'When are you planning to tell Shahrukh?' Saif asked when he was with Kajol while they were walking in the street
'What? Have you gone mad? I can't tell him of course' Kajol said at once
'He would feel suspicious, and I feel like he will catch us at any second' Saif said and started looking right and left
'Saif don't scare me. Hey, what do you mean he will catch us?' Kajol asked feeling lost
'You, and me. Looking for his sister behind his back' Saif explained then shrugged
'We aren't doing something wrong; I am not telling him because he might not understand me or because we just haven't found her yet. That's why'
'That doesn't change the fact that we are doing that behind his back' he said
'Saif, shut up. I am already nervous and we aren't even close to finding her' Kajol said feeling disappointed 'we searched everywhere' she said sadly
'don't be sad, we will keep trying' Saif said kindly
'Yeah, so, what did Preity say when you told her about what we are doing?' Kajol asked
'She was very understanding and supporting. Which surprised me' Saif said sighed
'What do you mean?' Kajol asked furrowed her eyebrows
'Preity has been behaving strangely for a while, she is trying to hide it but I can still feel it'
Kajol cleared her throat 'Maybe it is the pregnancy, hormones and all' she said and shrugged
'I hope so' Saif said and gave a half-smile 'so, what did Rani say?'
'I didn't get the chance to talk to her about this issue yet, maybe tonight' she said
'Why Saif?' Rani asked calmly when Kajol was sitting in front of her over the bed in Rani's room
'Because he was very understanding from the very beginning, and because I am trying to treat him in a good way for you and Preity's sake. I don't want any of us to think of or even remember that day at the store room' Kajol explained 'and because I don't want to be the spoiled girl anymore' she added
'Kajol, I can't believe you still remember this, I apologized for like hundred times' Rani said blaming
Kajol sighed 'forget about that issue and focus about what I just told you' she said
'So, you are now feeling guilty, aren't you?'
'More than you think, it is killing me' Kajol said sadly
'Believe me, you had nothing in hand. Even if you told him; she would still run away' Rani said and shrugged 'and you knew about it by chance'
'But I should have told him anyway' Kajol said helplessly 'do you think Shahrukh will think the same as you?'
'I don't know, to be honest. You saw how I reacted when Preity did what she did. I mean; I don't know how would I would react if I was in his shoes, yet I don't want to be scaring you; maybe he will be very understanding. Who knows?'
'I don't know what to do'
'I pray you find her very soon' Rani said kindly 'that will fix a lot of things and you will be in a better state'
'I hope so' Kajol said then sighed 'By the way; I am not angry with you Rani, in fact; you were absolutely right when you called me spoiled girl' Kajol said smiling
'What?' Rani asked and felt confused
'Yes, you know why I am doing all this? Not only because of feeling guilty, it is because I am spoiled, I had no problems in my life or any responsibilities. I started looking for Amira to feel that I am doing something important in my life, something real. And anyway I have to pay for my sin'
'I don't know what to say, really' Rani said sadly
'let's put all this aside now and think about the baby shower party' she said and smiled
'Great idea' Rani said smiling
'Come on Preity, we made all the preparations, tell us; please' Shahrukh said when all were at Preity's house
'Okay. If you insist' Preity said then added 'Yes, I know the gender of the baby but I didn't want to talk about until after I give birth. But anyway, I have this little bottle of food coloring, I will put just one drop in the jar that is full of water. If it is pink; it is a girl and if it is blue...'
'A horse?' Shahrukh asked sarcastically
'Very funny. Shut up' Preity said jokingly 'if it is blue; it is a boy, obviously' she said
'Enough of that suspense, come on' Rani whined
Kajol started imitating the drums sounds and playing with her hands on the invisible drums, while everyone waited for Preity, the drop of food coloring fell in the jar filled with water and the transparent water turned into blue.
'It is a boy' all cheered and hugged Saif
Preity scoffed 'guys, I am the one who is pregnant' she said and giggled then all went and happily hugged her, then Saif kissed her hand and hugged her separately 'congratulations, sweetheart' he said smiling
'It is a boy as you wished' Preity said grinning
'So, as long as you know that he is a boy, did you think of a name?' Kajol asked
'Not yet, maybe we will in the next days. We still have some time' Preity said sweetly
'Meera and Shivan will be so happy with the baby; they are dying to play with him' Rani said happily
'Okay, now let's show her the presents' Shahrukh said happily and all got their gift bags and started giving it to Preity
'Nervous or happy?' Kajol asked Saif when they were in the house's garden as it was still noon and the weather was nice
'Happy, yet worried. It is a big responsibility after all' Saif said and sighed 'do you know that you are also the only one I can talk to without the fear of being misunderstood? Thank you so much Kajol, and thank you for the baby shower; I am sure it was your idea. I am not surprised that you remembered what I said' he said smiling
'I am glad to hear this' Kajol said with a big smile
'So, do you still have the energy for our mission?' Saif asked whispering
Kajol clicked her tongue and slouched 'I am really tired; it is taking so long with no result until now' she said in disappointment
'We are doing our best, don't feel bad' Saif said encouraging
Kajol gave him a half smile then gasped when Shahrukh wrapped his arms around her from the back, she sighed smiling nervously and kissed his cheek 'do you think he heard?' Kajol mouthed to Saif who just smiled silently
'Come and sit with us, don't you keep asking me to bring you to Preity's place?' Shahrukh asked
'I was having some time with Saif' Kajol said smiling
'don't you want to sit with Preity too?' Shahrukh asked calmly
'Yeah sure' Kajol said and nodded 'we just got engaged in a small talk, I am coming right away'
'So, what were you two exactly talking about? do you have any other ideas after the baby shower party?' Shahrukh asked
'Actually, I was thanking her for that idea, that was so kind of all of you guys, that really did help Preity very much' Saif said kindly 'look how happy she is'
'That's what friends for' Kajol said sweetly
'It is getting hot, isn't it? I will go bring a glass of water' Saif said and left them together
Kajol folded her arms before her chest then looked at Shahrukh 'you always talk to Preity and Rani in private and I never commented on that, why won't I speak to Saif too?'
'They are my cousins, and my friends too' Shahrukh said and shrugged
'And Saif is your friend and mine too now' Kajol said, walked away and left him outside, she entered the house and walked towards the kitchen 'do you have any wine?' Kajol asked when she saw Saif in the kitchen
'Yes, white wine or...'
'red' she said furiously interrupting him and sat at one of the chairs in the kitchen
'I will go get the bottle for you' Saif said calmly and went out of the kitchen, few seconds and he was back with the bottle, he opened it and poured for him and Kajol 'what happened? Jealousy issues?' Saif asked winking when he sat down in front of her
Kajol rolled her eyes 'shut up. I shouldn't have told you' she said and sipped
'You didn't, I am clever enough to notice that something is odd' he said and winked
'But don't take benefit of this, I am talking to you because I don't have a friend by my side'
'Lucky me' Saif said grinning and sipped 'so, did you start the preparations of the wedding?' he asked
'don't ask, I am so pressured these days. The wedding details, fighting with Shahrukh and the secret. I am super exhausted' she said and rest her head over her palm
'But it is worth it' Saif said kindly 'It is your dream coming true Kajol' he said encouraging
'Yes' she said smiling then their glasses clinked 'cheers' she said and both sipped smilingly
At night, Shahrukh and Kajol were in the balcony sitting in front of each other silently, Kajol was holding a glass of red wine and sipping without uttering a word since the entered the balcony
'It was a great party, isn't it?' Shahrukh asked breaking the silence
'Yeah, it was good for Preity, and Saif was really happy for that' Kajol finally said
'I hope you keep your creative ideas to our wedding from now on' Shahrukh said coldly
'Shahrukh, don't start' Kajol said calmly
'So now I am the one who wants to start a fight? Isn't that right?'
Kajol blew in boredom 'yes, it is you now who is starting a fight. You have been going angry a lot lately'
'And why I am angry in your opinion?'
'You have to stop acting like this, who are you going to be jealous of next? Shekar? The delivery guy or my car's mechanic?' she asked putting the glass on the floor in anger
'I am not a boy who is scared that someone might take his favorite toy, do you really think of me that way?' Shahrukh asked feeling disgusted
'Right, I am no one's toy, I am a human being. You have been acting very weird lately, even Saif noticed that, he is not stupid Shahrukh' Kajol snapped
Shahrukh chuckled 'thank god he can notice things going around him, I am surprised' he said sarcastically then he scoffed 'why are you on his side?'
Kajol stood up angrily 'I am not at anyone's side; I am really tired of speaking about this issue again and again'
'What makes you so sure that he changed? He asked wondering 'what do you see that I don't?
'Nothing!' she shouted 'I see nothing and am not sure of anything. We tend to believe that things are okay even if they aren't, didn't you say that?' she said sadly
'I don't see a valid reason to keep him so close to us' He stood up and said calmly
'I tend to believe that everything is okay, I want to believe that he changed, I want to believe that mom will leave us alone; because I am tired, I am sick of all of this. You don't know and you can't feel what is running inside my head or what I am actually feeling. These days are supposed to be the best days of my life and you just keep fighting with me and suspecting my love to you' Kajol said and burst out in tears, Shahrukh tried to hug her but she pushed him away furiously and stormed out of the balcony.
'Are you okay?' Saif asked when he and Kajol were standing in the street facing the sea with his car parked behind them 'you haven't been yourself lately and you are always silent'
'We have been doing this for so long, we looked everywhere but we can't find her' Kajol said sadly with tears forming in her eyes
'I don't want to upset you, and I really want to keep looking for her with you, but what if she wasn't in Mumbai at all?'
'Maybe that's why Shahrukh stopped looking' she said and looked at Saif 'I give up Saif, I will never find her' she said and started sobbing
'Okay, don't cry. We will keep looking for her, just don't cry' Saif said sadly
'I should have been passing these days with Shahrukh planning our wedding, but here I am, roaming the streets looking for something I will never find' she said sadly and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand 'take me home Saif'
'No, you can't go there like this, let's take you to Preity, maybe she will succeed in calming you down a bit' Saif said smiling kindly and Kajol nodded silently
Kajol has passed the days sitting alone and everyone respected that, even Poja; there was no need for Poja to interfere, she knew that the torment of conscience is enough for Kajol.
'If your mom saw what you are doing; she will kill you' Shahrukh said jokingly when he entered the sitting room, Kajol was lying on the couch with bare feet and a big glass of wine in her hand
'I don't care' Kajol said with no energy
Shahrukh kneeled next to the couch 'I am sorry Kajol; I didn't mean to be so mean at that day'
'okay' she said coldly 'now leave me alone'
'Come on Kajol, we haven't talked for many days now and I never stopped apologizing'
'Shahrukh, I respected your quality time before, when you were sad. Do you remember? Now I need to be alone' she said kindly
Shahrukh looked at the glass of red wine in her palm 'are you sure?'
'Yes. I need some time alone please' Kajol said and looked away, yet Shahrukh rest his head over the couch and kept looking at her, she looked back at him, rolled her eyes then smiled sadly, and placed her palm over his head. Tears rolled down her cheeks 'Shahrukh, go' she said nearly whispering. Shahrukh held her hand and kissed it then silently stood up and left while Kajol's tears kept rolling down her cheeks.
'Rani focus, I am talking here' Shahrukh said in boredom to Rani who was busy in the kitchen with cooking 'I don't know what is wrong with her these days, I apologized like hundreds of times now and she is still angry with me. I know I have been a little harsh'
Rani looked back at him raising an eyebrow 'A little?' she added 'from how I seen her, I don't think so'
'Okay, I was very harsh with her, but I apologized. I really didn't mean to make her that angry' he sighed sadly 'Rani!' he yelled felling annoyed
'I will be with you in a minute; give me one minute; okay?' she said and started stirring the food in the pot
'Can you just leave the cooking to Anarkali? I just don't understand why are you cooking anyway? Why don't we just call Anarkali's sisters to come and help her. We are settled now and everything is okay, why don't we just hire more maids?'
Rani turned off the cook and sat in front of Shahrukh 'you are ranting just like my children. Let the maid's issue be and tell me about Kajol. Here, I am all ears' she said surrendering
Shahrukh sighed 'What should I do with Kajol?' he asked calmly
'Well, I don't know what was your fight about and trust me I don't want to know. I am sure it is not your first fight; yet, you should give Kajol some time and both of you try to fight less. You are not kids anymore'
Shahrukh clicked his tongue 'Do I fight with her intentionally? She keeps doing just the opposite of what I want' he said feeling annoyed
'Shahrukh, Kajol is under a lot of pressure, the wedding planning, her mom and your fights. Try to understand; Kajol feels very sad and lonely these days'
'What? We go to Preity and Saif every now and then and she has you and me in this house' he said and shrugged
'She is doing so because she wants to feel busy with us and to not let the negative thoughts attack her' She explained yet he kept looking at her feeling lost so she spoke again 'You are her boyfriend and soon you will be her husband, remember what Kajol has done for you when you were feeling down; she was doing all her best to make you talk and share your sadness, you should do the same with Kajol; when she is ready to talk'
Shahrukh bit his lower lip 'Am I a terrible boyfriend?' he asked feeling embarrassed
'No, you just need to make some effort to make things work' Rani said smiling kindly
'So, if we understood each other more and stopped fighting, that will make her feel less lonely?'
Rani took a deep breath 'um, it is better to discuss that with her. She will explain it way better than me, after all; it is her pain' she said
'Can you just give me a hint?'
Rani rolled her eyes and chuckled 'Shahrukh, I don't want you to fight with me too' she said
'I promise I will be a good boy, come on. Tell me' he said calmly
She clicked her tongue and blew 'she misses your sister very much, after she left; Kajol started to feel that no one understands her anymore' she said surrendering
'I see'
'that's why she was angry at me earlier if you remember, all of us drew our attention to you when you were sad and we nearly forgot that she is sad too for what happened. And we all were on your side when she said no to you; and no one did know what was going on with her or how sad she already was. I hope it is clear now'
'Yeah. It is' Shahrukh said folding his arms in front of his chest sadly
'Kajol needs you by her side more than any time, please keep that in mind' Rani said placing her hand over his and he smiled silently
"Are you okay?" Kajol received a message from Saif when she was lying on her bed, she picked up the phone and typed back "I am fine"
"Don't you want to continue looking?"
"Forget about it Saif, Thanks for your time"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes"
"aren't you coming to us any soon?"
"I have no idea; Rani might come by; I am not sure that I need to see anybody"
"I understand. No problem, take your time"
'Thanks, Saif ^_^"
She sent the last message, turned off her phone and closed her eyes to sleep, she heard a knock on the door but she ignored it and turned her back to the door. The door was opened and she heard footsteps coming towards her.
'Kajol' Shahrukh said calmly
'I am sleeping' she said with closed eyes
'I know you aren't'
She furrowed her eyebrows, still closing her eyes 'I have no energy to fight with you, just leave me alone'
'Who said that I am her to fight?' he asked calmly
'You seem to enjoy doing so lately' she said still closing her eyes
Shahrukh kneeled in front of her 'You are that angry that you don't want to see my face?'
'yes', she said and nodded
'Even my nose?'
Kajol was about to burst out laughing but she controlled it and bit her lower lip, she opened her eyes and sat up 'what do you want?' she asked helplessly
'I missed those beautiful eyes' he said and sat in front of her
'Those eyes have been full of tears in the previous days, thanks to you' she said coldly
Shahrukh held her hand, she pulled it away but her pulled it back to him again gently 'I am sorry Kajol, I am the worst boyfriend ever. I shouldn't have talked to you like this. I really didn't mean to make you feel bad or suspect your love to me'
'Don't worry, we won't be fighting again about that issue because we won't go to Saif and Preity ever again; if that what you like. You know what? Why don't you just put me in a cage like birds to feel more reassured that I am not going anywhere?' She said coldly
'Kajol, sweetheart. I am really sorry; I didn't mean to make you feel like this. I am really sorry that I wasn't understanding how lonely and sad you are. Please forgive me, I really don't like fighting with you'
'Neither do I, Shahrukh. I am extremely sad and drained, I feel like I have been screaming inside a soundproof room, nobody knows that I am screaming' Kajol said with tears rolling down her cheeks
'I am really sorry that you are feeling so, I really hate it when you are away from me'
'I really hate it too, Shahrukh' she said and both hugged
'I really missed you. From now on I won't talk about me, I will listen to only what you want to say' he said pulling back and wiping her cheeks with his thumbs
'I won't be selfish; we will both listen to each other and understand each other more' she said kindly and he hugged her again
'don't you want to show me what you choose from the magazines?' he asked when he pulled back
'I didn't get the time to choose, let's choose together; it is your wedding too'
'okay'
'I will go and wash my face; the magazines are over the desk' she said and got off the bed and walked towards the bathroom. She got in, opened the tap, she washed her face and rubbed her eyes to remove the signs of crying. She turned off the tap and looked at her reflection in the mirror 'now what?' she asked herself. Will she just go with the flow, and forget the past days like they never happened? Can she lie to the man she loves and act like she has done nothing?
'Kajol' Kajol heard her name being called when she got off her car when she was on her way to the gym
'Saif! What are you doing here? How did you know that I would be here?' she asked feeling surprised
'Shahrukh has told me once that you go to the gym and said its name. I searched on it on google maps and here I am' Saif said smiling 'where have you been? Why aren't you answering my calls?'
'I was... um busy' she said calmly
'What is going on? Aren't we friends?' Saif asked
'Yes Saif, we are'
'Why are you ignoring me then?'
'Why are you after me?' Kajol asked coldly
'Oh, okay. I got it. Shahrukh doesn't like it, am I right?' Saif asked and scoffed
'I don't want any problems with Shahrukh anymore' Kajol said in boredom 'try to understand that please'
'So that's it?'
'I really have nothing in hand'
'I am sorry I called you a friend. I have been roaming the streets with you to find your friend and that's how you say thank you?' Saif said in disgust 'I pray you never find her, I am not surprised that she could run away, you aren't anyone's friend' he said furiously and walked away
'Saif, wait' Kajol called but in vain 'damn it' she said under her breath
When Kajol went back home and entered her room, she picked up her mobile phone "I am sorry Saif, for everything" she texted and sent that message then put her mobile phone back to her bag and threw it at her bed. She thought about what happened earlier with Saif. The man was giving her a hand and she just treated him like garbage. Along with her being the main reason her best friend ran away and remembering Saif's words; she started questioning her sincerity 'Am I a terrible friend for real?' she asked herself.
She sat to her desk and turned on her laptop. As she won't have the courage to write in her diary ever again or discuss what hurts her freely with anyone; she decided to join an online writing workshop. It was the only way she can escape reality and take a break from time to time of the preparations. It is funny as it was Poja's idea anyway. Kajol decided to put all her pain, loneliness, fear, nervousness and anger in stories; or that she would explode.
'This is the fifth hall we check for today and you haven't decided yet' Shahrukh whined
'The halls really look different from how they looked in the pictures; it is hard to decide' Kajol said feeling annoyed
'Can we continue on any other day. I am really tired' Shahrukh said to Kajol feeling exhausted
'You kept ranting that you are the only one who cares and the only one pushing our relationship, and once I started showing interest in the preparations you stepped back' Kajol said in boredom
'I didn't step back; I am just tired' he said and shrugged
'Let's wait for Rani to come back from the bathroom and ask her about her opinion'
'Oh, here she comes, finally' Shahrukh said and sighed
'How is it going? Did you like it?' Rani asked Kajol when she reached them
'I don't know, I can't make a decision. I feel so confused' Kajol replied
'How many halls are on your list to check?' Rani asked
'50' Kajol replied and shrugged, Shahrukh grabbed a chair and sat down 'hey buddha (old man), I told you that I still need to go to the mall to buy new clothes' Kajol commented
'Now I figured out why weddings' preparations take that much time' Shahrukh said and sighed helplessly
'Next time I am taking Rani only' Kajol snapped
'that's a severe punishment, please take me with you' Shahrukh said sarcastically
Rani grabbed a chair and sat down as well 'why don't you just buy what you want online?'
Kajol nearly dropped her jaw 'what has happened to you guys? How old are you?' she asked in boredom
'It has been a long day Kajol' Rani whined
Shahrukh giggled 'what did you say about taking rani with you?' he asked sarcastically
'Fine guys, we would call it a day. But can we just not go home directly? Let's take a cup of coffee or something' Kajol said suggesting
'okay' Rani said
'I really need a strong cup of coffee, finally a good idea' Shahrukh approved
'Thank you' Kajol said and exhaled loudly 'let's go. I know a good place in the mall next to us' she said an all left, the mall was really close so they didn't take time to reach it. They walked in and headed towards the café Kajol suggested
'What would you drink?' Shahrukh asked when he sat down
'You both order and I will go check the stores' Kajol said giggling 'you are really easy to deceive' she said happily and ran away
'I can't believe you' Rani said in boredom and Shahrukh rolled his eyes silently
Kajol kept checking the stores and looking at the different colors and sizes of clothes, she kept getting in and going out from the stores and going from one fitting room to another until she went out with a lot of bags. She heard her mobile ringing; she grabbed it out of her bag and picked up.
'Yes, Rani' Kajol said in boredom
'Why are you taking so much time? An hour has already passed' Rani asked
'Fine, I am coming' Kajol replied 'I will be in front of you in a minute' she said and hung up. As she was walking; her eyes got fixed at one of the galleries in the mall. She saw a girl with a long, black curly hair; she was standing with her back to Kajol so she couldn't see her face clearly. Kajol walked quickly towards the gallery, once she got in; she put all her bags to the ground and walked towards the girl.
'Amira' Kajol called but the girl didn't respond as she was wearing her ear pods 'Amira' Kajol shouted and pulled the girl's hand to grab her attention
'You said you would be here in a minute. What did you stop for to buy?' Rani asked when Kajol arrived, Kajol just sat down silently 'what is wrong?'
'Where is Shahrukh?' Kajol finally asked
'He went to buy a wrist watch, one comes and one goes. I think we will sleep at the mall' Rani said joking but she stopped when she noticed how nervous Kajol is 'Why do you look so pale? What happened? Did someone annoy you?'
'Call him, and let's go home please' Kajol said with no energy 'we will talk later'
'As you wish' Rani said kindly and picked up her phone and called Shahrukh; few seconds and he showed up
'Are you finally ready to go?' Shahrukh asked
'yeah' Kajol said standing up and they all left
'Amira' Kajol called but the girl didn't respond as she was wearing her ear pods 'Amira' Kajol shouted and pulled the girl's hand to grab her attention, the girl gasped suddenly and turned back to Kajol, the girl was startled
'What the hell is wrong with you?' The girl asked angrily removing her ear pods
'I am extremely sorry. I really didn't mean to scare you' Kajol said apologizing
'So, what was all that for you crazy woman?'
'You just looked like someone I know, I apologize once again' Kajol said feeling embarrassed, she grabbed her bags and went out of the gallery quickly
'I startled a stranger Rani; it was so embarrassing' Kajol said feeling annoyed when Rani was with at Kajol's room
'What made you so sure that this was Amira?'
'Same height, same long black and curled hair and she was in a gallery' Kajol explained
'Was she the only girl in the country with black long curly hair?'
'I don't know Rani; I think I am going crazy'
'Kajol, you need to calm down or Shahrukh would notice' Rani said advising
'I don't know what to do, there has to be a way to get rid of all that guilt' Kajol said sadly 'there has to be a way, or I will go crazy for real'