So, here we go again. Another chapter with finally a little bit more action. I hope you enjoy reading it. I just wanted to say that I seem to have a few problems with answering in the comment section. I do see your lovely comments, but sometimes when I click onto them to answer Wattpad just shows me nothing. I just wanted to point it out so nobody feels like I don't appreciate you guys enough. I will answer if Wattpad lets me ;) Oh and about the chapter, you might hate me afterwards, so yeah. Cheers
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"Don't you want to drink something?" Jenson had muttered into Joanna's ears from where he sat beside her, while Kelly used the opportunity to talk about some dress she had bought, all her friends listening closely, while Jenson had troubles stopping himself from rolling his eyes.
If she wanted to impress him, she could have stopped speaking a while ago. For him the Brazilian was just one giant red flag walking on two feet but that might be due to him being on Joanna's side. Always and forever. To be honest Joanna wasn't much better then the Brazilian, but she was a bit better in Jenson opinion, but his opinion didn't matter. He had noticed that after he had made a joke at the Brazilians expense, and no one laughed. Normally everybody laughed at his jokes. He was charming and funny after all.
He wondered how Max endured it. The Dutchman leaned against the railing right next to where Joanna sat, they talked to each other, but Max was so very different from when he was still in a relationship with the Austrian.
Nevertheless, Joanna sat there dutifully, Jenson couldn't think of another word to describe her right now. Not speaking much at all or drinking which the Brit couldn't understand. He knew that Max and Joanna weren't listening to what Kelly told her girls other than Jenson, who couldn't stop listening in disbelieve.
Joanna could have told thousand stories which would have been better, Jenson was sure of that. He had heard a lot of them and was part of others. Joanna Lauda had seen the world, lived and amazing life and she was so young on top of it. He remembered all these amazing stories and one or two more drinks, and he would start telling them. Not wasting one more moment to come to Joanna's aid and defend. Showing these snobs that Joanna was great as well. God, he needed to get away or stop drinking before he would snap and embarrass Joanna.
"No, thank you. I'm fine." Joanna said, which pulled Jenson from his thoughts, as she rested her hand over his for a moment an apologising look on her face which caused Jenson to nod before turning back around to Max and their conversation, maybe he should have listened to what was said there, Seb surely wanted a report as soon as he would find them again.
That's why Joanna was better, she didn't need to brag about who she was, they all knew. The moment she entered a room, all eyes were on her, that why Max found her right away, that's why Kelly felt the need to talk so much about herself and all the beautiful things she had. They were all painfully aware of the Austrian's presence.
"Alright, darling. You know I love you, but I need to go and look for Seb now." Jenson said patting her hand once which caused her to give him an amused look. Of course, the little shit knew how hard Jenson had to bite his tongue not to say something. Raising from his seat, Kelly had the kindness to stop her story. Joanna raised as well and by God, Jenson whished she would just come with him and stop whatever self-inflicted punishment this was.
"Let me give you the advice that he might not be at the bottom of a bottle of vodka." The Austrian said before kissing his cheek while the Brit gave her an amused look.
"Well, we never know. I might need to start there, nevertheless." Laughing softly, Jenson gently nagged the knuckles of his finger against her chin.
"Call me before you leave. I don't want you to go home alone at night." The Brit said, before turning towards the people sitting around. He gestured around extravagantly, while Joanna tried to hide her smile.
"It was a ... pleasure." He addressed them before offering Max his hand, which caused the Dutchman to take it.
"Take care mate," Jenson said before he vanished in the crowd in the direction of the bar.
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Looking after Jenson all Joanna could do was shake her head with an amused smile on her lips.
"I guess he wasn't enjoying himself much," Max said to Joanna. They stood a little apart from their actual place. Joanna took a few steps back so Jenson could say goodbye to Max and instead of moving back when Jenson was gone, Max followed her the few steps. The few steps left enough space for some other people to take in between them and the rest of the group which left them alone for a moment. Hovering close together to understand each other over the loud music.
"Sometimes Jens's too loyal for his own good." Joanna had called back over the loud music, causing Max to laugh, an honest laugh she hadn't seen in so long before his expression suddenly changed.
"Can we talk?" He asked causing Joanna to give him a confused look. They had talked the whole night. Talked and smiled and everything seemed to be alright again. They were good, they were friends now. Talking about this now would only hurt them. Things were like they were. Not alright but real. For Joanna this was enough. She had to endure Kelly, but she was allowed to laugh with Max again. After so long, he gave them this part of their relationship back, he couldn't take it for her again. It would be unfair.
"But we are talking, Max." She pointed out, her heart beating fast. She knew where this was leading and going down this path, Joanna wasn't sure she was strong enough for it. But the Dutchman shook his head, for him, this wasn't talking. This was ignoring their problems in order to have a moment of peace together. But they knew each other so well, three years of living together, of being together. Max knew Joanna better than himself.
"Not the way we should." The Red Bull driver pointed out again which caused Joanna to look over her shoulder once facing the harbour of Monaco.
"But not here." She said weakly which caused Max to let his hand gently brush against her to have her full attention before he walked away. Watching him for a moment, Joanna knew where he was going. He also still remembered what they had done the years before in his driver's room on the energy station. Exhaling slowly, Joanna followed him, not noticing that Kelly's gaze had followed her.
Opening the door and stepping inside, Joanna closed it right behind her, flipped it lock, before leaning against the door. Max was sitting on the bed-like thing, his gaze directed on his intervened fingers before he looked up at Joanna.
"Hey." The Austrian whispered not expecting Max to hear her over the loud music, but as he muttered a 'hello' back she couldn't stop the corner of her mouth to move into a small smile.
"You wanted to talk," Joanna muttered after another moment of silence which caused Max to get up before he took a few steps until he was standing right in front of her. His finger itching to touch her, to cradle her cheek in his hand, to brush the tip of his nose against hers. To tell her that there was no point in holding her shield up, in wearing her armour. He had seen her bare and vulnerable, at her weakest and all he did was love her. Hold her and promise her that it will be better one day while he took care of her tender heart and wounded soul.
"Why did you allow this all to happen?" Max wanted to know. He wanted to hear her reasons. The thoughts she had before she broke his heart and ran away. The things which have motivated her to do so.
"When have you decided to leave me?" Max asked another question as Joanna still couldn't answer him. The truth was, she didn't know. She didn't know why she allowed all this to happen. She didn't know when she had decided to leave him. All she knew was that it had been a mistake. Her mistake.
"This is all my fault. I ruined everything we had. I have nothing to say for myself, I don't know what I was thinking. Everything just got so overwhelming, and I started panicking." Joanna muttered under her breath, causing Max to huff.
Loving Joanna was dangerous, he knew that. Max fell deep, and Joanna was too stupid to realise just how deeply. She thought that leaving him would give him a reason to start over again, but she had shattered him. She made him feel like the most special person in the world, their love for each other was burning but when it mattered, when Joanna had to show commitment, she run.
"I didn't mean the things I said. But what could change admitting it now? You've moved on." Joanna said, her eyes searching for Max's.
"You're so stupid sometimes. Do I look like I moved on?" He wanted to know and honestly, Joanna didn't know how to answer. She could point out that he had Kelly, but Max would point out that he was nevertheless, here, with her.
"Running away isn't going to solve your problems. Why didn't you just come to me to talk about it." Max wanted to know. Why couldn't she trust him enough to know that he would take care of her, that he would help her trough it and that he would have made all the panic disappear like he did so often.
"I was afraid you'd talk me out of it." Max huffed in anger.
"I can't even tell you how furious I am with you right now for being so goddamnit stupid." He told her.
"Have I ever turned you away when you needed me? Have I ever not dropped everything I was doing when you panicked? Have I ever not put you first?" Max wanted to know which caused Joanna to reach out and take his hand in hers which he allowed for a moment. Breathing together so neither of them would lose control of their temper.
"That's the problem," Joanna said, her voice helpless but soft. "I'm a mess and that won't change. You had to put up with me and I was so afraid that one day you just wouldn't want to do that any longer. I was afraid that you would have woken up 20 years later and blamed me for everything you have missed and couldn't have."
"You're a mess, but you are my mess. For better or worse. You are my mess, Joanna Lauda. I know about every terrible thing you ever did, and I still love you, what does that tell you?" Max wanted to know but Joanna didn't answer him.
The Austrian had moved, overcoming the distance of one step between the two of them. She kissed him desperately, her arm hooked around Max's neck as the Dutchman slung his arm around her hip, lifting her from the floor which caused her to allow her legs to find their place around Max's hips. They kissed passionately, not breaking their kisses for longer than a few seconds to take a breath.
Carrying her over to the bed thingy. Max didn't break the kiss as he laid her down and climbed over her, while Joanna felt around to feel the buttons of his dress shirt, opening one button after the other without looking. Pulling away from her lips Max shrugged his shirt off while Joanna tried to help bush it down.
As soon as the dress shirt was off, Joanna dove in for another kiss put Max stopped her with his fingers intervened in her hair, holding her cheek. Smiling down at her, Max tried to memories the way her eyes had this strong glimmer in them, the rosy-red colour of her from kisses swollen lips.
"I love you," Joanna whispered as Max let his thumb brush over her lower lip.
"Max, I love you." She said again, her eyes were full of joy which came straight from her heart as the Dutchman leaned down, their noses brushing but their lips didn't meet just yet.
"I love you too, J. So unbelievable much." The Dutchman admitted before kissing her passionately again.
Her hands found his belt which she undid while Max worked to loosen the strings which were holding Joanna's backless top in place before pulling it over her head. Rolling her eyes as she watched Max throw it carelessly over his shoulder with a smirk on his lips. All Joanna could do was grin at him. Moving off of her. Max kicked his shoes off before stepping out of his trousers, while Joanna had gotten rid of her leather shorts in the meantime as well, just as her heels.
"You could have let them on." Max teased her, before climbing over her again. The kisses turned from wild and passionate into something slower and deeper. They took their time, holding onto each other, touching, learning again. It was like muscle memory. Knowing where they had to touch what the other one liked and needed.
Joanna pushed her hand against the fabric of Max's boxershorts at his waistband before making a displeased sound which caused Max to laugh.
"If you want som...." Max started to speak but Joanna was fast to interrupt him. "Get rid of it." She ordered causing Max to kiss her lips one more before getting rid of his boxers, throwing them to the side, before moving his hand to the waistband of Joanna's slip. It would just be fair.
"Don't, be gentle." She warned, knowing Max well enough to know that he was about to rip the fabric apart only to have her, but there was her favourite pair and looking down, Max recognised them, so he removed the fabric swiftly but without tearing it apart before he leaned over Joanna's chest to mouth at her breast causing the Austrian to moan. Her hand came up to hold onto something which was laying on the cupboard over her head but as her hand found nothing, she just braced herself against the cupboard.
"Please, just go on with it," Joanna muttered, knowing damn well that Max had taken his sweet time torturing her which caused him to face her, pressing a soft kiss to her lips, so fast that Joanna had struggled to react fast enough to meet the kiss.
"Always so impatient." He murmured into her ear.
"I learned from the best." She replied referring to how Max never seemed to be able to let his fingers from her. Always touch and seeking body contact.
Moving Joanna's legs so he had both of them around his hips, Max pushed into her which caused Joanna to close her eyes and bite her lips so she wouldn't moan too loudly. There were people out there after all. She felt Max's hand around her chin, causing her to open her eyes again while the Dutchman moved.
"Look at me." He muttered, which caused Joanna to reach out and throw her arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer so they were breathing the same air, while she moved with him to meet his thrusts.
"How could I not?" She quizzed her other hand moving to tangle into Max's hair while the Dutchman moved back to hold onto her hips. His eyes were on hers while they moved together which caused both to moan. Letting her free hand move from the cupboard to Max's chest, she pushed him a little bit back, so they were more in a sitting positing, rocking against each other, Max could feel the gasps Joanna let out on his heated skin before grasping her cheek again and pulling her into a kiss.
Joanna was a rare soul. Max always knew that. Since the first time, he kissed her rosy-red lips. Since the first time, she had searched for comfort and found it in his embrace. Since the first time, she allowed herself to be truly vulnerable in his hands. The Austrian had this unique infectious energy, making people want to be around her, to hear her laugh and experience her joy.
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28th May 2019 – MONACO
Pushing the door open after using the spare key, it got stuck after a few centimetres due to the luggage which never got unpacked and carried away. Swearing under her breath Joanna grimaced, smelling the stall air mixed with a thin but ever-present layer of alcohol as she pulled the key out of the lock and entered the apartment. Half-eaten takeout boxes were laying around, beer bottles littered the living room floor and cloths hung from different pieces of furniture.
Letting her gaze wander through the room, her eyes landed on the man lying in between the narrow space between the sofa and the coffee table. She had hoped to not find him like that. Not again. Joanna understood that things have changed and that things weren't easy for him, but this wasn't tolerable any longer. The time she had watched and hoped he would get better again was over.
Exhaling slowly, Joanna stepped over an empty bottle of vodka only to crouch down and gently touch his cheek, but the expected reaction did not occur. Things had been hectically these last few weeks since her father's death.
She had seen Daniel two days ago after the race and he had seemed fine, so the Austrian didn't understand how things have changed so dramatically. Pulling her eyebrows together, she got the little mirror she had in her handbag, before holding it under the man's nose to see if he was breathing.
The mirror fogged which told her at least, that she wouldn't have to bury him right next to Jules before the month was over. Closing the mirror with a loud click, Joanna put it back into her handbag, before throwing it onto the sofa.
"What are you doing to yourself, Daniel?" Joanna muttered as she straightened up again. Her elegant fingers wrapped around the neck of the bottles laying around closest to the sleeping Aussie, before carrying them to the kitchen to throw out later. Leaning against the kitchen counter Joanna opened another bottle only to pure the content down the sink, watching as a little swirl formed inside the bottle as the clinical smell of vodka hit her nose.
"Is the prize money so bad that the reigning world champion has to raid my liquor cabinet?" A raspy voice from the lack of use asked from behind Joanna, but she wasn't surprised. She had heard Daniel groan the moment he had opened his eyes, before running against a cupboard and stumbling into the kitchen only to lean against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes unfocused. Ignoring his comment about her won title with Mercedes.
"I'm not drinking alone any longer, and we've got to get your footing back. Get you back on course before it's too late." The Austrian replied, before turning around, facing the Aussie who snorted before giving her an uninterested expression.
"Go fuck yourself," Daniel told her unimpressed before he reached out to open one of the overhead cabins but missed it reaching into the empty space right below it. "You're just angry Lewis won Canada and not you."
"Daniel, you have a problem. Ignoring it won't make it go away." The Mercedes driver said while watching her friend with a worried expression.
Daniel wasn't good for quite some time now, but things really started to escalate as he decided to leave Max and Red Bull, looking for a new team and finding one in Renault. Joanna wouldn't say a bad word about Renault, they've presented her with her first two championship titles after all, but she knew that this wasn't a place for Daniel, still Red Bull wasn't his home any longer either. They were Max's team now and Daniel wasn't over the betrayal yet. He had believed he would become world champion with Red Bull, now they've moved their energy to Max, a younger and better driver. Daniel wasn't sure how to survive that yet.
"That's rich coming from you. Fucking double standards. You can't do anything wrong, can you?" Daniel said tumbling towards Joanna, only to miss her chest, he wanted to poke with his outstretched finger and stumbling past her only to land in a heap on the floor. Joanna had watched the whole thing.
"You know that's not true," Joanna told him weakly which caused Daniel to snort.
"Yeah, I know." He spoke after a few moments. "What I don't know is what happened with Max. On New Year's Eve, you were still inseparable and after the holiday you were no longer together." Daniel pointed out and this wasn't the first time. He had pressed the topic so often by now, Joanna was surprised that he still didn't know what really had happened, but the Austrian won't tell him, and Max and Daniel weren't on speaking terms either.
"Relationships aren't easy, Danny. But we're not talking about me now. You're our priority now." The Austrian said gently before reaching out and helping Daniel to his feet. Gently pulling him along, Joanna sat him down on the closed toilet lit while she drew a bath.
Silently waiting for the bathtub to fill, Daniel couldn't take the silence any longer. He hated when they didn't talk but he also knew that Joanna didn't want to talk to him as long as he was drunk.
"I'm sorry by the way. Losing your father and all that. I never had the time to say it in person. He was a bastard but ... you know. He was your father." Nodding in acknowledgement, Joanna gave him a soft smile while she reached out to take his hand in hers.
They were a strange pair. Joanna always knew that. Jules was the kit that held them together, but she had to admit that they were doing rather fine without him as well, even though thinking that made her feel guilty. They weren't fighting against each other any longer with everything they had, much more fighting together against other things, like Daniel's little drinking problem or Joanna's tendency to run away when things got too serious. They really were the lost generation after all.
"Let's clean you up a bit." The Austrian muttered as she helped Daniel to undress before assisting him to get into the tube. Kneeling down next to the bath, Joanna got one of the sponges and started to help Daniel clean his back.
"Ignoring things doesn't make them less real," Daniel muttered after a moment, his eyes on the bubbles of the rose scent Joanna had poured into the warm water. Both of them knew that Daniel was talking about her tendency to run when things got difficult.
Joanna had fucked up, she knew that and instead of admitting it, of owning her mistake and begging Max to take her back, she ran. But well things have changed after Monaco again. Daniel noticed that Joanna wasn't even looking at the Dutchman any longer, Max seemed to ignore her, while all which radiated from Joanna was pure frustration and anger. So, no. Daniel didn't ask her what had happened.
"Acknowledging things doesn't make them less final," Joanna told him, which caused Daniel to huff.
"Not when it's about you and Max. He loves you so much, he would have married you right away if you would have asked him to." The Aussie pointed out, which caused Joanna to throw the sponge into the water angrily.
"We're not living in a Disney movie, Daniel. Some people aren't meant to be together, no matter what." She told him the anger and regret still very audible in her voice.
"What happened?" The Aussie wanted to know, while Joanna had moved to fish the sponge out of the bath again before restarting to gently clean his skin. She needed a task, something to do and concentration on Daniel was the perfect thing to do right now. That's why she was here, way too early for a night after a win and a party. But for now, she had more than enough for parties.
"I'm an idiot, that's what happened." She muttered, which caused Daniel to reach out and tittle her chin up, so he could look right into her eyes. Her with sadness fogged blue eyes.
"Joanna." He said but that was enough to make her pull her chin out of his grasp before telling him what happened.
"We slept with each other after the race. During the party in his driver's room. He told me he still loved me, and I believe him. I'm such a dumb bitch sometimes." The Austrian said with a shrug.
"Not stupid, maybe a little foolish at times." He tried to joke but as soon as he saw the absolute miserable look on Joanna's face the deep and dark circles under her eyes, he knew this wasn't a situation to joke about.
"What happened after?" Daniel tried to make her tell him the whole story.
"He left the room first and everything was fine between us but as I came back to the party, he was kissing Kelly. Daniel, he had chosen her right after sleeping with me." The memory still painfully in her mind. Her voice thin and teary.
Joanna was so happy, so full of joy and hope that they could try again, start over new, but her whole world shattered as she saw Max standing by the bar leaning into Kelly and kissing her passionately. The Austrian's smile had vanished, and tears of anger and sadness fought to be released but Joanna didn't cry. She simply stumbled off the energy station and walked home. She had felt numb with every step she took. All she did remember after that was a few calls from Jenson and Sebastian asking where she was, but she didn't want them to come running just because she was so stupid and trusted Max.
So, she told them that her belly was still a little bit upset and that she had made her way home. Jenson scolded her on the phone for doing that, he would have brought her home and all Joanna could do while listening to Jenson, was holding her hand tightly over her mouth so he wouldn't hear the sobs ribbing through her body, her knees pulled to her chest while she starred out of the window into the night sky of Monaco.
"I can't even blame him," Joanna muttered before she moved to get a towel for Daniel.
"Oh, you should blame him, like what the fuck is he thinking." The Aussie exclaimed while standing up and taking the towel Joanna had offered him.
"I don't know." She muttered, before moving into the bedroom and getting some clothes ready for him to wear.
"I mean, yeah you did him dirty first, but you apologised, there is no reason to be cruel to you. We all know that you have serious trust problems but he seemed into that." Daniel explained while joining her in the bedroom, but his words caused Joanna to stop for a moment, sitting down on his bed while he got dressed.
"You're just horrible." Joanna pointed out. "Why did I come to you of all people? Seb would have made me a cup of hot chocolate my now." She muttered to herself, before getting up from the bed and brushing over her clothes.
"He always babied you," Daniel noted.
"Can we go now?" She wondered out loud which caused the Aussie to look at himself in the mirror before nodding at her.