The next two days after I had gotten to know Joe passed without other incidents. I hadn't seem him once but instead, I had almost all my courses with Anna and also some with Janne, Freya and Hilla. As expected, the girls talked a lot during the lectures and especially in the breaks, whereas I stood next to them and listened. I didn't see a reason to say something because we didn't have any topic we all could talk about and thus, I listened to them talking about parties, TikTok trends and other topics I wasn't interested in. Sometimes I wondered why I even spent time with them because it didn't take me any further, neither was it good for my mood. Well, probably it was because of Anna because she was the best friend I had here in Helsinki. And one rather good friend is better than no friend, right?
At the moment, we were having lunch break. While sitting around the huge table and having lunch, Freya started talking about concerts, she so badly wanted to go to. I had never been to any concert and til a few months ago, I hadn't been interested in going to one. I never understood the hype about gigs and why you'd listen to music which is extremely loud while being surrounded by hundreds or even thousands of people.
However, now that I had kinda dived into this rock, nu metal and also violent pop scene, I somehow wanted to go to a gig at least once. I suddenly saw the point that it must be an amazing experience to listen to a band live with many other people who loved the band as much as you did. Probably that's a unique experience connected with so many emotions. Hearing songs that mean a lot to you live must feel even more touching than listening to them alone in your room, I thought. Even though I could have said that I understood Freya's wish, I didn't join the talk. I couldn't exactly tell why but probably it was again the fear of telling something about myself.
Since I wasn't interesting in hearing more about how much Freya adored Harry Styles, I quickly went on Instagram to check if Niko had posted a story or a new picture. I truly missed this man and used every chance I had to text him or at least look at some pictures of him. Suddenly I had an idea. Maybe I could check if Joe had Instagram and find out something about him by reading what he wrote about himself in his biography. Quickly, I typed in „Joe Cotela" and I actually found a profile that seemed to belong to him because I could recognize the man on the picture.
As I typed on the profile and looked at the biography, I was confused. Well, the emoticon of a bike and a biceps made sense, he truly seemed to be athletic judged by his big muscles, he looked like a beast. But why was there a rainbow flag?! Was this man gay?! But why then did he talk to me in a way that sounded like flirting to me?! Was it just the way he talked to everyone and it didn't mean anything? Not that I wanted to be in a relationship with him, I still was in love with Niko, but of course I liked the thought of such an attractive guy flirting with me. Confused, I turned off my phone and concentrated on eating my last piece of pizza.
But before I could take my last few bites, I suddenly felt a pair of hands on my shoulders. „Hey cuties", a man's voice said and after thinking for a second, I could identify the person the voice belonged to as Joe. „Hey Joe", my friends immediately answered and smiled at him. Apparently they also had lectures with him, because why else should they know him? „Hey", I said quietly after everyone else had greeted him. „How are you?", he asked and sat down on the chair next to me, now he was looking at me. Was he talking to me or to all of us?
Since nobody else responded but they instead came back to their old topic, he apparently actually talked to me. „Quite good, what about you?", I told him my obligatory answer. I always said I felt quite good, even when I didn't feel good at all. Only very few people knew how I truly felt and I didn't want to change that. Telling the truth would only give people I couldn't trust a chance to hurt me. „Glad you feel good. I'm fine, too. I'm having a busy week with all this university stuff I have to get used to but otherwise I'm good. Got to know very nice people", he grinned at me.
We talked for a while until eventually it was time to leave the canteen and go to university again. „What's your lecture now?", Joe asked while walking out of the tall building the canteen was located in. „I don't have a lecture now. Usually I wouldn't have a course now but I decided to take the chance to participate in this kind of internship where you can practice talking to patients", I explained and saw a smile appearing on Joe's face which made him look even better. This man was truly attractive and honestly, I didn't mind him flirting with me. Or at least talking to me in a way that sounds like flirting to my ears.
„Oh, I participate in that, too! That means we spend more time together than only that one lecture. What good news for this boring morning!", Joe grinned and seconds later, I could feel myself blushing. Together, we walked to the building and after a few minutes, we also found the correct hall. A few other students had arrived already and I also saw people who looked like actors who took the role of a patient. „Well, that's gonna be interesting. I'm good at talking to people but when there are so many people watching me talking to a patient for the first time and judging my way of talking, that can be difficult", Joe admitted while looking around, probably trying to find out if anyone looked to mean. „I hate talking in front of people in general, what should I say now?!", I answered already regretting that I chose to take part in this kind of internship. But well, probably this was the best chance to practice, wasn't it?
Two hours later, we had survived the practice session and it was surprisingly good. I could fully concentrate on the talk and since I had a rather cooperative patient, it wasn't too difficult for me. Pleased with how I had performed, I left the building with Joe. „Sofia, I have one question. Last lecture we talked so much that I didn't listen a lot to the professor and now I don't know a lot about that he has said. Could we exchange numbers so that I can ask you what the professor said in his lectures when he, again, talked the whole time?", he looked at me with a puppy face which made me laugh.
„But Joe, you do know that when we talked the whole time, I didn't listen either?", I couldn't stop giggling and his puppy face made it even worse. „Yes, I do but at least you wrote down something. I didn't", Joe explained. Even though I was convinced this was just an excuse to get my phone number, I asked him to give me his mobile phone. Seconds later, I typed it in my number before adding my first and last name where it belonged. „Thank you!", Joe said smiling while sending a short message to the number I had typed in. „You're welcome", I answered in the moment he mentioned that I'd now have his number too.
„I have to go know, I'll meet with my girlfriend but we'll see each other tomorrow, won't we?", Joe explained quickly before he already went off. „Y-Yeah", I stuttered when he had left already. What was that?! This man managed to confuse me more and more with each of his actions. First, he flirted with me, then I saw the rainbow flag on his Instagram profile and now he casually told me he had a girlfriend?!
Now it was quite obvious that he wasn't flirting with me but what did that rainbow flag mean if he definitely wasn't gay? Was he bisexual? But isn't there another flag for bisexuality?! Or was he maybe just an ally? But if so, why would you add a rainbow flag to your biography? Wasn't it obvious that people would misunderstand it as you being gay? This man's actions simply didn't make sense to me.. I couldn't understand him.
While sitting in an almost empty bus on my way home, I couldn't stop thinking about Joe. I tried to figure out what the rainbow flag in his profile could mean but I had no idea. Additionally, I was convinced he had been flirting with me and I couldn't find a way in which this wasn't flirting. But if you were in a relationship and wanted to flirt with another woman – something that in my opinion didn't fit Joe at all – you wouldn't tell that other person about your relationship, would you? Which woman would want to be in relationship with someone who already had a girlfriend at the same time? At least I wouldn't! So what was that? Why did he talk to me in a flirty way or why did he mention his girlfriend?
Oh Niko, I wish I'd be in Oulu with you. There, I wouldn't have this chaos in my head, I wouldn't spend all my time on thinking about a man's intentions! Well, maybe I'd wonder what were your intentions but I'd feel so safe in your arms. God, I miss you so much! I can't wait for the day I'll finally see you again and I'll finally be able to hug, cuddle and kiss you! If only I could see you now, I'd feel so much better.. You can't imagine how fucking much I miss you right now. I don't even need you to be alone with me, I'd be happy with being in the studio and watching you and the boys record the new song.
Yay, I finally managed to write another chapter! Isn't Joe confusing? What are his intentions? Also, I'm not sure if it's good that he keeps Sofia's thoughts away from our dear Niko. However, thanks to my el besties MyVictim and IamLizziet you are one of the best things that happened to me in 2021! I'm so happy that I can always talk to you, you and your stories are my comfort space that helped me a lot last year and I'm truly thankful for you keeping me motivated to continue my story! 🖤
To everyone else: Hyvää uutta vuotta, I hope you're having a great new year full of happiness and healthiness!