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"They've made me into their weapon. An object that does whatever the wielder wants."
"It's okay, you're pretty dull so it should be fine," she joked, playfully shoving his head.
He glared at her, unable to suppress his smirk. "I'm still their weapon."
"There's a difference between a blade and a rod," she told him, "One can kill in a single strike."
"So, I just beat them to death?"
"You give them time."
"Yes. I lengthen their painful and inevitable death."
"You give them a chance." She turned his head so their eyes locked. "You give them a chance to live."
"Except I don't."
"You do, and you have. I've seen it."
"What do you mean?"
"They don't wipe my memories." She said, breaking eye contact and dropping her hand. "Sometimes I wish they would."
"You don't mean that." He said. "I can barely remember who I was before and can't take responsibility for more than half the things I've done."
"At least you can live with some sort of innocence." She looked back up at him, her eyes filled with so many emotions.
"Innocence is ignorance."
"And ignorance is bliss."
Tears filled her eyes as she tried so hard to hide them. Any other time, anywhere else she would have no problem hiding them, but with him, she couldn't help it.
He leaned forward and enveloped her in his arms. Her own instinctively wrapping around him as her rubbed her back and kissed her head.
"We just need to get away from here." He said. He would do anything to protect her. Anything at all.
"We've tried." She said weakly, voice muffled by his chest.
"I know. But we'll be free eventually."
She looked up at him, tears flowing freely now. "Or they kill you and I won't be able to live with myself."
"I'd rather me than you because I'd follow right after."
"What makes you think I wouldn't do the same?"
He smirked at her, glad that she smiled back. "Then we escape together. Alive or dead."
She laughed, wiping away her tears. "If we do escape, we're going to need so much therapy."
"So much therapy." He agreed, holding her closer.
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Bucky woke up in a panic. He needed to get out. He needed to escape with that woman. But he didn't know who she was or where he was. His thoughts flashed to him being brainwashed, but once he got a good look around him, he knew he was safe. He was back in his room at Avenger tower, but he didn't remember going to his room.
A quiet knock came from his door and a moment later Steve's head appeared. "Friday told me you woke up," he said, "Are you okay?"
Bucky nodded so Steve slipped into the room, closing the door behind him and leaning against the wall.
"Every time I think I have all my memories back, more start coming," he said to Steve, moving to sit at the edge of his bed.
"What did you remember this time?" Steve asked.
Bucky shook his head, holding it in his hands. "A woman," he said, "I think we... we were close."
Steve stayed silent, allowing Bucky to say what he wanted without being pushed.
"I remember nearly everything from just this one moment. We were talking. ... Everything that was said, every movement we made was so clear. But I can't remember what she looked like. Or even what she sounded like." Bucky was trying to remember. He kept going through everything he knew trying to find who this person was that meant so much to him. Still means something to him.
With the memories, come the emotions.
"I remember what she said but not what she sounded like." He was agonizing over not being able to remember. The memory was so vague yet so real and vivid. As he had relived it, he felt such a strong need to protect her, make her smile, just be with her. But now he sat in his dimed room with no other memory of her and no knowledge of what happened to her. She could be alive, or dead, or happy, or miserable over the fact that he had disappeared and had not come back for her.
It was quiet for a few minutes; the only sound was Bucky's uneven breathing.
"You'll remember Buck," Steve said eventually, "It may take time, but you'll remember. And once you do, you can decide whatever it is you want to do, and I'll help you. Until then, I'll still be here for you. You can always tell me if you need anything. Even if you don't need anything." Steve watched as Bucky nodded thankfully and stayed in his position on the side of his bed, then made his way out of the room.
That night Natasha sat in her room mindlessly sharpening her knives. Her short interaction with Bucky had her mind whirling. She didn't know what he remembered if anything at all.
Would he tell her if he remembered, or would he continue on as if nothing happened? Would he even care anymore? How would he react? Would he be mad that she didn't say anything? Would he want nothing to do with her? Or would he want them to go back to how they were before? Before they were torn apart. Before they threatened to hurt him if she wasn't good. What had they told him? Did they even tell him anything or did they just wipe his mind again? What would he think of her? Would he think she left him alone?
A soft knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts, it was so soft her thought she had imagined it. That it was her mind's way of telling her she was spiraling. But then she heard another knock. Louder this time.
"Natasha, it's me," Wanda called.
"You can come in," Natasha said, a little surprised by the girl's sudden visit.
Wanda came into the room with a worried look on her face. She took a seat close to Natasha on her couch.
"Are you okay?" Natasha asked.
"I am," Wanda said, eyes searching Nat's features, "But you are not." She paused for a moment. "I haven't read your mind. I promise. You know I'm not supposed to. But I could feel your worry and just wanted to see if you are all right. See if you need someone to talk to." She was very gentle with her words. Not pushing, but firmly conveying her own worry.
"Thanks, but I'm fine," Natasha told her, smiling a bit to help the lie.
Wanda raised a brow. "You should know better than most that any other word than fine would have made that lie more believable. What's bothering you?"
Natasha sighed in defeat. Wanda was by far the most caring, and if she was worried about you, she wouldn't push but she would figure it out. Whether that meant gentle reminders that she was there for you, making you cookies out of the blue (which somehow always worked), or informing someone closer to you that she was worried. And Nat didn't really want to talk about this with Clint. Or anyone honestly.
"Just some old memories Wanda," she said, hoping that would end it.
"What reminded you of them?" Wanda asked calmly, tilting her head and watching as Natasha went back to sharpening her knives, ignoring the question. "Nat, I don't want to push, I really don't, and any other time I wouldn't but I have never felt you so... scared."
Nat stopped and looked questioningly at Wanda. "What would I be scared of?"
Wanda took a moment to respond. "Not, scared like you're about to fight someone. Scared like, like you have a secret, and you don't know if we will accept it."
"It's only the one person that really matters," Natasha mumbled, looking away to pack up her knives.
"It's not healthy to keep your emotions in," Wanda told her.
Then I've been dying my whole life, Natasha thought. "I really am fine Wanda," she told her. Extremely convincing this time.
Wanda nodded quickly, giving her a tight smile. "Then I should get back to Pietro," she said, leaving the room.
Natasha hadn't seen it, but while her back was turned, Wanda's eyes flashed red. She hadn't meant to do it. It happened so fast, but it couldn't be reversed, and she still had that one line echoing in her mind.
It pained her knowing that anyone, much less someone she knew and loved, had to live like that. She vowed that she would do everything possible to help and barely made it to her room before breaking down in sobs. She wished no one ever had to feel that kind of pain.
My whole life except for when I was with the man who forgot every part of me, Natasha thought after Wanda had left. She then headed to the gym to blow off some steam.
(A/N: Chapter two!! Let me know what you think! Posting in honor of me about to binge all of agents of SHIELD because it will be on disney+. Also its been like 6 days:)