Joohyuk just silently stood in front of a lamppost. He looked up at the bright street lamp. The world was silent that night. Without a single sound. Even though thunder rumbled and the sound of raindrops sounded, he still felt lonely.
He didn't feel the cold even though he was standing in the pouring rain. He was not disturbed by the stinging raindrops hitting his face.
His body seemed unable to feel anything. He even wondered if his heart was still functioning or not. Because it feels so tight.
He felt really lonely. There are no parents to complain about. Don't have any friends because he can't trust someone easily.
He stepped on his feet, tired of looking at the bright yellow light. He turned and walked without knowing where he was going.
Until his footsteps brought him to a bar. He looked at the shabby bar, then entered it. Ordered two bottles of soju even though he didn't bring a penny with him.
Having a stubborn father, always pressuring him, made him really feel suffocated. It's not the feeling of security that he feels but the threats he always receives every day.
He took a sip of soju with a high alcohol content. Really wish he could hangover, then die.
A mother who should be a wingless angel who always protects her, no matter where she is. Busy with his own work and dreams.
Feeling sonless. Under the pretext that her husband was more settled, she just let her son go. Without looking back. Without ever asking for news. Without ever feeling homesick and needy.
Joohyuk gently massaged his temples. The effects of alcohol have already started to work. He closed his eyes. Instead of feeling his head light, he actually felt his head heavy.
"I just love Kris hyung"
"You will definitely find someone better than me"
Joohyuk took another sip of his soju like a madman. His head felt dizzy now. Until he could not even hear the voice of the person who was talking to him at this time. His ears were ringing.
“!!!”
Joohyuk's shirt collar was pulled then a raw bombshell hit his jaw. He fell with his head hit the table.
He felt two pairs of hands rummage through the pockets of his pants and shirt. But because they didn't find anything, Joohyuk's arms were pulled. His body was dragged out and thrown face first to the ground.
PLAK!!!
“NO PARENTS IN THE WORLD WHO DROP HIS CHILDREN!! YOU SHOULD OBEY ME!!”
“YOU SHOULD BE AWARE THAT WHAT I DO IS ALL FOR YOUR GOODNESS!!”
Is it true that every decision that parents make is always the best for their child?
Can the child not have other dreams or desires? Can't he do both? Why does his father always confront Joohyuk with choices.
First, choose whether he wants to go with his father or mother.
Then choose to follow his directions, or get rid of him.
"Umm--
"Shut up. Don't call me mom when I'm outside
"But-
Joohyuk's body was pulled into a lonely place. Cornered on the wall. His mother stood in front of him and glared at him. Never mind hugs, she doesn't even show a smile to Joohyuk, his biological son.
"What are you doing here?!"
"I miss-
“Umma doesn't have time for this!! Don't appear in public like this again!! You can destroy my image!!”
And Joohyuk swore, every step his mother turned away from him. Away from him, all he felt was pain and tightness.
Joohyuk didn't want to be born to parents like the two of them. But, can he choose?
Why is the lawless stamp only available for children? Then what about parents who are like their father and mother?
Why is he who is only a child always told to understand?
Aren't parents basically more mature than their children?
So why are they not required to understand, but rather their children are required to understand?
When Joohyuk didn't feel the presence of those people beside him, he stood up. With a stagger he walked. Hold on to the wall. Then when there was no wall to hold on to, he stepped out clutching his stomach.
Tired, and the pain and cold he felt was getting worse as his steps became more and more directionless.
His body fell. A pair of legs visible by a pair of his vision. He looked up. Smiling crookedly with eyes that have been drooping almost completely closed.
"Kris hyung..."
Then his hand that was not strong enough to support his body now fell. And his eyes were completely closed. He lost consciousness.
•
•
•
•
•
He woke up from his sleep even though his eyelids were still heavy to open. He looked up at the ceiling of a room.
His eyes gleamed at the ash-painted room with minimalist metal and dark brown wood. He raised his hand, realizing that he was now wearing long-sleeved pajamas.
He heard a voice door opened from outside. Unable to look at the door, he stood still and waited.
"You're still on the drug, go back to sleep"
Joohyuk felt Kris' big hand holding his forehead. Then he heard a long sigh sounded. Kris walked out and came back with a basin with a small towel. Wet the towel and put it on Joohyuk's forehead.
"You don't have to worry about me," Joohyuk said weakly,
Chris sighed again. "I was thinking of doing that," said Kris and straightened himself after the wet towel was properly attached to Joohyuk's forehead.
"But I can't bear it," said Kris briefly. He pulled the blanket Joohyuk was wearing.
"Sleep again" he said then patted Joohyuk's stomach gently and turned on the night light. After that he went out.
"Sorry"
Kris who was already holding the door turned his head. He looked at Joohyuk who was still staring blankly at the ceiling.
“Sleep”
Kris then actually walked out leaving Joohyuk alone. Joohyuk closed his eyes.
"I love him so much, Hyung. He is my sun…”
◕◕
Joohyuk looked at the paper that Jisoo had just given him. Jisoo is no longer in his room. Only Joohyuk was alone.
He looked at Kris' photo, a photo of a woman with the name Luna, and a photo of a small child, Shixun.
The feelings gathered together. So heavy. But he still prioritizes his feelings that don't want to let Chanyeol go.
He walked out of the balcony of his office at home. Burning all the photos he just received without a trace to ashes and then flying with the wind.
Joohyuk didn't want to feel guilty towards Kris and Chanyeol. Just this once, in his life, just this once..
Joohyuk wants to be selfish.
He walked out of his office. Walk through the three rooms to arrive at the master suite. He pushed the door open.
“Chanyeol hyung…”
Chanyeol is reading a book. He looked at Joohyuk with a smile when Joohyuk called him weakly, then approached him and hugged him.
Joohyuk lay on Chanyeol's thighs and hugged his stomach tightly. He kissed Chanyeol's stomach with love and affection.
"What is it?"
"No..."
"Hmm?"
“I just feel so much love for you and our child”
Chanyeol smiled faintly. He closed his book and moved to lie down. Joohyuk immediately burst into Chanyeol's arms.
His head was right on Chanyeol's chest which was beating softly. He grabbed Chanyeol, and Chanyeol with a faint smile played with Joohyuk's hair.
Joohyuk closed his eyes. Chanyeol's heartbeat is always the same, from the past until now. In stark contrast to his rumbling heart. Chanyeol's heart always beats regularly.
And Joohyuk wasn't stupid to realize that Chanyeol didn't love him. Chanyeol's heart didn't beat hard because of it. However,
Joohyuk still won't let Chanyeol go.
◕◕
"Hiks.. Hiks..."
Kyuhyun massaged his temples. Damn. It's been almost an hour Sehun cried for his father who was lying with an IV in his hand.
How come? He can't eat anything. His body is weak, and he can die if he does not receive any nutrition.
When Sehun was declared better, Kris was sick and had to be treated. Kyuhyun looked at Sehun who was still holding his father's hand and crying.
Sehun didn't cry for Kris, he was used to seeing Kris nauseous or even fainting from exhaustion, lack of nutrition and staying up late because of the nausea that tormented him.
Sehun was crying over the fact that he couldn't visit Korea quickly because while he was getting better, his father actually collapsed.
"I'm sorry daddy"
Sehun sullenly nodded. His nose was wet, and so were his cheeks. It was clear that the boy was frustrated because he really wanted to go to Korea.
"Or Hunnie wants to go there first with uncle Kyu?"
Sehun shook his head, he gripped his father's index finger with both small hands.
"Why?"
“Later—sob, what if papa dies—sob”
Chris sighed. Since the incident the other day, his son looked traumatized. Even when Kris was staring out the window, his son could suddenly slap his face to confirm whether Kris was alive or dead with his eyes open.
And Wu Shixun's slap was not a playful slap.
"Pa..."
"Hmm?"
"Get well soon" Sehun said and I don't know what the wind was, his son kissed Kris' cheek, which he just slapped half an hour ago.
“Yes, Shixun.. papa will get better soon and—
"We're going to Korea," Sehun said firmly. His eyes looked straight with confidence at Kris who laughed and nodded.
"I'm sorry, but you're impatient, aren't you?"
"Eung. Want to find Chanyeol," Sehun said with a wide smile and his eyes looked innocently full of hope at Kris.
Kris nodded. Don't want to disappoint his little angel again.
Sehun who was happy with that answer, hurriedly hugged his papa with tightly. Come lay beside him.
"I love you.." Sehun whispered then closed his eyes and fell asleep with small hands hugging Kris' neck tightly.
Kris' hand, which had an IV in it, even though it hurt, still moved to rub Sehun's head. He kissed the top of his head.
“Love you more, Sehun-ah…”