Our breaths were mixing like they belonged to each other. Her beautiful brown's shined and twinkled as a pang of regret in my chest on why didn't I adore these beautiful eyes when they saw me and only me for the last few days. I was cursing myself for not taking a good look at those beautiful pink lips which could take away all my pain...Those crimson pink cheeks which blushes at my mere proximity and don't even need me to touch them.
'Why didn't I adore you before like this?' I said as unconsciously I began playing with her hair lock by curling them with my fingers and her breathing fastened. She gulped nervously but after a few moments responded...
'Maybe you didn't care to notice earlier!!! Or maybe you were too entangled in your past!!! Maybe you still are!!!' she said sharply and I could see the pain in her eyes.
In one go I cupped her cheeks in both my hands pressing myself to her soft body and closed the distance between us and looked deep into her eyes. She didn't look away. Not even once.
'I may have done a lot of fuck ups in my life Shilpa! But you and the moment I shared with you yesterday wasn't a fuck up! It was a beautiful moment between me and my fiance!' I announced while she kept looking at my face for a few minutes in silence and then burst out laughing.
'You think this is funny?' I asked her and she smiled sarcastically and replied...
'Obvio!!! You calling me your fiance! I was not even your date Naman and just a kiss happens and I turn your fiance overnight? Like come on!!! We aren't horney teenagers! Playing kiss and blow here!' saying she tried to get off my hold but in one go I pushed her back to the wall and captured her again in between my arms and whispered...
'We are not horney teenagers Shilpa! Because I want much more than just sex from you!!!' I announced fearlessly and her eyes grew at once just at the mention of the three letter word.
I slowly slipped my hand into her waist and grabbed her closer while I felt her shudder under my touch.
'I want to hold you closer to me every day, every night when you read your books'
Slowly leaning into her ears...I smelled her hair and whispered softly 'I want to cuddle you in my arms and sleep smelling your vanilla fragrant hair! Which by the way is my favorite flavour now! And you definitely don't want to know what more of vanilla would I prefer after that!' I smirked and I heard a 'Huhhh' leave her mouth at my shameless announcement.
Holding her baby like hands closer to my lips I kissed her each finger delicately saying 'I want to hold these hands in my hands all night and keep feeling their warmth which keep away from all my fears!'
Her breath hitched as my lips pressed against her fingers and she looked elsewhere...
'I am engaged to you from my heart Shilpa!' I said as her eyes filled with tears and spilled out of her one eye and I simply wiped that tear off with my index finger while she sniffed and looked up to face the roof and closed her eyes as multiple droplets of tears fell from her eyes when she simply pulled out her phone and was browsing on it. Next minute she turned the phone around and said...
'Aditi's latest picture with Keshav! They are having twins!!!' she announced and something churned in my stomach and my grip on her hand loosened when her eyes filled with more fresh tears and she smiled and added....
'I didn't want to hurt you Naman! It's just that I wanted to tell you before you do more things to hurt me or anyone else. I know Aditi still affects you! Doesn't she?' she asked and my eyes only went to Aditi and Keshav's picture which was captioned '2+2' and Keshav was hugging Aditi's baby bump. I tried not to cry but my tears didn't listen to me kept falling off my eyes while Shilpa took a step closer and pulled me into her chest while I burst out into tears and she cuddled me into her chest. I kept crying till every drop from my eye dried off.
✨
'Have this' she offered me the black coffee and sat next to me sipping a glass of chocolate milkshake while although I wasn't willing to I simply took the cup from her hand and sipped it a little.
'You hurried in letting Aditi go Naman!' Shilpa said and I looked at her. I was shocked listening to her. Till date no one said me that. Everyone only said...'Its ok...Let her go...She is a finished chapter...Move on!' but today for the first time someone told me something which my heart kept telling me for years yet my heart never acknowledged.
I looked at Shilpa as she smiled and sat next to me and said...
'You were angry with her Naman! You weren't over her! You never were and you both didn't have a proper closure to this. Atleast you didn't! Aditi moved on but you were stuck there...just waiting for her to turn around and come back to you but you have to understand she didn't! She moved ahead and you were still there...waiting! You still are!' and my eyes went moist as I kept looking at her.
'You must be wondering what am I blabbering right now! But I'm just saying what I felt being with you Naman!
I tried being with you! Being yours! But I failed' she said and chuckled painfully and my heart ached looking at her.
'You must be wondering why and how I speak your language now! Well because I am stuck at that same point where you are stuck with Aditi!
You aren't over her and I.... I never found you!' and my eyes widened in realisation.
'I wanted to give us a second chance! A supplementary chance but looks like you aren't still over your previous failure and it's not your fault...it's not easy to let go off someone! And it's years of love and marriage. Look at me I'm...I'm not able to let go off something which never started properly!' she said and my mouth closed and opened trying to explain her something which my heart was too confused about.
She held my hand and said sniffing through tears...
'You kissed me yesterday! You brought me here into this room and cornered me...I can see different emotions in those eyes Naman but is it the emotion which will sustain even after Aditi comes infront of you??? I don't know! Because even now at this moment a picture from Aditi makes you so vulnerable...that too when she is carrying someone else's baby! That's the emotion I can never compete with! And I don't want to!
I am tired of being rejected Naman!
I have attended dates, being judged, told what to do and what not to! How to eat? How to drink!!! How to dress up!
And then been said 'No!!!'
But when you and me we began this whatever little thing...in my 6 years of experience you were a fresh breath of air! You didn't judge me for my clothes, food choices, my speech anything!
You complimented me. You made me feel good. You pampered me. You made me smile Naman. You....made me feel special!
Something no man ever tried to ofcourse other than Cookie whom I don't know I kept rejecting. Maybe because I didn't want to leave India and he stayed in Australia then London...then Denmark..now Dubai! But with you...trust me I even had the thought of being ok to shift to Dubai.' she said and I was speechless. She really thought so much?
'But then although there is enough sexual attraction between us this isn't enough for us to you know spend a lifetime together!
I see you feel jealous of seeing me with someone else but trust me it's silly. It's meaningless. You know why? Because I have become your habit. And habits can change Naman. You know what is the emotion that doesn't change?
It's called 'Love'.
You love Aditi and that doesn't change even after she carrying someone's else's baby then she is one lucky woman and it's fine Naman. You can always love someone even if you don't hurt them or destroy their happiness but aren't you important too? Isn't self love important?
Love yourself too Naman. Just don't hurt yourself because you love Aditi. Just keep yourself happy. With or without Aditi! Because I don't know about other's but I definitely want to see you happy!' she said and I kept looking at her.
How can someone be so good?
She held my hand and asked...
'Will you please try to keep yourself happy? For my sake???' and I don't know why it's the first time I didn't want this moment to end. I wanted her to stay. Be with me forever.
I nod and she smiles.
'Lets give this drama a much required closure! Your assistant will be here!' she said and although there was a discomfort in my chest I agreed to whatever she said.
✨
After the stupid dinner date with my annoying secretary we received a message from Shazia saying tomorrow's newspapers will be full of our breakup news.
Although everything was going as per our plan my eyes still kept looking for Shilpa who was right now sitting in the balcony with that biscuit packet.
As much I tried to convince myself that this is a silly jealousy my heart kept finding reasons to go to the living room or kitchen just to peek at them to know what they were doing. My heart burnt in anger and frustration when I saw him holding Shilpa's hands and she was giggling.
The minute Shilpa's eyes fell on me I forced a smile on my face and tried to mentally convince myself that this is all a habit...I will be fine.
I couldn't sleep the entire night. My family kept calling on my mobile and landline while as decided I avoided all their calls. My brother kept bombarding me with messages saying...
'I am being foolish!!! I'm letting Kshitij affect our relationship...I'm just jealous and insecure and Shilpa was a gem!!!'
But how do I explain my brother that this gem of a woman is doing all this for my happiness but still I'm not happy!!!
There is this wierd feeling in my chest not letting me be at peace and I kept twirling in my bed.
✨
'Hmmmmmm....what are you doing here...didnt you sleep???' she groaned while honestly even I didn't have an answer to this question all I knew was I wasn't working sane.
I was loosing my mind and I needed peace of mind. And the only person who could give me my much needed sanity was her.
'I wasn't feeling ok! There is this wierd feeling inside my stomach!!!' I said while pulling her by her waist and I snuggled inside her quilt pulling her back into my chest and tried to smell her hair. That vanilla fragrance brought a sense of calmness inside me
'Did you eat potato again? Doesn't suit you! Must be gas or acidity!!!' she mumbled half asleep while I carelessly unveiled her little pony tail undoing all her hair and pressed my cheek on her sily soft her and the fragrance made me feel at home.
I noticed the soft skin of her shoulder peeping out of her tshirt. She ditches her bra at night and that's when her soft skin of her shoulder blades relax and do a peekaboo...
I tried my best but couldn't help myself. I leaned more leaving a soft kiss on her shoulder blade while she moaned. I pulled her back more into my chest almost pushing her upon me and kept showering wet kisses all over her neck and that's when she suddenly turned around. She was wide awake and looking at my face. I kept looking at her beautiful brown orbs.
There was pin drop silence right now and that's when my eyes fell on a chain resting on her neck.
'The chain???'
'Cookie's gift!!!' she said while I noticed how she smiled and played with that stupid pendant on her neck and I don't know why I couldn't handle it.
In one go I leaned more and smashed my lips against hers!!! Her eyes widened as my hand voluntarily took hold of her hand which touched that pendant and pressed it towards the bed. My body voluntarily climbed above her and before I knew I was feeding on her. I was consuming her essence. My lips rained kisses on her face and neck. I was out of control.