Yes, I know it's again a Jonas Brothers song, but I'm a fan, and it just fits perfectly the chapter 😍
'So turn right (turn right)
Into my arms
Turn right (turn right)
You won't be alone
You might
Fall off this track sometimes
Hope to see you at the finish line'
"Are we soon there?" I sighed, my forehead falling against the window as we outran another intersection sign.
"Soon," my mom replied confidently, glancing at the paper stuck between her left hand and the steering wheel like a spellbook that held all the answers of the universe.
Well, knowing her, I had no doubt she had written carefully all the directions to reach our destination. Yet it didn't give me more clue about when we would arrive.
"And stop playing with your hair. You'll mess it all." Her hand let go of the wheel to tap my fingers in a swift movement, and if I straightened myself, it was only because of her careful gaze, as the car didn't sway one inch from its path.
I resigned myself to twiddle my thumbs over my laps, though it did nothing to ease the itch in my nerves or even distract my mind. I would have needed my special fidget toy for this. However, I didn't try to pull it out with my mom's attentive gaze so close. I was keeping it in my pocket like a secret treasure, and I was already back to twirl one of my curls mindlessly, at least until my mom reminded me with one of her 'Dorothea'.
For my defense, I was a little on edge, as I hadn't slept enough; I had sneaked out last night, and I'd come back too late, or too early. Yet I couldn't tell my mom that, and I wouldn't try either to complain about her waking me up too early on a Saturday morning and asking me to prepare myself and ride for hours with no breakfast in my stomach because all of this was for Daisy.
So I could only sit on my hands and let my stomach do all the twists.
The good thing was that I knew there would be food when we would arrive because we were going to one of the famous cooking lessons Daisy had preached so much. At least, that was where we were supposed to go, but I started to doubt it when my mom took an abrupt turn to the left after reading her paper.
"Are you sure we're on the right road?" I lifted my eyebrows at the tall trees I glimpsed through the windshield, the side windows, and basically everywhere except for the narrow road.
"Yes, Daisy said it would be in the open air."
My eyebrows fell down in a frown. It didn't sound like something Daisy would praise. But seeing that my mom's eyes, focused on the bumpy tarmac, wouldn't give me more clue, I let my gaze wander around, enjoying the dancing leaves, flowers, and shadows passing through the window. This was the kind of place I liked, and strangely, it felt familiar.
Woods could be anywhere, and I didn't know any of the city's names we'd crossed. Yet it was more than what I was seeing, and if I closed my eyes, it recalled a buried emotion in my guts. I could almost place it when the car slowed down.
"We're here."
I took in with wide eyes the side of the road where my mom had pulled in and the surroundings that hadn't changed: green, green, and green, maybe even thicker – oh, and a dirt road leading further into the greenery, where some dark gray rocks were peeking out behind a path of tall birch trees.
"Can you go see if there's someone down the path?" she asked, not even trying to look more at her directions, and it was surely my restless legs, my itching fingers, and my growling stomach, or just my guts, urging me to open the door and find out by myself.
Sadly, in all of this, my brain was late, and it was only after a few steps on the muddy ground that I realized it was impossible to cook in open-air with no oven, no gas stove, and no equipment.
I froze in my tracks as the recognition hit me at the same time. The delicate scent of wildflowers, the steady lapping of water, and the light breeze brushing my skin... There was only one place that could stop my heart like the first time I'd been there, and if I hadn't been this distracted then, I would have recognized the road today.
Yet once again, I saw nothing of the beautiful surroundings, only the pair of eyes appearing in front of me.
"Hi."
I hopelessly glanced behind as if my mom would tell me she had messed the directions and would rush me because Daisy was waiting. But the car was already turned around, and she called through the open window,
"Don't be stubborn, Dorothea! You'll thank me one day."
Had Hop-O'-My-Thumb ever thanked his parents for abandoning him in the wood? I didn't think it was in the tale, and I actually considered running away and getting lost into the forest rather than facing Spencer's soft brown eyes that made my chest shrivel to little crumbs.
"I'm glad to see you, DD."
"You know I'm pretty sure this is considered a crime by your dad." I didn't even try small conversation or polite greetings because it clearly wasn't a chance encounter, and I turned my best hostile look at him.
Though it all fell down with a sigh before he even replied, "I'm not imposing you anything. My car is just on the other side, and we go home whenever you want."
He didn't sound like a kidnapper. He didn't look like a kidnapper with his combed brown curls, his white shirt, and his trembling hands holding a bouquet of flowers, and although we were in the middle of the wood, in the middle of nowhere, I doubted kidnappers took you to some secret paradisiacal place.
"Still you got me trapped with the help of my mom." And mostly, it was inside my chest that I was stuck as he was holding my heart hostage with his earnest, almost cracking voice.
"I'm sorry, but I didn't find any other way. I just want to spend time with my– you." I didn't know who held their breath more during his second of hesitation on the word, but he could still talk, even if breathlessly, after, contrary to me.
"I'm just asking for a little moment. We don't have to talk about us, about what happened, or even talk at all," he rushed, taking my heart with each word in the same frantic pace, and as if it wasn't enough, he added, the corner of his lips lifting sheepishly, "I have pancakes."
That was one of the many downsides of dating your best friend, which I was discovering more and more. There should have been a warning before that he would have known me by heart, known every way to my heart, and that the weaved bonds couldn't be cut out that easily. He could even pull on all these strings we'd built together to reach there.
I may not have known him as well as I'd thought, but I could guess he'd got this idea after our shared laugh two days before. I'd let my guard down, and he was trying to aim for my heart again. Hadn't he understood there was already an empty hole there?
"Cold pancakes aren't good." I lifted my chin, trying to put all my poise in this argument because it was my only one.
"Who said they're cold?" He matched my lifted eyebrow, though his was coming with an irresistible smile, the same as the first time he'd asked me 'Wanna play with me?'.
Nothing much had changed in this easy grin. His row of pearly white teeth was just fuller, and his hand, although stronger, today, stopped above mine, hesitating before grabbing it with a shaking gentleness.
Yet I still let him lead me, blinded by the tickles in my stomach and my fingers, and they spread to my cheeks when we arrived after a few steps.
After all these years, he still managed to surprise me. Well, it wasn't exactly 'surprise', as it was more like an 'of course, this is so Spencer', but it felt the same as shock inside my chest.
He'd brought a camping stove, a pan, and every must-have for a perfect breakfast.
He'd really planned everything.
There were so many details. But more than the plaid blanket covered with bowls of blueberries, raspberries, cherries, jams, bags of chocolates, bottles of maple syrup, fruit juices, and many more my wide eyes hadn't taken in yet, I noted the fact that he'd found another way to come here.
Following the path of elms, we'd arrived near the waterfall, offering another perspective to the place while taking us back to three weeks ago. At least, it was the same place. Yet the morning sun created a different, clearer blue in the natural pool. The dew was illuminating delicately each flower, whose scent was more subtle, and everything until the shadows under his eyes appeared more fragile. I didn't even dare to look higher.
"Please, just a little breakfast... you and me."
'Dorothy and Spencer' had weakened too, and as if expecting my answer, the birds around grew quieter, unless it was just the thuds of my heart becoming louder?
"Fine," I grumbled, quickly lifting my index finger, and technically, also untangling my hand from his. "But only for the pancakes."
My lips pursed and my arms crossed, I sat down. Yet it didn't dim his smile as he nodded and rushed to the bowl of pancake batter like his life depended on it, making my expression falter.
Moist softness, sugary sweetness, and warm creaminess... after too many pancakes to count, I could feel my insides taking the same texture. There were the same bubbles in my stomach as in the fluffy circles cooking in the pan. My unwavering resolutions were dripping like the sirup on top, and despite the hint of bitterness – not in the ripe fruits though – the sweetness was taking over in my tastebuds and lower.
Spencer's pancakes were some of the best I'd ever tasted, with all due respect to my mom's cooking.
"Want another one?" He flipped the round pastry, revealing a golden face, and when he added some chocolate chips on top, I was as helpless as the dark dots melting quickly without even looking farther than the pan.
I'd in fact carefully avoided his eyes since I'd arrived.
"You know me." I handed him my empty plate with a proud grin, after having wiped my lips with a napkin like a lady, of course, even if I may have not been able to resist taking a bite before continuing, "You thought I would be full up with your large bowl?"
If I reckoned right, there was only batter left for one pancake, which Spencer would offer to share even though I had eaten the last two before.
"You know me better." He imitated my grin, leaning closer, and I swallowed hard my mouthful as his scent engulfed me.
Of course, I'd already perceived his spicy perfume the moment he'd appeared in front of me, but here, it seeped deeper than my nose and my lungs. There were the hints of his unique scent and the sugar from his breath, and also the warmth of his body closer and closer.
"I have more." Even if his gaze was still fixated on me, his hand had reached to open the full basket beside me, and I tried to pass the shaky breath I let out as a chuckle.
"That's what I call a real breakfast."
He'd kept his promise. He hadn't tried imposing me anything or explaining himself once. He didn't ask me anything else than being here, and he appeared already content with just sharing this moment, him and me.
"How much have you brought?"
"As much as I need to keep you here forever."
Okay, maybe I'd talked too soon about his words. Yet it didn't sound planned or forced. As he was pouring more batter in the pan next to the already formed pancake, it was genuine, maybe even mindless as his smile fell down into a hesitant 'O'. Though it was incredibly serious when he turned to me.
"Did my mom agree to this?" I opted to laugh it off, as I wasn't ready to break this light atmosphere and even less to dive with his words.
However, my light laugh was dragged down.
"I can arrange this."
My eyes flickered to the ring at my finger as his tone held something too solemn, but I was quick to avert my gaze away before he could catch it, focusing on the mesmerizing surroundings and the peaceful view of the waterfall.
"How did you even convince her? I'm strictly grounded at home these days."
Plus, last time I'd checked she had found another match to support. Though I wouldn't complain because if she had set the same trap with... A shiver ran down my spine at the thought, and I decided I had to be more careful, even with my mom.
"I gave her some gardening tips that I've found from one of my mom's old books in the garage. The best to get rid of aphids."
I inclined my head to the side. "That sounds plausible..."
Her daughter was tradable for anti-aphids. What would be my dowry?
"Do you have some more? I would really need it." I lifted hopeful eyes to him at the thought of my possible future, but his wince was probably the best image for my doom.
"Um, no, I don't think so... But I can look again?" He served me another pancake, and from the amount of sirup he added on top, it was clear it was hopeless.
"I don't think you need it with these puppy eyes as precious as gems, anyway."
My wide eyes were pulled out of their stare at the generous pancake. Was I that easy to read? Yes, especially for him, yet despite his knowing smile, I doubted my confused frown held anything puppy-like.
"You know it doesn't work with my parents." I didn't need to say more, and it was without thinking that I added, "And no puppy eyes would ever be enough for what I've done."
Had I said it? I hadn't revealed anything yet in my mutter, though as I fiddled with the fork in my plate, pricking a cherry and spreading a red mess on the pancake, the confession was already on my lips, and in the quietness of nature around, there was nothing to stop me.
"I did something bad."
His smile had fully disappeared, just like that calm certainty that had grown through the minutes here, and I looked up just in time to catch my words crashing on his features and tensing them all from his hand on the pan to... well, I didn't go farther than his bobbing Adam apple.
I didn't even know how he managed to swallow it all to form his silent 'what?'.
I could still back away; I had every reason to. Just his reaction was an argument, without even considering the obvious facts that he'd lied to me, betrayed me, and that I shouldn't trust him.
Yet nothing had been reasonable in what I'd done, and I would lose my mind completely if I didn't confess. I needed someone objective who wasn't settled in one side or the other of my shoulders.
Spencer was the only one. He'd always been the one to whom I could talk, the one to listen, and never judge.
Maybe I was just searching for rational arguments when the certainty was in the sheltered, fragile atmosphere of this place, the trees, the water, and the infinite sky staying unfaltering and keeping everyone's secrets for thousands of years, and the confession was as assured. Not even the meandering of cracks in my chest could divert it from its way to my lips.
"I've signed the college application papers in my parents' place." I closed my eyes, although I wasn't looking at Spencer, and it heightened every nuance in his reply.
"What?" It sounded nothing like the previous one; it was a gasp with the heaviness of a breath of relief in the start and the shallowness of shock in the end, all of this in one syllable. So when he continued with more breathless questions, more emotions added, "That's the bad thing you did? What– why? Didn't you try talking to them? What– did someone make you do this?"
Had he expected me to do worse? Or was it already the worst he wouldn't have expected from me?
I opened my eyes as his questions were putting more weight on my chest.
"No, I just..." Which question was I answering? I wasn't sure.
"I can never talk to them. My dad is rarely there, my mom never listens, and I tried I think but..." I sighed, trying to remember what had led me to this, except myself and my shitty instincts.
It wasn't that far actually; the powerlessness was always coming back one way or another.
"The other day when you brought me back the papers, I'd planned everything to talk, but the mayor was there, and you know how's my dad when it's about business. He was already bragging about my future secretarial studies, and then, Mr. Thornton offered to take me on for an internship, and it was sealed. Douglas was even discussing about working with me, and... I don't know... I didn't see any other possibility."
"What?!" Another 'what?', and even more emotions laced in the louder question mark, from shock to what I guessed as protectiveness.
Although my eyes were open, I didn't look anywhere else than my twisting fingers. "I know it's bad and... stupid. When Mr. Alexander, when my parents will find out, I won't even be allowed to do any study."
His shadow reached my hands, stopping their fiddling as he moved closer, and for the first time since I'd sat here, he broke his promise. He imposed me to do something as his fingers pulled softly under my chin, forcing my gaze to meet his.
"It's not stupid. Do you still want to study astronomy?"
"Of course! You know how much I love it."
He knew. I could glimpse all my endless conversations about the stars, the many starry skies we'd watched, and all the plans we'd prepared for our dream universities in the luminous shades of his eyes.
"Then you'll explain to them. Be honest, and they have to understand. There's no way you'll work for Douglas Thornton, the town hall, or anyone else than the NASA."
Here was Spencer and his beautiful words. He could make the impossible sound possible, within reach, and in front of his smile, it was my heart that was ready to reach through my ribcage.
"They don't believe the NASA or even science is for women, and nothing seems to change their mind." My smile was less bright, less wide, less confident, just like my hope.
"Maybe it will change their minds once you're accepted, and anyway, you're so brilliant that I have no doubt you'll get a scholarship!"
"There's a chance in a million, and even if I get one, it wouldn't cover all the expenses."
I had thought about it enough through my many sleepless nights, and I was always coming down to the same reality.
Yet here, Spencer's fingers weren't letting me look down from the shine in his eyes. "You'll find a way. I can help you. We'll find a way."
His promises were cracking one by one. He was imposing me to look in his eyes. He was talking about 'us', and I feared there might have been more to come. Yet I didn't want him to stop.
I was trapped with the softness of his touch and all the emotions he was pouring into his words; however, my chest was swelling slowly, the weight that has been burdening me for days lightening as if he was helping me carry it.
"When you have a dream, you fight for it. It's that, right?" It wasn't his words here, but he still held the same conviction, and it made me wonder about his own dreams.
Was he fighting for them? I didn't have the voice to ask him and even less the strength to hear the answer I'd already guessed.
"You're the most brilliant, kind, and passionate person I've ever met, and you have the talents to reach as far as the moon."
It could have sounded like a joke, but not through Spencer's soft lips, and I was tired of trying to reason it as I leaned closer.
"You deserve all the happiness and love in the universe," he breathed out like trying to rush all the words on his mind, although they were slower as I was inching closer and closer, and he wasn't imposing me anything in this instant.
He wasn't moving, and his fingers were like a feather under my chin, barely tickling my skin. I could say he was lulling me with his beautiful words, but no. I wasn't hearing them anymore over the loud bangs of my heart.
It was only his eyes, and all the happiness and love shining in them. It was so overwhelming that it went straight to the hole inside my chest to fill it as much as it had been three weeks before. It was the same teddy brown that had welcomed me all those years ago, and the same twinkling lights that had drawn me in for our first kiss.
The eyes were the window to the soul, and as much as I was boring into his, I didn't see anything else than pure love for me, echoing perfectly the words on his rosy lips.
My gaze was flickering between the two as that familiar warmth was invading me, his warmth, and I was taken back three weeks before with all the flutters of butterfly wings and melting sweetness.
Time stopped, or it was turning back; it didn't matter. There was only Spencer and Dorothy, and that inch away from the forever they'd tasted, a half-inch from our lips meeting.
However, the second I closed my eyes, the time warp was broken, and the last three weeks rushed behind my eyelids the same way people would see their life flash before their death. Well, my heart had stopped somewhere between the images of Diane on Spencer's naked body and the pair of crystalline eyes that I'd fallen asleep to last night, and I wasn't sure which one made my eyes snap open.
"DD..." The nickname fell from Spencer's slightly parted lips that were still ready to meet mine, and his eyes opened at the same time, as if, before even seeing me or hearing me utter a word, he could sense the storm happening inside.
His fingers were already trying to keep me here firmly, not by my chin though; they reached exactly in the empty space between the fingers of my left hand, and this light touch felt more violent as I jumped away.
"No, no... no, I can't." My voice may have been cracking, but my movements were more resolute as I quickly got up. "I'm not like you... I can't go and fool... No."
"I... you..." It almost sounded like a question, or maybe he was just searching for the 'us'.
But anyway, I answered with a relentless shake of my head. It seemed that it was the only thing I could do as I couldn't even let my gaze land anywhere. Looking at Spencer was impossible, yet catching sight of our perfect breakfast, of a flower, or the clear water was as torturing, and I didn't dare to close my eyes because of those flashes I'd seen.
"D–"
"I need to go home."
Worse than seeing all those screaming reminders, I feared watching them through a blur, and from the burning seeping through my cracking voice, I knew the tears were coming.
"It's not–" Something seemed to hold him back, surely his earlier promise as he resigned himself in a sigh, "Okay, the car is just behind like... last time." The waverings in his own voice resonated louder than the shuffling of what must have been the dishes he was putting away.
Yet I didn't stay for either. For once, I couldn't afford to be polite and help him, and I rushed to his car instinctively as I didn't look farther than the blur of grass under my feet.
I used this time alone to let out the tears with for only witness the silent surroundings. There weren't a lot of tears, just one or two sliding down my cheeks, but it took longer to dry them and build back my composure, and when he opened his car door, I'd barely managed to regulate my breathing. Well, it was only shallow breaths, the air permeated with his perfume not helping. Though I was already glad he didn't say anything as I knew the smallest word would suffocate me.
It would be a long ride.
It was a long ride, and if I'd already thought this the first time, here, it was endless, the silence stretching painfully each second the opposite way our mindless chatters could have shortened them, and it was a miracle I didn't crumble down under the tearing pull.
When the car finally stopped, I couldn't feel my hands anymore with how tight my fists were clenched, and I breathed a sigh of relief before even looking where we were.
He could have driven me anywhere actually, but he'd kept his words.
We were home, at least, what was supposed to be home, even if I didn't sense any comforting warmth at the sight of the white fence and two similar houses. My gaze didn't get to reach the tall oak tree though.
"DD..."
I snapped two wide eyes towards Spencer, hoping to make him keep his words, yet he was only gripping the square of paper in his hand.
"Um... I don't know if you've read any of my letters... I don't think so, right?"
I was back to shaking my head hopelessly.
"But please, I beg you to read this one." He advanced the envelope closer, his large hand shaking as if it was holding a tone, while the weight for me was of his gaze on me.
"I know you don't want to talk about it, but please, read this, and you'll understand everything. It's the only thing I'm asking you."
I hated my body for reacting as soon as the paper grazed my fingertips, my hand opening to take it and those tickles arising with the brush of his skin, and inside my chest, the reaction was almost the same with the urgency in his voice.
"Please read it."
"I'll think about it," I cut him off, my hand already on the handle as the same rush to run was climbing up my legs until my chest, carrying tears on its way.
That was all I could promise, and it would definitely be true; it would haunt my thoughts.
"Thank you."
I didn't try asking him for what, his shaky breath carrying once more too many emotions that followed me out of the car.
I hadn't done anything. I hadn't read the letter yet. Yet, I told myself as I looked down at the piece of paper I was gripping in my left hand.
The tickles from his touch were still lingering there, turning into curiosity in front of the fine letters forming the two familiar words 'For DD' on the envelope.
He'd sounded so hopeful, so promising that everything would be alright if I read this letter. Yet what this light envelope could contain to make things right miraculously, when Spencer and Dorothy and our sheltered moment hadn't managed to?
Because yes, my heart was still as broken, and if for a stilled instant, I'd believed it could be rebuilt as beautifully as before, it had quickly crumbled down in a bigger mess.
All those little pieces of broken heart were telling me to rip the envelope, some with the letter, some without. However, I didn't do anything yet, putting it on top of the unread, whole or tattered, letters in my wardrobe.
So right now, you probably hate me or love me, depending if you're a Dlade shipper or Spenthy shipper. Are there even Spenthy shippers? I think so after this chapter 😉😍
What do you think of this perfect breakfast with warm pancakes? 😋 And the almost-kiss? 😱🙈
And the letter? What can it contain that could change everything? Should Dorothy read it? 🤔
Let me know all your thoughts!!! And don't forget to vote ⭐ if you like the story so far!
All your notifications are my best motivation and inspiration 🤩🥰 I'm always doubting (and I did a lot last week) but your support means the world to me, and it's as magical as shooting stars 🌠😘 So thank you from the bottom of my little writer heart 💕