It was already December. Snow had threatened to fall soon. Jennie stood by her window looking outside. She pressed her right hand to her big stomach and caressed it gently. She sighed. She still remembered the big fight she had with Jisoo two months ago. How they turned to start their cold war once again, after that day since she built the wall to protect her heart against him. Jisoo had come several times, trying to make peace with her. However, she had already made up her mind that they were NOT fated. Their meeting was a mistake. She was belonged to Kai, while Jisoo could have any girls he wanted including his former girlfriend; Hong Soojoo. She read from the magazine that they started to date again. Although Jisoo said that they were only business partner, who cared?
She strengthened her heart against his sweetness. She didn't want to fall into the same trap twice. Therefore, she decided to wipe out a warmed feeling that had developed inside her heart for him. In the beginning of next year, they would get a divorced. Then, she would continue her last semester at the university before flying to Sydney to begin a new life with Kai. She sighed again. Would she miss Jisoo and their baby? Sometimes this question haunted her in several endless nights. For that reason, she had to remove him from her heart if she didn't want another broken heart. She believed that she would have a bright future, full of happiness if she made a right decision. That was why Kai always telling her.
She recalled the night when Kai called her. He was too sweet, too perfect for her. She took a big sighed again. How she did feel bad to open her heart for another man. She felt as if she had betrayed his true love.
*Flashback*
"Had a good day, Jennie?"
"Yes, thanks. How about you?"
"I took a day off. Jennie, my last project was successful. I got a reward from the company. Maybe next year I will go to Australia National Competition for Architecture design." Kai's voice was cheerful, full of joy even though the international phone call wasn't clear enough. It might be because of the storm this morning.
"Congratulation, Oppa. I'm proud of you." Jennie said, feeling proudly for his achievement. Kai was a talented architect. She knew that he would be a successful man soon.
"Thank you. I wish you were here when I got the reward." Jennie smiled bitterly.
"Don't say that. You are making me feel guilty."
"But it's true. Alright, I don't want to make you upset. How are you these days? Is the coldness really bad in Seoul now?"
"Yes, it is. I can't go anywhere. You know, I'm distressed to be at home and knowing that all stores have a special things, beautiful things for Christmas." She said excitedly, giggling lightly, "But I'm going with Irene tomorrow secretly. I have a list of Christmas presents that I haven't bought yet." Jennie heard Kai chuckled. She laughed a bit.
"Jennie, you haven't changed. Shopping will always be your priority beside your study." Kai laughed at the eagerness in her voice.
"Huh, you know me, don't you? That's my habit that I can't resist. I can take care myself. What's wrong with a pregnant woman to go shopping? Being pregnant doesn't mean I can't go. I take my vitamins daily. I drink my milk every day. I eat all the food he sent for me. I swallow those bitter herbs he brought. I take care of myself, but Jisoo always asked me to stay home, to take care of myself. It's enough, I stayed home for these last few weeks, and..." Jennie stopped mumbling when she didn't hear any response from the other line. She frowned. Did the storm make this line disconnected again? She asked bewilderedly, "Oppa, are you still there?"
There was a sound of deep sighed of hurt and disappointment, "Jennie, does he really care about you so much?" His voice was thick. He demanded the answered bitterly.
The words hit her like a blow, made her freeze into a stunned silence. Jennie felt a pain crept in her heart. She shouldn't have talked about Jisoo in front of Kai. Oh, no. She regretted it. She cleared her throat, thinking hard to find some words not to make her fiancé upset. Why did she have to mention Jisoo's name? "Oppa, I'm sorry." Her voice was soft, full of regrets.
"Jennie, please don't say that you have forgiven him. Please don't say that you and him have...?"
"Of course, not!" Jennie cut his words off immediately. Cursing herself, she tried to deny it. Her heart was beating fast, frightened that she had hurt Kai again.
Jennie could sense that their light mood had been destroyed by her careless mention of Jisoo in their loving conversation. Her right hand pressed the phone handle tightly. She took a big sighed secretly as she didn't want Kai to know she was being troubled with both of these two men.
"Jennie, remember your promised to me? We will be together next year. We can start a new life, a bright life without misery. There will be only happiness. I promised you all happiness that you can get in this world." Kai said, emotionally.
Tears were flowing down Jennie's cheeks. She sobbed silently.
"Jennie, are you crying?"
Jennie didn't answer; only a light sob could be heard. She felt her knees going numb. She pulled out the chair and sat down. She pulled out a tissue and wiped her tears silently,
"Please don't cry. Believe me, you will forget all about your past. Forget all about HIM! Forget that entire bastard did to you!"
Jennie bit down on her lower lips. Tears were blurring her sight. Jisoo's imaged came into a picture. His intent dark brown eyes when looking at her pleadingly, his dazzling smile, his cuteness, his sweetness, his pain and his bright face when she smiled back at him. She felt a pain again, in her heart.
"Jennie, are you still there?" The voice of Kai was sounded worried.
Jennie cleared her throat as tears were choking inside. "Yes, I'm here." Her voice was still trembling.
"Jennie, would you keep your promise?" Kai said weakly, as if he had sensed that something wasn't going smoothly as he thought.
"Yes. I gave my heart to you a long time ago. Just wait for me in Sydney next year." Jennie said firmly, even though her heart was screaming out.
"Thank you. I love you, Jennie."
"I love you, too." She put the phone down.
She stared blankly at the window. She felt a mixed emotion in her heart that she herself couldn't understand. Had she fallen for Jisoo? Why couldn't she hate him as before? Why did she have to lie to herself and anybody else that she hated him? She shook her head. She tried to deny it but she failed, "No, we don't belong in each other's arms. No, we can't have a future together. All I feel for him is anger, not love." She said firmly to herself.
Jennie turned her body and was stunned as Rosie watched her piercingly on the doorway, "What are you doing in my room?" She asked, casually.
"Tell me, Unnie. What are you going to do with Jisoo Oppa?" Chaeyoung asked in a serious tone.
Jennie scrutinized her face, "You were eavesdropping my conversation with Kai Oppa, weren't you?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't let you hurt Jisoo Oppa again and again. For god's sake, he has enough, Unnie. It's enough to get his punishment from you during these 9 months. Don't you think so?"
"How do you know about punishment?! For your information, I let him go from jail!" Jennie raised her voice. She gave Chaeyoung a hard look.
Chaeyoung moved closer to her sister. Jennie frowned. This was the first time her sister argued with her. What's wrong with everyone in this house? Why they were against her now? Her eyebrows rose when she saw that Chaeyoung was ready to utter other words.
"Unnie, he got more punishment from you than spending a few months in jail. He had thrown his pride, his dignity for you,and been scolded all the time by you. He swallowed all of your angered. Gosh. He told me that he would rather spend his life in jail rather than to face your cold heart every time he sees you. You have been torturing him mentally. It hurts to see his painful face. Do you have any feelings, at all?" Chaeyoung paused, inhaling some fresh air. Her face reddened.
Jennie watched her sister in angered. For a second, she didn't understand, but then her face grew red. How dare she criticize her attitude towards Jisoo. It's none of her business, "You know nothing about it, Kim Chaeyoung. What did you get from him? It's him who asked you to talk to me like that isn't he?"
"No, he didn't ask me, even he's never complaint about you. Have you ever thought that he is in love with you?" Jennie was stunned. Her mouth was slightly opened. Before she could uttered another word to argued, Chaeyoung had left her, closing her bedroom door harshly.
*End of Flashback*
The baby bear in light blue pajamas distracted her wondering mind. She looked at it and smiled. Jisoo bought it for her. Although, she didn't want to see him, he asked Chaeyoung to give it to her. He put a little card on its tiny hand. Forgive me. Just a simple words but it made her heart melted again into his sweetness. How did he know that she likes light blue color? She asked herself. Jisoo was full of surprised; even she couldn't think what he was going to do next. She took the little bear and played with it. She remembered Jisoo. She remembered what her sister told her. Had he really fallen in love with her or it was just Chaeyoung's imagination? This question had made her miserable to sleep that night. She sighed. She hadn't seen Jisoo for almost a month. He went to Japan to develop his market there. He came to her house last month telling her that he wouldn't see her for a month but she acted like she didn't care. She just sat there watching TV as if he was talking to himself. She could see a pain expression on his face but she promised herself not to fall into his sweetness again. She kept her cold gestures back as before even though her heart screamed out in disapproval. However, she admitted that Jisoo was a tough and stubborn young man. He didn't give up. He just did what he usually did. She couldn't stop him either to visit her as they were engaged to a marriage agreement. So, they faced their meeting days without talking to each other. Jisoo was more serious lately but still talked nicely to her. She hadn't seen his smiled or heard his silly jokes to Chae. He always looked tired. In her eyes, he became thinner and paler. However, he always brought something for her. Starting from delicious snacks that her stomach couldn't resist, vitamins, herbs and all kind of nutrition, he began to buy her cute little gifts. She had never showed any interest in front of him, but after he left, she would be eager to know. Cursing herself for being so childish, Jennie couldn't help to stop it. Without her consciousness, she did what he wanted, even drinking milk for her baby, the one that she hated since she was a little girl. She didn't understand herself, but once again, why did she have to care about him? He had his girlfriend to take care of him, right? As he said before, he only visited the baby, not her.
"Aww." She held her stomach immediately. She lost her hold on that little bear. The baby kicked her again. Every time she cursed its father, it kicked her as if her baby didn't agree with her. She caressed her stomach gently. Sometimes, she wanted to tell Jisoo about his baby's kicking and shared the excitement with him. However, she was afraid that there would be a string attached between them. She didn't want that. She had promised Kai and she had to keep her promised. She took a deep breath. She decided to take a hot bath. Winter this year was so cold. Japan was worse than Seoul. It could be minus eleven degree in Tokyo, "Did Jisoo Oppa brings enough winter clothes?" She asked herself in worry.
Thinking about Jisoo, she couldn't help to think about the other man of her life, Kai. He complained the weather in Sydney all the time. The summer in Australia was hotter than a few years before. In addition of that, there was bushfires that made the weather even worse than hot. She laughed bitterly. They were in two different continents. One was suffering of coldness while the other got annoyance of heat. Life was funny, she laughed again, cynically. Jennie opened her closet.
She just wanted to pull out a sweater when the phone rang. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was 8 o'clock. It must be Jisoo. Today was Friday and he always phoned her at this time. She hesitated to go to the bathroom waiting for her sister to call her name. Chaeyoung opened the door. Without saying anything, she gave the cordless phone to her, "Its Jisoo Oppa." Her heart was still beating unsteadily every time she heard his name.
She sighed deeply, calming her heartbeats and took the phone, "Hello."
"Jennie, it's me." She heard Jisoo's voice from the other line. His voice was thick and husky; 'Oh no, he might catch a flu.' She thought, "How are you? Are you ok?" His voice sounded worried, as usual.
"Fine."
"Don't forget to wear your winter coat all the time. The weather isn't really good this year. Please don't let yourself get sick. Are you feeling cold?" He asked again, concernedly for her health.
"No."
"Have you taken the vitamin yet?"
"Yes."
"Good. I'm coming back to Seoul tomorrow afternoon. Do you want something from here? I can buy it for you." His hoarse voice was sweet, a little bit cheerful. She could felt that he was in a good mood, 'Maybe his business got its success.' She thought.
"No. I'm fine."
"Are you sure? Do you want to try Tokyo's cuisines? Some snacks? Or..."
"Don't bring anything. I said I don't want anything." She said, raising her voice a little bit. There was no sound of his voice for a while. She could hear Jisoo cleared his throat.
"Alright, never mind. Just take care of yourself. I will meet you on Sunday."
"Um."
"Bye, Jennie. Goodnight."
"Bye." She pushed the button and the conversation with Jisoo ended. He kept calling her three times a week on the days he supposed to visit her. Although he knew she would only answered with yes, no or a short sentence; he had never give up. Jennie growled. It was very hard to deal with Jisoo.