Chapter 5:
“Danielle, may bisita ka sa baba. Clyde daw ang pangalan.”
Dali-dali akong tumayo sa pagkakahiga at inayos ang sarili ko.
What the hell? Ano namang ginagawa niya dito? Paano niya nalaman ang address ko? Hindi pa naman siya nakakapunta sa bahay dati, a?
I rushed downstairs without even thinking. Nakita ko namang maayos pa ang mukha ko sa salamin kaya hindi na ako nag-isip pa.
True enough, CK was there. Clyde Kristoffer Santos, the man who was a waste of my time, is sitting on our sofa like a prince and my parents are adoring him dearly.
I don’t get it. Bakit?
“O, ayan na pala siya, e.” Mama was all smiles when she saw me walking towards them. She looks at me so meaningfully. Mama, if you only knew. This man broke my heart.
CK looked at me and smiled. Kitang-kita ko ang sugat sa labi niya. Kiro must have punched him really hard. Well, good for him. Like I said, kulang pa ‘yon sa pananakit niya sa akin noon.
Hindi ko alam kung anong ineexpect niyang gagawin ko ngayong nakita ko na siya ulit. Hindi naman siguro siya nag-expect na magtatalon ako sa tuwa at yakapin ko siya ng mahigpit ngayong nakabalik na siya galing sa Japan, ‘di ba? Dahil hindi iyon mangyayari.
I sat beside Mama. She’s pushing me to sit beside CK pero what the hell? I can’t be too close with him. Seeing him still opens the wounds that have already been healed. Now, it would take a long time before they heal again.
“He’s got some gifts for you, Dani.” Papa told me before looking at CK. “Hijo, come on, give him your gifts.”
I wanted to roll my eyes at all of them badly. Bakit ganun? When will my parents act like normal parents do? Bakit parang ansaya saya nila na may bumisita sa akin? Hindi ba dapat ay strikto sila dahil ako lang ang anak nila at dapat ay pinapahalagahan nila ako?
Pero, bakit ganito? Bakit parang atat na atat silang magkaboyfriend ako?
CK stood up and started giving me gifts. I bet ito ‘yung mga pasalubong niya from Japan. O, bakit siya nandito? Akala ko ba we were never meant to be? Ang labo.
“I bought these from Japan.” He started lining up the gifts on the center table.
O, anong magagawa ng mga pasalubong na ‘yan? Mabubura ba niya lahat ng masasamang alaala ko sa kanya? Does he really think na bibigay ako dahil sa mga regalo niya?
“Oh!” Mama exclaimed. “Ito ba ‘yung newest make up from Japan?” She picked up a certain cream I don’t even give a damn about.
CK chuckled and nodded. “That’s the hottest make up in Japan, Tita.” He replied so politely I want to laugh so bad.
Tita? Seriously? After leaving me like that, nagagawa pa niyang maging feeling close sa magulang ko? Astig din itong isang ‘to. Antigas ng mukha, e.
Mama squealed a little over excited about that damn make up. “Are you giving this to me?” She asked me.
I looked at her and just nodded. Ayoko na rin namang patagalin pa ang usapan. Sobrang bilib lang ako sa mga magulang ko dahil parang wala silang napapansing kakaiba sa akin. Hindi ba nila napapansin na ayoko sa mga nangyayari ngayon?
“Pa, tara na sa kwarto. Let’s leave the youngsters here.” Mama called Papa as she held the cream so dearly. What the hell? She’s acting like she couldn’t buy one! She can buy tons of that! Ugh!
Papa nodded at me and smiled at CK. “Kapag may kailangan kayo, sabihin niyo lang kay Carol, okay?” Bilin niya ang I just nodded.
I watched my parents go upstairs first before looking at CK. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
The smile on his face faded. Akala siguro niya ay tatanggapin ko siya with open arms. Well, I am not stupid. I totally understood it when he said we weren’t meant to be and that he was just a waste of my time. He was. Up until now, he is still wasting my time.
“I just wanted to apologize for leaving you.” He spoke slowly. I know he was being careful with his words. Well, being careful isn’t the key, right now. It’s getting out of my sight.
“Okay?” I crossed my arms against my chest. “That’s all?” I asked again.
He sighed heavily. “Dans, I want you to hear me out this time, okay?” His voice is pleading. And then what would I get when I heard him out? Does that even change a thing?
I didn’t respond. Perhaps, half of me wants to hear him out. The other half of me wants him to just leave now.
“I’m sorry for leaving you and for telling you those things.” Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Why must it always start with sorry? Sawang-sawa na akong makarinig ng sorry.
I shut my eyes and tried to calm myself. Nanginginig ako sa sobrang inis. Nanginginig ako sa sobrang galit. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil kahit na galit ako sa kanya, nandito pa rin ako – sa harap niya, nakikinig at handang makinig sa mga sasabihin niya.
“Ayokong saktan ka,” he continued.
“That’s what they always say, CK.” I spoke. “Lahat ng tao sinasabi ‘yan. Gasgas na ‘yan. It’s just an excuse para hindi mo isiping masama kang tao dahil nang-iwan ka ng taong nagmamahal at umaasa sa’yo. Don’t fool yourself, Clyde. Alam kong alam mo ang sinasabi ko.”
He didn’t speak. Siguro ay naisip niyang tama ako. He was just using it as an excuse because he couldn’t admit that he is a bad person for hurting the innocent.
I loved him so dearly and what did I get? “We were not meant to be, Danielle. I’m sorry I’m just a waste of your time.”
God knows how I hated to hear “time” after telling me that damn line.
“I had to end things between you and me,” here he goes again. He badly wanted to clear his name. He’s pretty much destroyed for me. Sinaktan na niya ako minsan. Hindi na ako tanga para isiping hindi na mauulit iyon.
He sighed. “The offer in Japan was my dream. Hindi madaling humindi sa pangarap, Danielle. I was dreaming of it since I was a kid.” He told me.
“So you chose to hurt me for your dreams?” I commented. I wanted to laugh at the direction that this conversation is going. Seryoso ba siya sa mga sinasabi niya?
He shook his head. “At that time, I did it for the best.” I scoffed when I heard his response. He did it for the best. So, it was best to hurt me that time. Now, I don’t really know where this conversation is going. Kailangan ko ba talagang marinig ang paliwanag niya?
“Ang sabi ng agency ko, I would stay in Japan for good. Hindi na ako makakabalik sa Pilipinas.” He told me.
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Well, that was the original plan. I would stay in Japan for good.” He spoke. “But it didn’t go that way, Danielle. That’s why I’m here, in front of you, begging for forgiveness.”
I waited for his next words.
“I thought I had to break up with you because I didn’t believe in long distance relationships. I’m all for skinship, Danielle. I can’t do relationships through Skype or Facebook or FaceTime or whatever kind of social media network it is.” He looked into my eyes. “At isa pa, naduwag ako. Natakot ako na kapag iniwan kita, bigla ka na lang mawala sa akin. Bigla ka na lang may mahanap na iba.”
I pressed my lips in a firm line. “You should’ve trusted me more on that aspect, Clyde.” I told him.
“I know. That’s why I’m sorry.” He maintained the eye contact. “I was so regretful of leaving you. Kung alam mo lang kung gaano kahirap para sa akin na sabihin lahat ng sinabi ko sa’yo. I cried. I fucking cried in the plane from Manila to Tokyo. I wanted to go back as fast as I could because with every second that passed, my heart was shouting your name. It keeps getting louder. Parang mamamatay ako sa bawat minuto na hindi kita nakikita.”
His voice was about to crack.
Tears were forming at the sides of my eyes. In an instant, my perception on him has changed. From being the man I hate the most to being the man I miss the most. How possible can it be for a person to believe a word from the one who caused him pain?
“My heart was never at ease.” He continued. “Hindi mawala sa isip ko na sa bawat oras na lumipas ay sinasaktan ko ‘yung taong pinakamamaha ko. If I could kill myself for hurting you, I could’ve done it. But I couldn’t.” He paused and reached out for my hand. “Because I want to be the one to comfort you. I still want to be there for you. I was still hoping that one day, everything between you and me will be fine again. And I would be able to hold you in my arms again.”
“God knows how hard I prayed, Danielle. I prayed for that certain day when you will look into my eyes…not as the man who left you broken, but as the man who made you whole again.”
Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luhang dumaloy sa pisngi ko. Paanong nangyaring kahit gaano niya ako nasaktan noon ay matatanggap ko pa rin siya sa buhay ko?
“Noong sinabi ng boss ko na may offer akong magmanage ng isang hotel branch sa Pilipinas, hindi na ako nag-isip pa at tinanggap ko na agad ‘yung offer. It was my only chance to see you again. And I’m happy to have grabbed that opportunity.” He smiled. “When I saw you at our stop at River Farm, I was thinking that it was destiny that brought us together.” He clasped his fingers with mine.
I was too out of myself to even protest with what he is doing to me. He’s touching me recklessly but I’m busy taking everything in to even pull my hand away.
“God, I missed you so much.” He kissed my fingers and held my hand tight. “Please love me again.” He looked into my eyes as he said those words.
Love him again?
Paano ko sasagutin ang tanong niya kung ako nga, hindi rin maintindihan ang sarili ko? Kani-kanina lang, ayokong makita ang pagmumukha niya sa pamamahay namin. Ilang minuto pa lang ang nakalipas pero parang nag-iba na ang tingin ko sa kanya?
Kung bakit kasi hindi niya sa akin sinabi ito dati? I was hating him for all the wrong reasons and I feel bad about it. I should’ve tried to understand the situation rather than cry over his last words for me. Why haven’t I thought that he just needed to be harsh on me so I wouldn’t continue to hope for us?
“I’m not telling you to love me now, Danielle. Sa totoo lang, kahit wala na akong pag-asa sa’yo, susugal pa rin ako. Damn, you’re the most precious thing in my life and I’m willing to risk everything for you to be mine. I’d even sell my soul to the devil if I have to.” His eyes were telling me how sincere he is right now.
Bakit ba ambilis kong bumigay? Ano bang nangyayari sa akin?
Kinalas niya ang kamay niya sa kamay ko at saka siya ngumiti sa akin. “I’ll be seeing you tomorrow.” He told me. “Saan ka nga ulit nagtatrabaho? St. Martin?”
Tumango ako.
“Anong oras ang duty mo?” Tanong niya. “Ihahatid na kita.”
I shook my head. “Huwag na. You’re here to have fun, not to be my driver.” I told him.
He chuckled. “Your being silly, Danielle. Who says I’m here to have fun?” He asked me.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “So, what are you doing in Candon?” I asked. If he’s not here for vacation, then…?
He smiled. “Work?” He replied.
I narrowed my eyes at him even more. “Anong work?” I asked.
“I’m going to manage Candon Hotel.” Aniya.
“Ano?!”
He chuckled. “See? If it isn’t destiny that’s keeping us together.” He spoke. “Kaya hindi ako nagdalawang isip na tanggapin ‘yung offer. Kasi alam kong mapapalapit ako sa’yo.”
I was lost for words. Paanong nangyari ang lahat ng ito?
“So, what’s your shift tomorrow? Ihahatid na kita. Susunduin na rin.” He volunteered happily.
I shook my head. “No need. Nandyan naman si Manong Ver.” I told him. “And I needed to think things first.” I spoke quietly. Ayokong isipin niyang iniiwasan ko siya. Gusto ko lang talagang mag-isip.
He smiled dejectedly. “Okay. I understand.” He replied. “Just text me if you change your mind.” He still manages to smile. “I’d come in a blink.”
I smiled and nodded. “Thanks.” I told him.
“For what?”
“For explaining everything. I thought I might not need it but I did. Thanks for clearing things up between the two of us.” I told him.
“I thought I needed that.” He replied. “To have you back.”
I smiled.
“I was really hoping I’d have you back.