Day Twenty-One
Luanne watched Mickey and Emmie chat walking towards the boys SUV. Everything inside her told her that something wasn't right when she woke up this morning and she couldn't place it. The sun was beating down and the sky was clear, everyone seemed at peace except for her.
"Was I that bad last night?" Emmie asked getting into the backseat sliding in beside Danny and Sam.
"No! You were great! Nothing but drinking and dancing!" Sam shouted as the door closed.
Emmie hadn't remembered anything from last night. Sam did. He remembered every little thing in agonizing detail. He professed his feelings and not only did she not say it back, she didn't remember. Looking Toward Mickey, Sam made his eyes wide which she quickly registered changing the subject immediately.
"How about Sleeping With Sirens today? Jake you had an emo phase. Let's see how much you remember." Mickey stated turning up the radio as Jake grinned to himself before taking off down the road. She remembered something about him.
Josh drove down the highway watching Luanne in the passenger seat. She was recording him consistently, missing several of the nature shots that she normally took. The music coming through the speakers was a playlist of hers that he hadn't heard before. He recognized some of the songs sensing they were a mellower vibe.
"I love The Oh Hellos. You heard of them?" Luanne said suddenly turning the stereo up quickly.
Hello, my old heart
How have you been?
Are you still there inside my chest?
I've been so worried, you've been so still
Barely beating at all
Oh, don't leave me here alone
Don't tell me that we've grown
For having loved a little while
Oh, I don't wanna be alone
I wanna find a home
And I wanna share it with you
Luanne still couldn't place where her deep-rooted discomfort had been coming from as she sang along. She knew Josh was worried about her. She could feel his eyes taking glances at her. Checking her phone the date June, 20th flashed across the screen and all the air in her lungs left.
Hello, my old heart
It's been so long
Since I've given you away
And every day, I add another stone
To the walls I built around you
To keep you safe
Oh, don't leave me here alone
Don't tell me that we've grown
For having loved a little while
Oh, I don't wanna be alone
I wanna find a home
And I wanna share it with you
Josh took another quick glance as Luanne had stopped singing along. The girl stared at her phone as the music continued around them and he wondered if he should pull over. The boys were in the car behind him and he wanted more than anything to text them telling them to stop.
Hello, my old heart
How have you been?
How is it being locked away?
Don't you worry, in there you're safe
And it's true, you'll never beat
But you'll never break
Nothing lasts forever
Some things aren't meant to be
But you'll never find the answers
Until you set your old heart free
Until you set your old heart free
The tears fell silently down her cheeks as the texts from Emmie began coming through. Everything in her body felt paralyzed and cold as she stared at the date again. Her mothers message came through next. Luanne couldn't bring herself to answer any of them.
"Can we stop? At a gas station or something?" Luanne asked softly as the song ended.
The minute he pulled into the rest stop Luanne flew out of the car leaving her camera in the passenger seat. Josh watched Emmie hop out of the car taking off down the side walk toward Luanne. Mickey looked to him with a confused expression before realization came and she ran after the other two. Josh stepped out of the car to the guys who watched them run.
"Do any of you have an idea of what's going on?" Josh asked to which the three just stared at him with blank expressions.
"I saw Em texting Luanne multiple times but I couldn't get a clear look." Sam spoke quietly.
"Get out of the fucking car. This is Luanne, we have to check on her." Josh ordered the others who stepped out of the car making their way in the direction of the girls.
Mickey held Luanne's hair as she threw up while Emmie held tight to her hand. Emmie knew the minute she saw the date that today was the anniversary of Paul's death. It hadn't clicked fast enough based off Luanne's reaction. The red head finally could breathe wiping her mouth as she sat at the tree next to the one she had thrown up at.
"I'm so sorry Luanne. Is there anything we can get you? Anything at all?" Emmie sat on the ground beside her placing her arms around the girl.
"Why him? Out of all people. I had driven the bike an hour before him. It could have and should have been me and the universe chose my dad." Luanne leaned her head onto Mickey's shoulder feeling her hand rub her back.
Mickey had heard the story from Luanne the day they had met and her heart shattered for her new friend. No one deserved to lose a parent. Especially not her spunky little friend who cared so much about everyone else. Mickey had picked up on their shared personality trait immediately. Caring for everyone else more than they cared about themselves.
"Babe, it was never meant to be you. You have too much to show the world. I would have never gotten to meet you. I am so fucking grateful to have met you." Mickey spoke more gentle than she ever had her entire life.
"Luanne Faye?" Josh's voice called out as he came around the corner with the other boys.
Jake watched Mickey console his crying friend, taking in the scene. Sam saw Emmie's red rimmed eyes and felt his heart plummet. Danny watched Luanne with a downturned expression as she looked up at him. Josh was the quickest to move, getting on his knees in front of her as she cried.
"Baby, what happened?" Josh asked as Luanne moved from the girls arms to his.
Luanne watched the girls move from the ground. Emmie went to Sam, who wrapped the crying girl quickly in his arms. Mickey stepped beside Jake leaning her head on his shoulder. The two girls felt for her no matter that they knew her for many years or a few days. Little did Luanne know years from now they both would always spend this day with her either drinking or crying or both. That's what best friends do.
"It still hurts. It will always hurt. I am so tired of it hurting Josh. I'm so fucking tired of losing everyone." Luanne burrowed into his arms as she spoke with her voice cracking.
The realization of her dad hit him like a truck and he held tight to the girl shaking in his grasps. Looking behind him Emmie's cries matched Luanne. Mickey had a pained expression that Josh had never seen before sending a chill up his spine. Rubbing his hand through Luanne's hair he felt at a loss for words feeling his world crumble beneath him. He couldn't offer her a solution as soon she wouldn't have him around either. Josh had to just watch the sun crash and burn in his hands.
"What if we stop here for the night, there's a campground maybe 15 minutes up the road. It can be our first stop." Danny's words were gentle as the others nodded.
"Come on baby, we will just relax today. No more traveling. Not today." Josh helped the girl off the ground leading her toward her car.
The 5 were silent in the car on the 15 minute ride. No music played and Mickey viciously tore at her straw wrapper. Emmie bit at the corners of her nails watching the road ahead to see Josh and Luanne in front of them. Mickey and Emmie had the fault of caring far too much for Luanne. No one would call it a fault except Luanne herself who felt their concern misplaced.
"She's going to be okay right?" Danny asked breaking the silence.
"Of course, she's Luanne Faye Clarke. Even if she isn't, we won't know." Emmie's voice was louder than it should have been out of fear for her friend.
"It's going to destroy them when the time is up." Mickey stated hushing the car once again.
"It's going to destroy everyone." Jake whispered paling Mickey instantly as they pulled into the campsite.
Luanne's tears were gone entirely when they parked the car. If you hadn't seen it, you wouldn't have known she had cried at all. Josh knew though. He knew good and damn well she was bottling up everything she felt. Asking her about it would do no good. So he played along. As they set up their things Josh couldn't help but keep an eye on her. Sam and Jake struggled to set up tents beside him.
"Do you understand women?" Josh asked his brothers quietly so the others wouldn't hear.
"I told Emmie that I loved her and she said that she knew and now doesn't remember any of the conversation." Sam whispered back.
"I thought Mickey was drunk and told her I liked her and turns out she wasn't drunk and now I can't tell if she even likes me as a human being. So no Josh, I don't understand women." Jake replied hammering the nail of the tent in place with exhaustion.
Luanne didn't speak to anyone instead went to the nearest grill and began working on food. She should stop. It wasn't just her dad, it was that mixed with losing Josh and it all was intertwining horribly. Maybe it was the seltzer she was drinking or pure psychosis that was keeping her going at this point. Turning up her speaker she began to dance as she grilled trying to lighten her own mood.
"Look at her Mick. She was just throwing up from crying no more than an hour ago and now she's dancing." Danny stated from beside the girl batting at bugs biting her from her perfume.
"If you can't beat them Wagner, join them." Mickey said popping a tab of a seltzer with her tooth before dancing with Luanne.
Emmie was quick to join the two girls dancing to ABBA also beginning to drink herself. The three of them giggled as smoke came from the grill. The boys came back together just staring at them all having fun. Josh couldn't help his lips curling upward watching Luanne point to him as she sang along. The three of them looked absolutely crazy after what had just happened but that's what made them perfect in the boys' eyes. They were bat shit insane but they were theirs.
"I don't understand women." Danny muttered over the disco music.
"I love her." Josh said for only the boys to hear watching his sun shine brighter than anything he had ever seen.