Sitting on the corner of my room I stare at my phone right in front of me. I'm not sure what I did wrong but since Colton gave us that talk down, Noah's been ignoring me. I guess he was right though. Colton. It doesn't make sense for Noah to want me, for anyone to genuinely want me but god would it be nice.
It would also be nice for Noah to just return my calls. I've sent fifteen messages and it would be a stretch to send another. He posted that he was out, not even ten minutes ago and I send the first message yesterday. At the rate this is going at, I'd rather him just tell me he's done. Who am I fooling? No I don't. I don't want it to be over.
I used to never understand why people would willingly get into a relationship one after the other. I'd thought it would be better to cool off or not be in one at all. Have a moment where you're not around another person but now I could never understand more. The attention and the care I got from him felt great. Now that it's gone I'm itching to get it back but I'm not liked by other people. I can't just find another person because everyone fears my brother.
My middle school relationship was with a guy who didn't even go to my school. I craved attention as a little girl since all my friends where getting boyfriends but no one spoke to me. Now I don't care for it. The validation I mean. I don't care for men's opinions as a whole because I got used to never get that attention. I just want one person that I love to love me.
'Fuck,' I groan pulling up my legs so I can rest my face on my knees. This is just sad. 'Katie pull yourself together. You don't need him. Was it nice having someone look at you for you? Yeah but another opportunity will come another day.'
It's not like I was even dating Noah in the first place but I really do like him, despite him being a little questionable I never judged him for it. I have a reputation of being nothing but 'the little sister' but he never hung it above my head. People can be cruel and stick ideals on you so why should I do it to him.
If I where in his shoes I'd be worried too. Colton knows and Colton and Damon are inseparable. I don't know Colton enough to know if he's good at keeping things to himself so it would stress me out too. Distancing would be the safest option so it's not his fault. It's Damon's. He's like a shadow looming over me which I can't get rid of.
Getting up off the ground I storm out of my bedroom before walking down the hall, pulling his door open with so much force it even shocks me. I hadn't realized how upset I was. Slowly turning his head towards me he takes off his headset. He's on his computer playing a game he most likely snuck back from our parents since they keep confiscating them from him because they're 'too violent.'
'What?' He's agitated. 'If you want something from me, do it yourself.'
'Can you give me space? I know it's virtually impossible for you since you're image is pretty much all people think about when they see me. Except it would be nice if you stopped digging your hand into all my relationships. Please Damon. It's hard enough to find someone who isn't just trying to vicariously use me to get a popularity boost off your name. Stopping guys as a whole from talking to me is crazy!' I lash out at him. 'So please stop. Stop threatening them, stop everything. I just want to live like everyone else is living,'
'Who are you talking about? I haven't threatened anyone. Go play with your dolls or something.' Dolls? Is he serious? Marching towards his bed, I grab a pillow and hit him across the face. It doesn't hurt him. I know it doesn't since the pillow is made of cotton but it does frustrate him.
'I'm not a little kid. Can people stop seeing me like one? I'm just trying to tell you that I don't like when you do something so please respect that?! I'm not a little girl I'm trying to have a conversation—' I'm abrupt interrupted when he grabs my pillow and throws it to the side.
'What the fuck?! Get off my dick Katie. I'm minding my own fucking business so can you go and mind yours? Okay sorry. Don't play with dolls. Go watch a movie or something.' He slides his headset on back on. No matter what I do or how I ask, he never takes me seriously.
Granted I may be putting all the pent up anger on him, I can't help but feel as if he's to blame. Not for all of it. Just for Noah. Why can't he just accept I'm not a stupid middle schooler anymore? I just want to be able to live my own life. Most guys I've tried to pursue will seem interested until they realize who I am then suddenly I'm ghosted. Not that I can't live without guys. It just gets hard when it seeps into my regular relationships with other girls and sometimes teachers.
Damon is reckless. He never shows up to class on time and he doesn't give a shit about anything. He believes as long as he's getting his work done on time and it's done properly then it doesn't matter. Since I'm cursed with the burden of carrying his last name, teachers assume I'm his carbon copy. That I only exist to ruin their class. Honestly I'd rather sit in the back and pray until I can leave the damn school then bring more unwarranted attention to myself.
Don't even talk to me about girls. None of them at our school care about me. Not to say I get bullied, definitely not. They want to talk to me. Granted it's so they can get to Damon. It's not really about me so I keep my social circle small because of it. They're only a few people in the school that I can say I genuinely trust enough to want to be around. That's about five girls max, including Brylan. She sits at the very top. Never showing an interest in Damon, she gives me the same sense of appreciation that Noah did. I love her so much.
'Damon. Listen to me.' He doesn't. Continuing to play his game I know he can hear me but I don't push it. Instead I walk over to the pillow he chucked on to the ground. Picking it up, I swing at him but he grabs it before it can hit his face.
Startled by his timely reaction, he throws it onto his bed this time. Watching as he takes off his headset with his free hand he chucks it on his keyboard before getting up. 'Is this a joke or something.'
'No. You're just not listening.' I throw my hands into the air. 'Stop interfering with all the guys in my life please!? It's always sorry you're a great girl but your brother... I got so addicted to this one guy's affection that I...I'm here trying to talk to you. He's not even...he's ignoring me and I get that but I just want to move on. I can only do that if you stop, stopping people from talking to me. Look at me. I'm sixteen. That's still young but I fear that you see me as twelve or something.'
'I'm keeping you safe. That's all. If you where with a decent guy then I wouldn't give a shit. You're just always pimping for assholes,' He turns away, sitting back down onto his chair, 'you'd go ballistic of you heard the shit some guys say about you...I'm their heads you're a sex toy,'
'You don't even give them a chance. Some guys a gross but not all guys are for Christ sake. You are one?! Are you claiming to be an asshole.' I scoff at the fact that he even offered the option of dating a good guy. I've met so many that worry about Damon. It's always about Damon. 'I have a mind of my own so let me use it. Normal people do this on their own, they learn or they don't. They don't have people judging for them.'
'Yeah Yeah. Whatever you say Katie,' he almost laughs as he enters a new game disc into his pc. 'That one time in middle school did you even know what a condom was?'
'We weren't doing anything and you know that.' I'm near my breaking point with him, any second now I swear I'm going to hit him with something else. Preferably something more metallic.
But it's true, we weren't doing anything. My parents had just overdramatized the situation and he knew that. I think he knows that. He still uses it as an attack towards me and it pisses me off, we where just kissing. The whole thing was awkward and shy but they act as if we where groping each other. We where sat on the bed watching animated movies on my school iPad.
'Who was it,' he asks before putting a piece to gum in his mouth. He's focused on me now. Finally. 'Who's the person I 'scared away' this time? It seems to be really pissing you off so prove to me that you made a good decision and tell me who this perfect guy is.'
Immediately feeling stupid for even bringing it up to him I quickly turn to leave but I feel his hand grab my wrist. I got ahead of myself. I was only here to ask him to give me some breathing space and I ended up indirectly ranting about Noah instead. Katie you're such an idiot.
'Why are you in a rush?' He repeats passively, 'I promise you I won't even know who they are since I don't give a fuck about juniors.'
'Not true. You're friends with half my year,' I try to pull my hand away but he's locked onto me like no man's business. 'I'm giving you the space you said you wanted. I've said what I wanted to say. Just think about it please.'
'I did. I thought about it just then and I decided I need more context.' His eyebrow rises as his grip on me loosens. 'Do I know him?'
'No.' I'm convincing enough for him to let go but not convincing enough for him to drop the subject.
'How do I know them.' He demands. I was here to get my point across and he obviously doesn't plan on listening to me. Why should I respect him if he can't do the same, 'from where? Are they a senior? If they're a senior, I swear to God Katie you're an idiot, especially if they're one that I know.'
He's no longer holding me now so I don't feel inclined to answer his questions. I got my point across and he made me feel like nothing but a bother. I'm realistic though, I know that he won't care. He's never cared about what I wanted but at least he's aware now. I've never made it so blatant with him about how much it bothered me so surely he'll think about it. Even for a second.
Flinching when I hear his door close, I turn to see that he's following me. He's that determined to know who it was? God. Turning into the bathroom, it's closer then my bedroom and I don't think I can outrun him. His strides are larger than mine. He'd beat me even if we were to walk. Locking it behind me I sit on the ground. It doesn't take more than ten seconds for him to begin to pound on the door.
As much as I love my brother, I hate him just as fucking much. I seriously cannot wait for him to graduate this year. I feel that's the only time I'll finally be able to breath. I'll finally feel like another human being with emotions.
Looking up towards the sink I'm so quick to straighten my back. He's there. Colton's standing right there with a toothbrush in hand. Given he's not exactly looking at me, his focus is on the sink in front of him. Spitting he rinses his mouth with the running tap water.
'This bathroom's occupied.' He's washing his toothbrush now. The one he keeps over at our place anyways. 'You have a downstairs bathroom on case you forgot,'
'Open up!' I hear Damon's muffled voice behind the door making Colton snicker.
'Damon you're so loud.' Colton speak back to him, suddenly making Damon go quiet. 'Are you running from your brother, Katie?'
'Are you in there dude?' He responds back. He sounds relived which makes me frown. 'Open the door...Katie's being stubborn.'
'Well I was until you chased your little sister in here but I'm not complaining. She looks hot in these shorts.' Colton teases moving his wet hair out of his eyes. Ah, of course. The teasing. He only ever speaks to me when he's poking at his best friend. 'Damon you are lucky you didn't chase her here when I was showering. Wouldn't have minded it but you would.'
So that's why his hair is wet. 'Haha. You're such a comedian. Now open the door we where having a serious conversation,'
'About what?' He drops the act.
'Some guy she's talking too. She won't talk.'
Raising his eyebrows as if something clicked in his head I duck my my head when he looks down to me. Pressing my hands together as if I were to pray, I swallow my ego before shaking my hands to show that I'm begging. Without saying anything, I know he knows what I'm trying to ask.
'Don't say anything.' I mouth, in case he didn't get the memo.
I should've just stayed in my room and cried about my messy feelings with Noah. Trying to talk it out with the issue was a horrible idea because now I'm stuck between two walls and going left and right isn't an option. My brother is blocking the door and a guy I can't help but feel awkward around in stuck in a room with me. Fantastic. I'm having a fantastic day.
'I know who it is,' Colton looks away from me and to the door. Dropping my jaw, he owes me zero loyalty. Expecting him to eventually tell Damon, I would've preferred if he had the decency to wait until I wasn't there to witness it.
'Wait wh—' I try to interject but I clamp my jaw shut when he brings his finger to his lips to get me to be quiet. Confused on what he's doing he walks over to me before lowering himself to the ground so he's not standing above me.
'You know him? Like she told you?' He doesn't believe it because why would I tell Colton. Brylan, sure. Alex, sure. But telling Colton doesn't make any sense.
'Mhm. I see this person on a daily. Crazy right?' Moving my legs apart with the back of his palm. He crawls between them, leaving little to no space between the two of us. Looking directly at me he gives me an apologetic look.
Apprehensively pressing my hand on his chest, I'm not sure if it's because I'm worried by how close he's getting or because he feels that he needs to apologize before he's done anything. Gripping my outer thighs he repositions me on his crotch before lifting me up. Wrapping my legs around his waist he slams my back against the wall. Hard. A sharp pain jolts up my spine so I curl over his shoulder before groaning in pain.
''I'm sorry, I'm sorry.' He whispers into my ear.
'What the fuck?' Damon asks with uncertainty in his voice. I don't think he can tell if Colton is being a dick or not since he's not in the room. 'What are you doing?'
'Better question is who.' He speaks between the gap of the door to let him know how close he is. Only stressing Damon more.
His words don't exactly match his actions. He's pressed me against the door to get under my brothers skin but his hand is between me and the door. Kneading his fingers into spine, he tries to gently 'fix' the damage he caused.
'I see why you don't like guys near her now.' He speaks again finally looking down at me. He's been keeping his focus on the door. Now that I think about it he hasn't been looking me in the eye. For the ten minutes I've been here his eyes have only been in my direction for thirty or so seconds. It's fair. This whole thing is a little awkward but he does it anyways.
'Damon?' I turn my head so I'm looking at the doorknob. It takes him a good minute until he responds.
'Where are you.'
'The...bathroom.' I don't understand the premise of that question.
'No. You sounds like you're near the door but Colton's voice was coming from...Colton.' He smashes his fist into the door when Colton's name slides of of his mouth the second time. 'I swear to god if you're on my sister I'm going to snap your neck.'
'On her? I feel we're both at a pretty even height level.' He places his hand on his head before dragging it out towards mine to prove it. I don't know why he does that since Damon can't see it.
Pulling at my hair he flips it over so it's on my other shoulder. 'Tell me if you want me to stop okay? I will.' Slanting his head he brings his tongue to my neck. Huh?
Shocked, I flinch when he moves away from me soon after. Watching as he rubs the spot with his thumb I can't help but notice the disappointment on his face before he dips back down. This time he gently sucks from the skin under my ear to my collarbone. Taking his time he finally pulls away again. His expression is blank. I can't tell what he's thinking or what the fuck he's even doing. Grinding his fingers against my neck he smiles—once again—when Damon decides to continue his pointless yelling. He's so amused.
'What the fuck does that mean?' Damon makes it clear that he heard Colton just as well as I did. 'Colton go fuck your girlfriend, Lilah, not my little fucking sister.'
'Medium sized sister. Uh. I mean that I'm not little but I'm not old so I wouldn't say big either...so yeah, medium...sized sister.' Trying to make a point I can't help but feel that I got lost along the way.
'Medium sized? I've never heard someone describe themselves like that? Is that a thing and I'm just behind? God I feel old.' Colton's smile is directed towards me this time. Biting my tongue, I realize I've never seen him genuinely smile about something I've done in so long. I doubt he ever has. Of course he's been smiling this whole time but that's because he's joking with Damon. Rather making a joke out of Damons exasperation actually. But I've never said anything that has made him react like this before. Especially since he always acts as if he doesn't want to be around me.
'Yeah you are old.' Damon smashes his fist against the wall to remind us that he's losing patience. 'You're only seventeen but you've forgotten that you have a girlfriend. Dementia at a young age is a pain. Your welcome that I'm reminding you so get your dick out of the clouds before I break the door down.'
'Me and Lilah aren't dating. We never have been but she tells people that anyways despite me asking her not too. She does it when we're arguing because she knows I hate the fucking disloyalty rumors people spread about me. You know that so chillout with that shit,' His smile fades and he seems almost hurt.
Lilah. Holy shit I forgot about Lilah. Pushing him off me I almost fall to the ground as as a result. His girlfriend? His possibly fake girlfriend still counts as a girlfriend right? I don't know what they are but I know for a fact that they're more than friends. Me and Noah aren't dating but what if it was him doing this. Messing around as a joke. Imagining how I'd feel if Colton was Noah and I was another girl in this scenario, I can't help but feel sick.
Hearing Damon walk away I'm not sure if he gave up on trying and has decided to let it be. Hah. Of course he didn't, him leaving me alone is a otherworldly concept. It exists in every galaxy except mine.
'Are you okay?' Colton doesn't seem to care. He's focused on the fact that I've ushered away from him and to the other side of the room. 'You should've stopped me if you didn't like—'
'No I just thought of Lilah.' I speak to fast without thinking.
'We aren't together.' He seems almost bothered by the fact that I brought it up. 'If we where dating I wouldn't be doing this Katie.'
'Of course not but you're not not dating. I don't want to tell you what you are with her but...I'd be upset if Noah did this so I— Guh I feel like an idiot. I was mad at my brother and I wasn't...thinking! I've just been so upset because he isn't answering—'
'Yes. I get it! Noah this, Noah that. You love him.' He stops me from sprawling all my thoughts out. 'I'm sorry. I took it to far.'
When clacking sounds fill the room it takes me too long to figure out that the sound is coming from until the door opens. Gripping the end of my shirt I no longer feel anywhere near as confident now that the safety of the locked door is no longer there.
'Keys exist.' He holds one up before pocketing it in his back pocket.
'Playful banter?' Colton innocently places his hands behind his back. As if he's proposing the idea that he was kidding. It only makes it look like less of a joke.
'Playful banter? Are you fucking kidding me I was banging on that door for fifteen minutes. I almost beat it down but I could head my mothers voice in the back of my head so I didn't.' He sounds furious.
'It wasn't serious.' I clear my throat. Staring at me as if my opinion is irrelevant his eyes relax. As if he's trying to figure something out he moves closer to me so I walk backwards. I'm not trying to get anywhere near him right now. My first chance was clocking him in the face with a pillow, my second was trying to do it again but failing. Pulling this little stunt was most definitely his last straw.
Drawing my hair off my shoulder he lifts it into a makeshift ponytail, held by his hand. He roughly turns my head to the side before letting go. 'Was this here before?' Remembering how Colton had he mouth on my neck I pull my hair to cover the bruises.
'Oh shit! Those are darker than I thought they would be,' he shamelessly admits. 'My bad.'
'You're not fucking funny.' He grabs Colton by the shirt, not reacting Colton let's him grab him. 'I swear to god pull that shit again and you're losing an eye.'
'I'm on my fifteenth warning.' He reminds him. Wondering if he has some sort of death wish or he wants to be beat, Damon let's go of him. He just...let's go. Just like that? Woah.
'And you. 'Little Mrs princes' stay ten feet away from my fucking friends because they'll use you for sex,' he fumes making it difficult to tell if he's warning me or threatening me, 'they'll leave you, trust me you're not that fucking special.'
Squeezing my hands harder, I only stop when I I feel the burn of my nails cutting into my palms. Obviously he doesn't realize the amount of calls I've sent Noah so his words hit me like a buss but I don't let him know. I don't even react because why should I? I started this whole thing because I decided to leave my godforsaken room.
'Okay.' I mutter before exiting the bathroom.