"Can I talk to you for a second?" Jace's voice is soft, I glance over at miles who nods at me with a small smirk before he leaves the room, I don't know how much time we have especially since the drive is going to be too long and missing classes tomorrow as well is going to make everything much harder than it already is with school.
I haven't even thought about how I'm going to possibly finish the semesters I have left.
The thought gets out of my head as soon as my eyes connect with Jace's.
"uh, yeah," I smile at him and he slowly walks toward me, closing the door behind me with one strong hand. I don't remember Jace being this muscular.
"Maybe I didn't handle this the best way possible--" I stop him, my finger on his soft lips. It's weird to think how he's felt like my best friend all of these years but now he feels different to me, someone I love and care about but also like a version of Jace I don't know.
His lips feel soft and he lets my finger stay there but I decide to drop it down, letting my hand rest by my side.
his eyes are looking into mine and they don't move from mine and he doesn't part his lips, but somehow it feels so good just to look at him; into his eyes to see my best friend acting like himself again and being able to look at me.
He steps closer, his lips finally parting.
"You know I--" he stops himself, his eyes adjusting from mine to the floor or something I can't understand what he's looking at.
"I asked Miles for advice," he says and my heart flutters.
"I hope that's okay with you," he says, his voice slow and tired. I almost forgot that nobody is awake yet.
I hear a sound and as if in a flash, Jace grabs my waist and spins me to the door, letting my back hit it lightly, our lips mere inches apart as I notice a fallen book from the corner of my eye that would have probably hit me, I had no clue something was above me.
"T--thank you," I manage in a breath but Jace says nothing, nothing but his blue eyes staring into mine.
I feel how difficult this is for Jace because his breath has slowed down almost to the point where I can hear his rapid heartbeat. I realize I haven't answered his question and I don't want to answer it.
His eyes go to my lips and I feel my heart flutter, this isn't Jace, I don't feel this way about Jace . . . he's acting like . . . Miles.
"This isn't you, Jace." I finally tell him and he leans back without taking a step back.
"What if it were?" he says and before I can stop it, my hand flies to hit his cheek.
"Did anything you said before mean anything?" I stare at him angrily, my small fists hitting softly at his chest, hoping he'll take a step back but he doesn't.
"Easy," his words are soft and too Miles-like although I somehow know now that he isn't acting like anyone else. he holds my hands, pressed against the wall and then he clenches his jaw. This is too hard for him.
"He's the only guy you like, what if she--" he stops, pressing fists hard and letting me go.
"What if she falls for--"
"She won't," I stop the words that are clearly too difficult for him.
"She loves you, Jace . . . they way you are." he parts his lips at my words and I feel as though he desperately wants to say something but he doesn't; he decides against it and I'm thankful.
"I love you in my way," I say but his eyes fall from mine.
"I know," he says with a breath, and I can only hope that one day we'll have a relationship that we can both manage without going back and forth on things between us.
"Say goodbye to Nancy and Ben for me, okay?" I barely speak and he nods.
"I will," he nods, our faces inches apart and I try not to blame myself with how easy this is for me compared to how I can almost feel his insides trembling with both love and guilt.
AS I OPEN THE CAR DOOR, I spot something from far away; something beside my mother's house.
"Miles--" I try, trying to somehow get his attention or something I'm not sure. I glance at him and as we both stare at what looks to be a man around my mother's house in the far distance I can't help but wonder if he could somehow be my father.
"Do you know that man?" Miles asks, taking my hand gently, closing the car door with me inside and slowly turning the car on, driving the narrow and difficult road toward the house.
"no," I shake my head as my voice remains calm.
The closer we get the more I realize that this can't be my father, if he hasn't cared to come back all of these years, he never will. And when Miles parks the car in the driveway I realize just how true my thoughts were even though I can't stop my mind from escaping to places that will never be.
"Bill," I hear as Miles steps out of the car, leaving me in the car. I know he wants to protect me but I heard his phone call to Bill, the noise traveled all the way down the stairs and at first it was just sound but then I realized that this was a nightmare and Miles had to tell someone what happened.
I slowly step out of the car and both of their attention is on me. Bill seems to be pressing his lips together and I can't tell exactly what he's thinking but the police badge on his chest makes every emotion look too serious.
"Oh heaven's god, Madison," he breathes, falling at me in a deep embrace, his arms around me tightly as I feel his heavy breath. He holds me for what feels like only a minute but it much longer and then finally lets go. I didn't know I needed this so much and I find myself wishing he had hugged me for longer despite the thoughts in my head battling each other over whether or not Bill could ever be anything like David; a person you trust who completely ruins you.
"I'm so sorry that this happened to you, I've done everything I possibly can, but I heard of Jace's wedding and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to ask you both to come to the station with me; the Ohio PD," he explains and I wait a few seconds until I nod for both Miles and me.
"Okay," I speak, "We'll come," Miles adds for us.
OUR PORSCHE FOLLOWS THE POLICE CAR that Bill is driving in front of us, although I thought we'd be heading home by now, I can't wait for this to be over because I know that even though Miles hasn't mentioned anything, this has been haunting him; it must be.
"Wait here, I'll notify them that you both are here," Bill says quickly and I Don't even manage a nod before he has disappeared.
"It's going to be okay, babe," Miles reassure me, resting his hand on my stomach; something he never did before as he hugs me, the smell of his cologne comforting enough.
he holds my hand and I feel safe to sit down as we wait for someone to call our name, but thankfully before I can even take a look at the people sitting alongside us, Bill comes back.
"Follow me," he says and I quickly stand up, looking around me as the smell of washed floors and handcuffs stays in my nose.
"Miles you can come with me," Bill says all of a sudden as I walk into a small room with a man sitting down.
"Welcome, Madison," he says kindly.
"Now why don't you tell me exactly what happened between you and . . ." he stops, checking something out on a sheet of paper he's holding.
"David," he says and I gulp at the difficulty that is about to stir up inside me.