I woke the next morning to a spinning room and splitting bad head. I swear it felt like somebody was hitting my head with a rock from the inside out. My entire body was in agony and I had to resist the urge to cry out as I moved to get out of bed. It had to be done so I just had to get on with it; no point in complaining. Thankfully I was alone as I walked out of the room and across to mine in only my underwear since somebody had removed my blood stained clothes last night. I walked in to see all four of my roommates plus Josh there and I almost died of embarrassment as I turned my back on them trying to conceal my damaged body. There was no way in hell I could allow them to see me in my current state. I knew my room like the back of my hand so I walked to my wardrobe keeping my back to them at all times and pulled out some sweats and a hoodie as well as clean underwear before heading to the bathroom to get ready. It was very difficult and painful but I managed before walking in to my room with my head down. "Josh can you give me a lift please?" I asked timidly feeling them all stare at me.
"Of course we just need to finish this conversation first." That was basically his polite way of asking me to get the fuck out.
"Thank you." I walked back out closing the door behind me and listening intently to what they were saying through the door and at first all I heard was a thud. "Go ahead hit me, punch me, kick me I deserve it. I hurt her and right now you couldn't hate me anywhere near as much as I hate myself." I could hear Luke speaking and it must have been his body hitting a wall that made the thudding noise I heard. "I won't do any of that and don't think it was an empty threat. You wouldn't be the first of her boyfriends I've beat up for hurting her but I can see in your eyes you love her. Instead I'm going to let you watch her fall apart in front of your eyes knowing it was your fucking fault, I'm going to let you see how damaged you've made her and how truly broken this girl is. Then I'm going to let you watch her pick herself up and put the pieces of her life back together knowing that it's killing you inside. She'll move on with her life in silence never letting you know she's hurt but you'll know and you'll also know it'll be your fault." Josh spat before walking out to me. "Where do you need to go?" He asked his tone completely changed from what it was two minutes ago when he was talking to Luke.
"Doctors please I have a medical test." He knew straight away what I was on about and just smiled at me. When we pulled up at the doctors he stopped me as I was getting out of the car. "Good luck." He whispered kissing my forehead before letting me go. I walked in and signed in at reception before taking a seat and waiting. I was only there for ten minutes before I was called in for my appointment, probably because its a navy medical because doctors are never on time, at least not when I'm there. "Hello Miss Murray." My doctor said looking at me and I could see him eyeing the bruise that ran all around my neck. "I was in a car accident and my tie tightened around my neck." I explained before he even had the chance to get the words out of his mouth.
"I am sorry to hear about that will it be a problem if you were to pass your medical and have to start training?" He asked.
"No." There was no hesitation in my voice and he just nodded his head slightly. Had I hesitated he would have made me take my medical at a later date and I couldn't afford to let that happen.
"Okay well we will start with your hearing test." I was taken through a standard hearing test and eye sight test. Everything else went fine until it got to the last dreaded part. "Okay if you could come this way please and we'll do your height and weight." I followed him over to the corner of the room slipping off my shoes and clothes so I was in only my bra and panties and it was the first time he had been able to see the extent of the damage caused in the crash. "Miss Murray are you sure you will be okay to start training?" He sounded sceptical.
"I'm positive everything should be fully healed by the time training commences." It was a slight lie but my body would be healed enough so he didn't need to know all of the fine details. "Okay you're height is five six so no problem there you pass height restrictions easily." I already knew that, it was my weight I was worried about. "Now please step on the scales." I did as he said and bit my lip nervously. He asked me to step off and put my clothes on and I knew then. I knew I had failed because he didn't say anything. I slipped my clothes back on grimacing slightly as I took a seat at his desk. "I'm sorry Miss you passed your fitness with flying colours but I cannot pass you. Your weight is too close to being underweight so you do not reach required medical standards. I'm sorry." He sympathised.
"Thank you." I smiled weakly before leaving. I was going to call Josh for a lift but I just wanted to be alone at the moment so I decided to walk back home instead. I was too hot so I took my hoodie off and straight away I could see people staring at my neck and somewhere in the corner of my eye I saw somebody taking a picture and I was just hoping they were taking a selfie and not a picture of me. When I saw some more people taking pictures I put it back on and headed in to a cafe to phone somebody to come and pick me up. Without thinking it through properly I texted Lewis' brother from last night. 'Hey fancy getting a coffee with me?'
'Yeah where are you and I'll be right there :)'
'Cafe in the middle of George Street'
'Five minutes :)' True to his word he walked in five minutes later taking a seat opposite me in my little booth. "Mr sexy seriously." I smiled and he laughed along with me.
"Well everyone else is saved as weird names like R2D2 and Disney so I couldn't just be saved as Jake could I?"
"No I suppose you couldn't what would you like to drink and I'll go get it."
"Hot chocolate please." I went and bought two hot chocolates before returning to the little booth in the corner. "Here you go." I gave him his drink cradling my own in between both of my hands. "So what are you avoiding?" He sighed taking a sip of his drink.
"Nothing." I shrugged. "I just don't exactly want people taking pictures of me to post online. I enjoy having some privacy."
"Must be hard having famous parents then?" I nodded dropping my head. "I don't think I would like it either."
"I can't stand it. I'm still an ordinary person and there's nothing different about me than you so I don't see why people think they can post stuff about me online when they don't even know me."
"I completely agree." The conversation seemed to come so easily as we drank our hot chocolates. We then bought another one and another and another. We ended up spending most of the day there just chatting and laughing and we were enjoying ourselves so much that we didn't realise the time. "Excuse me." Jake said as he answered his phone that was ringing in his pocket. I did my best not to listen to his conversation so I checked my own phone. I had five missed calls and eleven texts all from Luke so I just shut my phone down all together just as Jake finished on the phone. "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to go. My boyfriend's mother's coming for tea and he just burnt the spaghetti." He couldn't keep the smile off his face at the thought of him burning the spaghetti. "Okay I'll talk to you later enjoy your burnt spaghetti." I chuckled trying my best not to.
"See you later." He left and I finished my own drink before also leaving. I walked as quick as I could back to my dorm room.
When I walked in I was disheartened to learn that only Luke was in. I just ignored him walking into the kitchen to empty the dishwasher and give me something to do. I was fine just getting on with it in silence but Luke decided he wanted to try and talk to me. I tried to block him out all together and just pretend to myself that I was fine but it wasn't working and I was getting frustrated with myself. "Please baby, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said what I said." He started. "I didn't want to hurt you I was just upset at the thought of losing you. I love you too much to let that happen. I'm not bothered anymore just as long as you're happy." Lies, lies, and more lies.
"You not bothered whether I'm happy, you didn't even bother to ask how it went and don't insult either of us by asking now when it's clear you don't care."
"I do care, how did it go?" Like he cares. I swear I told him not to ask.
"I fucking failed." I snapped. I closed my hand tightly around a knife and pulled up not realising it was blade end up until it was too late. As I pulled it upwards it caught in the bottom and sliced through my hand instead. I quickly grabbed a tea towel and wrapped it tightly around my hand and held my hand across my chest resting it on my shoulder to stop the bleeding. "Oh crap are you okay, why'd you do that?"
"Better question would be who put a sharp knife in the dishwasher blade side up?" I started frantically searching for the fist aid kit in the cupboard and it was just my luck that it had been moved to the top shelf. I didn't want Luke's help but I knew I needed his help so for once I had to make sure not to let my pride or stubbornness get the better of me like it usually does. "Can you get the first aid kit please?" There was not a single hint of emotion in my voice and I stared at him with cold eyes. He handed it to me and I immediately started to look for what I wanted. I pulled out micro porous tape, a big non stick plaster like thing, a bandage and antiseptic wipes. The first thing I did was clean my hand with an antiseptic wipe and then quickly used the micro porous tape to stick the big non stick plaster to my hand all the while Luke just stared at me going paler and paler by the second. "You alright?" I asked even though I wasn't meant to care but my voice was still monotonous.
"Uh yeah just eh that's a lot of blood." He gulped looking at the blood stained tea towel.
"Well if you don't like go back into the living room and leave me to get on with it." I was struggling to get my left hand to co-operate with me so the bandage wasn't going on too well. "Come here." Despite what my brain was saying my body reacted walking over to him so he could help me. It was done and taped in place before I turned away from him. "Thank you." I heard him sigh behind me. "Kenzie baby please I swear I didn't mean it, I love you. I never meant to hurt you and I promise it wont happen again." His voice sounded so sincere and when I turned to look at him his eyes were pleading with me for my forgiveness. I tried to stop myself from being affected by his words so I was thankful when I heard the door open snapping me from my thoughts and dragging me back in to the reality which I so badly wanted to leave. "I guess it's just too little too late Luke." I spoke quietly walking past him because I honestly didn't know how long I could stay in there and not either kill him or forgive him, neither of which I particularly wanted. "What the hell did you do?" Cal practically shouted running over and grabbing my bandaged hand. "I cut myself." I shrugged not realising how bad it sounded until everyone in the room gasped. "Shit no not on purpose I just got a little angry." That still didn't sound too good and I groaned trying to think of a way to phrase. "I grabbed the blade end of a knife and didn't realise."
"You okay?" I just nodded and walked away to my own room. I couldn't stop thinking about Luke and it was affecting me more than I would like to admit.