|And at the end of the day,
this is my wish:
to love you
with all my stars
and dreams|
//Alexandra Vasiliu
•×•
Thet say that endings can be a start of something beautiful but Jisoo can't see the beauty at the end of her marriage.
At 35 she can say she had lived a fulfilled life, she's a doctor on her own right - a respected one at that, she's financially stable, a house in the city and in the suburbs, a wife - she has a wife, at least until the divorce is finalize.
Chaeyoung is 2 years younger than her, a lawyer, a very in demand lawyer. Jisoo wants to blame it on their jobs - her wife was barely home and she barely noticed.
It was...weird at the end. They never fought, there was no shouts or harsh words, just silent acceptance. she guess that's what happens when people fall out love - the only problem was she didn't fall out love.
Jisoo was still very in love with Chaeyoung, She is still her first thought in the morning and the last at night, she is still her weakness, her strength and she doesn't think she'll ever love someone like that again.
The wedding ring on her finger feels heavy as Chaeyoung quietly demanded for a divorce - her hands combing through her blonde hair (a nervous habit she had picked during their college years) she was explaining to Jisoo what will happen to their shared assets, their house, dogs, cars - everything. She had thought this though, Jisoo thinks.
That was three weeks ago, Chaeyoung opted to staying with Lisa and Jennie, their married friends but Jisoo can't find the strength to come home to an empty house - although Chaeyoung thinks she barely notice if she's alone in the house, she feels different. She feels...sad.
Lisa is a doctor like her, Jisoo knew her even before she knew she wanted to be a doctor. She's like a sister to her in every way possible which then gives her the right to scold (comfort) Jisoo.
"You know what?" Lisa slurs, she likes getting drunk on her rare day offs and Jisoo likes spending hers with Chaeyoung
"What?" She asks, unamused
"I blame it on your parents" Lisa burps, "I mean you turned out great...even better than I hoped for" Jisoo glares at her
"But you know some things are just deep rooted, like how you process your emotions at a snail's pace because you grew in a unaffectionate household"
"I can process my emotions very well" she huffs
"I..I don't think so, we grew up together and I can still count the times you showed visible emotion and that's not normal"
Before Jisoo could say her rebuttal Lisa is already speaking, "Your wife just divorced your ass, you should bawling your eyes out right now but instead your working your ass off and drinking lightly on your day off"
By the end of her speech Lisa had her face down on the table and Jisoo is already dialing Jennie's number.
Maybe Lisa was right, did her parent's loveless marriage rubbed off her? She didn't want to think about it - it upsets her to the very core that after all those years of trying to be better than her parents she still ended up becoming like them.
Cold, unaffectionate and closed off, although to be fair she was already like that before and one person managed to change all that.
...
Jennie arrived at the bar, she greeted Jisoo with a kiss on the cheeks and a flick on the forehead to her wife.
"Ugh, Manoban" Jennie groans and Jisoo helps her load the other doctor on her car
"Are you gonna drive home?" Jennie asks
"I'm probably gonna stay here for a while - Lisa got in my head" there was no point in lying, this was Jennie.
"Oh Jisoo..." the sympathetic smile made her feel slightly better, Jennie hugs her and reminds her not to drink to much to just catch a cab on the way home
In the end Jisoo didn't go home at least not until the sun was up, she was sober enough to drive but sleepy enough to get into an accident. When she got home she showered and slept.
When she woke up there was pain in her head, but she didn't want to skip work so she swallows down two ibuprofen and headed to work
Two surgeries later she passed out on the hallway of the hospital and her last memory is Lisa shouting her name.
Turns out fatigue can hit you very hard in the face, she woke up feeling worse than she ever felt her whole life, an IV strucked on her arm
"What the fuck happened?" She asks
She hears a laugh, it was Lisa. "I'm convinced those were your first sentence as a child"
Before Jisoo can cuss in a more creative way Chaeyoung walks in, she was wearing her usual work attire and worry shows evidently on her face
"Chae..." it was the first time she's seeing her after she had announced she wanted a divorce
"As much as I want to stay - I have to work and I need someone to fill out your forms" Lisa says and then leaves
"Sorry to bother you" is the the first thing she says after Lisa left
"You're not bothering me, Jisoo" Chaeyoung says softly, she approached the hospital bed, "How are you feeling?"
"Like a college student that got her first taste of college party"
"Rough"
Jisoo just hums and closed her eyes, she was tired but she wanted to hug Chaeyoung, kiss her, feel heartbeat, hold her hand but she wasn't sure if she was allowed to so she just closed her eyes in hopes that the pain in her heart will stop
It didn't.
Not until she feels a hand sliding into hers.
Her heart feels heavy and it hurts. It hurts so so much.
•×•
She got discharged two days later and Jennie even came to hospital with Chaeyoung - she says there's no point in being awkward around each other, they are all still friends after all.
As four of them walks on the hospital lobby, Jisoo hears a faint call for Attorney Park but she didn't think much of it as she was just enjoying the moment
The calls grow louder and the four of them stops when a guy wearing a suit had stopped them, he was panting like he ran a mile.
"Attorney Park" he greets Chaeyoung and Jisoo's heart stilled
Does this mean Chaeyoung already dropped her surname? Was she not referred to in work as Attorney Chaeyoung Park-Kim?
She looks away and bites the inside of her cheek to counteract the pain in her heart
"Attorney Han, I'm not here for work - I'm here to have lunch so if you'll excuse us" there was an unnecessary bite on Chaeyoung's tone but she didn't think much of it as her heart is practically breaking into pieces
The four of them ate silently, even with Lisa's conversation skills she can't manage to lift up the heavy atmosphere that settled upon them
In the middle of their lunch Jisoo's phone rang, she thought it was from the hospital since it always is but no, not this time. This time it was from her mom
Her frown must've been visible because Jennie asked if everything is alright,
"Yeah, its all good" she replies with a small smile as she swipes the ignore button on her phone
She and Lisa are going back to the hospital, Jennie is going back to her office while Chaeyoung will meet up with a client
Just before she enters the hospital again her phone beeps,
Chipmunk Park-Kim|
I know this is probably too much but the divorce hearing is tomorrow, I hope you can make it.
Mom|
Am I allowed to see you?
Jisoo replies a sure to Chaeyoung and a resounding no to her mom. She should really be easy on her parents but then again what was the point?
They didn't exactly mistreated her but their silence in the moments she needed the noise still haunts her in some moments
And she should know better because her mom arrives at the hospital the very next day, wearing her usual attire that screamed confidence and money.
"Mother" she greets, "Frankly speaking I have no time to talk to you because I...am headed to my divorce hearing" Jisoo shoots her a sarcastic smile then strode away
...
"Sorry, I'm late" she apologized to Chaeyoung, their respective lawyers and the judge
The hearing proceeds without missing a beat and Jisoo wasn't quite sure what to feel about the whole thing yet, she was...she guess processing her emotions at a snail's pace
"Assets are to be divided by half, my client has no desire in the city house but the house in the suburb she wants full ownership and joint custody on their dogs, Hank and Dalgom" Chaeyoung's lawyer recited perfectly - she knew Chaeyoung wanted this to go as smoothly as possible and honestly that's all Jisoo can give
"Ms. Kim, are you okay with that?" The judge asks when she didn't asnwer
"Ms. Kim?" The judge asks again as Jisoo stared in empty space - she wasn't quite sure what to say.
She wanted to say no, She wanted to say she deserved another chance - that they could work things out but instead she says, "it's Doctor Kim and yes, I'm okay with that" she utters quietly
Silence acceptance.
•×•
Outside the courthouse Chaeyoung was waiting to talk to her but she was beat to the step by Jisoo's mom
Her wife - soon to be ex wife's eyes turned unreadable but there was a hint of concern in it - something that naturally happens everytime her parents are within 2 miles around them
It was frustrating - really. To have to balance her work, her mom and her divorce so she gives in, she accepts the offer for lunch and she didn't meet the eye of Chaeyoung
...
"Can't you two work it out?"
"Oh, are we gonna pretend you liked Chaeyoung in the first place"
"Well I didn't dislike her"
"What do you want, mom?"
"I just wanted to talk to you, see how you were doing"
"You had 35 years to ask me that, why now?"
"Because then you weren't going through divorce"
"Fine" Jisoo huffs, "can you spit out some advice and maybe my life would be better"
Her mom, who is really just a much older looking version of her sighs, "your dad and I have been married for a long time - I know you think we didn't love each other and we stayed for your sake"
"But we didn't, I'm sorry if we never made you feel loved but that was our love language. We loved tough, I knew your father love me everytime he would give a disapproving nod to my bad habits because he was never a man of many words, he's silent, reproached"
"And he knew I loved him when I would try my best to quit those habits, not perfectly but I tried and that's what counts, we loved silently"
Jisoo remained quiet because yeah, her parents loved each other and they were much worse than her and Chaeyoung but they stayed together - together.
"I know you love her - so much that your willing to let her go and that - that's the greatest kind of love, dear"
She feels her throat tighten and her eyes sting.
"But are you really gonna let her go? Because I raised you and I have never, never saw you so in love and happy when you're with her"
She wanted her mom to stop talking because she's not about to cry in front of her but of course her mom didn't stop
"There are things that should end and this - whatever you have with her is not one of those and there are things when people just need a reminder that we see them"
Jisoo sniffs, "because she's not just Chaeyoung, she's my best friend, my person and she's everything I need"
"Boy, I raised you right so don't go crying in front of me when you could have said that to her"
She looks at her mom and she wasn't smiling or maybe she is. Maybe she didn't just noticed.
...
Jisoo first met Chaeyoung in college, she was struck by her beauty and everything else.
They were friends at first but she didn't want to just be friends because Chaeyoung's different, she made Jisoo's heart beat faster and then slower, she made her feel confident, brave and loved
Jisoo was unafraid when she's with her, she wasn't afraid to speak her mind, show emotions because in Chaeyoung's eyes there was no judgement, just warmth and love and everything nice in the world
So yeah, during college Jisoo had confessed her undying love to her then future wife with a crowd of 50 people, she didn't see them if she was feeling honest, all she could see is Chaeyoung and her wide smile, puffy cheeks, eyes that are forming tears and the love of her life mouthing an I love you
So she finds herself outside of Chaeyoung's office building, hands on her pocket. She was wearing a respectable square pants and white button down with the few top buttons undone
Her eyes are uncharacteristically misty and red as she meets Chaeyoung's surprised ones.
About 4 other lawyers stood behind her wife, curious on what their colleague's soon to be ex wife is doing.
"Jisoo?"
"At the end of the day, my only wish - is to love you with all my stars and dreams" she recites her vows from their wedding
"To love you, cherish you, adore you and hope that in every universe I still get to go home to you"
Chaeyoung stood their motionless and Jisoo was silently pleading, hoping, wishing that she could go home with her wife tonight
"Attorney Park? Is she bothering you?"
Chaeyoung lets out a shaky breath, probably from tears.
"It's attorney Chaeyoung Park-Kim and no, this is my wife"
A/N: Happy 1k+ reads! This is a special tribute to all those readers who leaves comments that makes my day and those who just silently enjoys my stories.
P.S. it's 2am in the PH so I didn't really proof read this but enjoy! And if you're from the same time zone and you're reading this minutes before it's publish then dude fix your sleeping schedule