For Deserving readers: (if you're still out there, HAHA)
Ohhhhhh to go on a hiatus and not tell anyone buahahaha...I know I've taken a very long break from writing and I apologize in advance. But doing so has given me a lot of time to think and put myself first! Something I definitely never did in the past. So, I have some explaining to do, don't I?...
On my roughest days, I'd realized I'd written my best chapters in a time where I wanted to escape what was happening around me. I found myself in a toxic environment and in a 5 year relationship that was not the healthiest. I was so often told that I wasn't good enough which led me to slowly stop doing things that made me happy because I felt like it wasn't even worth doing if I was going to receive so much negativity in return. I stopped singing, writing, I was embarrassed to even listen to my favorite artists in fear of being judged. Keep in mind, this was all before I published my first story: Deserving.
Through the tornado of a mess and emotions I had been experiencing, I decided to create something that allowed me to be the best version of myself that I could possibly be. This was something special i kept to myself for a long time. I could express myself through each character, (specifically, Harry as I've been told I'm much like him which, I hadn't realized I'd written myself in...) without the fear of judgment and without feeling like my ideas were stupid. I never felt like I was a good enough writer or well deserved of the readers I'd received but reading all of your comments and seeing the feedback made me realize how much I actually did deserve it. I was the best version of me every-time I wrote and I only ever felt like myself doing it. And that's what mattered, that I felt good and that I was having fun while doing it.
So many things I'd written were things I'd picked out of my own life. So yes, a lot, not everything but a lot of the traits toxic characters have in my stories are often ones that people around me have had. I took pain and turned it into art and that's by far the best decision I've ever made. It was my way of venting and feeling unapologetic about doing so even before I'd even received the feedback.
There's a reason behind every chapter I wrote and it's plain and simple: I was sad.
Every chapter written was created in a moment where I needed to vent or express my anger and sadness. Every chapter took days to write and if you really do the math, I was definitely feelin' all kinds of emotional for a while.
I was never sure if I was doing this whole writing thing correctly and to be honest, I don't know if there ever was a right way. What I I did know was that I felt an unexplainable amount of joy through a tiny screen and a couple of taps with my fingers and the best part was, nobody made me feel like this was a dumb idea. People have really, really enjoyed my story and 215k readers later: I guess we're here. (Thank you for that, by the way)
In other news, I'm pretty happy with where I am. I left that toxic relationship and it's been almost 2 years since then. I've struggled but I've grown and those two things alone have taught me so many lessons. I've fallen in love, I've come out to my family as bisexual, I'm moving out of my little town into a big city all on my own: I'm growing up and it's honestly a little nerve wrecking.
From the start of this story, I'd lost myself and recently, I've finally found myself- although, of course, I'm still a work in progress.
Deserving has given me so many opportunities. I'm not the venting type. I hate doing it. But this story has given me the opportunity to release my frustrations, to cry and to grow in a way that doesn't make me feel guilty. It has allowed me to meet new people, have connections and even meet someone really, really special to me.
I have a lot of stories planned but I have yet to release them. You might be asking yourself, uhm well, where are they?
In my brain. That's where.
And also in my drafts. 6 of them.
I'll actually release one of them pretty soon so that's something I'm looking forward to. It'll have a lot of what I've gone through lately but will not be super depressing. It's a story about dealing with heartbreak and the healing process of it all. I'll have to write out more chapters before I publish so I'm sure that this story is going somewhere, so lookout for that little gem.
By the way, deserving is NOT over but I'm going to set it aside for now and maybe rewrite some of it.
As of now, I'm focused movin' out of my childhood home, living in my dream city, attending my dream school, loving my dream girl and writing whenever I have the opportunity to do so.
I hope this message gets to someone who really needs it: Don't let anyone stop you from doing what you love the most. Don't let anyone feel like you're less than them or that you don't deserve all the goodness in the world, because you do. You deserve to be treated with nothing but absolute kindness.
Ren, if you're reading this (which you most likely are because you're literally my biggest fan) thank you for showing me what it's like to feel loved. I'm glad this story brought us together and that I've had the opportunity to meet such a smart, talented and beautiful person- inside and out. You mean the absolute world to me and I can't thank you enough. I'm very lucky to call you mine and I love you so so so much more than you'll ever know.
Thanks for sticking around if you've read this far. I can't wait for what the future has in store.
See you around friends <3