"Our due date is two months after you," Stephanie smiles, and I smile back at her.
"Congratulations, Stephanie, I had no idea," I give her a quick hug, noticing that her stomach is barely fluffy.
Knowing that my best friend is having a baby at the same time as we are, is a feeling I never thought I'd feel, the idea that our kids will know each other just like Mils and I know Stephanie and Elijah make me feel in bliss.
Miles's eyes look at Stephanie and he doesn't say anything for a while until he finally does, "Congratulations, both of you," his eyes shift to Elijah too, and I know he's happy in the way that I am. I'm able to read Miles in more ways than I ever was before.
"We'll be raising two best friends," Elijah speaks and I nod.
"Best friends," Stephanie smiles, putting the emphasis on what's important to the both of us.
"My mother had a dream that we were pregnant with a boy," Stephanie looks at Elijah, placing her hands on his.
"So now we're hoping for a little guy," Elijah smiles his silly smile and Miles stays quiet with a clenched jaw, while I smile back at the two of them.
AFTER AWAKWARDLY SAYING GOODBYE to Stephanie and Elijah, I feel frustration rise in my blood.
Miles has stayed quiet the whole time, almost as soon as they announced their baby and I felt as though I was completely alone, trying my best to hold us both afloat in trying to present ourselves as mature parents-to-be, but what I've needed, I can't seem to always get from Miles and the words is that I'm left on ice all alone with no explanation and nobody to save me.
I close the door behind the two and despite knowing that Stephanie will understand and that neither of them will judge Miles or me, I can't help but feel guilty for the unstable feelings our relationship has to endure no matter what goes right.
We stay quiet and I know that Miles doesn't realize it but it's the kind of quiet that isn't a regular quiet. There's something behind it, something driving it. For me, it's the frustration at the way he's behaving and for him it's god knows what.
We both grab the dirty dishes and wine glasses off the table, walking with them to the sink, our eyes barely connecting and it feels like a sting all over my body to feel like this.
I pour out Stephanie's wine in the sink, watching the red stain the dirty plates as I throw the food into the trash off the rest of the plates.
"You behaved like a real jerk, Miles, what's going on?" I ask, letting my frustration talk but even though I seem to try my hardest to relax I can't, everything feels heightened, and with this baby growing in my stomach, every small problem feels ten times worse.
"Leave it," he says and I can't believe he doesn't want to deal with this.
"Miles," I press and he finally turns around, his eyes dead.
"Do you know how fucking difficult it has been to forgive the people that I want to stay fucking angry at for the sake of us?! It feels fucking impossible sometimes, so cut me some fucking slack. You expect so damn much of me and honestly . . I'm not always going to be able to fucking deliver. Sometimes I just can't do this. And they're having a fucking boy? what if he's a fuck up like me? what if we have a daughter and he does something to her? Because god damnit, Madison, I didn't think I was capable of anything like this before . .. I heard you talking to Stephanie, but after David, I know I'm capable of murder," Miles scoffs.
"I almost killed my father and I don't feel slightly guilty," he says in an almost growl and I step closer to him. I've always been afraid, but for the first time, I'm not because he's like this because of his love for me.
"I love you, Miles," I tell him, our faces inches apart, as I place my arms around his neck, holding him close to me, making him feel safe; making him feel okay.
"I won't let that happen," I speak, my breath hitting his, he's close now, and I realize just how easily it was to avoid a big explosion this time; a tsunami that would sweep us away into disaster but neither of us will let that happen now; not anymore. Because we're no longer controlled by the anger and heartbreak.
"We know Stephanie and Elijah, okay? you know them, Miles . . . they'll--They'll never raise anyone but a good guy who respects our daughter, okay?"
Miles parts his lips but then presses them back together again. I know what Miles could say, but he doesn't, he doesn't say that it's the opposite of who he was and who he's trying to change. Instead, like my mother taught me, a gentleman, will always be mature when you least expect it.
"I love you," he speaks and as our breaths are so close to each other, we don't kiss, were just close our eyes, our foreheads together as we enjoy being inside each other's space.
My arms are wrapped around him as his hands are holding my waist so peacefully and calmly, before he slowly lets me sway in his arms, so slowly you'd barely notice it, and it makes me feel so at peace, so loved by him as the house is completely empty; nobody but us inside this home that we've now finally made ours, that finally feels like ours.
"I'll forever love you," he says and before I can repeat the words, he smiles,
"I promise to take you to that damn Santa Monica one day," I smile back at him, reminiscing in the moment, I want to think about what it would be like to sit in the sun with him and be by the beach, but right now, all I want is this; forever this; forever moments like these with him.