~Life is nothing without a little chaos to make it interesting. In chaos, there is fertility~
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Yasmeen
Life leads us into its spaces slowly, We are not sure what awaits us next. We set out to explore it, moving circumspectly, with a sense of anticipation and sometimes, it suddenly opens up and teases us with its transparency. Just like the way it's teasing me with my divorce, the one I never got
They say that there is beauty in truth, even if it's painful. And the only truth right now is, I am stuck with Ahmad. But it is not beautiful, only painful
Another month has passed, still no divorce. Ahmad is still delaying the inevitable as if he could kill time without injuring eternity
Worry is all I feel these days, For I was a free bird one minute, queen of the world and laughing. The next minute I would be at the verge of tears like a porcelain angel, about to teeter, fall and break. I never worry because I was afraid that something would happen, I worry because I fear something that could render the world more beautiful would not happen, and that thing is My divorce
I was almost drowning in the ocean of my worries when I saw a message from anonymous, A drop of sweetness mixes into the worry inside me. It's only a drop in a sea, but in that moment, it feels like everything.
And suddenly I am in the middle of it, poetry and chaos, poetry and love and again, complete chaos. Worry, disorder, fear, occasional clarity, sheer enchantment and at the bottom of it all, only love and poetry.
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Hey beautiful ❤️
You're one of the strongest people I know, do not let anything break you. Not even the loss of a man who was never yours
All the world is a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. Some things just couldn't be protectd from storms, Some things simply needed to be broken off. Once old things are broken off, amazingly beautiful things grow in their place
Sometimes you meet people in your journey through life that are never meant to stay in your life. They are just passing through to bring you gifts, either they are blessings or lessons.
If you gave someone your heart and they broke it, they didn't take it with them. You would not spend the rest of forever with a hole inside you that couldn't be filled. I'm here to fill it up with all the love and care in the world
Don't bend, don't water it down, don't try to make it logical, don't edit your own soul according to the fashion or other people's preference. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly. One of which is 'US' 😉
Love ❤️ Anonymous
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In that moment, I saw myself and anonymous driving through eternity in a timeless taxi, holding hands
No matter what all your teeth and wet fingers anticipated, there was no accounting for the way that simple joy of reading his messages could shake in me
I was consumed by the sweetness of his words when I heard a voice calling
"Yasmeen! Yasmeen! Yasmeen!"
I answered and quickly made my way to the living room to see why someone is screaming out my name. Upon entering, I came face to face with my cousin who is old enough to be my mother
"Good afternoon" I greeted her
"So nice to see you Yasmeen dear, but it could have been even nicer if I saw you at your matrimonial home" she said
"Not again" I said, shaking my head, For I know where this is heading to. Too many ants telling bees how to make honey, It's so tiring, I thought
"I heard Ahmad wants you back in his life" she started
"What? Not really" I shouted, but she ignored
"Since it has come to this, I think it's better if you go back to your house. Marriage is not and will never be a bed of roses. Patience and communication are key to a healthy marriage, no one has had it easy dear" Cousin Neehad said
"Dearest cousin, My marriage cannot be fixed. And that's because It has been one big fat lie, and things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies" I replied
"All marriages are not 100% what they look like, but that doesn't make them a lie. Your marriage cannot be a total lie, maybe some fragments of it, but it cannot be that bad" she said with a small smile
"You don't understand, my marriage was like a leaf in the woods, shaking in the wake of a startled bird's flight" I retorted
"Then all you need to do now is to work on it, nurture it. Clearly, your husband wants you back, that's why he has been trying to make contact with you. Maybe he has realised his mistakes and is ready to fix them. Maybe he has changed" she told me
"He hasn't changed, not even a bit. And he would never change, not in a million years, I promise you that" I said
"How do you know that?" She asked
"When you lived for a while with someone who never tells the truth, you learn to see underneath the surface" I replied
"So why is he following you around?" She asked
"To celebrate his mother's victory, she has successfully reclaimed her property" I repied, jokingly
"This is not the time for making jokes" she warned sternly
"Yasmeen, I know you're hurt. Loss of any sort especially your man, should stir up emotion. if it doesn't, it's because you've trained yourself to be numb. But the pain will still be there until you do something about it. You two know yourselves better, go and sort it out by yourselves" she started again
"We can't" I told her
"Why?" She asked
"Because I do know Ahmad really well, I practically studied him when I was in his house. But with him, I was never judged by my intentions because he can't read minds and he cannot know the heart of a person he has not given time to know personally. But many times, I'm grateful for the way he under estimated me" I said
"Forgive him and move on. Go back to his house, get to know him, Date, fall In love with him all over again, start afresh. Please" she pleaded
"Doing that will not erase what has happened in the past, I will just be giving him the chance to do it all over again, to hurt me, to treat me like a slave and a worthless undeserving piece of shit. But this time, even worse" I told her
"You teach people how to treat you by what you accept, just go back there and show him how you want to be treated" she said, desperately trying to convince me
"Sometimes the greatest win is walking away and choosing not to engage in drama and toxic energy at all" I replied, but I wasn't making any sense to her. She isn't convinced at all, so I continued
"What about all the terrible rumors he has been spreading? Do you think that's forgivable?" I asked my cousin
"The rumors will die out soon, he did it out of anger. He will soon come back to his senses, give it time" she said
"I cannot find it in my heart to forgive Ahmad, But I somehow understand his pain" I said
"That's a good sign, you still love him, no matter how hard you're trying to deny it. With great love always comes understanding" she said, making me realize I have to try harder to make her reason with me
"The way he disrespected both my parents, that hurt. It was then I knew that I can never live with a man that thinks lowly of my parents, That has no regards or respect for them" I quickly said
"What do you mean by disrespect?" She asked, and that's how our conversation took a different turn.
She made many faces, Like a mask of comedy and tragedy at the same time, as she listened to me narrate what transpired between Ahmad and my mother. Up to the point where he told her that he is sending me home and the reasons why he is sending me home
The haughty woman puffed up like a rooster ready for a fight.
"Mother, how could you let him disrespect you like that? who the hell does he think he is? Is he giving Yasmeen or any of us the air to breathe?" She asked bitterly
"I swear if it was I he told all that, I would have taught him an unforgettable lesson. I think I should go do that right now" cousin Neehad said, vacating the chair she was once occupying
"Oh wait until you hear his grand finale" I said, with a chuckle
"What's that? Quit playing games, this is not a joke, we are not a joke" my cousin said
"Ahmad said I am sleeping with my brother Bilal, that's why he gives me nice and expensive gifts as payment for my services. He said that he caught us in action, red handed during the filthy act" I blurted out
Lies are neither bad nor good. Like a fire they can either keep you warm or burn you to death, depending on how they're used. Among all these lies, this is the only one that burned me, from the inside out
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