"Roshan! How dare you!?" dad looked furious.
"I hate all of you! You only think about yourselves! You're all fucking selfish!" saad ko at tumakbo palabas ng kwarto.
Susundan na dapat ako ni dad nang pigilan siya ng aking ina.
Naguunahang magsitulo ang aking luha.
Anong karapatan nilang pangunahan ang buhay ko?
Yes they're my parents, but fuck! They never act like one.
I am still young and what do they expect me to do?
Get married and have a child?
If they were still on their right minds hindi iyon sasagi sa kanilang utak.
All they care about is money and power! They never cared about me.
Investment lang ako para sa kanila. I am their money maker.
Ang sakit! I can feel the throbbing pain inside.
Pakiramdam ko patapon ako.
Kung yung ibang magulang super protective sa iba, ako ipinamimigay lang.
And the fuck? They want me to stop studying and for what? To become a housewife?
I am not saying being a housewife is bad but it is not fit for me.
Ayokong makulong sa bahay taking care of childrens.
I want to explore. Journey to every horizon possible.
I wanna be successful dahil pinaghirapan ko iyon. Gusto kong mula sa sariling dugo at pawis ang perang matatanggap ko.
I want to make my parents proud by studying so hard. Pero wala eh, they didn't believe in me. They didn't believe that I could be successful on my own.
Sa tingin nila mas okay na umasa na lang ako sa isang mayamang lalaki.
I don't want to be locked in a marriage I didn't want from the start. Lalo na kung minamadali nila at lalo na dahil sa pera.
I am more than that. My worth is more than anything they can offer. Hindi ako nabibili ng pera o kahit anong shares sa kumpanya.
Kai said he will wait, or will he?
Alam niya kaya ang plano nilang pag tira ko sa Espanya kasama siya?
Pumayag kaya siya?
Pero sabi niya kasi hihintayin niya ako?
Or it's just a facade? Pakitang tao lang para makuha ang loob ko?
And why would he do that? Gusto niya ba ako?
I had a lot of thoughts and questions in my mind. Patuloy pa rin ang aking pag-iyak. I locked myself and cried to sleep.