I catch my shaky breath and looked upward to see some distant faces who were never emotionally connected to me but were now to my story.
It took me a lot of courage to write that ending where I had to make myself nothing but a slightly good enough to remember human.
We were writing our own story like a diary entry everyday, never knew that the ending would be just mine by my creation of a 7 year leap distress.
Though, I tried to throw some light, throw some positivity as I still believed our love was true, our love was real, our love was bonded by souls, because we were the echt soulmates. Which made me oppugn of writing the part of us dying together at the same time because maybe, our souls wanted peace together if not walking life.
"This was our story. A story of love, betrayal, treachery. Our story, which had not a happy ending. Based on a real story of mine, except for the end, of course. Thank you."
I closed the manuscript in my hands while I finished reading the last page of my book, of Vian's and mine to be exact, but since he had withdrawn from the university, I submitted this project of writing a novella on my own.
I concluded my novella with those last lines, which I never thought felt the need to be out this way. I didn't know when Vian said he wanted to have a dark end to the story, it would become true. Seriously, on a death note.
With just the epilogue left for us to write of our own story which we dedicated to our novella for the literary art project, I gave it the ending, Vian wanted from the start. The ending that we might get someday, the only difference is if I would be able to meet him the last time.
Everything was true, though. Our start, how we met extraordinarily, how we fell in love, how he left me in the end, how did that bracelet resounded... what happens after 7 years is still to be discovered by the both of us in our own different lives.
A sudden silence filled the classroom as I concluded my thoughts. Some students and even the professor knew that this was personal. Somehow they had seen this story evolving. I changed the ending to a sad one because it was the reality. I had understood, that despite how much I fantasize, romanticize a fairy tale of mine, the reality of life can't be changed. And the reality was... that he had left me. Us was never possible now, but I made a promise to myself to wait for him. A soul promise.
"You shouldn't lose hope, Josephine, as much as I loved your book... ah, sorry, you are such a bright star-" Professor started to give her review but her voice broke. She went to her desk and gulped some water, where I was standing in the middle of the lecture room trying to get the broken pieces of myself together to run away.
"I don't want to be a bright star because in the end, the brighter you are, the darker your shadow gets," I said and bowed my head at the professor and then at the whole class listening to my story in silence, and took my bag and ran out. I couldn't face what I had let myself into.
I couldn't show how much this all has affected me, his absence has affected me.
The term break was coming closer and how I had promised my dad to bring Vian to New York to spend some time together after all this time. It would be a lot awkward now, coming out looking like an absolute deplorable freak.
Walking back to the dormitory alone, felt alone. It was still 01 December. The day was going so much slower, like time had learned to slow down. It was currently 15:45 and walking in this moderate heat of the sun brought easiness. A little easiness, actually.
Stepping into the dormitory, having no zeal to do anything-
Like you have any zeal to do anything anytime.
I chose the latter, what I had decided earlier, and did the same by binge-watching Friends on Netflix the whole day to pass my time with a tub filled with ice cream to freeze my brain so that it could stop thinking about him.
One thing I had in my life. Friends. Who neither manipulated me nor deceived me in any of the other ways, otherwise I would have been felt strangely exclusive.
I just wanted this day to end. He would be 24 by now, though, and I'm 23 born on the 23rd. Wow! How deplorable depressing freak I could be more than this?
Don't think about him! My priority. His hair was the most I liked, or his eyes? Definitely, his eyes. Yep. Eyes!
Shut up!
Yeah, I should, actually. I brushed my teeth and took a shower and changed into my pajamas to go to bed. Lord, don't give me another dream, please, I'm fed up with opening my eyes to another. I begged.
This was the first time I realized that the tik-tik sound of the clock was coming from my alarm clock and not my wall clock. The wall clock stood at 23:01, weird because I had heard it so many times, seen it so many times that I felt uneasy after seeing this number together.
Though it was somehow connected to the past life, I still reasoned when will it move when Vian's not here with me, meaning Marshall's not there with Bella.
As I read in that forest library, after attaining Marshall's and Bella's age, our souls will try to reconnect. Will they?
I rubbed my feet together because a sudden shivery feeling crawled up to my leg, making me uncomfortable all of a sudden.
I pushed off the duvet from my head only to witness the translucent walls build-up of the snowy structure of white walls with just a door on the right side not very near to me.
The red door with the same embossment, 2301. Whatever happens, I need to get past this door today. It wouldn't be a coincidence to see the same dream but this time the ending will be more than sufficient, otherwise I'm not leaving.
"Please, don't, I beg of you, PLEASE!" A voice echoed in the room through the red door. Whoever is behind that door will have to come face to face with me today.
I ran toward the door as fast as I could and saw the door creaked open. I was panting crazily, but nothing could come in between my motive of barging in through it. It was never my motive anywhere in particular, but I had that sudden desire to walk through it and see what's exactly been hiding there for so long.
Before I could reach the door, the door closed automatically, and I opened my eyes to find myself lying on the cold tiles in the same position I had been before.
The door was at the same distance as it was before, and all the anger fumed within me in a matter of mere seconds. I pushed my legs, taking big steps out of here to reach it. The door creaked open and I sprinted my fastest.
A thought came to my mind, what if I had run this fastest for my high school athletics marathon, I would have advanced my grades. But it doesn't matter now.
I breathed heavily and dropped myself to my knees. The door never closed. I waited for a while to catch my breath, but the door remained slightly ajar like this time it wanted that I could cross it.
Or it also thinks of me as a pathetic freak that it gives me pity too because it knew I couldn't reach the door. Or it was meant for me to cross this door this time. As they say, everything happens for a reason, and if something's not happening right now, maybe it's waiting for the right moment to happen.
I walked toward the door and reached it. If I could peek from outside, whatever was visible to my eyes was nothing but darkness. A black pitched zone.
I push the door open to enter it. Am I in hell? Because surely it doesn't look like heaven.
"Hello? Is anyone here?" I asked no one in particular. Like if somebody would say, yes, I'm. What do you want?
I clearly remember that I had heard someone begging someone not to do something.
I cleared my throat to make some noise to show my presence to whoever the person here was. Then it clicked to me, why was I not scared, exactly? I should be because no one is here, I'm hearing voices of someone begging someone, what is my purpose of being here exactly?
I took another foot inside when I heard a sob. This voice? What was this voice?
"Who is it?" I asked and turned around. There was no need, though. The door that I left opened had been closed and vanished from here.
There was a sound again. Like someone just gulped. In fear? A small light crept its way and lighting filled the room with a mauve color.
There was a table in between this room. Surely the room had walls, but I couldn't see them because this mauve color happened to get darker and darker until it reaches dark black toward its ends. Was there any end?
"Hello?" I asked again. And my eyes caught a glimpse. A glimpse of a pinky toe. From under the table. Oh, my holy-
I should shout, but why am I calm? This stoic nature of mine would be the last anyone would have thought I could have.
Instead, my feet are going on their own toward that figure, and I bend down to see who's underneath it.
There's a person. A man. A well-grown man with disheveled hair and quite a beard.
"Excuse me?" I interrupted the person's crying session as his head was covered with his hands hugging his knees simultaneously.
He looked toward me instantly and his defense mode turned into a soothing calm expression as soon as he saw my face. But where I was calm for quite a moment, I had lost control completely. Vian? No way!
"Jo?" He questioned.
I looked at him in the eyes and waited for a couple of seconds to take all the images my eyes could capture. The peace I felt by just his gaze.
I extended my hand toward him and nodded at him twice so that he could alleviate his hand and intertwine with mine, making a promise to never leave it.
He came out from under the table, and how I looked at him felt different. I don't know it's the Jamais vu where I'm feeling his stance to be unfamiliar suddenly when all I was familiar with every thought of him.
What if that's how Bella looked at Marshall?
"The shell of a bubble is easy to fumble up, leaving the droplets of the bubble aside. But when it's the shell of glass, you have to be careful of the pieces of glass shattered behind. This door of your life is meant to be for you both. A rare stance of situation where soulmates are born connected to each other. With your love and sacrifices, the curse shed upon Marshall's life has been uplifted, leaving the two of you with another chance to live your life... again. Together."
A voice resounded, but my focus was on the light that traveled down all of a sudden and surrounded Vian and me.
"I'm burning up in a fire, but the fire's not touching me. How I wish you were here with me to save me from the ashes until I rest in them. I'm drowning in water, yet my body lays above the surface. I'll wait for you with your acquaintance of darkness surrounding me in its thick walls of hatred, anxiety, pain, I'll wait not till our death make us apart but until our souls are severed. I give you my soul promise."
"No matter what, one thing should be kept in mind, always. In the end, everyone loses and not a single soul will win."
"I want you to hug me like a father to a son, I don't know if you love me, but just hug me once? Let me be in your embrace once and pat my back a little? Whisper in my ear that you are proud of me for at least surviving. I want your love, dad."
"Though,
I'm used to this pain, this hatred,
Then why my heart is still beating louder than normal?
I'm used to the situations, the circumstances,
Then why I'm panicking again?
This time I wasn't crying,"
But I felt the pain.
"I looked at my reflection of dried tears in the mirror,
Waited for my eyes to get less noticed by a breakdown.
Once again I let myself in contemplation,
A war in my head, a smile tugging at my lips, a thought running with a hidden frown."
"Your absence is the scar you gave me, which is invisible but enough for me to live a life full of hell!!"
"The feeling of emptiness never felt empty,
Even for a single ounce of emotion,
How I carried it in my heart,
Caged between my ribs."
"Your love and care made me realize that we were meant to be together yet broken."
"I tried to find the lost rays of light in you, until the very last moment, when I lost the last one of mine."
"The less his name is heard by my ears, the more my heart mourns his absence alone."
"You are the happiest part of me, and I'm the saddest part of you. Our connection may be of souls, but I can't give you anything else than pain."
"It was Vian's voice. I could hear him weeping in pain."
"You are the only key to my heart, and I wish to be locked and loved by you only."
"Josephine, my little girl," my dad spoke."
"I hope you loved this present,
Just give me your smile with a dimple crescent."
"My life's motive to make you smile this brightest is fulfilled. Now, I can be in peace."
"I'm the blissful, blessed, the luckiest girl in the world."
"My fatal past to my endearing present, ♫♪♪
My dark nightmare to my lovely dream, ♫♪♪
My forever is standing here..."
"A Special flower for you, my lady,"
"Hello, love," Vian whispered against my ear.
"My penguin, look clearly..."
"Welcome to the squad, brother." Xav and Vian hugged, which made me emotional and sigh in awe.
"It will always be a part of my plan to get close to Vian first, and I promise you that I will make him this vulnerable under my spell of fake love that he will speak out the real truth from his mouth himself without me even asking for it. By hook or by crook. By love or by war." I lied to gain John's trust.
"With every drop of tear left from my eye, I countered how nature was shedding tears with me."
"Why are you finding ways of leaving me?"
"I can give my life for you."
"Thanks! You look handsome as always my Royal Prince," I bowed at him chuckling.
"The other swan hugged me in her embrace too, and instead of getting scared this time, I caressed the soft feathers on her beautiful skin lightly to which she snuggled her head in the crook of my neck which forced out a giggle out of my mouth."
"Good morning, marshmallowz!"
"How does it feel?
It is only cognized by the person who went through the emotion, the pain."
"I saw her the other day, almond-shaped hazel eyes, brown long hair, crescent dimples when she smiles, she's CUTE."
"Every woman in your existence shall endure. People will come and go, but cypher will remain with you... for you.
Because you will be the cause of their death."
"It was all my fault... my fault."
"His life was like the happiest child in the world, believe me. But he lacked one thing, just a little one thing... happiness itself."
"Woah, Woah, Woah! Mr. Vishi fishy!"
"The way thee looked at me,
Begot me profoundly in passion,
With thee...
Vian."
"My life is a mess, the only harmony is you."
"You know, I have all the colors. I just wear black. No wonder my sky is dark, but you carry all the colors for me in your eyes."
"You make me want to become the moon in your life when zenith stars were couped in line."
"I found a tree swing and I knew what I wanted. I tug at Vian's arm to grab his attention, who was lost in his own world."
"Maybe I like him?"
"You like my last name? Keep it if you want..."
"Like the sun rises after the night, you can be your light after the darkest fight. Holding onto is the part and parcel of life."
"Look! Haha! Just look at him, Case!!"
"Soul promise?"
" A promise made from soul to soul. Humans lie, souls don't."
"Hmm...bungee jumping?"
"My ears were about to give up when he stopped screaming along with me. We were still tied and swinging like a pendulum in the air. I couldn't help but recall all the flashes, the times I saw his eyes."
"I looked at Jo and reality hit me, even if she isn't afraid of these adventures, she is the worst shrieky screamer. Like the last note of the piano having no depth just a pinned voice, that's how she screamed in my ears making me go deaf."
"Finally, my death...the amusement park."
"Souls connect from the heart...the subconscious is just another voice of your mind."
"Are you 12 or what? How can you get lost in a freaking library?" He asked while giving me a light hug.
"Come on everyone likes ice cream, here take this one," I said and handed him mine and ordered one more.
"Lemme booze-up; I'm not drunk baby~~" Kia and I started singing as Mark sang his signature song again
"Spherical object? That's a football girl. Don't say that in front of anyone. You're going to embarrass me without even knowing of it. Dumb!"
"I told you, you are a sleepyhead. At least don't sleep while walking, ughh," he made that rough face which I surely loved to punch.
"Not every person who is in love with each other ends up together."
"I saw a guy passing through the alley, and he was...he was him. The water guy!"
"Don't get late, sleepyhead," he said as I picked up the call.
"Hi guys, my name is Vian Marshall. Nice to meet you all," he introduced himself in a low, deep voice.
"I opened my eyes and found myself lying in a forest surrounded by enormous emerald-deep green trees."
"Time passes and waits for none, but eventually, it embarks on a new morning every day!"
"It was Xavier's call. Xavier Kennel, my best friend. Without thinking twice, I picked up the call."
"I had just finished reading a romantic novella, and like an idiot I am, I started fantasizing about my own romantic story."
"There was a man standing not near but not that far enough for me to acknowledge his presence."
"Being obsessed with the romantic genre of novels, I sometimes write some short stories of my own too. It's like one of my dreams which I want them to become true in real life, a beautiful love story that everyone will remember."
"Love can't just fade like old memories. It is alive in the form of those memories."
I groaned in my sleep louder than ever and flick opened my eyes to find myself in my dorm room.
I heard three voices in total. The voice of my breathing which was louder than ever, the tik sound of the alarm clock that was beside my bed and another voice that resounded similar to the second one.
The wall clock... the wall clock was not stuck now. It was moving.
Finally, you woke up! How long a dream can be? I thought you were planning to live that dream forever.
What?
"You're finally awake! You don't want to be late for the first day of your university, dear! Get up," Kia barged into my room and said while brushing her teeth.
"Wait - what? First day?" I asked, perplexed at what just happened. My head was spinning like I had 10 shots of vodka back to back.
"Duh! We moved to Sweden yesterday! Today's our first day at the university! Now get ready, chop-chop," She clapped her hands twice to grab my attention and went back to her room.
So all these dreams were in my dream? Is this another dream or the actual reality?
My phone buzzed with my ringtone on loud,
"Our love will win again and again till our happily ever after,
Till our forever meets with joyful laughter."
─•~❉᯽❉~•─
Thoughts?🦋