„Another advantage of me staying here for some more time is that since I have been tattooed several times I know how to take care of a new tattoo so that it doesn't become infected", Niko mentioned as I opened the door to my apartment. „Mhm", I mumbled agreeing. „But this is not the biggest advantage", I grinned before I quickly closed the door behind us and kissed him. „That's true... Enjoying the time with you and being as close to you as possible is the biggest advantage. But we should get rid of these jackets soon. It's warm in here and, you know, I prefer to hug you with less distance", Niko grinned too and helped me out of my jacket before he got his one off and hung them up in the wardrobe.
A few seconds later, I could feel Niko's body close to mine, his arms wrapped around me closely. „Your body feels so good against mine", Niko whispered into my ear before he kissed a path from my ear to my cheek and eventually to my lips. Slowly, he pushed me back a little by walking into my direction until the wall was close behind my back, probably already touching Niko's arms. His arms slid down from my back to the back of my thighs before he quietly whispered „Jump!". Carefully, I did what I was told and as I was in the air, I wrapped my legs around Niko's body and my arms around his neck.
While holding me with his hands now under my butt, Niko walked closer to the wall again until my back was pressed against it. Keeping this position, Niko started kissing me again. „Your hands are cold!", I giggled after a while. Of course they were cold, we had been walking for quite a while although it was only 3°C outside and Niko's hand had not been in the pocket of his jacket but holding mine. „I know. Your butt is not. It's warm... Or should I say hot?", Niko said chuckling. „Whatever you want", I grinned and placed another kiss on his lips. „That's hot, because that's the truth", Niko answered after answering my kiss and winking at me.
Although most people would probably expect this moment to be full of sexual tension, it was not. We were still kissing each other softly, tenderly. If I wouldn't have known better, I'd repeat Anna's words. It felt like our kisses were filled with love. Niko pushed his body against mine even more which caused me to be pressed between him and the wall even more tightly. Now he carefully moved his right hand from my butt to my cheek. Before he started to caress it with his index finger, he pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear.
„Have I already told you that I love to play with your hair? It's so soft and... I don't know. It simply feels good", Niko whispered. „No, you haven't", I answered and smiled at him. „But I love to play with yours, too. Especially when they're in a messy bun, like now." „Oh I have noticed that", Niko grinned. „I guessed that, we both know how often my fingers are tucked into your hair." Niko only nodded as an answer and abruptly he stepped back and while still holding me, he walked us to my bedroom where he carefully laid me down on my bed.
After a few seconds of hesitation, Niko slightly spread my legs with his hands and placed himself between them, supporting himself with his hands next to my head. „All good?", he looked at me and started to play with a few strands of my hair again. „Everything is fine", I whispered and with a hand in his neck I pulled him closer to place a kiss on his forehead. „Okay. If not, tell me." Quickly, I nodded before we continued sharing long, longing kisses.
„Oh no, not again!", Niko suddenly cursed. „What happened?" Confused, I looked at him. „Well... My thoughts wandered to what happened last night in this bed. And you can probably imagine that this thought in addition to laying between your slightly spread legs and kissing you causes my body to react in a specific way. But all I want – well, apparently apart from some parts of my body – is cuddling with you and sharing some kisses. And I don't want something sexual to happen, especially not after last night. Don't get me wrong, of course I enjoyed what happened and I like my thoughts but I don't want you to feel put under pressure only because of what my body does. Also, I enjoy our cuddles at least as much."
Could you love someone even more than I already loved Niko before? I would have said the answer was no until he again showed me it was possible. His words actually caused me to love him even more, he was caring, understanding, incredibly sweet and the fact that he enjoys cuddles at least as much as sexual actions made him even more rare. „It's okay, Niko. Honestly, I haven't even noticed it yet. But it doesn't bother me, I can ignore it. Probably a lot better than you." I chuckled and started caressing his back.
„Sofia?", Niko quietly asked and looked at me with a gaze that caused me to worry. He looked as if something was bothering him, as if he didn't feel that comfortable at the moment. „I'm relieved that it doesn't annoy you that much but to be honest, I feel differently about that. It's bothering me a lot and even though you say it's okay for you, I can't ignore it and am still afraid it could bother you... Can we maybe take a break and continue later?", he looked at me apologizing.
„Of course! Don't be sorry. What do you want to do instead? What about cooking? By now I'm pretty hungry", I looked at him. „That's a good idea! Do you have enough ingredients in your fridge or do we have to go grocery shopping first?" „If you're fine with pasta and tomato sauce, we can start cooking now", I suggested. „Of course, why not?" And with this, we got up and within around half an hour, we managed to cook ourselves some pretty decent food.
„Mhm, that's great! I haven't eaten this good in a while", Niko complimented our or probably rather my cooking skills because he had only cut onion and some fresh tomatoes into pieces apart from following what I was doing with his eyes. „Really? Oh well, this is pretty good but I can do a lot better meals", I grinned. „I guess when you're in the studio, you don't cook but simply order some food, right?" „Exactly. But if your food is this good, we'll have to cook more often", Niko suggested. Showing my agreement by nodding, I continued eating. Only now I realized how hungry I actually was. Of course, it was now late afternoon and the last time we had eaten was this morning before we left to the city center.
„I'll go take a shower, okay?", I asked Niko after we had done the dishes. „Of course. Do you want me to join you? I should take a shower, too and it would save some water", Niko winked at me. „Oh and I could make sure your tattoo is protected and won't get wet", he added in a more serious tone but he was still grinning cheekily. „Oh you could?", I played his little game, „Thanks for the offer but I'll take a shower alone", I winked at him and went to my bedroom to grab some clothes.
After I had entered the bathroom, I closed the door behind me but since I usually took a shower when I'm alone at home, I didn't think of locking it. Niko wouldn't come in anyway, would he? Because I hated to take cold showers, I already turned the water on and let it warm up before I got undressed and got ready a towel. As the water was warm enough, I stepped under the shower and closed the curtain behind me. The hot water did me good, I truly enjoyed the feeling of the warm water hitting my skin.
But as I had spread shampoo in my hair, I suddenly noticed that the foil on my arm was quite lose by now and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't fix the problem, I couldn't make sure it was tightly wrapped around my arm while washing the shampoo out of my hair. I needed a third hand for that but obviously I didn't have it. Only if... Only if I let Niko help me. I had forgotten to lock the door so he could come in. I didn't want him to see me naked, not at all. Not because I didn't feel comfortable around him but because I felt uncomfortable in my body. I didn't want him to see me without anything to cover my skin. But I had no other option, I needed to call him.
Thus, I turned off the water and called his name. „I need your help", I added as I heard steps coming closer to the bathroom door. „What happened?", he asked worried as he had entered the room. Luckily he can't see me yet, I thought. „The foil around my tattoo no longer holds. I can't keep it wrapped around my arm while washing the shampoo out of my hair. Can you maybe help me?" „Of course. Is it okay for you if I undress before, too? I don't want me clothes to become too wet. But if you're not comfortable with that, I can deal with that." „It's okay", I whispered and waited for him to open the curtain while my right arm and hand were covering my boobs. „But... Could you turn around and help me without looking at me?", I quietly asked while he was still undressing.
„At least I can try to", Niko answered. „I don't know how you planned it but when I hold the foil around your arm, you can't use that hand either. That wouldn't help you a lot. I guess it would make more sense if you made sure that the foil stays were it should be and I'd wash the shampoo out of your hair. But for that I'd have to stand quite close to you behind your back or I'd have to face you", Niko explained when he entered the shower. His eyes tried to find my gaze, he didn't look at my body for once. But I couldn't look at him, I kept looking down on my feed because I felt so ashamed.
„Fuck, I didn't think of that. Of course that makes more sense", I whispered and tried to cover my upper body with my second hand, too. „Sofia, look at me", Niko suddenly told me and held me at my shoulders. But I couldn't, I couldn't bear to look at him. „Hey, please look at me", he whispered and now he moved one of his hands to my chin to lift my head with his index finger and therefore forced me to look at him. „Hm?", I still tried to avoid his gaze but soon I realized it was not possible anymore.
„I feel like your problem is not that it's me to see you naked but the fact that you are ashamed of yourself. I don't know why exactly you feel like that, I can only guess but I can tell you, there's no reason to be ashamed of your body or your boobs. If they are not symmetrical... Sofia, they are never a 100% symmetrical. I'd almost say it's a physical law that one is slightly bigger than the other one. And you know what? The size doesn't matter too. I'm pretty sure that the image in your head of perfect boobs is created by some women in porn whose breasts are result of a surgery. In real life, they are not that perfect. I haven't really seen your boobs and I don't force you to uncover them but from what I've felt last night, I can tell that they fit to your body perfectly. There's nothing to worry about... Or is it-"
Niko wanted to add something, probably tell me another assumption, but I couldn't take it anymore. Hearing this was too much, I didn't want to talk about it and I didn't want anyone else to talk about it either. I hated this topic and tried to push it away, it was horrible enough to see my body myself regularly, I didn't need anyone to see it or even try to make me talk about it. „Stop fucking talking about things you have no idea about!", I therefore abruptly yelled at him.
„I... Sorry... I didn't want to... I just wanted to help you, I...", Niko stuttered clearly caught off guard by my sudden reaction. „You always want to help me but you only tell me there's no reason to feel like I do but you've never thought about that maybe I do know that but I still feel these feelings. Have you even ever thought about how it feels to be this fucking ugly? How it feels to have boobs that look exactly the way society claims as ugly?!" By now, my eyes were filled with tears, not only because of the anger I felt but also because I had never talked about this and it made me feel overwhelmed.
„Here, look at it! Look at these ugly pieces of shit!", I yelled and removed my hands from my upper body. By now, I was shocked by my own reaction, I usually didn't yell at people, no matter how angry I was. And why did I do what I never wanted to do?! But I wasn't only surprised by my own reaction, no, Niko's reaction surprised me, too. As he now closely wrapped his arms around me and started to caress my back, I completely lost it. I started sobbing against his chest and if Niko wouldn't have held me, I would have been sitting on the ground now.
„Sofia", Niko whispered while he moved one of his hands from my back to the back of my head. Gently, he stroked my hair that was still covered in foam until I calmed down at least a bit. „Society has stupid, unrealistic demands. And you know what is the most stupid thing out of all? Boobs do not exist to please men, women or whoever is into women. Their purpose is to feed babies and babies don't care about their size, shape, tautness and they don't care about the look of nipples either. Even if society and stupid men say it's ugly, they don't have the right to say that. And you don't have to care about them. Sofia, you are perfectly imperfect. You know what? I prefer it natural, I don't want everyone to look the same because of surgeries or whatever."
„Sorry", I eventually whispered as I had calmed down a bit but was still crying silently. „What do you apologize for?" „For yelling at you. That was not fair, it's not your fault that I feel like this", I explained and looked at him apologizing. „It's okay, Sofia... But now let's wash the shampoo out of your hair, okay? I don't want it to run into your eyes. And if you want to cover yourself or turn around, it's okay. I'm not mad at you." I nodded in agreement but I didn't turn around. I held the foil around my tattoo in position, took a step back and waited for Niko to turn on the water. „It's too late now anyway", I mumbled and only now that he was carefully washing my hair I looked at his body. He was so attractive, so beautiful, on the outside as much as on the inside. A lot more beautiful than I am.
What an emotional chapter! Tell me what you guys think about it. And let me tell you: You are perfect the way you are! As Niko said, society has stupid demands no-one can fulfill!