248
I spent almost all of yesterday in bed with the exception of seeking Mum out to talk her into letting me go to school today. Dr. Patrick had told us that I could but it would be smarter if I stayed home until Friday, but I've been bored out of my mind. And I'm dying anyway, what difference does it make?
Long story short, I'm going to school. And like every school morning for the past three months I awake to the brown-eyed boy I call my friend. I feel like I should be self-conscious about the school's player watching me sleep, or being present while I'm unconscious, but I'm not. I don't care what he thinks of me.
I have one eye open and the other squeezed shut as I look at Alex. He's lying on his back with his eyes fluttering open and closed. His hand ruffles his dark hair in an action that I find very attractive, before he rolls on his side and grins. "Caught you."
My cheeks flush and I roll so that my face is to the ceiling. I don't dare to look at him. "Caught me? Doing what?"
"Checking me out," he says with confidence. I was checking him out but there is no way I'm about to feed that ego of his.
"I was actually just checking to see if the creepy eighteen year old was here."
"Is that why your cheeks are as red as a firetruck?"
I look at him and glare. His faces changes to one of fear as he gasps. "Oh my God. Not the death stare. Can't. Breathe," he makes a grab for his throat dramatically and flails about.
I try to keep my glare instead of replacing it with a laugh. That wouldn't go well for my stomach or Alex's ego. "Good."
His face grows mischievous and I know exactly what is running through his mind, so I run away. Well, figuratively. I get out of bed as fast as I can without upsetting my stomach (it's always more sensitive in the morning), but his arm wraps around my waist and pulls me back down gently.
"Let go," I groan, trying to get of his grip. He simply wraps both of his arms around my waist and puts one of his legs on top of mine so that I can't escape. I feel him rest his head on top of mine and for a moment I think hmm, this is comfortable before I snap out of it.
"Aleeeeex," I try again, but this time there is a knock on the door.
"Wakey wak - woah. Guys, really? This early?" Olive opens the door with the biggest grin on her face, mixed with a tinge of surprise.
"Shut up. He won't let me go."
"She's all over me, I can't get rid of her."
Olive laughs at our comments before rolling her eyes. "Yeah right, Alex. Let her go. I don't care what you two do in your own time but right now it's my time you're wasting and the only one not ready here is Dakota."
Then she turns to me. "Hurry, will you? We're going to be late."
Alex sighs before reluctantly rolling off me. I shove him hard so that he falls off the bed, before snatching my clothes up and moving to the bathroom. I follow the usual school morning routine and we are at school in no time.
The first half of the day goes by in a flash until it gets to lunch and Beckett and Lacey are waiting at my locker. They are deep in conversation with their heads inclined towards each other. Beckett is looking down at her with eyes so filled with love, while Lacey looks positively infatuated. I smile at them as I open my locker.
They both become quiet after greeting me, hesitating. I pinch my light hoodie from my bag and shut my locker, shrugging on the jumper.
"What is it?" I ask, my voice cautious. The hall has cleared already so we walk down the middle, three abreast.
"Uh," Beckett hesitates, but Lacey blurts it out.
"We think you should tell someone else today." This is another reason they work together because everyone knows opposites attract. My grin turns into one that would match Jafar's and surely scare young children, but that is the closest thing to an 'awh' smile I have.
What they think doesn't bother me. I've already told three, I think it's time to tell another. The question is who.
"Mmkay," I accept. Their mouths simultaneously pop open which leads me to believe they are spending a lot of time together. "Who should it be?"
I almost trip on one of the uneven wooden stairs but regain my balance before they notice.
They shoot each other a knowing look before Beckett turns to me, pushing his glasses up. "Alex."
"No." I'm not going to change my mind, either. My goal is still to change him into a decent human being and I believe if I tell him it could lead to all sorts of misconceptions. I would never know for sure if he was decent or just acting that way because I'm going to Entred Upon An Eternal Sabbath Of Rest in 248 days.
I don't bother explaining this to the lovebirds because they understand from my tone of voice. No means no.
"Luke?" Lacey asks and again, I'm not sure. Considering he has always been one of my best friends I think he would need more time to take the news. At the same time, I think that's why I should do it now.
"Okay," I nod, walking through the cafeteria door that Beckett is holding open for Lacey. I'm just taking advantage of their relationship but they know this; they don't care.
I walk ahead of the two to our table and find that everyone except the boy I want to talk to is here already. I take a seat beside Olive to wait.
"Hey chicky," she grins, nudging my side. "Have fun thirdwheeling over there? I got stuck with them at recess. Fun, isn't it?" Her voice drips sarcasm as she exaggeratedly rolls her blue eyes.
"It's just super," I play along. We laugh but the idiot across the table clears his throat.
"What? I don't get a hello? What happened to general socially acceptable behaviour? I'm not impressed, babe. I thought we were getting somewhere!" He leans across the table, resting his weight on his arms which are left unexposed in his dark grey t-shirt. His brown eyes are teasing.
"Well we're friends, aren't we?" I ask, leaning across the table to steal the apple off his tray. He tries to get it back but I take a bite before licking the entire green fruit. Gross, but it will work.
"Aren't you the one against sharing bodily fluids and now you're basically handing them to me on a platter?"
I scrunch my face up while Olive throws a chip in his direction. "I'm not giving this back," I tell him.
"Yes you are. I need my apple a day to keep the doctor away!"
"And I need to keep the doctor away more because I-" I take a slight pause, rephrasing the sentence. "-have been sick. So it's to keep the doctor from returning."
He quirks up his eyebrow. "Really? That is terrible logic. Now give it back."
I catch sight of Ryan and Luke walking into the cafeteria together so I see this as the perfect opportunity. I stand up and give Olive the look, to explain what I'm doing. Being my best friend, she understands and wishes me a smile of good luck.
I turn to Alex quickly, saying; "I can't actually. I'm just leaving. Have a nice appleless lunch!" And then I walk away. The boys are halfway through the rowdy cafeteria when I get to them, both deep in conversation about football I presume.
"Sorry to interrupt," I apologize, looking from boy to boy. "But I have to pinch Luke here, if that's okay?"
Luke flashes me his toothy grin while Ryan cries dramatically, making a scene. "Oh no! You can't take my baby away from me! What will I do without him for a whole few minutes?" People around us have started to stare and both Luke and I simultaneously hit him. I must admit, they are the most favourited bromance going around. If they were slightly more flamboyant they would be easily mistaken for gays. Not that it would affect them, really.
"Fine. Take him. I don't want him anyway," Ryan huffs, jutting his lip out like a toddler and stalks to our table.
"What's this about?" Luke asks, turning to me. He has his muscly arms across his chest as he always does but he's wearing his smile.
"I just need to tell you something. Can we go for a walk?"
"Sure thing," he easily agrees. This is why - up until recently - it had been Olive, Luke and I. We all work so well together because Olive is the loud, stubborn, exaggerating one while Luke is easygoing, relaxed and fun. I'm somewhere in between, meaning we three are a perfectly balanced trio.
We end up on the oval. September outside is still chilly from the remnants of winter but at least the sun is shining and there is no snow on the grass. We sit along the fence line and watch the younger soccer enthusiasts play.
"What is it that you need to tell me?" He brings up. I can feel his attention on me and, even though I've done this before, I still can't quite look him in the eyes. Instead I gaze up to the sky.
"You know how I had that problem with my appendix?" I ask, the easiest way to start. Above me, the white puffy clouds are moving. I remember Luke, Olive and I used to lie on this oval and figure out what the clouds resembled. They were always obscure things like octopuses, tacos and fire-breathing dragons.
"The one that stopped you playing netball around March?" He clarifies with a frown. "I thought that was all sorted out but that you just can't play anymore."
I bite my lip and wish I could go back to the cloud-gazing days. "Not quite. You see, the problem with my appendix was cancer. There was a growth in it so they were going to remove my appendix until they discovered the growth had spread throughout my abdominal cavity which is now filling with mucin. Gross, I know."
He doesn't say anything so I risk a glance. His face is slightly wearisome but moreover, confused. "What are you saying?" He sounds scared and I wish there is something I can do to take away that fear, to comfort him. But I can't, so instead I make it worse.
"It's called Psuedomyxoma Peritonei," I say, taking a deep breath. This part is never easy. "And I'm going to die in approximately 248 days."
That is the first time I have ever seen Luke cry and I hope to God it will be the last. If there is one part I hate about this stupid disease more than anything is this, having to tell people I'm dying and knowing I won't be around to comfort them.
I tell him not to treat me differently and he swears he won't. There are lots of tears, lots of hugs and a lot of silence. Then the bell rings.
"Will you be okay?" I ask as he holds out a hand to help me up.
"Yeah," he breaths, his eyes watering. Please no, please no, please no. "Is that why you weren't at school?"
I nod. "Build up of pressure in the abdominal cavity. It hurt."
"Does it still?"
"A little. It's better though," I try for a smile but he's not even looking at me. He's looking at the ground.
We don't speak again for the rest of the day, but I feel like I have every time I've told someone, like a small weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It's a good feeling, but it's for the worst reason.
Alex, Olive, Beckett, Lacey and Ryan come over to my house after school. We are sitting in the lounge room with a bowl of popcorn and the house to ourselves when my cell rings. I excuse myself to the kitchen and answer, without looking at the name.
"Hello?"
"Hi! Dakota! It's Georgia, how are you?" My cousin's voice is filled with joy and excitement, like any woman's voice would be only a few weeks from her wedding.
"Hey, nice to hear from you," I smile, jumping onto the counter and threading my thumb through my belt loop. "I'm good. How are you? Good? Excited? Nervous?"
"All of the above," she laughs. It's lovely to be talking to her again. Over the past few months since I called her to congratulate her on her wedding we have been communicating on an almost daily basis. "Have you figured out who your plus one is yet?"
Ah, that. Right. "You don't have to hide anything from me, Georg. I know you just want me to bring a date. But yes, I have my plus one."
Her laugh comes through the phone again. "You know me too well, chickadee," she drawls. "Are you going to tell me the lucky boy's name?"
My phone is pinched away from my ear and my head whips around to see the offender. Of course, it's Alex. "This is her date, speaking. I'm Alex and you must be Georgia, yes?"
I can't hear what she responds, I'm too busy yelling at him to give me my phone back. He comes around to my side of the counter to face me, and for once we're eye to eye. I reach for my phone but he catches my hands, leaving the phone resting between his ear and shoulder.
"No. We're not dating, we're friends," he says, his voice almost sarcastic. I want to punch him but my hands are tied. Literally. "Yes I'm flying down with all the Everett's," he adds. I stop screaming for my phone for the sake of my lovely cousin. I try to pick up what said cousin is saying on the other side of the line but my phone volume is too low.
"Yes that sounds perfect. I don't mind sharing rooms with Dakota."
He did not. I struggle against his grip, using all my strength to pull my hands out of his.
"Okay, I'll see you then. Nice to sort of meet you, Georgia. Bye." His grip on my hands loosens and I rip them free, reaching for my phone now in his hand. The smirk on his face is annoying and I scowl at it.
"Give me back my phone," I order, my voice mean.
"Say please," he taunts, taking steps towards me so that he is leaning against the counter, uncomfortably in between my legs which are dangling off the counter.
"Please," I grunt, but my mind is more focused on getting away from him. His face is only inches from mine but I have more trouble with where he is standing.
"Say it like you mean it." His smirk grows wider. I try to calculate whether, if I lunge for his phone now, I could reach it and take it out of his hand. I may as well give it a go.
I quickly reach to get my phone but I miss his hand as he turns so that his back is to me. I think fuck it and wrap my legs around his hips, giving him no option in carrying me on his back. I grab at his arm and his hand, pinching when I realize he's too strong.
"God dammit, Dakota. That hurts!" He exclaims and starts to run around the kitchen with me clinging to his back for dear life.
"It's meant to!" I yell back, pinching his wrist. "Now give me my phone!"
"Never," he cackles and leaves the kitchen, running into the lounge room and disrupting our friends. Their reactions are along the lines of:
"What the-"
"I thought he was getting more popcorn."
"That's not popcorn."
"God, we need popcorn for this."
"Front row seats!"
"Holy Hell."
Finally, my hands come into contact with the cool phone and I rip it out of his hands, holding it above my head and grinning like a maniac.
"You're going to pay, missy." He takes long strides over to the couch with me still on his back and turns around, sitting down and squishing me back into the cushions.
"Alex get off! You're so heavy!"
"That's 86 kilos that you should have been wary of before you messed with me."
"Messed with you?" I ask, incredulous. "You took th-"
"Will you guys stop flirting?" Ryan's voice comes from the other couch beside Olive. I think he's joking but I can't be sure, because I have a very tall, very muscly eighteen year old boy pressing me into the couch, blocking my view. Woah, that sounds bad. I'm glad I didn't say that aloud.
"We are no-" I start to dispute, before my best friend cuts me off.
"You could cut the sexual tension in here with a butter-knife."
I protest again but Alex cuts me off this time, patting my thigh in the process. "It's okay, babe. I mean, I am in between your legs after all."
Ugh, ew. Does he really have to say that?
"Piss off." I shove him my hardest which works, but only because he wants to cooperate. If he didn't, I'd still be trapped.
I have to admit, as frustrating as Alex can be at most times, life never ceases to be interesting around him. Something is always going on and even though he doesn't stop making sexual innuendos, he's entertaining.
Alex falls on the couch beside me and as punishment, I stretch my legs over his and smirk. He doesn't seem to care, he just starts rubbing circles on my ankle in a very soothing manner.
"And you say Beckett and I suit each other..." Lacey trails in a quiet voice, but no one is talking so everyone can hear it. Everyone laughs except me; I roll my eyes.
"This idiot?" I ask, kicking him (gently) in the tummy, before scoffing. "Yeah, right."
"It's true," Ryan comments, draped across the couch with Olive somehow fitting on the couch with him. "You guys are as perfect for each other as me and Luke," he sighs dreamily, putting his hands over his heart like the classic lovesick girl. I try not to laugh too hard because let's face it, my stomach still hasn't fully recovered from hospital.
"Well you can't argue with that logic. You and Luke are destined to be together, Ryan," Alex mocks him, running the hand not on my ankle through his hair.
Ryan puts on a fake giggle, making it hard to believe he is a buff, star football player. "I know." He pretends to flick hair that he doesn't have over his shoulder.
I look around the room and smile as I see everyone laughing and continuing their conversations. I'll miss this, but I'm happy everyone else is happy. It reassures me that they will be okay.
Olive stays behind when everyone else leaves, helping me make dinner for the two of us. Mum, Dad and Quentin have gone to a thing at Quen's playgroup, so it's just us.
We chat, mostly about random crap that no one else would understand, until we get on to guys.
"You and Alex, hey?" She asks me, even though she knows the answer. "When are you guys going to date again?"
"Never," I tell her, although I've thought about it. I'm not going to lie, I like Alex. Not in the romantic way but as a friend. I've thought about how we would be as a couple, especially when Mum suggested he be my date to Georgia's wedding. The thought doesn't horrify me as it once would, but I know, regardless of whether I develop feelings for him, we won't ever date. I wouldn't do that to him. Right now he is a good person to be around (he's not too bad to look at either... Okay, he's damn hot but whatever) and that's all that matters. He makes me smile and that's what I need.
Olive is sitting on the bench as I mush mixture, pulling her orange hair into crazy, high pigtails. I turn the conversation to her, asking her about guys. Her face goes red and she turns away, focusing awfully hard on chopping up the onions.
"Olive!" I squeal, hitting her with a teatowel. "There is a guy! Who is it? Is it one of our guys?" It's rare for Olive to like someone. She is the kind of the girl that rocks the single life and doesn't need a guy to make her complete, so I'm overly excited for a reason.
"You don't have to act so surprised. I'm not even sure I like him yet." For one of the first times ever she is quiet. Her voice is quiet and her actions are muted too.
Olive scrapes the onion into the bowl and I mix it in. "You do otherwise you wouldn't be bringing it up." I know her too well. "Who?"
She takes a breath and an adorable 'lovey' smile spreads across her lips.
"It's Ryan."