Okay. I'm bored so here's a new chapter we can all talk about ;) Enjoy reading!
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Leaving the track, Joanna was glad that most of the international media teams have already left. To make sure she won't stumble over someone, she had spent more time in the garage, chatting with some mechanics. Going over data which won't help her, Joanna didn't need all this data to know if the car felt right or wrong.
Looking over her shoulder as she left the facility, she was truly alone. Just the people from sky sports were still there but they were busy listening to what Nico Rosberg had to say as one of their experts as Joanna walked by, just giving Jenson as quick wave, who had listened to what Nico had to say with a rather bored expression on his face. He smiled back at her and gestured for her to call him which caused the Austrian to mouth at him 'in your dreams' earning herself a chuckle from him. Moving over shortly, Joanna allowed Jenson to pull her into a sideway hug. After all, she hadn't seen her friend in some time.
"Hope you're better now." Jenson had muttered into her ear before letting go of her, so he could take a better look at her without letting go completely.
"I'm fine." Joanna promised but the worried expression on Jenson's face didn't change. Daniel must have snitched. Of course, he had snitched.
"Why don't we ask someone, who was involved?" Martin Brundle suddenly asked with a hopeful smile, pulling the two world champions from their thoughts, causing Joanna to exhale slowly before nodding and accepting the microphone they handed her.
But Jenson's worried expression didn't vanish like it normally would when he was faced with the international media, he was a part of. His mother used to scold him for not paying enough attention while doing interviews which didn't change just because he was on the other side now, asking the questions rather than answering them.
"You weren't so happy with Max today, were you?" Nico quizzed which caused the Austrian to look over to him before thinking about the question for a moment. She was angry, yes, but that had nothing to do with Max personally. She would have been eager to win no matter who the other one was, maybe she wouldn't have done it as aggressively as she did, but being faced with a generation talent like Max, she hadn't had another chance. Joanna couldn't hold back, if she wanted to outperform him. It wasn't just a quick training like it would have been against a Williams or an Alpha Romeo, Max was a serious competitor and she treated him accordingly. There were no hard feeling between the two of them due to thing which happened on the track.
"It's racing. I don't have a personal problem with him. I guess people saw that right after the race. We're alright with each other." Joanna explained but she understood that people didn't quiet believed her when she said them, not when their matches on track looked so aggressive and dangerous.
When they faced each other, it was bound to become interesting. One generation talent against the other generation talent, even though Joanna never seemed to belong to one specific generation. Even though she was a champion she seemed to be a bit too young for the generation of Lewis, Sebastian and Nico but she was also too old to belong to the generation of Max, Charles and maybe in the future George. She was always in the middle of it all just like Daniel and Jules, the lost generation. A name the media had given them after Jules's death.
"A rivalry like that is amazing for the sport. We all enjoyed us very much today." Nico pointed out earning himself a strange look from Joanna. She wasn't irritated but maybe uncomfortable with what he said, as if she was ashamed of the drama they had caused today. Even though the fight on track had been amazing and for once Joanna felt truly alive again.
"Yeah, it was great fun." Joanna muttered, before raising her eyebrows a little bit before handing Jenson the microphone and leaving them after a polite word of goodbye.
Before leaving the last media team which was still present, the others were all long gone. Rather trying to report something of one of the many after parties then following the Austrian around. And to be honest, she couldn't be more thankful that the weekend was about to be over.
All she had to do now was going home, take a shower, maybe watch a film while eating dinner and forgetting what had happened. Maybe call her neighbour and ask how the little lamb Steak was doing. That was the plan and hopefully that would work, but things didn't work out as planned lately.
Walking down the paddock, Joanna had her eyes on her forward slung backpack searching for her paddock pass but nearly dropping her backpack as she saw Max standing there, hovering close to the end of paddock and clearly waiting for someone.
Joanna could feel her heart picking up speed. The anger in her veins suddenly pooling together. It was irrational and unfair. Max was the last one to deserve an anger outburst, but he just happened to be here. The wrong place and the wrong time. And she was just so tired.
The whole weekend she had herself under control. People were pushing and pulling, trying to get a reaction from her, but she kept her cool. She played the dutifully daughter, cried a few tears during the minute of silence in respect of her father, even though she refused to acknowledge the salty drops which were making their way down her face.
Joanna did what people expected, even though she didn't want to. Even though all she wanted was being left alone, which never happened this weekend. Not even in her own apartment. Kiwi stayed over and so did Andrew so there were people around her 24/7 and she did everything to please them but seeing Max now. Leaning against a wall waiting for her, the Austrian wanted to snap.
Taking a deep breath, Joanna was about to just walk past Max to get to the speed boat which would bring her home, but the Dutchman was fast to push himself away from the wall and reach out, getting hold of her wrist, causing Joanna to turn around and face him.
"J." Max muttered about to say something else, but Joanna had already pulled her arm from his grasp. Maybe a little bit too forcefully, it wasn't his fault that this weekend was just shit for her. It wasn't his fault that she left him, and it wasn't his fault that she couldn't face him right now.
"Don't call me that." The Austrian told him sharply causing Max to move his hand to brush through his hair once. He was trying to not make a scene, other than the Austrian.
The guy in the speedboat was trying to give them some privacy. Respectfully turning around and facing into the harbour of Monaco other than watching them while listening in, because that's what they all did. That was also what Joanna would be doing in his stead.
"Come on, I just wanted to check if you're okay now after what happened." The Dutchman said, but Joanna just couldn't take this conversation right now. Not after seeing him a whole weekend with Kelly, not after having to let people into her comfort zone so often this weekend. She needed space for herself.
"You're not supposed to do that. It's not your job to make sure that I'm okay!" The Austrian told him sharply while pulling the turquoise Mercedes cappy from her head and thrusting it into her backpack. All she wanted right now was going home, opening a bottle of red and drinking it while starring at the ceiling, laying in her bed, but Max wouldn't be Max would he let it go just yet.
"It doesn't need to be my job to make me do it." Max argued, the anger finally also bubbling up in his veins. All he did was asking her a normal question and she couldn't simply answer it.
"Well, leave it." The Austrian told him, turning around to leave. Fuck the speed boat, she would walk home if that meant Max would leave her be. Walking a few steps Joanna felt a hand around her upper arm, before getting tracked into a side alley.
"Have you lost it?" Joanna said as she pulled her arm from Max's hand again. She couldn't bare his touch, not now. Not ever again.
"Have you lost it? Is that how it's going to be from now on? I ask you a question and you just give me attitude?" Max wanted to know, while Joanna took a few more steps into the alley which was a dead end before leaning against the wall, her head rested against it with a soft sound causing Max to wince as he came to a stop right in front of her.
"There is no reason for you to ask me anything any longer." The Austrian muttered, but there was no heat in her voice, no fire. She was just tired.
"You father just died, I know that ..." Max tired, but Joanna was fast to stop him.
"You know nothing." She accused and for a moment she thought that would make Max leave. He was angry, she knew that she had this effect on him a lot lately. So, as he turned his head to face away from her, his eyes on the street they were coming from all Joanna could do was watch him as Max's head whipped over to her suddenly.
"I know that you need me." He muttered, moving closer. Reaching out, Max rested his hands in Joanna's hair, his thumbs brushing over her ear and her cheekbone.
"Max." Joanna warned, she felt as if she was burning, but in a good way. Max was giving her the warmth back he had taken with him as they broke it off. It felt as if she was whole again, but she couldn't allow this. They're broken up for a reason.
"I know that this has taken a toll on you, and that you spend a lot of time in your head. J, if all this would have never happened, we would still be together. You would have agreed to marry me and we would have our happy end." Max muttered.
Moving forward Max's held her gaze for a moment until he moved her head so her forehead would rest against the top of his shoulder while he pulled her into his arms, holding her in a tight hug. At first Joanna didn't hug back, he arms were hovering closer over his back, but not touching, but then the first sob tore trough her, causing her arms to weakly sink down on Max back, holding onto him for dear life while closing her eyes. Joanna fisted his shirt, feeling safe sandwiched between the wall of the house and his warm body while she cried.
Whispering sweet nothings into her ear, Joanna let go of her conflicting feeling for the first time since her father died. That was what the world wanted to see, but Joanna couldn't give them that. She wouldn't survive letting the world see her like this, but Max. She could always show him, he was her world and that was enough to make her chest feel lighter even though Max's body was tightly pressed against hers.
"Max." Joanna muttered again, as she leaned her head back against the wall, still tightly holding onto him, they were so close, it was difficult to say where Joanna's body began and where Max's ended, but that was exactly what she needed right now.
Moving his head towards hers, Max leant his forehead against Joanna's. Their noses brushing against each other, while they held eye contact.
"I'm not good enough for you. I'm a mess." Joanna muttered as Max's glance moved to her lips instead of her eyes, before he reached out to wipe the tears away with his thumb.
"Isn't it up to me to decide that?" He wondered out loud and God, Joanna wanted to say yes. To let him decide to want her, but she couldn't. She couldn't let him go through the hell of being in a relationship with her again.
"You need to let me go." Joanna whispered back, causing Max to change the way he was leaning against her, one hand moved from her hair to lean against the wall over her head, before brushing their noses together once more.
"I understood it, you know. Needing some space after you had to take care of your father, being sick for so long and I also know that the timing was off but then the breakup happened and things just went wrong. I ..., it's unfair that I lost the love of my life and my best friend. I hoped we could be at least that." Max muttered which caused Joanna to tighten her hold of his shirt. She didn't quiet understand. This was a turn of events she didn't expect. Or did she expect this to work. Not when they were like this, so close with all these feelings involved, but she could have a piece of Max that way without destroying what he deserved.
"You want to be friends?" Joanna muttered a little bit taken aback which caused Max to nod, nose brushing against hers.
"Many couples are friends after they broke up." Max told her as he took a step back, which caused Joanna to follow him, not yet ready to let go of him.
He was right, a lot of couples tried to be friends afterwards and some even managed, Joanna knew a few couples. Mostly held together by the kids they had, so they were kind of forced to at least talk to each other, but the Austrian doubt this would wok with them.
No couple which burned for each other like they did would ever be able to stumble out this fire completely. There would always be a little flame which was waiting, ready to grow.
"I don't want to have to miss being with you just because we didn't work out as lovers." Max added which sounded reasonable to Joanna. Why not. She was friends with a few guys she had slept with, but she had loved none of them and her heart still beat for the Dutchman. This was a mistake, she knew that but when it made Max happy, could it really have been such a terrible mistake?
"Friends then. I guess I can make that work." Joanna finally answered before letting go of Max's shirt and leaning back against the wall. He smiled at her gently before reaching out and brushing over her cheek once, stopping at her chin.
"Great." He muttered, before taking his hand off her.
This was so not going to work. Joanna was sure they would fuck this up before the month was over. They were never meant to be friends. It was always everything or nothing with them. This half thingy is going to kill them. Well, it would kill her at least.
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Finally closing the door behind her Joanna was glad to be home. Pulling the Mercedes cap from her head which she had put on before leaving the dark alleyway, she threw it on top of her rucksack which rested on one of the cupboards in the entrance area. Her phone somewhere in there between fresh shirts to change into and a couple of vitamin pill bottles Andrew had given her along with a detailed diet plan.
Flopping down on the couch in the living room, Joanna closed her eyes just for a moment to relax, before she would go and decide on a move and make sure to eat whatever Andrew had prepared for her. Most likely something she didn't want to eat at all, but for Andrew and Kiwi she would. For now, at least. Joanna really didn't want to hear another worried speech from the Australian. One every few months was far more than enough.
Other than expected it was a knock on the door which caused her to open her eyes again and it wasn't just a few moments, actual hours passed since she was home. Climbing over a few pieces of luggage and other things which Joanna hadn't stored away, she was sleepily rubbing over her eyes while opening the door only to see Jenson and Sebastian standing on the other side of the door. Jenson was giving her a charming smile, before pushing himself away from the door frame he was leaning against.
"There you are! See, Seb. No need to worry about her, she was just asleep, I take it?" The Brit said as he walked into Joanna's apartment, Sebastian hot on his heels, but he did give Joanna an apologising glance as he entered. Turning around with a bright smile on his lips, Jenson pointed at Joanna.
"You, my darling, are coming out with us tonight. You just won Monaco and there is a yacht party waiting for their guest of honour." The Brit told her, and Joanna knew right away what kind of party this was about to be when Jenson and Sebastian would both be there, so all Joanna did was huff out a rather annoyed 'fine' before walking into her bedroom to go through her wardrobe to find something suitable for a Monaco yacht party.
"That was easier than I had expected to be honest. She did understand that we're going to the Red Bull energy station, right?" Jenson told Sebastian while leaning against one of the armchairs in Joanna's living room, but Sebastian's eyes were on a picture which was standing on the sideboard in between her world championship trophies.
It was a newer one, a picture of Joanna in a tight black dress, the one she had worn to New Year's Eve last year ago with Max standing right beside her, wearing a well-fitting suit, both of them were holding a flute of champagne while smiling. An honest and relaxed grin on Joanna's face while she had leaned her head against Max's shoulder, who was smiling down at her, not interested in the camera, or the fireworks, just in Joanna.
"Okay, let's go before I change my mind." Joanna told them as soon as she left the bedroom, wearing a leather short and an open back top all in black just like the choker neckless she was wearing.
"What's with the black." Jenson muttered from behind her as he watched Joanna collect her phone and keys before throwing it into a tiny black clutch. And looking at the boys expectantly.
"Shoes, maybe." Sebastian said which caused Joanna to look down at her, before nodding. Yeah, shoes were a bright idea. She had to let him that.
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Walking onto the Red Bull energy station Joanna had expected to not be welcomed but the Red Bull team was always friendly to her. She had visit them over the years so many times, she didn't even keep count any longer. As Sebastian was still at Red Bull, she had spent a lot of time there. Laughing and joking with Sebastian to feel a little bit less lost in all this. They were so very young back then.
Smiling at the man, who let them through Sebastian was whished away by a couple of mechanics which had worked for Red Bull while Sebastian was still driving for them to catch up, before he could even tell Joanna and Jenson that he would see them later again, causing Joanna to take a hold of Jenson's hand.
She wasn't in the mood to be alone tonight especially here, so the Brit had to stuck to her side, even though he loved to wander off as well.
"Why is your ex gesturing us to come over?" Jenson asked as he had leaned down to whisper into Joanna's ear causing her to lift her gaze from the departing Sebastian to look over to where Max was sitting, a drink in his hand, surrounded by Kelly and a lot of people Joanna didn't know. His expression was open and friendly as he offered her a place by them with the nod of his head.
What Joanna hadn't seen was that the Dutchman was about to fall asleep due to the many boring conversations he had to have to entertain his girlfriend's dull entourage before he had seen her and Jenson, both of them were the absolute middle of each and every party if they wanted to be. With their charismatic character, humour and striking appearance.
Max mood had visible changed upon seeing the beautiful Austrian, he was happy to see her which worried Jenson. People shouldn't be happy to see their exes on a party.
"We're friends now." Joanna answered shrugging, which caused Jenson to stop dead in his tracks in the middle of a dancing crowd of people, his hand on Joanna's wrist to stop her. Pulling a little bit the Mercedes driver yielded and turned around to face one of her oldest friends, who gave her an unbelieving look.
"Friends? The two of you? Are you kidding me?" He asked again which caused Joanna to look at him unimpressed.
"That will never work." He answered which earned himself a huff from the Austrian before she pulled her arm from his grasp, but she didn't walk away. They were still standing in the middle of the crowd.
"Do you think I don't know that?" Joanna asked unhappily with a conflicted expression on her porcelain features. Worry and sadness spilling onto her face, the glimmer in her eyes seemingly dulling with every moment she was forced to think about it.
"Then why ..." Jenson wanted to ask, before he realised why. Not only was their sudden breakup strange, their now new statues as singles, well one single and one guy who had gotten himself a new girlfriend right away after the love of his life had broken his heart, was in Jenson's opinion highly dubious.
Joanna still loved Max, Jenson had seen it in her eyes, and he had heard it from Mark, so the question was why she actually broke up with him. Not even Sebastian could find a reasonable thought behind Joanna's doing. Mark said that she was running again, but Jenson didn't believe that this was all there was to it. Yes, the Austrian had run before but Max and her had been in a perfectly stable and very happy relationship for nearly three years by then. Not even the sudden sickness and following death of her father could have made her snap like that.
Jenson had hoped that he would be able to ask her about it tonight. Get a few drinks in and just quiz her on the topic a little bit. But his plan seemed at risk already, with Joanna going over to Max, she would never admit anything right next to the Dutchman.
Going over there and watching Kelly have her fun with her boyfriend was just self-flagellation but Joanna did it nevertheless, because she wanted to be close to the Dutchman even though she couldn't have him due to some stupid reason she had made up in the mess which she called her brain.
"Oh, you poor fool." The Brit muttered which caused Joanna to turn away from the Brit with a warning glance before making her way over to where Max and Kelly were sitting. A little bit away form the other team members of Red Bull like the mechanics and PR team. The Brazilian was talking to another woman, which must have been one of her friends just as the rest which had assembled around Max and her.
Groaning Jenson gazed into the night sky for a moment before following Joanna. He couldn't let her do that on her own. Not when she was about to face Kelly Piquet. Maybe he could put fighter of snakes onto his CV tomorrow.