Keira's POV
Ettie died that day. The doctor told me her heart had completely given up. She was gone. Forever.
She was hooked up to life support for a while, too to allow me time to say goodbye. I sat in the hospital room, with her, for what felt like forever. I wouldn't let her go. I lay in the bed beside her, as the machines beeped every little while. My head rested on her shoulder, as I held her hand. My face was red with tears, and I knew the whole team was waiting outside. They didn't know what was happening. I knew as soon as I went out, it would all become real. I would be sisterless.
I heard a knock at the door, and Lucy came in.
"Go away," I said to her, holding onto Ettie tighter.
"Kie-"
"NO! GO AWAY!" I shouted. Lucy closed the door, and left the room. I didn't want to speak to anyone. No one would understand. I knew her heart was bad. I suspected that was the reason she was going to retire. She told me otherwise, but I knew she was lying. I could feel it.
"Ettie," I whispered into her ear, "please. Please wake up. Please. I need you. I need you so much. How am I going to do this? How am I going to keep living without you? Please. Please. Please." Tears started flowing out of my eyes, and I was slightly hysterical. How was I supposed to do this? I have spent my entire life having Ettie by my side. How was I supposed to start now, 26 years on, without a sister.
"Kiera," I heard someone at the door say.
"Go away," I said. The person didn't listen to me. They walked into the hospital room, and wrapped their arms around me. It was Leah.
"It's okay," she said, trying to hold back her own tears.
"I can't believe she's gone." I broke down in Leah's arms, and I could feel her own tears fall onto my skin. "How am I going to do this? How am I going to go on and live?" Leah made me look at her, wiping the tears from my face.
"You're going to go and live your life for her. You are going to do everything she wanted to do. You are going to conquer this fucking world and make her proud." I nodded, knowing she was right.
"Everyone's asking about her," Leah said, as she sat on the other side of the bed, holding Ettie's hand.
"I should go talk to them," I answered.
"I'll stay with her," Leah said, as I got up to walk outside.
As I entered the hospital waiting room, everyone was there. All the English girls were there, as well as Bradie and Hayley. Lucy stood up straight away, and walked over to me, wrapping her arms around me, and kissing my cheek. When all the girls looked up, they knew. They could all tell.
"Guys, thank you for being here," I said, all of them looking at me, "but it'd probably be best if you go get some sleep. It's not looking too good."
"Is she okay?" Hayley asked, walking towards me. I shook my head, and Hayley's hand covered her mouth.
"You want to come see her?" I asked, and she nodded. I took her hand, and we walked into the hospital room. Leah's head was resting on Ettie's arm, looking down at the bed.
Tears started falling down Hayley's face, as she came over to lay beside Ettie.
As I saw the two girls sitting beside Ettie, I realised how much both of them loved her. Hayley and Leah.
"It's my fault," I heard Hayley say.
"No," Leah answered, "it's not."
"Yeah, it is. She told me her heart wasn't good. She told me that it was painful, and I didn't say anything. She asked for me to keep it quiet, and I did, and now..." Hayley's voice trailed off. I was still standing at the entrance to the room, not wanting to start crying again.
"Hayley, it's not your fault. Ettie was a grown person, she made her own decisions. You can't blame yourself for that," I answered.
"I just can't believe this happened," Hayley said, resting her head on Ettie's chest, "she's gone." Leah grabbed Hayley's hand, and looked at her.
"She's not gone," Leah said, "she lives on with us."
The next morning, Ettie was taken off life support. I was the only one in the room when it happened. I didn't want anyone to have to witness it, but I knew I had to. I had to be with my sister until her last breath. When I found out Australia had won the World Cup, I was surprised Hayley wasn't out celebrating. Instead, she slept at the hospital with Leah, Lucy and me.
That morning, Leah got a frantic message.
Indi: please tell me its not true. Please tell me ettie is ok
Leah: im sorry, inds, she's gone.
Indi: omg, im coming.
Indi ended up at the hospital, with Sam, Jill and Kristie. When they walked in, I knew they were close with Ettie. I knew they each had their own connections with her, and it made me realise just how many lives Ettie has touched. Just how many people she has impacted.
"I'm so sorry," Indi said to me, as we sat in the hotel lobby together.
"I just don't know how to feel," I answered. We'd never really talked before, but somehow, I knew grief would bring people closer.
"Ettie was the first person who knew about my issues," Indi started to say, "she was the first person in England I told about my mental health, and self harm. She had this way of making you feel comfortable and loved. She was, one of, the best people I ever knew, and the whole world is going to miss her, not just us."
"I just don't know how I am going to keep going without her," I said to her.
"Ettie would want nothing more, Keira, than for you to go and live her dreams. Play football, and do it for her." I nodded, knowing she was right. Knowing that the rest of my life, everything I do, will be for Ettie.
BREAKING NEWS: England Footballer, Juliette Walsh, dies suddenly at the age of 26
Juliette Walsh has been a big name in Women's football for over 10 years. Debuting for Manchester City at 16, and playing for the Lionesses' since she was 17, the left back had soon become one of the most loved and recognised Women's footballers.
Shocking news came however when Walsh appeared to have been rushed to the hospital following England's last match at the FIFA Women's World Cup. After the match, Walsh left the field on a stretcher and was taken straight to the hospital, sources say. Her twin sister and fellow England footballer, Keira Walsh, was alongside her, looking frantically worried.
It was soon confirmed that Walsh had suffered from a heart attack, due to complications surrounding her pre-diagnosed heart condition, cardiomyopathy. Walsh was placed onto life support, where her family and friends were able to say their goodbyes. Walsh was taken off life support earlier this morning.
The Women's football world has been actively quiet, with no word yet from any players, staff or management about the situation.
"I never got to tell her," Leah said to me, as we headed back to England. It was decided that the funeral would be in Manchester, as that is where Ettie grew up.
"Never got to tell her what?" I asked.
"That I loved her," Leah answered.
"She knew that, Lee. Of course she knew that."
"I hope so," Leah replied, a tear coming down her face.
"She's loved you for longer than you know," I added, "a lot longer than you know."
When we arrived back in England, I stayed at Mum and Dad's house for a few days. They were heart broken, just as I was. We stayed inside, not wanting to leave the comfort of our family, but we knew we had to. The funeral was soon. It was going to be hard.
"I'm going to speak," I said to Mum and Dad.
"Of course, darling," Mum replied, "if that's what you need."
The next morning, we had the funeral. Many people were there. The English girls, Bradie, Hayley, Sam Mewis and some other American players, as well as some Chelsea players too. Unfortunately, Indi, Jill, Kristie and Sam were still in Australia, and weren't able to make it, but I knew they would be here, in spirit.
As I got up to the altar, my hands were slightly trembling. When I looked up, I saw a room of people who Ettie loved and who loved Ettie. It comforted me knowing she had touched so many people's lives.
"Hey everyone, thanks for being here today, to celebrate Ettie and her life. I know each of us are grieving at this moment, and it's comforting to see how many people made the journey to be here today.
"Ettie is my twin, she always has been and always will be. No one understands the connections twins have. They are fluent, and they are eternal. It's hard to even put into words myself what she meant to me. Ettie was the girl that always knew me. She knew me since I was 3 minutes old. I've never known a life without her.
"Growing up with a twin is the best feeling in the world. They are your inbuilt best friend for life. No one can take them away from you. They are your person, your soulmate, your everything. She was my person, my soulmate, my everything. Since we were little, I knew we were different. I was the ying and she was the yang, I was the extrovert and she was the introvert. But somehow, that worked. We always worked. We had an undeniable connection.
"When we were little, I pushed us both to play football. I would never admit it to Ettie, but I was scared to do it without her. I wanted to do everything with her. I had dreams, and ambitions, and I knew I wouldn't want to do it without her. I was adamant that we would be professional players. I knew we would get there. I knew that we both had something special, a talent that not many others had. And we did it. We got there together. We spent most of our lives playing the sport we loved, and those years, I know, will be the ones I cherish the most.
"Ettie had a heart of gold. She never failed to make someone feel loved or worthy, and even when I was not the best sister, we could never stay away from each other for too long. We always found a way back to each other.
"She struggled a lot, throughout her life. Ettie wasn't given the best of the world. But she never lost her smile. She never lost her ambition. She kept fighting and pushing, to the very end. She showed me what it's like to preserve and fight through all the crap life hands you. She has always been and always will be my biggest inspiration.
"Over the past few weeks, I've thought a lot about what I would say to try. About how I would try and tell the story of me and Ettie in one small eulogy. But I realised that there is no way I can possibly do that. There is no way I can recap Ettie's life in one small five minute talk. She lived a bigger life than anyone here could possibly realise. She never failed to be the inspiration for so many people, and although she's gone, her legacy will continue to live on. She will live on in all of us." At this point, I started to cry, tears started trickling out of my eyes.
"I truly wonder how I am supposed to go on and live my life without her. How am I supposed to find my purpose if I don't have my person with me? Ettie was my soulmate. We were always destined to be together. It was always her and me, no one else. She promised me, a few weeks ago, that she'd always be a phone call away, but that's no longer the case. She's a lifetime away, and she lives on, only in my memories. Which is something I will never be able to process. How I went from having her with me, to not.
"I've realised that we all have to find our new purpose. We have to go and find what brings us joy. We have to do all those things for Ettie. She'd want nothing more than for us to go out there, and find who we are. Find our purpose. I know that everything I do, from now on, I will be doing for her. For my sister. For my twin. For my soulmate.
"Mum and Dad, thank you for being there for Ettie and I for our entire lives. Thank you for supporting us, and pushing us, and she loves you guys more than anything. We hope that we've made you proud, and I will continue to live my life, fighting for her.
"And Ettie," I said, looking up at the sky, "I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. You will be forever in my heart, nugget, and I hope that one day, we can meet again. I miss you already, please stay with me. I need you more than you know. Please, look over me, watch out for me. I need you. I need you. I need you." As I walked off the altar, Mum and Dad stood up and wrapped their arms around me, hugging me tightly.
"I'm so proud of you," Mum said.
"Jules will be proud," Dad said into my ear.
After the funeral, there was a tea and coffee service. I stayed around to talk to everyone, and as I was making tea, Bradie came up to me.
"Hey," she said, standing beside me.
"Hi," I answered.
"You spoke beautifully."
"Thanks."
"Ett would be proud of you," she then said, "you are stronger than you will ever realise." I gave her a hug, and then she left, alongside Sam Mewis and her American friends.
As I looked over at the couches, I saw Leah and Hayley sitting together, drinking coffee and talking. They were finding comfort within each other, and I knew Ettie would be grateful that they were able to sit together and talk.
Later that evening, I uploaded a photo of me and Ettie when we were younger. We were wearing our first football gear, and smiled with the ball after playing our first match.
Keirawalsh: i will forever love you and please stay with me. Always in my heart, ett.
Leahwilliamsonn: always with you keira. Staying w u till the end x
Hayleyraso: she loved you more than you will know x
Samanthakerr20: in ours hearts forever
Indiharrison: our darling girl, doing it all for her now kiera x
Mbrighty4: love you
Lucybronze: she's so proud of you
When I confirmed what had happened, my socials started to flood. So many people were giving their condolences on Ettie, from fans, to parents, to admin. Nothing like this had ever really happened before, and no one knew what to do. But I knew what I was going to do. I was going to go and live my life, for my sister. I was going to achieve our goals, and push myself. All for her. Always for her.
note:
- im sorry. im sorry. im sorry.
- also had a major glitch before but all fixed