After what felt like years, sat on the grass, sobbing over the loss of the greatest things that I had ever had a hand in creating, the others had returned inside to the warm and Steve eventually carried me in, too.
Tears still trickling down my cheeks, Steve propped me up in a wheelchair while my shock merged into absolute, but contained, despair.
He kneeled down on the floor in front of me as tried to think of anything but reality as it was too difficult to bear. He placed his head down lightly on my lap as his tears seeped through my trousers.
I couldn't imagine how horrible it must have been for him to know that they were gone for 22 days longer than me and processing that alone and not knowing if I was ever going to make it back.
I bowed my head down, on top of his and smoothed my frail arms over his broad back as I snivelled, hoping to never physically let go of him out of fear of him slipping away like everyone else.
We held each other for what I wished had been longer before there was a light knock on the door and Bruce popped his head out from behind it and without either of us inviting him in, he slowly crept in, followed by Nat. Both of them not knowing what to say. What do you say to people who have their children wiped from existence without warning?
Silently, Nat crouched down on my right, peeling my hand from Steve and held it with a comforting look, her thumb lightly rubbing my palm, but my energy was depleting more and more and I could barely alter my expression or shed another tear, though I was sure there were more to come no matter what.
Bruce then took my other hand, prompting Steve to lean back onto his heels as Bruce carefully placed and IV in my arm, probably something to help heal me and reverse the damage of the last 22 days.
I couldn't help but think how much I had failed my babies. I was supposed to fight for them. I was supposed to give them the best lives I could, but I fought as hard as I could and it wasn't enough to save them.
If I could wish for anything right now, it would be that Steven had never stopped me killing Thanos. If I had traded my life for theirs, I would be completely content with the life I had lived but now I was stuck with the voice in my head reminding me for eternity that I had failed my family.
I heard an indistinct mumble from Bruce, prompting Nat to let go of my hand and stand up. As she was about to leave, she grazed her hand along my arm, before following Bruce out the door.
Steve then slowly climbed to his feet, his hand refusing to abandon my touch as he reached for a small first aid kit. He pulled out a few instruments before sitting down on a stool and started to clean the oozing wounds over my arms and necks, before fixing them with gauze. I could feel the stinging of the disinfectant pouring over the blisters, but it was incomparable to the stinging in my heart.
My throat ached, begging to release the pain I was experiencing as Steve started to clean out a poorly healed cut across the bridge of my nose. My lip trembled as I tried to contain it while he dabbed the cut with a small ball of cottonwool.
"I tried so hard." I shuddered as he stopped, putting the utensils down and scooted closer, his hand gliding through my matted hair and holding my head.
"So did I." He murmured, sounding just as defeated.
"But I wasn't strong enough." I whimpered as a tear trickled amongst the disinfectant coating my nose.
"Neither was I." He sighed, our eyes locking and sharing our mutual heartache. "I've missed you so much." He cooed, his hand shaking slightly as it brushed through my hair, separating the knotty strands.
"I've missed you more." I smiled sadly as he leaned in slowly and planted a delicate kiss on my untouched and longing lips, before slumping back on the stool.
I left my spindly hand on his cheek, admiring all his features before tucking a loose strand of his longer hair behind his ear. I couldn't deny that I didn't miss the beard, but I was just glad to be back in his arms.
My hand limply slid down to my lap as my expression turned sour as I remembered that Thanos was still out there and I had more of a reason to kill him now, than ever before.
"What is it?" He asked, noticing my bitter expression as the fluids from Bruce's IV had started to take effects and I began feeling a little stronger.
"He is still out there." I grumbled through gritted teeth.
If Thanos was alive after using the stones, he would be much weaker, and it would be easier to take them from him and use them to bring everyone back.
"What do you want to do?" He asked me, seeming a little worried that I wasn't up to the task considering my current state, but I had to prove to him that I was strong enough to save our family.
"I want to kill Thanos." I sneered determinedly while his eyes darted between my features, searching for a reason to not let me go.
"Do you feel strong enough to speak with the others?" He asked tenderly, his hand resting on my thigh as I glared straight ahead, trying to come up with a way to locate the Titan and introduce him to death.
I nodded, biting down on my cheeks as he stood up and started to wheel me through the compound and into a room where everyone else was gathered around a table with a holographic display that was displaying rotating images of the people that had perished.
He rolled me next to a table before leaning against it but staying close enough that he kept my hand in his grasp and I looked around the room, seeing Tony sat in another wheelchair, next the Rhodey.
Nat offered me a supportive smile as I looked past her to the kitchen and thought about how hungry I was. I spotted Rocket sat on a little bench near the fridge as he squinted at me, trying to recognise my worsened appearance.
I glanced at the table and spotted a few empty bowls and unfinished card games, leading me to think that while Tony, Nebula and I were milling about in the ship, doing very little, these guys weren't doing much more.
I looked past the table and noticed a woman that seemed a little familiar, but I definitely hadn't met. I concluded that she must be the woman that rescued us, but my brain was hardly functioning so that theory was unreliable.
Shifting as if she had too much energy, the woman stepped away from the table momentarily, allowing me to look past her and see my brother, bundled up on a bench, looking almost as angry as I did.
I tried to catch his eye, but he didn't break his stare from the floor and I couldn't help but feel a little dejected even though I understood his feelings as they were most likely mirroring my own.
I had been avoiding looking at the hologram. I didn't want to find out all the other people that had been lost, but I felt Steve's touch tighten, causing me to look up and see Bucky's face displayed next to Steven's, making my blood run hotter.
"It's been 23 days since Thanos came to Earth." Rhodey informed Tony and I as the pictures changed, showing Erik Selvig and Sam and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.
I also spotted a picture of Sharon Carter which prompted and involuntary scoff to escape my lips, but Nat was the only one to notice.
"World governments are in pieces. The parts that are still working are trying t take a census and it looks like he did..." She added, drifting off as more faces appeared.
Wanda's face appeared, further lengthening my list of lost friends. Scott then appeared next to Maria Hill alongside a man I didn't recognise. I hoped the pictures would flip back to the ones I had already seen as I didn't want to know of anyone else who had been snapped away.
But then Peter Parker's face flashed up in front of Tony as his face fell and I remembered Peter's haunting pleads to not be taken. He was then followed by Shuri and T'Challa as I shook my head gently, not believing that they were all actually gone.
"He did exactly what he said he was gonna do. Thanos wiped out... 50% of all living creatures." Nat continued as the faces appeared and disappeared as quick as they had in real life.
I caught a glimpse of Nick Fury's eyepatch and the woman who rescued us's face hardened and I figured that he could have been her connection to us and why she saved our lives.
Nothing could have prepared me for seeing the adorable grins of my children's faces appear in front of me. They were smiling like someone had made a joke and my throat felt like it filled up with grit and I couldn't swallow or spit it out.
Nat quickly leaned over the table and turned off the hologram, but I had already seen enough.
My hand slipped out of Steve's and crunched up in a fist, pressed to my forehead as I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that I wouldn't see anymore but their innocent smiles were tattooed on my brain.
I felt Steve shift behind me, and his hand started to smooth down my back as I tried to not let my internalised despair crumble like an avalanche.
There was an uncomfortable silence, the only sound I could hear for a few seconds was the dripping from my IV. The liquid dripping down the tube to be injected into my ghostly skin, and I hoped it would make me capable of helping fix this disaster.
"Where is he now? Where?" Tony broke the stillness, and I reopened my eyes, searching their faces for hope or an answer.
"We don't know. He just opened a portal and walked through." Steve informed him and I sighed, my faith eroding as each wave crashed into it, tearing away more and more and I wondered how long it would be before it finally caved in, and I had nothing left to hold onto.
Tony sighed, frustrated, before his eyes flitted to my brother who had probably memorised every vein, crack and callus with the time he had spent staring at his hands.
"What's wrong with him?" He asked, and Thor's eyes finally departed from his hands as they grinned against each other, representing the angry clogs turning in his brain.
"I was wondering the same thing." I mumbled, barely audible but he managed to notice and looked at me through his eyebrows.
I was firstly surprised by the fact he was finally present in the room, but secondly by the fact he had two eyes now. They were both different colours and the whites surrounding them had been tainted by red.
"Oh, he's pissed. He thinks he failed. Which, of course, he did, but, you know, there's a lot of that going around, ain't there?" Rocket answered, catching Tony's attention as he hadn't realised he was even there and was probably trying to understand how he was speaking to him.
"Honestly, until this exact second, I thought you were a Build-A-Bear." Tony remarked as Thor trailed his eyes back to his fists.
"Maybe I am." Rocket replied, sounding overly bored by comments on his appearance.
"We've been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep space scans and satellites..." Steve started, his hand still stroking up and down my back.
"And?" I asked, my hand releasing its fist and falling to my lap as I held my breath for his answer.
"We got nothing... You guys fought him." He admitted and I sighed into further disappointment.
"Who told you that? I didn't fight him. No, he wiped my face with a planet while the Bleeker Street Magician gave away the store. She fought him. She did a damn good job too, before the same guy stopped her." He exasperated sarcastically
"I nearly had him. Before the asshole started fighting against me." I sneered.
"Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?" Steve asked hopefully and I shook my head sadly while Tony spluttered in denial.
"I saw this coming a few years back. I had a vision. I didn't wanna believe it. Thought I was dreaming." Tony started.
"Tony, I'm gonna need you to focus." Steve asked him but I could see his frustration tipping over the edge.
"And I needed you. As in, past tense. That trumps what you need. It's too late, buddy. Sorry. You know what I need? I need a shave. And I believe I remember telling all youse..." He raised his voice, knocking a glass over and standing up before ripping out the needles sticking in his arms.
"Tony, Tony!" Rhodey tried to stop him and get him to sit down but Tony was on a rampage and yelled over him.
"Alive and otherwise, that what we needed was a suit of armour around the world. Remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not. That's what we needed." He spat at Steve as he stepped out from behind me to face Tony properly.
"Well, that didn't work out, did it?" He replied, crossing his arms over his chest, trying to suppress his own frustration.
"I said we'd lose. You said, 'We'll do that together, too.' And guess what, Cap? We lost. And you weren't there. But that's what we do, right? Our best work after the face? We're the 'Avengers'. We're the 'Avengers', not the 'Pre-vengers.' Right?" Tony rambled erratically, his breath shaky before he lunged forward, towards Steve before Rhodey grabbed him.
"Okay. You made your point. Just sit down, okay?" He ordered but Tony was deaf to anyone but his own thoughts.
"No, no, here's my point. You know what? She's great by the way. We need you. You're new blood." He pointed at the new woman as he started to stagger over to Steve. "We're a bunch of tired old mules. I got nothing for you, Cap. I got no coordinates... no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero. Zip. Nada. No trust, liar." He snapped before tearing off his chest piece.
"Here, take this. You find him, you put that on, you hide." He panted after slapping the gadget into Steve's hand, never breaking his glare.
He then tumbled to the floor and Rhodey and Steve clambered to catch him, grabbing his arms.
"I'm fine. Let me..." Tony grunted as the others let go and he fell to the floor, his limbs flailing at his sides. I tried to jump out of the chair to help but Nat stuck her hand on my chest, pushing me back in the chair as Steve picked Tony's smaller body and put it back in the wheelchair and Bruce rolled it out of the room urgently.
I tried to stand again, feeling better than I did a few minutes ago, to follow the others as they chased after Bruce and Tony, but I felt Steve push down on my shoulder gently while telling me to 'Stay down' with his eyes.
I wanted to ignore his pleas and prove to everyone that I wasn't fragile and broken and that I could still help, but my legs trembled slightly under the pressure of my body, so I slumped back in the chair, reluctantly.
Nat then returned with a wooden bowl and a spoon and stuck it out to me with a small smile. "Eat." She demanded and I couldn't help but get a tiny bit excited to fill my stomach, even if the world around us was falling apart.
I took the bowl and started rapidly shovelling the warm, gooey oatmeal into my mouth, not allowing even a drop to miss my mouth as I needed every molecule of sustenance in order to finally beat Thanos.
"Slow down, or we will see that again really soon." She ordered with a dry chuckle as I rolled my eyes and slowed down, just a little.
Even though the flavours were simple, my taste buds revelled in the arrival of food after being deprived of it for three days. Even the warmth sliding down my throat and into my stomach was a small comfort.
But not even a smidge of joy was dampening my determination to fix this. I was becoming more and more impassioned the better I felt and as soon as I could, I had to get out of here and hunt a Titan.
Distracted by the food, I had hardly noticed Steve wheel me through the compound to outside a room where Bruce was tending to Tony and Pepper and Rhodey were sat at his side.
"What happened to Vision?" I asked between scoops.
"Thanos pulled the stone out of his head, in front of Wanda." Nat informed me and I grimaced at the thought.
"God. That is going to be crushing for her." I sighed sadly, starting to swipe the remnants from the sides of the bowl with my finger.
"What do you mean? She's gone too." Nat questioned, sounding confused.
"When we get the stones and bring them all back." I replied bluntly licking the goo from my fingers.
"But Theia-" Steve tried to reason but the only chance I had of a normal and happy life was that the stones were out there, and we could use them to bring everyone back as if nothing had happened.
"No. We are bringing everyone back. I don't want to hear a single pessimistic thought. We have to have hope." I interrupted him, my voice trembling with urgency before I took a deep breath, trying to calm down.
Before I could get more stressed about it, Rhodey walked through the sliding door. "Bruce gave him a sedative. He's gonna probably be out for the rest of the day."
"You guys take care of him, and I'll bring him a Xorrian elixir when I come back." The new girl announced bossily before walking back into the other room, nothing stopping her.
"Where are you going?" Steve asked as we watched her.
"To kill Thanos." She deadpanned as if it were the easiest thing and just an errand she had to complete.
I looked between Nat, Steve and Rhodey, a little shocked by her proactive thinking. Even I thought we would take a few more hours before attacking and at least figuring out where he was, but if this girl was ready, so was I.
I hopped out of the chair, peeling the wires and needles from my skin and chased after her, pretending I didn't see any dark spots clouding my vision.
"Hey, I already coined that one." I panted while chasing her, now being followed by the others.
"As long as he's dead, does it matter?" She sighed, not turning back to face me as I tried to catch up with her.
"Yes." I yelled after her and she stopped, swishing her long blonde hair. "He killed my brother, a lot of my friends and my children. Believe me, I need this." I stressed; my eyes widened manically.
"Hey. You know, we usually work as a team here, and uh, between you and I, morale's a little fragile." Nat called after her, hoping to get her to work with us but she seemed like a one-woman-show kind of hero.
"We realise up there is more your territory, but this is our fight, too. Theia... please, sit down." Steve insisted, softening his tone as he put his hands down on my shoulder and tried to guide me to a chair, but I shirked them off, tired of being treated like a piece of glass.
"If she's going, I'm going." I snapped at him and could instantly see the hurt in his eyes. I didn't mean it, but he would not be the one to stop me right now.
"You even know where he is?" Rhodey asked her, leaning against the door frame.
"I know people who might-" She explained before Nebula appeared, out of the shadows, and interrupted her.
"Don't bother. I can tell you where Thanos is." She grumbled in her robotic voice.
Steve glanced at me, asking if we could trust her and I shrugged, figuring she would be our best chance, being the daughter of the guy we were trying to kill and we didn't have any other leads.
His eyes then moved from me to a nearby chair, requesting that I sit in it, but gentler and my iciness melted slightly, and I sat down, earning a relived smile from him before he kissed the top of my head and stood beside me while Nat and Rhodey rounded the others up to listen.
"Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. And when he worked, he talked about his Great Plan. Even disassembled, I wanted to please him. I'd ask... 'where would we go once his plan was complete?' And his answer was always the same. 'To the Garden'." Nebula explained, with undetectable expressions.
"That's cute. Thanos has a retirement plan." Rhodey chipped in as I listened in disbelief. I just couldn't believe that after wrecking the universe, Thanos thought it would be a nice time to kick his feet up and soak up the sun.
"So, where is he?" Steve asked as Rocket hopped up on the table and activated the hologram again.
"When Thanos snapped his fingers, Earth became ground zero for a power surge of ridiculously cosmic proportions. No one's ever seen anything like it." He explained, as the Earth appeared, showing what happened when Thanos snapped his fingers. "Until two days ago... on this planet."
The display then shifted through galaxies and ended up showing a planet labelled 'Planet 0259 - 5' that had the same effect of the snap.
"Thanos is there." Nebula agreed as Nat leaned in, getting a closer look.
"He used the stones again." She concluded as I leaned forward in the chair and watched the ripple of energy roll over the planet.
"What are we waiting for? Let's go." I urged and the new girl offered me a tiny smile.
"Hey, hey, hey. We'd be going in shorthanded, you know?" Bruce tried to reason, but as far as I was concerned, this was our opportunity, and we had to take it.
"Look, he's still got the stones, so-" Rhodey added before the woman jumped in.
"So, let's get 'em. Use them to bring everyone back." She commanded.
"Just like that?" Bruce doubted.
"Yes. Just like that." I affirmed, completely sure that we could do this.
"Even if there's a small chance that we can undo this... I mean, we owe it to everyone who's not in this room to try." Nat tried to convince the others.
"If we do this, how do we know it's gonna end any differently than it did before?" Bruce questioned, confirming my theory that these guys had just as much of a fight as we did, if not more.
"Because before you didn't have me." The woman answered, rather arrogantly, but she was right. She did seem significantly powerful considering she managed carry us, in a ship, travelling thousands of lightyears.
"Hey, new girl? Everybody in this room is about that superhero life. And if you don't mind my asking, where the hell have you been all this time?" Rhodey scrutinised her with a fair point.
"There are a lot of other planets in the universe. And unfortunately, they didn't have you guys." She replied, making me wonder how many planets were without any heroes and how much they could possibly need them.
Thor then jumped up from his chair, slamming down his bowl and marched over to the woman, looking rather livid. He stopped just in front of her, staring her down, but she didn't seem the least bit intimidated.
He then struck out his hand, as if calling his old hammer and a massive axe flew into his hand, whipping past the girl, her hair fluttering with the force.
I guess he had been successful on Nivadellir and had managed to get himself a new 'hammer'.
Instead of swinging at her, he dropped it to the floor and rested his hands on top of it, seeming satisfied by her reaction. "I like this one." He grunted in approval, still picking bits of food from between his teeth with his tongue.
The woman smiled back at him, and I slowly raised from the chair and walked towards Steve who hand his hands placed firmly on the table. I smiled at him with as much hope as I could.
"Let's go get that son of a bitch." He ordered before glancing at me with a hint of worry that I instantly flushed away.
"Now that is more like it." I nodded determinedly, ready to defeat the odds and bring everyone back, ready to make the impossible possible.