Hongjoong stirred at the bed suddenly dipped as someone's weight unbalanced it. Blinking wearily, he went to sit up. The movement caused a searing pain to travel through his rear and he yelped, quickly collapsing back onto his stomach. He lay there with his eyes squeezed tightly shut, trying to ignore the pain.
The person on the edge of his bed leaned over and gently caressed his hair. "Are you okay, Hongjoong-ah?"
Hongjoong didn't know why he became so emotional then. Perhaps it was the kind words. Perhaps it was the gentle tone. Or maybe it was just his friend's comforting presence. Whatever the reason, Hongjoong felt a wave of emotions wash over him and he burst into unashamed tears. He reached out to pull Seonghwa closer, making the older boy lie down by his side.
"I have been a terrible hyung, Seonghwa. Why did I let it all go on like this?"
Seonghwa patted him gently on the back. "If you are a terrible hyung, than I am even more so. But Hongjoong, don't beat yourself up over all this. You have been doing your best and worked so hard for us all and the group. It is okay to fail sometimes. That doesn't mean you are a bad leader or a bad hyung, it just means you are human like all of us. And you are young, Hongjoong. We all are. We are not going to be perfect, but that is okay."
"But...but Jongho...I"
"Shhh," hushed Seonghwa gently. "Mr Ho spoke to me already. I am prepared to support you all the way, Hongjoong. So will our members. Sure, they might protest a little and complain, but they know what they signed themselves up to. This is the industry we work in. We have to do, what we have to do."
Hongjoong said nothing. But as he pressed his face into his friend's chest, he was afraid the maknae would not forgive so easily. Jongho had more of a temper than some might believe. But despite that, and the fact he often protested against his hyungs affections, Jongho did really love and look up to his hyungs. He must be so hurt and angry. And Hongjoong felt his time of stepping up as a more stern leader was fast approaching.
* * * * *
"Maknae-ahhhhh. Maknae. Yah, Jongho."
Jongho did not stir. Lying on the bed and facing the wall, with his pillow and blanket over his head, Jongho was lost in a world of darkness. It was not just a physical darkness. Jongho's mind had grown darker and darker as he had laid there alone. He had listened to Hongjoong crying out, and with every cry, his anger had been fueled, the flames climbing higher and higher. But with the silence that had followed, and as a sniffling Yeosang had come to the door only to leave after a moments silence, the fire had gone out, leaving a cold darkness in its stead. Jongho felt so numb and empty, that he just lay there listlessly as time passed. His phone had vibrated several times, but he paid no heed to it.
Eventually there had been the sound of heavy footsteps, then arguing outside his door. Wooyoung's voice had risen to a high pitched whining, before fading again. When the door opened, it was Mingi's footsteps that had entered. And it was Mingi who still stood by his side, trying to get his attention.
"Jongho, are you sleeping? Jongho, hop up. Jonghoooo."
The next moment, someone was tapping him lightly on his shoulder. Jongho still refused to move. Resorting to the next action, Mingi took hold of his blanket and began tugging on it, trying to uncover the hiding maknae. It was at that moment that Yunho decided to walk in.
"Yah, Mingi," he scolded, pushing Mingi back. "You were meant to see if he was okay, not start wrestling with him."
"I wasn't," Mingi sulked in reply. But he moved away, allowing Yunho to take his spot beside the bed. Yunho took a more comforting and gentle approach.
"Jongho-ah, are you okay?" When there was no reply as he had half expected, he gently placed his hands on Jongho's tense shoulders, massaging them over the blanket. After a long moment, Yunho felt Jongho's stiff body begin to slowly relax. He continued the massaging, his strong hands working out the knotted muscles. "Jongho-ah," he spoke again. "Can you sit up for Hyung?"
Jongho shook his head, pressing his face deeper into the pillow. Yunho felt his shoulders starting to tense again. He leaned over and muttered something to Mingi, before giving a pat on the back and leaving the room. After he left, Mingi moved forward to sit back by his side again.
"You don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed, Jongho. I know we tease each other a lot, but this is a safe place. We are your hyungs, and we really do care for you. Listen, I will tell you a little secret."
Jongho lifted his head slightly at those words, but did not look at Mingi directly.
Mingi continued. "We all knew this rule was set in place, ever since we were trainees, right? We were just lucky the staff loved us like a family and never bothered with all the formalities. Well," his voice dropped lower into a secretive tone. "Not everyone was like that actually."
Jongho slowly turned his head to look at him curiously. But Mingi pretended not to notice as he played with the corner of Jongho's blanket. "You see, one day Yunho convinced me to come play video games with him. We stayed up to almost 3:30 in the morning, forgetting we had an early schedule the next day. We first had recordings with Eden, but we kept yawning and forgetting the words. Eden was really mad and told us to snap out of it. In the end, he told us to go to the next schedule. He complained to our dancing instructor who happened to be Mr Cheol that day. Mr Cheol didn't have to be told, because Yunho and I were constantly tripping over our feet, and when we sat down for a ten minute break, we both immediately passed out asleep."
Jongho nodded. "I remember that. He was absolutely livid and told us to just go home because we weren't taking anything seriously."
Mingi nodded. "Yeah, but he then told us two to stay back. He mainly just scolded us, but he did end up kind of swatting us a couple of times each." He finally looked up at the maknae, and smiled softly. "We have all been there, Jongho. I know it is embarrassing at first, but we are Ateez. We would never humiliate you. Maybe Wooyoung might," he added as an afterthought. "But I am pretty sure we will all be on the receiving end before our Manager-nim gets back."
Jongho didn't really know what to say as he stared up at his favourite hyung. Mingi was not really the deep type, so it felt strangely awkward hearing him talk like this. Usually Mingi was one of the teasers, the fake maknae along with San. But just as he went to reply, the door opened and Yunho returned, followed by Seonghwa. Jongho immediately disappeared back beneath the blankets, startled by their sudden appearance. There was a thudding sound, as Yunho placed something onto his bedside table. After murmuring together for some moments, Mingi and Yunho both left to go to their own rooms, leaving only Seonghwa with Jongho.
"May I sit beside you?" Seonghwa asked gently.
Jongho unsurprisingly shook his head. "I wanna be alone, hyung."
Seonghwa laid his hand on the maknae's back, rubbing it comfortingly. "Yunho made you a drink. Do you want it now or shall I put it in the fridge for later?"
Jongho's shoulders shuddered under the oldest's touch, and Seonghwa realised, he had begun crying softly.
"Jongho," he whispered sadly, kneeling instead by the maknae's bed. "We are all really sorry. Hongjoong most of all. He really does regret his actions earlier."
Jongho finally rolled over to face him. "It was Yeosang's fault. Yeosang ran away from the dorm. Why should I get punished for not snitching on him and he get let away with nothing?"
"I know. It wasn't really fair." Seonghwa had already been informed in detail of what had occurred. He knew the reason Jongho had been punished, wasn't for not telling on Yeosang, but for how he had lied and disobeyed their leader. But he wasn't about to turn the situation around and try to blame Jongho when he was already feeling the way he did. He also completely disagreed with what the manager had done, and knew that he had been too harsh on Jongho. While Seonghwa was not one to believe in this kind of discipline, he believed that it should at least fit the crime. Jongho had not done anything seriously or even intentionally wrong. He turned his attention back to the silent maknae.
"Can you sit up for hyung?" he encouraged gently. "It is a cold drink so it might refresh you and make you feel better."
Jongho nodded miserably. With the help of Seonghwa, he slowly eased himself into a sitting position. It was painful but nothing unbearable. Seonghwa carefully handed him the cold glass.
"There you go. Feeling better?"
Jongho gave a small nod, sipping slowly and letting the cool liquid flow down his throat. "Thanks, hyung," he murmured when he had finished the drink.
Seonghwa patted him on the back. "I am always here, Jongho-ah. Call me if you need me, okay?" He took the empty glass from the maknae's hands and rose to his feet. "Since there is no schedule today, you might as well rest up and sleep."
Jongho didn't need to be told twice. He collapsed back against his pillow with a weary sigh.
* * * * *
When Jongho awoke, he was immediately aware of another person's presence in the room. He could feel their gaze upon him, watching and waiting. He didn't even have to turn to know it was. In fact, he didn't turn around at all.
Yeosang saw his body stiffen and knew the maknae had woken up. He inched closer, but still kept a safe distance between them.
"Jongho, I...I am really sorry. I didn't know he'd punish you too. I am sorry I snuck out and pulled everyone into this mess. Honest I am."
A purposeful silence was his only answer. Bowing his head, Yeosang left the room, crying softly.
* * * * *
Another hour passed slowly by. Jongho did not sleep again this time. He lay there listlessly, head beneath the blankets. Perhaps he was overreacting, his mind began to question. But it was all just so unfair and so humiliating. It wasn't a new situation for Jongho to be in, but he had managed to avoid it for so many years. He was known to be the more mature member after all. He always listened well, was respectful to his seniors, and performed with a passion. He barely ever even needed to be scolded. Perhaps, he was partly mad at himself for being so sensitive about it all. Perhaps he was just feeling extra lonely and out of place. He flinched as someone tapped him on the shoulder.
"Dinner time, Jongho," Wooyoung told him loudly. Jongho could tell by his extra loud, extra casual voice, that Wooyung was trying to act as if nothing had happened. Jongho knew he was doing it for his sake, but it made him feel all the worse.
"Not hungry," he murmured in reply, snuggling deeper into the blankets.
Wooyoung quickly yanked the blanket away. "Come on, Jongho. Or I will call San and we will carry you downstairs." He grabbed the maknae's hand and pulled him out of the bed.
Jongho unwillingly followed, his lips unconsciously forming a pout. They ran into San at the stairs. For a moment, an uncomfortable look was exchanged between them all. Then being the loving soft-hearted person he was, San stepped forward and hugged Jongho. Jongho did not return the hug, but he did not pull away either. Despite being uncomfortable with skin-ship unlike his fellow members, he was half aware that San needed the contact more than he himself did. It also felt undeniably good to feel the secure warm embrace. San stepped back, shooting him a gentle smile. His hand rested a moment longer on Jongho's shoulder, giving him a tight squeeze.
They headed down the stairs, Wooyoung breaking the silence by teasing San about who knew what. Jongho's heart felt lighter as he watched the two begin to bicker. But entering the kitchen and looking up to see Yeosang and Hongjoong there with the others, Jongho's smile faded.
He hadn't forgiven them and wouldn't any time soon.