So, it's official. I can't write reasonable long chapters any longer, but it guss you guys will enough that fact. What is there to say, not much I would guess. Let me know what you think. Enjoy the chapter. Cheers.
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They were moving under the spotlight of singled out streetlamps. Always one streetlamp apart from each other. The wet streets were glittering under the warm orange light, and the world smelled of freshly fallen rain. It was silent, everybody seemed to be asleep making it a perfect night for a pair of lovers to have a nightly walk, Joanna wanted to laugh at the irony.
"Max," Joanna called as she ran after the Dutchman, who was angrily stalking away, not slowing down for the Austrian to catch up to him or even stopping. He was furious with her, and Joanna understood. She didn't want to tell him like this, it was never her intention to hurt him, but now it was out in the open, it wasn't a secret any longer and she desperately wanted a chance to explain things to him, to tell him why she did what she felt was right.
Huffing displeased about the situation, Joanna pulled her jacket closer around her body, only for her hands to hide under her armpits for warmth. The freshly fallen rain had brought a harsh wind.
"Max, please," Joanna called again, her breath coming out uneven as she stopped, her hands resting on her knees as she bent over. "Can you just stop moving for a moment? I can't so fast." She called out again helplessly, which caused Max to turn around harshly, before stalking back over to her, an angry snarl on his face, and an accusing index finger pointing at her. With one more step, he had moved into her personal space, causing Joanna to take one back as their noses nearly touched, surprised by his sudden movement.
"You're always the same. Every time I think that something could change, that giving you up is the fucking worst mistake I will ever do in my life, you prove me fucking wrong." Max yelled at her, unhappily. The quiet atmosphere of the night destroyed.
"You told me about your mother, and I thought 'Yeah, she's opening up to you. No more big secrets between us. This is her trying. Maybe it's worth another try. Maybe I can risk my heart for her, for us once more.' Seems like I was wrong again." The Dutchman added, which caused Joanna to straighten up, finally enough air in her lungs again.
"You weren't wrong," Joanna said helplessly. "I wanted to tell you, so badly, you have to believe me." She tried to defend herself, but Max wasn't having it. This wasn't enough. A lame excuse like this wouldn't be enough. The Dutch Red Bull driver deserved more than this, they both knew that.
"Then why the fuck didn't you?" Max wanted to know, his temper still having a tight hold of him. "You had more than enough possibilities." He pointed out after a moment of silence.
She could have said something in Monaco after the race, as he held her while she was throwing up, she could have said something as he asked her to at least be friends, or as they slept with each other after the race or that day in the alley this weekend. By God, she could have called him to say it, or to ask him to come over for a talk. Max wouldn't have refused her. But she didn't. Joanna said no word and waited for him to figure it out on his own. And she had no apologies for that. She had no idea how to repair what she had just damaged once again.
"I tried. I wanted to tell you in Monaco after the race, but only managed to mutter that you still had my gloves, I wanted to tell you as we had sex after the race, but all I did was tell you that I love you. I wanted to say something on Thursday but instead I talked about my mother." The Austrian explained a pleading tone audible in her voice, but all Max did was shaking his head bitterly, his lips pressed together tightly. Looking over at the from cars empty street.
"God, I can't even look at you or I'm going to lose my temper for good this time." He muttered, looking across the street, rather than facing the Austrian, who's worried expression seemed to be a constant companion nowadays. Joanna was so fucking tired, all the time.
"I waited too long and then everything went over my head. So, I did what I always do in such situations, I ignored it." She admitted ashamed. Joanna knew that this was gonna happen. She knew that Max wouldn't forgive her for this or take it lightly. The Austrian did believe that he still loved her, but it didn't seem to be enough any longer. Love alone wasn't fixing things between them any longer, no matter how madly in love they were with each other.
"I know there is no apology for that. Kiwi told me a million times, that..." Joanna added, but Max was fast to interrupt her rudely and displeased. It was audible in his voice.
"You told her, but not me?" He frowned, his voice raised.
"Yeah." The Austrian breathed out after a moment. "I told her because I didn't trust myself enough to keep the baby safe."
Max had not expected the Austrian to admit such a thing. He had seen how hard being pregnant had been on Joanna before, the lose of her first child had changed her deeply. The worry and fear visible on her face with every step she took, maybe it had been a reaction of her psyche, shutting out the fact which caused her so much distress. Maybe it was her protecting herself with it, but Max didn't see it that way.
For the Dutchman it was betrayal. Joanna hadn't trusted him. She had lied, again. Kept secrets which were too big to be kept. She had run away from her responsibilities again and he had to suffer under it, again. Nothing had changed. Nothing will ever change.
Max had given up the foolish desire to change Joanna, to make her trust him more, to be the person she felt the most at ease with. There was no taming a wild animal and there was also no taming Joanna. Max had understood that, and he wasn't ready to die trying any longer. He had accepted that the Austrian will always carry the title of the one that got away.
"I ... you haven't." Max stumbled over his words for the first time in so very long which caught the Austrian's attention.
Turning to face Max, there was suddenly something soft in his expression which hadn't been there before. "That's the first time you said it." He added softer.
It was still so surreal to him. Joanna expecting a child was nothing he had thought about in so very long, but now that it was happening, Max didn't know how to feel. Imagine Joanna with a growing belly, a child, a little human being. He had so many questions.
The most rational question was if the baby was even his, but something deep inside him told Max that yes, this baby was his. He had felt it in every kiss they shared in the last few weeks. It was an unfamiliar familiar sensation he had noticed before but never questioned by what it was caused. Now he felt foolish for being so blind for the obvious. He had felt it before. A long time ago.
The second question which wasn't letting go of him was how far she was along. It must have been a few months surely, but there was barely anything to see, even as he touched her the baby bump was barely detectable. Maybe she wasn't that far along which would have meant it hadn't been a secret for that long. Max didn't ask any of these questions.
You're having a baby, J." Max muttered.
"I'm having our baby." The Austrian replied, allowing a small, hopeful smile to slip onto her face as she moved forward to take Max's hand and settle it over her stomach, causing the Dutchman to spread his fingers slight, now feeling the bump under Joanna's shirt. It was mesmerising.
"That's all we ever wanted, right?" The Austrian asked, her eyes searching for his, the smile still on her lips.
"Us, together with a baby of our own on the way, Max." She added showing the tiniest bit of happiness over expecting a child, but Max felt as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water over his head.
"There is no us," Max told Joanna, his hand falling from her belly as he stumbled a few steps back. "You having a baby changes noting. It just proved again that we won't work." He spoke after a moment of silence in which Joanna watched him in horror. Not believing that this was actually what he wanted.
The Austrian looked away as hot tears were making their way down her cheeks, painfully slowly. Swallowing hard.
"Please don't cry. I can't ... when you cry. I can't do what's right for us."
"I can't help it. It's the pregnancy." Joanna said, not apologising or stopping. She didn't care what Max could or couldn't do now. If she felt like crying she would and right now, it seems like the only thing to do.
"I will take responsibility, support you financially..." Max promised her, still keeping the distance between them, but his words caused Joanna to give him a sharp look, interrupting him.
"I don't need your money, never will. I take care of things myself, as I always do." She snapped, about to walk away, as she remembered something she did need from the Dutchman. Stopping dead in her tracks, Joanna didn't turn around to face Max. She simply spoke to the dark and empty street.
"I... there is one thing I do need from you. Would you fill in the father's medical history form? Just so the baby and I can be safe. There is nothing else you will ever have to do after this." The Austrian promised, waiting for a moment so Max would tell her his decision if he would do it or not.
"If that's what you want. Of course." Max said, and no, this wasn't what Joanna wanted. She wanted to scream at him, cry and trash something down, but instead, she kept herself together, something she would need to be able to do in the future as a single mum.
"Yes, that's exactly what I want," Joanna told Max before walking away. The cold night air felt refreshing on her heated skin, but it made her also so unbelievable tired. That seemed to be everything Joanna was these days, tired.
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"He's out like a light, huh?" James asked as he took the seat next to Joanna in the first-class lounge while they were waiting for the flight to be called, pulling the Austrian away from her thoughts. His eyes were on Lewis who had curled up next to the Austrian, Roscoe by their feet, sleeping peacefully as well.
"Yeah, danced himself into a coma or something." Joanna smiled softly, as she accepted the cup of tea her race engineer handed her.
"You seem deep in thought. Is something bothering you? A certain bar fight maybe?" He wanted to know but Joanna knew that it wasn't just about small talk with James.
The Brit was one of her most trusted advisors. He was her race engineer and in the beginning, their relationship had been strictly professional, but James tended to claim that Joanna's mental peace and health were also his concern, due to him being her race engineer, so she started to trust him with little things, until she knew she could trust James with the heavy shit as well. Still, that didn't mean she wanted to talk about things very often. The mere knowledge that she had someone she could talk to, who would never judge her or give advice without her asking for it was very important for the Austrian.
"You've only heard rumours about that, and I wasn't actually involved at all," Joanna said smiling slightly.
"But the real question should be what isn't on my mind at the moment." Joanna offered which was like an invite to ask some more. If she didn't want to talk, she would have shut him off right away, but this was Joanna's way to let him know that she wanted to talk. The Austrian would never come to James and tell him openly that she needed someone to talk to, it always had to be him to offer to listen first and he always had to work.
Like an archaeologist who has to uncover layer after layer, James had to wind his way through Joanna's labyrinth-like statements until he could identify the real problem.
"You can talk to me, you know. I'll take it to the grave if that's what you want." The Brit offered and Joanna knew he was serious. James would die before telling anybody about the things Joanna had said to him due to her fully trusting him.
"It's just a lot going on." She muttered, her body language showing James that something was terrorizing her mind, she was all closed off, her arms slung around her body and her legs pulled up to her chest.
"There is this woman, who claims to be my mother. I made a DNA test a few days ago, but I'm still waiting for the results." The Austrian said quietly which actually surprised James, he thought it was about going to Austria for the first time after her father died or another episode of problems with Verstappen, but this was new to him.
"You're afraid of the results?" James asked which caused Joanna to shrug.
"In the end, it doesn't matter. She wasn't there for me all my life, so why should I give her a chance now." Nodding along, James gave her a soft smile.
"But you've already thought about meeting her."
"I actually already met her," Joanna said. "I just ... I wanted to know who she is so bad for so long and I never got an answer. And now I don't like the answer I got."
"Am I a bad person for not wanting her to be my mother?" The younger Mercedes driver wanted to know after a short while of silence, which caused James to shake his head right away.
"No, of course not." He insisted. "Not knowing her for so long, you still had ideas, images of your mother in your head. Meeting her messed with that."
Letting her gaze wander towards the window, Joanna's eyes landed on a plane on the rollway getting ready for take-off. "She is very sick. Morbus Parkinson. I made the DNA test to know. I might have it as well."
"I don't want to have to deal with that. Why do such things always come my way?" She wondered, her voice not louder than a whisper and to be honest, James could understand. Joanna always seemed to have to go the hardest way available.
"I don't know, JJ. I understand that this is a hit in the face, but you need to know. As soon as we know we can start treatments and fight it."
"Knowledge is a curse." The Austrian replied, thinking about the letter. Alain could have burned it and she would have never had to face this worry and inner turmoil, but he was right to tell her, to let her make the decision. To let her learn about this disease she might have.
"No, wondering for the rest of your life because you were too scared to know, is a curse. It's easier once you know what you're fighting. What we're fighting." Nodding once, Joanna got her phone out of her pocket to see if that noisy blogger had written something else since she had told the whole world about what they had done or maybe not in that alley. She wanted to see if there was something about their little fight in a certain club.
Seeing that the title of the article is "SISTER-IN-LAW, WELCOME TO THE VERSTAPPEN FAMILY" Joanna could only huff before reading over it. It was just an endless list of why Joanna would perfectly fit into the Verstappen family and speculations that Joanna and Victoria must be best of friends because the writer had seen the two of them in the paddock talking to each other, but no such picture could be found of Verstappen's sister and current the girlfriend of the older Verstappen. Joanna turned her phone off before she could read any more.
Flying home was still considered work and the baby wasn't something her work-brain took care of. Kiwi had told her that it was ridiculous but it had worked just fine so far. In her book, the race driver Joanna Lauda wasn't pregnant. The private version was.
"I'm just so tired all the time," Joanna said after she had put her phone away, her head which rested against the backrest of the seat rolled to the side so she could look at James.
"A lot of people have trouble sleeping. I'm sure we can get you a mild sedative or sleeping pills if you want." James offered which caused Joanna's face to morph into one of pain and disgust for herself. The last time she had started taking sleeping pills, she was fast to move on to pain medication, stronger and stronger until she went back to what she always had a problem with, Oxy.
She couldn't go back to being that girl again. This addiction had nearly taken her life from her two times. Joanna was too old to make the same mistakes over and over again, or she liked to think that she was above it. There were other ways to find sleep. There were other methods with which she would be safe. Taking something, taking these pills would never help her. Joanna knew that, so why was it so hard to tell James, who wasn't aware of her problem that she didn't want pills?
"I don't know," Joanna muttered after a moment which caused James to get something from his rucksack, a little package, before handing it to Joanna.
"Relax. It's not like someone will think of you as a junky if you take sleeping pills. We all take something to make it through the day." James pointed out and yeah, he was right. Joanna knew many mechanics, who tend to take something or had a drink or two. She also wasn't sure what actually was in the tea Kiwi always had. It was completely normal in their world. It's hard to get rid of all the adrenaline from the track and settle down to get some sleep and they also didn't have the time to really relax, so of course, it was totally okay to get some help with that.
"You're right," Joanna said after a moment. "But I'm fine." The Austrian pointed out, which caused James to hand her the little package of sleeping pills, nevertheless.
"That's alright, but do have them in case you really can't sleep. I have another package." The Brit said which caused Joanna to nod, as she allowed the little box with pills to rest in her palm, while James got up from his seat as their flight was called. The Brit had groaned in relief, happy to finally be able to get out of this place and onto a plane.
"I will go and sort our seats out," James said which caused Joanna to nod. They were flying with the team jet, but if their little group wanted to sit together one of them had to be fast and get on the plane before all of the tired mechanics and engineers would.
Angela smiled at James as he passed her, while the woman moved towards Lewis, who was busy with Roscoe while Andrew sorted his, Kiwi's and Joanna's hand luggage out. All of them were on the move, all apart from Joanna.
"Joanna, what's wrong? Are you coming?" Kiwi called out over her shoulder as she realised that her driver was missing from their little group of six people and one dog, already following Andrew and the rest of the team while the Austrian was still seated, looking down at the box in her hand, Joanna was fast to put them in the pocket of her vintage denim jacket before getting up and pulling the grey sweat hood over her head.
"Yeah, I'm just tired." The Austrian said as she came to a stop right in front of Kiwi, her hand still tightly around the package of sleeping pills hidden by her pocket as they moved towards the end of the queue. Lewis and Angela were already there, offering the two approaching women a smile.
"Don't worry. We will be home soon." The Australian promised, an understanding smile on her lips, which Joanna retorted. Kiwi thought this was about the pregnancy, oh how wrong she was.
Looking around while they waited for the queue to move, Joanna's eyes landed on a dustbin not too far away. She could have moved over, thrown the pills away and moved back to their group without anybody really questioning her, but she couldn't. Her legs weren't listening to her, all her body allowed her to do was tighten her hold around the package.
Exhaling slowly Joanna knew that she needed to get rid of them before she would be alone, not trusting herself for even a moment. She wasn't that person any longer, Joanna had been clean, and she had been fine. A package of sleeping pills wouldn't ruin that, right?
Her heart was beating fastly in her chest, and the people around her were fading out. Joanna didn't hear Angela talking to Kiwi any longer or Lewis cooing at Roscoe. The panic was rising in her chest. Not again. She didn't want to go back to rehab. The Austrian had hated it there. Not again, she couldn't go back. They had healed her, she was normal. She wanted to be normal so badly.
"I will be back." Joanna had muttered next to Kiwi before she simply walked away. Her feet carried her through the busy waiting area around the gates while Kiwi called after her. The Austrian couldn't just walk away, they had a flight to catch and even though the Aussie was following her, the younger woman had managed to disappear in the crowd of people.
Walking down the hallway of the airport, Joanna knew that she was overreacting. Nothing had happened, she hadn't taken a pill. Everything was fine and fine was enough for her. There was no reason to react like this. There was no reason for all this panic crawling up her throat and fighting itself to the surface.
She should just throw them away and get back to her team, end it before it would be something. Nothing had happened yet, Joanna was still in control, but something told her not to stop. To just keep going, to find a place where she would get some fresh air. A place where she could relax for a moment, take a deep breath and have a clear thought.
Noticing the group of people wearing red right away, Sebastian in the middle of them all with Pia by his side. It seemed as if he was having a go at her most likely for last night. The Italian looked a little bit ruff. Dried blood around her nose and a busted lip as far as Joanna could see, but she was as unbothered by her father's scolding as ever. Joanna could almost hear Pia snarl at Sebastian that he wasn't actually her dad, but the Austrian Mercedes driver had no time to go over, the possibility of getting grounded for decades by Sebastian as well wasn't pleasant either.
So, the Austrian yanked the hood forward to hide more of her face before tugging on her sleeves, so they were covering her hands. She felt safer that way. Liked to do that since she could think, actually.
Glancing to the side to be sure she had passed the group of Ferrari people, Joanna looked around. Maybe there was somewhere a terrace or something. A place where people would normally smoke, somewhere in a secure corner, but she couldn't find a sign which said so, causing Joanna to go for the second option she had. A bathroom.
As soon as her eyes had found the door which would lead there, her vision had become set on her target, like a sort of tunnel vision, running through a crowd of people who were going the other way, Joanna had nearly reached the door, her left hand, the hand which wasn't holding the package already reaching for the handle of the door, as someone ran right into her with such force it threw Joanna to the floor.
Blindly reaching out with her left hand to cushion the fall, her other hand was still staying in the pocket, securing the little box James had given her.
Groaning in pain, Joanna ignored the corpulent lady against which the thin Austrian had lost during their crash as she sat up. The other woman was standing over her, looking overly worried while Joanna did her best to not grimace.
"It's fine." The Austrian growled not at all happy about all the attention she was getting right now. Moving her left arm, she tried to see if her elbow was okay while the woman apologised over and over again, claiming she hadn't seen Joanna.
"Sweety, do you need a doctor? Where is your mother?" The old woman asked, looking down at Joanna, her hands still covering her mouth after the shock while the Austrian was giving her an unimpressed glance. She knew she looked younger with her converse and all in denim, her head covered in the soft grey hood as well, but by God, she clearly wasn't a child any longer. Maybe the woman had hurt her head.
"She said she's fine." A familiar voice said from behind her, before Joanna could answer the woman and shortly before she felt lower arms under her armpits lifting her up from the floor not very tender.
"But thanks. I've got her now." He spoke. Looking over her shoulder Joanna looked into Max's turquoise eyes.
One hand still holding onto her, while the other was holding onto the stripe of his backpack. His chest was rising and falling faster than usual, which told Joanna he must have been running. Most likely late for his own flight again after the night they had.
Feeling the floor beneath her convers, Joanna felt lost. She needed to get back to her team. It was important or she would miss her flight, but now she needed to get away from Max first. She needed a moment to think. She needed to get away from him which caused her to pull her arm from his hold before using her arm to open the door to the bathroom. She had just turned around to lock the little room which was apparently a family washroom or something as Max pushed the door open to follow her inside, before turning around and locking it instead of Joanna.
"What the fuck was that?" Max wanted to know from the Austrian, but she wasn't looking at him. This was the worst-case scenario for her right now. Max was the last person, who could know of this. She couldn't let him know. This was bad, really bad. How could he ever trust her to keep their child safe, if a package of pills were making her freak out like that?
Not noticing Joanna's troubling thoughts, Max was still wondering why the lady hadn't helped Joanna to her feet after running her over like this. She really yeeted Joanna to the ground which had looked rather violently and hurtful, causing Max to stop dead in his tracks even though he already was late and his family, team and girlfriend were already at the gate, Max couldn't simply walk away and pretend he had never seen it, he would have if Kiwi or someone else of her team would have been close, fussing over the Austrian already before she would even have hit the ground but Joanna seemed to be totally on her own which worried him.
Max didn't like the idea of Joanna being on her own without someone to protect her. Fans were crazy and Joanna weight about nothing. She always claimed to not be made of glass, but Max feared that one day a too strong hug from a fan or something like that would hurt the tender mother of his child.
He knew that she had been upset after their talk last night, but who wasn't? Kelly looked like death and was so moody, Max didn't even want to come near her, but the team didn't seem to be in a better mood either. They all did their best to keep the little bar fight away from the media, but there was also another problem. Shouldn't someone write about the barfight soon, people would start to suspect that the Dutchman was at fault, causing Kelly's ruffed up appearance. Even though Max would never hit or even hurt a woman, he wasn't like his father.
"Are you okay? That was a hard fall." He added as he noticed that the Austrian wasn't focusing on him at all, rather jumpingly looking around and bouncing her leg. Maybe she had hurt her head. Something was wrong with her arm for sure, she hadn't moved it out of her pocket at all.
Checking his watch, Max knew that he must have missed his flight already which caused him to exhale slowly before dropping his backpack by the door, if he had already missed his flight, there was no point in hurrying away, he could also take care of Joanna.
He moved forward to touch Joanna's hand gently, intending to check her arm or more her elbow, but the Austrian had pulled her arm away before he could even feel her skin under his fingertips.
"Locking yourself with me in a bathroom against my will is absolutely uncalled for. Have you suddenly forgotten how to ignore me properly?" She said, causing Max to pull his eyebrows together. Should he call her out on her bullshit right away, or should he wait until her nerves had settled a little bit more?
"Have you hit your head? I wasn't ignoring you and you moved to the bathroom first." Max pointed out, causing Joanna's eyes to find his. Her hand which was in the pocket tightened around something, maybe her phone Max thought, but he doubted it would fit.
"Which wasn't an invite." The Austrian pointed out, causing Max to snort.
"I didn't say it was." Max returned as Joanna's phone suddenly went off. Moving her left arm, she pulled it out of the back pocket of her jeans, before answering the call.
"Give me a minute." She told Max which caused him to huff in disbelief as Joanna answered her phone. The Dutchman had crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against what must have been a baby changing table, somehow ironic. He couldn't see himself standing in front of such a thing, tending to a child, but he was willing to learn. For their baby, he would learn.
A short conversation with Kiwi followed which resulted in the team boarding Joanna's private jet and her finding her own way home without them before she ended the call and looked at Max with a blank expression. Thinking about it, all Joanna had given him so far were blank glances or panics gazes. Something was definitely wrong.
"Let's try this again, then. Are you alright? Do we need a doctor?" Max asked, his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes travelled over Joanna's body, before stopping around her middle. The sweat jacket she was wearing had curved outwards at her stomach, giving the illusion of a slightly bigger bump.
"We?" The Austrian asked sceptically, which caused Max to huff.
"It's still my child you're caring." He said matter-of-factly, earning himself an annoyed snort from the Austrian.
"Oh, so what? You're changed your mind? Now it's your child?"
"Don't you dare to bitch at me. Between the two of us, it's you who fucked up." Max warned her before his voice soften slightly.
"Listen, I never said it wasn't. And I told you I would take responsibility. But I understand your confusion, I was angry yesterday. I said some things I didn't mean like that. Me being angry and you being pregnant isn't a good combination." Max tried to explain, he had moved away from the baby changing table he was leaning against, only to take a step forward.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I will try to not be pregnant in the future, to make things easier." The snappish commands came easy to Joanna. It was easier to be harsh and beasty than to be approaching and understanding. Joanna knew that she was unfair and that she should offer Max more understanding. He was the one who was allowed to be angry, she had no right to.
"Don't say that, not in anger and not ever as a joke," Max warned her, his expression morphed into something hurt and regretful, but also steely. He took another step forward while Joanna took one back, hitting her back on the wall, while Max reached out and lifted her chin with his index finger slightly, so she was looking into his eyes.
"No lies and no secret." The Dutchman demanded, after making sure the Austrian was looking into his eyes. "From now on I expect you to tell me everything concerning this baby, do you understand?" He added which caused Joanna to give him a hard look, but she did nod softly after a few more moments, accepting his demand.
"We're fine," Joanna muttered after a moment answering Max's question from before. For now, she wanted to add but didn't. Now wasn't the time to tell him about her unreasonable fears or the sickness she might have.
"I'm three months pregnant, Max. If I can race, I will survive a little fall as well." The Austrian Mercedes driver added as sassily as she could causing Max to roll his eyes after letting his hand fall from her chin.
"Yeah, about that. I don't want you to." The Dutchman said while turning around to get his backpack. "Racing is dangerous enough without you sharing your seat with our child."
Something about Max saying 'our' child was causing panic to climb up Joanna's throat. She was scared of being pregnant. Everything felt so out of place and rushed. And Max demanding her to take a step back was rubbing her in all the wrong ways.
"Oh sure, I will just take my bump with the baby and leave it in the garage while I work then," Joanna told him her voice dripping with sarcasm.
She wasn't ready to give up the only constancy in her life. Racing, the world of Formula One had raised her, she had grown up there. Won her first race, got her heart broken for the first time and found the man she loved, but leaving that now was still scary. Joanna wasn't ready yet. Maybe she will never be.
"I'm not ordering you around, I'm just saying that our priories have to change now." Max pointed out, facing the mother of his child again, his expression softer now.
"You mean mine. It's my career we're talking about." Joanna pointed out. "I will race in Austria, Silverstone as well." She added.
"I haven't forbidden you anything, J." The Dutchman tried to calm her down. "I'm just saying that we have to consider more things now than just what we want and who's depending on us but I won't watch you getting into a car when it's not safe for the two of you."
Joanna knew that he was right, she was already playing with the thought of stopping racing for quite a while, but until now her doctor always made sure to tell her that it was more than fine. The baby was more than fine with his mummy racing for now. The doctor had named the four months mark as an end for her season, maybe a few races longer but it would have to be decided from race to race.
"Anyways. When you're stranded here, we could..." The Dutchman started to speak after he had enough of the silence between the two of them. He thought if he had to find his way to Austria on his own due to him missing his flight, they could team up, due to being in the same situation, but before he could even make the full proposal Joanna spoke over him.
"I need you to do something for me." The Austrian had said, her expression still somehow panicked, a thin layer of sweat was covering her face as far as he could see with the hood pulled over her head. Taking a step back, Max turned around to get his backpack, before putting it on and turning to Joanna before speaking again.
"I'm not leaving you here if that's what you're worried about. I need to find my way to Austria too. Have missed my flight as well." Max told her, but Joanna wasn't thinking about the flight. She didn't care when she would reach Austria or even if she would. There were so many things on her mind, all she wanted was to sleep, to have a moment to herself and to properly relax before her crazy life would have her back. Just one moment, but for that, she would have to ask for a favour first. She just hated herself a little bit for needing Max's help again.
"That's not ... I need help." Letting her words alarm him, Max let go of the straps of his backpack, before reaching out with both hands to gently remove the hood from the Austrian's head, but he didn't let go of the fabric right away, he was rather watching Joanna closely.
The dark circles under her eyes told him that she wasn't sleeping properly which he hadn't seen in the dim light of the club yesterday, and the scared expression told him that whatever it was, he needed to help her, no matter what was or wasn't between them any longer. If this was about what he thought it was about, he would always help her. As a friend, as her ex. It didn't matter. All that mattered to him was Joanna's and the baby's health.
"What is it?" He asked gently, causing Joanna to take a step back, her left hand moving to the pocket in which her right hand was buried as well. With shaking hands Joanna pulled a small package of pills out of the pocket, she wasn't meeting his gaze or letting her gaze wander through the room. Her eyes were solely on the box of pills her fingers were holding onto tightly.
"Oh, J," Max muttered, while he had moved his right hand to bury it in her hair instead of holding onto the hood. His thumb gently brushed over her cheekbone while his pointer was moving over the shell of her ear softly.
"I haven't." She said defensively while staring up into Max's eyes before her expression changed into one of shame. "Not yet at least." She added suddenly self-conscious.
Looking at the package Joanna was holding between them, Max noticed that the plastic which protected the little box of pills wasn't broken yet. Even though Joanna seemed to have them for quite some time, she hadn't taken them.
"You won't do it," Max muttered close to her ear, which caused Joanna to look at Max for a moment before allowing her fingers to brush over the place where the plastic was connected. Playing with the thought of tearing it away.
"You don't know that." The younger Mercedes driver said, tears freeing themselves only to swim down Joanna's cheeks.
"I can't ... Take them away." Joanna pleaded with Max, which caused the Dutchman to reach out for the package, only to pull them from her fingers and throw them into the trash right next to the sink from where they were standing before pulling Joanna into his chest.
The Austrian was crying, Max didn't know if it was due to shame of being so temped or out of relief that she didn't do it in the end, but it didn't matter, all that mattered was that Max had found Joanna on time, that he had been there and that she had told him about the pills before things have turned ugly. Max was glad that she trusted him enough to let him know.
"Let's get out of here," Max muttered, as he pulled a crying Joanna more against his chest and with him out of the room, but he did look over his shoulder at the package which was poking out of the dustbin before the door could fall shut. He was so caught up in it, that he didn't notice the reason which caused Joanna to stop as soon as they left the room but hearing the questions which were thrown at them, he was fast to face ahead.
Of course, the media had to find them like that. Both of them missing their flights only to come out of a family washroom together, Joanna's eyes red from crying, her cheeks still wet and Max's arm around her shoulders, holding onto her with a worried expression which turned into one of annoyance and anger as he heard the insensible questions which were asked about Joanna's father and their rivalry, or what most people now believed to be their affair.
"Max, are you dumping Piquet for Lauda?" A noisy reporter asked right next to Max while he tried to push through the crowd of media people. He never understood how fast they could assemble, it's like they're watching them, waiting for the right moment to ambush them.
That's why they normally moved in groups, with their performance coach, their PR agent or other people from the team, but right now, right now they were out in the open and fully on their own. The golden boy of Red Bull and the she-wolf of Mercedes.
Glancing down at Joanna, he felt her tense in his arms most likely understanding the delicate situation they were in, Max pulled her closer, his instincts telling him to protect the Austrian, to protect his family. Causing Joanna to rest her hand on his chest, so she wouldn't get crushed between Max's chest and his arm as people crowed closer to them. Shoving Joanna even deeper into the Dutchman's body.
"Come on. No comment, you should know that by now." He said jokingly while forcing a cheeky smile onto his face. But Max didn't stop to have a little chat. He rushed through the group of people with Joanna stumbling along with him until they left them successfully behind them.
Looking down at Joanna once more, Max could tell that she was displeased by the way she was biting at her bottom lip. There will be consequences, they both knew that but right now Max couldn't care any less, his priorities have changed. He had a child of his own to protect now.