The smoking area was loud, full of drag queens and young men, surrounded by a mist of cigarette smoke, all chatting loudly, listening to the dull hum of the music throbbing through the thick brick wall.
"I've got a confession to make." Declan announced, leaning up against the wall, and crossing his arms over his chest.
Sebastian rose his brows, "What is it?"
"I don't smoke." Declan grinned, "I haven't since I was a teenager."
Sebastian stared at him blankly, "So, why are we out here?"
"I just wanted to talk to you - away from the noise."
"Oh." Sebastian stared down at the ground, unsure where else to look, "Okay."
So..." Declan started, "You here alone?"
"I'm with my friend." Sebastian leant against the wall beside him, his eyes tracing the crowd, mesmerised by their faces, all etched with different pasts. "He's straight."
"Shit." Declan laughed, "He enjoying it?"
"Yeah, he enjoys attention, so, naturally..." He shrugged helplessly, hating himself for being so inept, so incapable of talking to people who weren't Harvey, "How about you? You here alone?"
"Yeah." Declan nodded, "I mean, I wasn't." He explained, "My friend - Evan - he ditched me; fucked off with some guy."
"Well, good for him, I guess."
"Shit for me though." Declan leant a little closer, his shoulder brushing Sebastian's, "You'll keep me company though, won't you?" He glanced up through thick lashes, something sparkling in his bright eyes.
Sebastian gulped, "Sure."
"You're a quiet one." Declan teased.
"Sorry."
"Don't be sorry." Declan nudged him playfully, "You're gorgeous so I don't mind."
Sebastian felt his cheeks flush again. He was terrible at flirting; he never knew what to say. Usually, boys took that a sign of disinterest and left. He didn't blame them. "Thanks, you're...uh..." He couldn't say it back. Not because he didn't believe it, but because that word - gorgeous - felt foreign on his lips.
"Okay, Sebastian." Declan chuckled, "You don't think I'm gorgeous, too? That's fine. I'll try not to cry myself to sleep later-"
"You are." Sebastian said thickly, "Really, you are." He hoped Declan could hear the sincerity in his voice. "I'm sorry, I'm not...I'm not good at..."
"Compliments?"
"Yeah." Sebastian sighed, "Those."
"Is this your first time in a gay club?" Declan frowned, "You seem a little skittish."
"No." Sebastian shook his head, "I'm not new to this, I'm just...bad at it." He sighed, trying to compose himself, "I get nervous around pretty boys, alright?"
Declan's grin widened, exposing his teeth, making him look boyish and mischievous. It melted the ice around Sebastian's heart a little. "Tell me about yourself." Declan said, swaying closer, their thighs knocking together.
"Oh, there's not much to..." Sebastian's sentence died in his mouth. He couldn't tell Declan about himself, because Declan would run if he knew the truth. Sebastian was a former addict, who had watched his boyfriend die, who had attended a school for troubled boys, who had been to rehab three times. "I work on a construction site."
Declan's eyes fell to Sebastian's thick biceps, "That's hot."
"Oh, really? Uh...thanks." He fumbled over his words again, internally cringing. "Tell me about you." He desperately needed to change the subject.
"Oh, I'm boring." Declan shrugged, "I grew up in a boring town, went to a boring school, then a boring uni. I dropped out six months into my first year, and now my life is utterly directionless." He smiled cheerfully, "I just moved to the area, I barely know anyone, and I work in a shitty diner for minimum wage."
Sebastian stared at him blankly for a moment, "Oh, I..." He swallowed, "I don't think that sounds boring."
Declan wore a lazy smile, "No?"
"No, you sound...you sound interesting. I think...I think you're interesting."
Declan grabbed Sebastian's collar, and pulled him in for a kiss, their bodies pressed flush together, lips moving in sync. Sebastian had almost forgotten what intimacy felt like, but here, with Declan, it felt like electricity. It felt like reconnecting with a part of himself he had lost in the drugs and the depression. It felt good, until he started to taste the vodka on Declan's lips, and everything fell apart. He quickly pulled away, and Declan stared at him with parted lips, eyes wide and shining, "Are you okay?"
Sebastian nodded, "Sorry." He mumbled, "You just... You taste like alcohol."
"Oh." Declan breathed out, "Sorry."
"No, it's okay." Sebastian said quickly, "It's fine, I just... I wasn't... It took me off guard."
"Are you...?" He hesitated, his lip caught between his teeth, unaware that that was driving Sebastian crazy, "Are you like a...a recovering alcoholic or something?"
"Or something." Sebastian sighed, then decided to be honest, "I was a drug addict."
"Oh." Declan didn't let his surprise show, and Sebastian was grateful for that.
"I'm sober." Sebastian promised hastily, "I have been for a while now."
Declan reached into his pocket, and pulled out a packet of mints, popping one into his mouth, "This should get rid of the taste." He smiled, leaning back against the wall, "Give me a second."
"You really don't have to-"
"I want to kiss you." Declan said boldly, "And if I have this mint, I can kiss you, right?"
"Uh..." Sebastian could barely contain his desire. He felt like an animal clawing at the bars of its cage. He wanted to leap on Declan, devour him whole, leave nothing left. He hadn't experienced this kind of attraction in years; he had forgotten what it felt like.
"Sebastian?"
His mouth was dry, "Yes." Sebastian choked out, "If you have that mint, you can do anything you want to me."
Declan's eyes flashed with hunger. He swallowed the mint, and his lips were on Sebastian's again, greedy, relentless, desperate. They kissed, surrounded by cigarette smoke, their hands gripping at fistfuls of clothes, tugging each other impossibly closer. They were both needy, both clumsy, both burning with longing.
Declan pulled away by a centimetre, his forehead still resting on Sebastian's, "You wanna come back with me?" He murmured into Sebastian's lips.
Sebastian's grip tightened around Declan's waist, "Yeah." He breathed out shakily, "Please."
Declan chuckled, slipping his hand into Sebastian's, and pulling him back into the nightclub, eyes set on the exit.
They were stopped in their tracks when Harvey seized Sebastian's shoulder, pulling him away from the door, "Where have you been?" He asked, shouting over the music, his eyes darting to Declan, then to their linked hands. A grin spread across his lips, "You been a busy boy, Seb?"
Sebastian rolled his eyes, "Shut up." He nudged Harvey away, and tightened his grip on Declan's hand, instinctively tugging him closer, "I was in the smoking area."
"Uh-huh." Harvey's smile was full of excitement, and his eyes repeatedly flicked to Declan, "You're leaving so early?"
Sebastian groaned in embarrassment, "Can you not make this a whole thing?"
"I absolutely will be making this a whole thing." Harvey sung gleefully, "Now, if you need condoms, I have some in my bedside-"
"Harvey."
"What?" Harvey shot back defensively, "I just assumed you don't have any because you never have sex."
Declan laughed beside him, then quickly averted his eyes to the ground. Sebastian's cheeks were hot with shame, "We're not going back to ours, we're going to Declan's."
"Declan - nice name." Harvey beamed at him.
"Thanks." Declan smiled brightly.
"Right, we're leaving." Sebastian cut them off.
"Alright, I'm gonna stay for a wile."
Sebastian rose his brows, "You're gonna stay?" He questioned, "In a gay club, on your own, sober?"
Harvey shrugged, "I get more attention here than I ever do in straight clubs."
"Right."
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Harvey winked.
"You wouldn't go home with a guy." Sebastian said dryly, "So, I think I'm already failing there-"
"Alright, shut up, get out of here." He patted Sebastian on the back affectionately, "Have fun!"
Sebastian tugged Declan towards the exit, and into the cold night. It had been a long time since he had had someone's hand in his, and it felt good. It felt right. Like it belonged there.
Declan's studio apartment was barely the size of Sebastian's old dorm room; there was only a bed, a narrow kitchen counter, and a bathroom. The walls were covered in photographs, depicting smiling faces and glowing memories - it made Sebastian think of his own room, bare and empty.
He noticed a skateboard leant against the wall, and glanced curiously at Declan, brows raised, "You skate?"
Declan nodded, collapsing onto the bed, and kicking his shoes off, "Yeah, since I was sixteen." He smiled fondly.
Sebastian sat down next to him, leaving a few inches between them, "You don't strike me as a skater."
Declan chuckled, jumping up from the mattress, and crossing the room, "No?" He grabbed a beanie from his cupboard, pulling it down to his eyebrows, "How about now?"
Sebastian scanned him up and down. He was wearing a pair of faded denim jeans, tattered and worn out, and a baggy t-shirt, the collar falling to exposed his throat. Sebastian's gaze lingered on Declan's neck, his creamy white skin glowing in the moonlight that filtered through the blinds. "Better." Sebastian smiled.
Declan ripped the beanie off, and tossed it aside, "God, I used to think skating made me so cool." He laughed, sitting back down beside Sebastian, closer than before. "But I was only really doing it to fit in."
"I think skating's cool." Sebastian admitted, then mustered up the courage to give Declan a compliment; "It's hot."
Declan grinned, "That's the nicest thing you've said to me all night."
Sebastian looked down at his lap, fiddling with his fingers distractedly, "I'm not great at...this. You can probably tell."
"It's okay." Declan promised him, "I don't... I mean, I don't usually pick guys up either, y'know?"
"You don't?"
Declan shook his head, "No. I bring girls back sometimes, but guys..." He shrugged, "They're more intimidating."
"What made you talk to me then?"
"You're gorgeous." He said plainly, "I think I've already mentioned that."
No one had given Sebastian a compliment in a long time. He had started to believe that he wasn't worthy of them. "That's really nice of you to say..."
"You don't believe me, do you?" Declan chuckled.
"Not really, no."
"Well, I think you're fucking beautiful, Sebastian."
"Fucking hell, you're making me blush." This version of himself - sat with a pretty boy, red in the face - was so far removed from the other versions of himself. The version of him grieving his boyfriend. The version of him spiralling out of control. The version of him at Oakleaf Academy. The version of him falling in love with someone new. The version of him overdosing, and waking up in hospital. The version of him in rehab. They were all embedded beneath his skin, and none of them felt right in that moment. Because Declan deserved a version of Sebastian that was better than all the rest.
"I don't know anything about you." Declan said, crossing his legs beneath him, leaning back against his headboard. "You could be a murderer."
"You invited me back." Sebastian reminded him, "If anyone should be worried, it should be me."
"Nah, look at you." Declan's eyes darted to Sebastian's muscles again, "I'd be stupid to pick you as my victim. I'd go for someone scrawnier."
"You've thought this through, haven't you?"
"You never really know who you're taking to bed." Something fogged up Declan's eyes, but in a flash, it was gone again.
"I don't know anything about you either." Sebastian said, "Not really."
"Well, you know I'm a skater." He threw his legs over Sebastian's lap, slouching into the pillows, "I'm from a town called Axminster." He said, "I grew up in a small apartment above a corner store - shared a bedroom with my little brother for years. Then I went to uni, hated it, dropped out, and now I'm here."
"Axminster." Sebastian echoed, "Did you like it?"
Declan nodded, "I had good friends. Good memories."
Sebastian wished he didn't feel so jealous. His own childhood was full of bad memories. "That's nice."
"Now, c'mon, I wanna hear about you."
Sebastian wondered if this was how all one night stands played out - chatting, and getting to know each other. He had always assumed it was just about sex. He leant back against the wall, enjoying the weight of Declan's legs on his lap, "I went to boarding school." He said.
"Wow." Declan chuckled, "Posh."
"No." Sebastian could have laughed at how absurd of an accusation that was, "My school was... It wasn't like... Whatever you're thinking, it wasn't that."
Declan rose his brows, curiosity shining in his eyes, "What was it like then?"
"It was for..." He took a deep breath, "It was for troubled kids."
"Oh." Declan breathed out. Still, there was no judgement.
"It was awful. Lots of fights, lots of drugs."
"Is that where you...?" He hesitated for a moment, "Is that where you first started taking drugs?"
"No." Sebastian shook his head, "I started long before that. Drugs were what landed me there in the first place."
Declan didn't say anything for a while, and then, "That's rough."
"Yeah." Sebastian looked at him, and was struck once again by how pretty he was; long lashes, bright eyes, pink lips, freckled cheeks, fluffy hair. Finally, he found the courage he had been looking for all night; "You're really pretty, Declan."
It was Declan's turn to blush, "That's... Really?"
Sebastian smiled softly, "You don't believe me, do you?"
Declan grinned, "You say things like you really mean them."
Sebastian frowned in confusion, "I don't say thing I don't mean."
"Okay, but..." He sighed, "People don't usually call me pretty."
"They should."
"Where's this confidence coming from?" Declan moved closer, like he was being pulled by a thread which tied his heart to Sebastian's.
"I'm not sure." Sebastian was searching for whatever scraps were left of the old version of himself; the confident kid with a loud mouth who took what he wanted without feeling guilty about it.
"I like it." Declan reached forward, his fingertips grazing Sebastian's sharp jawline. He ran his thumb over the curve of Sebastian's eyebrows, the slant of his nose, and down along his lower lip. But in the end, it was Sebastian who leant in and connected their lips.
The kiss was slow, each of them savouring the moment, dragging each second out. Declan tasted like mint as Sebastian's tongue swiped across his lower lip, then dove into his hot mouth, exploring the boy's every hidden corner. Declan was someone Sebastian could have without any guilt. No past, no pain, no trauma. Someone new, fresh, unscathed. He could enjoy him, and that was all it needed to be. Just pleasure. Sparks. Electricity.
Sebastian nudged him onto the bed, his hand slipping up Declan's shirt, fingertips tracing his smooth creamy skin. His other hand tangled into Declan's hair, and his lips trailed down his neck, planting kisses along his throat, as Declan's breathing grew shaky. It had been a long time since Sebastian had done this, and he thought it would be difficult, but instead, it was just pure relief. Every touch drove him wild, to the brink of insanity, desperate for more. He tugged at Declan's clothes, and pulled at his hair, and savoured the soft moans he earned in return.
When Sebastian pulled his top off, Declan's gaze lingered over his arms, where track marks stained his olive skin.
"Sorry." Sebastian mumbled, unsure what else to say.
Declan's green eyes flicked up to meet his, "What?"
Sebastian sighed, "They're ugly, I know. I can put my top back on if you-"
"Sebastian." Declan said, pronouncing each syllable clearly, "Don't you dare put your top back on." He ordered, "You're the most impressive person I've ever pulled."
Sebastian didn't believe him, "I know that's not-"
"You're gorgeous."
"You've said-"
"Because it's true." He pulled him in for a kiss, and that was the end of the conversation.
After that, it was just heat and passion and lust. Greedy hands and hungry eyes and needy whines. They touched each other and they forgot how to breathe and they let themselves succumb to the pleasure. Declan's bed was covered in sweat, his windows covered in steam. Limbs tangled up, knotted together, hair sprawled out, breath mingled, wrists pinned against the mattress. It was a one night stand; it meant nothing. And yet, it meant everything.
Later, two torn condom wrappers littered the floor, while Declan slept on Sebastian's chest.
For the first time in years, Sebastian felt alive.