So, yeah. Hello, welcome back, I guess. Time is running. Am I the only one who feels like the last update was just yesterday? This is the last prewritten chapter I have, which means I need to do some work until I can update again, so it might be a while. But I guess this is better than nothing. I hope you enjoy it and ....yes that's it. Nothing else to say but cheers! That's my new favourite word but I guess you already noticed that. Anyways, I'm saying it again once more, just because it was so beautiful the first time. Cheers!
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Organising a flight to Austria was more time consuming than Max had expected it to be. At home in Monaco, all he had to do was make a call, but here, it was a bureaucratic nightmare. He was just glad that Kiwi had had the mind to leave Joanna's bag at the gate with one of the security guards, so they were able to pick up Joanna's passport and other important things, but by the time they did that, the other teams they could have asked for a lift were already gone as well and Max would rather die than to fly commercial with the possibility of having some reporters on their flight, but it had been fine.
"They have a plane for us. Not what you're used to, but it will do." Max said as he came over to Joanna. The Austrian had taken a seat as soon as they had entered the lounge, leaving Max to talk to the woman at the counter. She just needed a quiet moment and Max had understood. They would have to face a storm in Austria after what just happened. And after what Max had learned yesterday.
Nodding once, Joanna went to hand Max her credit card, but the Dutchman declined. He wasn't used to someone else getting their card when a bill was to be taken care of. Kelly never bothered, and neither did his parents or his sister. He had the money after all.
"Don't bother. I've got it." He said not looking at the Austrian, but rather looking over his own shoulder towards the screen with the flight departure times. Lowering the card after a moment with a soft exhale.
"Thanks, but you really don't have to." The Austrian answered but Max ignored her. He was already walking back to the counter to fill out the forms, so they could finally leave.
Joanna had been surprisingly quiet while she waited for Max to sort everything out. Standing next to him, the Austrian was emotionally drained, but she didn't feel at risk, quite the contrary actually. She knew that Max was keeping an eye on her from where he was standing next to her at the counter filling out paperwork so they could leave this godforsaken country.
The Austrian had watched as Max had filled out her forms as well, knowing all these personal things he had to fill out by heart. Her birthday, fully name, social security number and many more things. All Joanna had to do as Max finally put the pen down was sign her form before they finally boarded the plane, and they were on their way to Austria. Home, a voice deep inside of Joanna reminded her, but she wasn't so sure about that.
"Can I ask you something?" Max asked after a while. The Dutchman had taken the seat opposite from the Austrian and had read through a car magazine for quite some while before getting bored of it or more likely too curious about the woman sitting opposite of him.
"Always." The Austrian allowed, before resting her head against the backrest again, her legs pulled up on the seat as well to be more comfortable. It was a short flight from France to Austria but long enough to get comfortable. And Joanna seemed to be endlessly tired all the time.
"Why did you even have them?" The Dutchman wanted to know which caused Joanna to grimace, but by now, the younger Mercedes driver had calmed down enough to have a normal conversation. The stress was over and now she was only tired and worried about which story the media would spin even though she could simply ignore it, she won't be on the grid for much longer anyway.
"I told James that I wasn't sleeping well, so he gave me his. I tried to say no, but he pointed out that everybody was taking something." Joanna muttered, watching as Max pulled his eyebrows together.
"So, he just offered you a package of pills," Max said matter-of-factly, causing Joanna to give him an uncomfortable look.
"Doesn't know." She muttered. "I'm not running around telling people." Of course, he didn't know. It's not like Joanna wanted everybody to know about it.
She had driven races intoxicated in the past and the Austrian knew that people wouldn't simply say it was in the past and let it go. They would take her apart, forcing Mercedes to fire her and maybe even pressure the FIA enough to take her council seat from her. She could do without all that drama. Her life was drama enough already.
"And I would like to keep it that way. I know you think I should introduce myself by saying it. Something like, I'm Joanna and I'm an addicted, maybe and alcoholic too, I'm unsure about that point but overall, I'm a mess." The Austrian said, her voice bitter, but Max didn't go for it. He simply gave her a neutral look while telling her to not make fun of that.
"I wasn't trying to find a place to take them." Joanna started a new conversation after a long while of silence between the two of them. "I wanted... I wanted to get a clear thought."
Looking at her, Max nodded once. "I know," he said, voice a little bit softer, the way he used to talk to her as they were still together. With less anger and more love.
"Why would you say that?" Joanna wanted to know which caused the Dutchman to raise an eyebrow before shrugging.
"Because you would have done it long before I found you if you really would have wanted to." Max pointed out which caused Joanna to nod this time.
She didn't want to, Joanna knew that, but she hadn't said it out loud before. Felt too ashamed to have to make a point about this that she simply let it go. Joanna didn't want to have to prove anything, but she never had in from of Max. He knew her so well, he knew she didn't want to.
"And I know you would never do something to hurt our baby." He added which caused Joanna to grimace. She could take better care of the child, but she was still so sure that she would wake up one day and it had been nothing more than a cruel joke from the universe.
"I think I will never get it, you know. How much you believed in me." Joanna told Max after a moment, causing him to put the magazine away once and for all. It could wait.
"Still do." He told her. "I have seen the person you are when you don't stand in your own way. It is hard to not believe in you when you're like that. You have this ... thing. I can't really name it." Max said which caused Joanna to swallow unsure about her next words.
"Can I ... Can I be honest with you? No hiding, just the truth." Joanna asked which caused Max to nod, before telling her to go on.
"That's all I ever wanted." The Dutchman said, earning himself an uncomfortable grimace from the Austrian.
"My biggest fear was always that you would wake up one day and start to notice all of my flaws. Everybody told me that my fear was irrational, that you loved me. But it happened." Joanna paused for a moment, struggling to speak it out loud.
"You finally woke up and I don't know how to live with that," Joanna told Max, mute tears running down her cheeks again, but Joanna didn't acknowledge them. She just finally let go of them, just like Daniel told her to. She cried. But now she seemed to do nothing else. Stupid pregnancy.
"Do you want me to tell you the truth even though it will be painful?" Max asked after he moved forward to wipe the tears from Joanna's cheeks, even though more and more were following, earning himself a soft nod from Joanna.
"I always saw your flaws and loved you, nevertheless. I was never asleep. I couldn't even wake up. I can't say that I know what's going on between us, but if I know anything ... if I've ever seen love, then it's what we have." The Dutchman told her gently.
He knew that they weren't together any longer, but that didn't stop Max's eyes from following Joanna. He loved her and she loved him. It could have been so easy, but neither of them ever did easy.
"And I swear that I will always be there for you and our baby. We're going every step together." Max added.
"But you don't want me," Joanna noted, which caused Max to move and pull her into his lap, so she could bury her face in the crook of his neck.
"Of course, I want you, but we can't always have what we want, J. I'm not living my life just for myself, you know that," Max said.
"Screw them. Screw their exceptions and their need to control our lives. We're so much more than that. Why don't we just take what we want for once? We could take our little family move to Austria and never look back." Joanna said, lifting her head to look at Max who gave her a painful look while brushing her hair behind her ear.
"That's not how life works." He answered.
"That's exactly how life works, Max." Joanna pointed out, her voice high with desperation. "If you don't take what you want, you will never get it. Sometimes you have to be selfish in order to not suffocate in this world."
"I can't do that, J." Max finally admitted defeat. What he wanted didn't matter, he had expectations to fulfil, a life to live for others. He wasn't selfish enough to live. Joanna always knew that. Max was a good man, but there was a reason why there were so few good men out there. They all starved themselves to death for other people, who didn't deserve it.
"I know," Joanna told him painfully aware that her answer hurt Max, but it was the truth. "It's alight." She muttered again. "Just promise me that you won't lose yourself between all these exceptions."
"I can't do that either, J." The Dutchman said after a moment of silence. No matter what will happen, he will never promise something he couldn't keep.
"Then I honestly don't know how you can live with yourself, because I tried to live that life and it nearly killed me. I hope it will treat you better, Max. For the sake of the person, you will be once people stop expecting you to pull the stars from the sky for them."
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Exhaling slowly, Lewis couldn't believe he was really here, at some fancy restaurant in the heart of Vienna because he had scheduled a meeting with Max fucking Verstappen about his idea. It was already weird to email the younger man about this idea for weeks already and try to figure out a way to actually do it with Nico Rosberg in CC all the time, most likely laughing about the impersonal way they spoke with each other. Just thinking about it made Lewis cringe.
Thinking about the night spent in France and the bar fight made him cringe as well. He should have listened to Joanna, kissing Nico in front of all these people was fucking stupid. Then he was involved in a literal fistfight and the last thing he can remember was waking up in the bed of Nico's hotel room only to flee before the German even woke up. Not one of his brightest moments, he had to admit to that, but as he was finally sober enough again he was already standing at the airport in Vienna without Joanna's shoulder close to crying on.
Finally arriving in his hotel room, he took some time to go through social media, looking for any articles or pictures of the bar fight, but everything which could be found was some rather violent pictures of Kelly Piquet and a short video. Clicking onto it he saw the familiar face of Pia Vettel, who accepted Lando Norris's help to step over someone, before the camera moved over to a pile of people Lewis was sure he was a part of with Nico standing over them, clearly pulling someone away. He guessed that was him before there was showed more of Kelly and last but not least a short only verbal fight between Max and Joanna before the Dutchman stormed away, it took a few moments, Joanna's eyes at something on the right side of the camera before she left the bar as well.
It wasn't that bad of a video, it would damage some things for sure but none of his friends was shown using violence so that was a good thing, even though Pia looked a little ruffed up. The articles about Joanna and Max being together while Kelly was already on a flight to Austria was making bigger waves. Lewis had no idea what it truly was about, but they really poured oil into the fire which was already burning so very hot after the ally-article and some heated look between them. If laying low was their plan, they were doing terrible.
Taking a deep breath, Lewis went over his notes again, before getting ready to leave his hotel room again.
To his surprise, Max was rather good at his job. The young Dutchman had great ideas and was surprisingly clever which Lewis would never admit, but still. It was just strange, knowing Max the way he did from the paddock and on track and now seeing this version of Max. The professional businessman. It freaked him out a little bit, to be honest. But he now understood a little bit better what Joanna did see in the young Dutchman.
He wished Joanna would have come with him, but she simply told him that she had to take care of things concerning her father and that she would rather die than sit at a table with three men she had slept with and to be honest, fair enough. Lewis understood. He didn't want to go either after all, but it's for the environment, so he would do what he had to do.
Exciting his car and entering the fancy restaurant, Lewis was led to a table where one person was already sitting, the menu hiding their face.
"Please be Max. Please be Max. Please be Max." The Brit mumbled to himself but fully to his own disappointment, it wasn't the Dutchman who was waiting for him, but a very blond German, who had the audacity to smile at him.
"Lewis." The German treated softly, before gesturing at the seats. "Please, I'm sure Max will arrive any minute now." He added which caused Lewis to nod before he took a seat. The Brit felt stupid in his expensive suit, but he wouldn't give Nico who wore a suit himself the satisfaction of admitting it.
Lewis hated Nico for how calm he was. They had sex not even 48 hours ago, but Nico didn't seem affected at all. He wasn't embarrassed about being here together like this at all. The German made polite small talk but that was it and Lewis didn't get it. He couldn't understand why he wasn't saying anything about last night or the way Lewis had acted?
Minute after minute passed until finally a grim-looking Dutchman came into the restaurant and sat down with the two after telling a waiter what he wanted to drink. Lewis and Nico looked at him expectantly, which made the Dutchman sigh as he briefly touched his tie to inscribe it before looking first at one man and then the other.
"Apologies. I missed my flight and then had to drop J off at the Lauda House." Max said as if that would have answered more questions than raised new ones.
"Joanna. She could have joined us." Lewis said hopefully, his phone already in had to call the Austrian and demand her presents, but Max gave an unamused huff.
"Yeah, no." The Red Bull driver said, before leaning back in his seat. This was not happening today.
"Well, now that we're all here, let's talk about business," Nico spoke up which caused Lewis to nod before he started to talk about Extreme E while the two FIA council members listen to him. Well, Nico listen to him, giving him too much attention for the Brit's taste while Max seemed to be busy on his phone. Texting with someone about something, but who was Lewis to judge the Dutchman. Max knew the plan after all.
Nico had asked a lot of questions during dinner which Lewis answered as best as he could with the help of Max whenever the Dutchman felt it fit. In the end, they seemed to agree. Max told Lewis that they still would need to put something down in writing for the other FIA council members to vote for, but other than that, they were good to go, which actually surprised the Brit, he didn't know Max was so behind this project, but the Dutchman really seemed to like the project. Maybe the first project he supported because he wanted to and not because of someone telling him to.
"As much as I loved being the third wheel for you guys. I'm on my way now." Max said shortly after the dinner, his phone in hand before he put it into his pocket and offered Lewis and Nico both his hand to shake before he left the two of them behind. Lewis looked after him for a moment, before he glanced back at Nico.
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Pushing the German against the sink in the men's bathroom, Lewis knew this was a terrible idea but as soon as Nico found Lewis's lips again the thought was forgotten.
"You're so beautiful," Nico muttered as he broke the kiss to look down so he could see what he was doing with Lewis's fly, undoing it, before pulling him into a bathroom stall with him, kissing him deeply again.
"You talk too much." The Brit groaned back, before shoving the German's suit pants down and kissing him again. Things were about to get messy anyway.
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Upon entering the hotel room, Max was fast to pull his tie loose before yanking it from his neck and throwing it onto the bed. A sigh escaped his lips as she shrugged off the suit jacket and tossed it onto the chair next to the little table in the corner of the room, before flopping down on the bed. Max let out a breath, his eyes closed for a moment before he got his phone from his pocket and lifted it up so he could look at it.
He had some missed calls from the team, asking when he would arrive, a worried text from Victoria and another ton of voicemails from Kelly, that he would surely not listen to or answer. The three missed calls from his father were giving him anxiety. So, Max texted Vicky fast that he was alright and he would come to Spielberg soon and to not worry about it, because he would reach the track before the first PR event.
He regrated opening social media the moment a video of the bar fight popped up, which caused him to close the app again, before resting the phone on his belly. He shouldn't have done that in the first place.
His thoughts drifted off to Joanna. The woman who was having his child, the woman he loved and wanted to grow old with, but things weren't that easy. He couldn't simply run away with Joanna, have this baby and never come back to the world of racing. That's not how things work when your father was a race driver in F1 before you. Joanna is a multiple world champion, something Max still wanted dearly. He couldn't just disappear. No matter how much he wished he could.
Picking his phone back up, Max stared at the lock screen for a moment. It was a picture of his logo on a plain black background but once he unlocked it, there was the picture of him and Joanna he never managed to change.
It's one of the few pictures Max actually took himself on their last summer holiday. Joanna's arms were around his upper torso, her chin resting on his shoulder, a delighted smile on her lips, her eyes glittering with amusement as Max tried to take that damn picture. After endless tries, he finally got a cute one. Joanna's hair had fallen into her face from laughing so much and with Max looking at her and not the camera, an earnest look on his face, his blue eyes bright in the light of the slowly setting sun.
He wondered how there was any chance to deny that he loved Joanna Lauda. Even though they weren't together, she was constantly on his mind. He kissed her more often than his actual girlfriend, held her in his arms, and by now he didn't even bother denying that he still loved her when they fought about something again.
The first time Kelly had seen his phone screen, Max had expected their first big fight but, all she did was roll her eyes and ignore it. Max was thankful that she didn't bother to demand he would change it to one of the many selfies she forced him to do with her, which annoyed him greatly.
His finger hovered over the contact of his father for a moment, but then he decided to call someone else. Right now he didn't feel the need to listen to someone list everything he fucked up in his life, so he called the only person he knew would always be there for him no matter what he did.
Pressing down on the contact, Max moved the phone to his ear before waiting for the person on the other side of the line to pick up. After five rings which felt forever, the tired voice of his mother greeted him.
"Max?" She asked worriedly. "It's the middle of the night, are you alright, darling?" Sophie wanted to know from her son, who didn't even know what to say. He had just felt like calling his mother.
"Mum..." Max said, before letting out a shuttering breath. He didn't even know why he was calling her in the middle of the night. So much had happened in the last 24 hours but there was nothing he actually wanted to tell his mother. He didn't want to disappoint her.
"Maxy is it about the fight you've gotten yourself into. Your sister said you were alright. Is something wrong?" She wanted to know which caused Max to lift his arm only to throw it over his face.
"Have you seen what the media has written?" Max wanted to know, which caused his mother to exhale slowly. She had seen the videos of the barfight and she had talked a moment or two with Victoria, she knew that neither Max nor Victoria actually got involved, but she also saw the pictures from this morning. Max holding Joanna Lauda in his arm while walking through the airport.
"It's not that bad, Max." She promised but he didn't really believe her but on the other side, it also didn't matter to him. There were other way more pressing matters on his mind.
"But you didn't really call me in the middle of the night because you worry about your reputation. What's going on?" Sophie wanted to know which caused Max to sniffle a little bit.
"Nothing," Max muttered. "Listen, Mum, I'm sorry I called this late. I will call you another time." With that, Max ended the call and threw his phone on the nightstand.