Although I had originally planned to show Persephone my entire kingdom in one day, we ended up staying in Elysium for most of it.
I do not often linger there so long.
Perfect as it is, I am always left on edge when I visit, as if I have been transported back to the vulnerable husk of a man I was directly following my imprisonment, instead of the powerful King I know I am now.
Perhaps it serves as a reminder that such an immaculate vision of eternity can never be mine.
Or maybe, surrounded by so much untarnished loveliness, I am simply confronted with my own deep-running feelings of unworthiness and being out of place.
But with Persephone...I could spend days in there. Standing on the clifftop, with her so close — it still amazes me, how she welcomes my touch so readily — the whirling spiral of darkness never dragged me down.
I could be free of my demons for that time with her.
I came so close to telling her I loved her, there on the cliff.
But words seemed so worthless, so I contented myself with the smoothness of her skin beneath my fingertips and the mischievous way a few strands of her hair tickled at my throat. I wonder if she will eventually realize why she is here on her own, before I have found the right words to ask if she will be my Queen.
And I wonder, will she still look at me with the same open and trusting eyes when she does?
Although I question her again in the evening if she wishes me to return her to Demeter, she declines, and asks instead if she can take a few of my scrolls out to the courtyards so she can read by the fountains. I give her permission and invite her to share dinner with me again, which she accepts. After our meal together, she disappears upstairs with a new armful of scrolls to the room I prepared for her.
Has she realized yet that she occupies the largest and finest of the empty rooms in my palace? If she accepts my proposal, that chamber would become hers, to do with as she likes.
She appears comfortable here, in the lands I rule. My suspicion that she would feel at home in Elysium was apparently correct, and I do not believe I am fooling myself when I think she seems to like my company.
Sleep is impossible to come by with all of these thoughts jostling for position in my mind, and finally I grow too restless to stay in my bed and fight the battle any longer. I leave instructions with one of the shades who will be serving Persephone, to tell my guest that I will return before dinner if I am still gone when she wakes.
Then I harness my horses to the chariot again and ride up to the mortal world.
I do not make a habit of shirking my responsibilities and leaving my kingdom without being summoned, but there is only one being I can confide in regarding my current situation, and I need to speak with her. Disembarking and tying off the horses, I don my Helm of Darkness and travel the remainder of the way on foot, unseen.
I am the only Olympian who knows that she still lives in the mortal realm.
Standing on the sandy shore, I breathe in the scent of saltwater on the breeze for a moment before entering the archway between the rocks. Underneath the ground lies the palace we built together, cleverly hidden so it appears to be nothing more than a mountain. I walk down twisting dark hallways until I arrive at her chamber. The door is ajar, and the fires are still burning.
She does not find sleep any easier than I do, even after these thousands of years.
Bent over her weaving, her hair unbound and gleaming like burnished bronze in the firelight, she does not turn around right away. "I know someone is out there."
How I have missed her voice. Still as warm and soothing as I remember, despite everything we've gone through.
I step inside, removing my helm. "How could you? I made no sound to give myself away."
"They knew you were here the moment you set foot within these walls." She reaches down to stroke the lions that lounge, tame as cats, around her bench. "And yet they did not rise, so I knew you were friend, not foe." She rises then, arms open and eyes glistening. "It has been so long, my sweet Aidoneus."
"I am sorry I haven't visited more often, Rhea." I wrap my arms around her, savoring her embrace. Besides Hera, my mother is the only being I have ever felt I knew well enough to share such an intimately affectionate gesture with.
"Do I not get the respect of being called 'Mother' anymore?" she asks with a teasing pout as she draws back, her warm hand coming up to cradle my cheek.
"Apologies, Mother. One becomes overly used to formalities when one is a King," I tell her contritely, taking her other hand in my own.
She scoffs at my excuse. "Sit down, Aidoneus, and just let me look at you while we talk. I have missed seeing your face."
I sit down on another bench, and she returns to the weaving bench, though her tapestry sits forgotten. I have lost track of how long it has been since we saw each other last, but I know it must be a long time, by mortal standards at least. "How have you been, Mother?"
Rhea smiles, her eyes still lovingly trained on my face. "I am well. It is peaceful here, which, if I recall, was all that I asked you for. The mortals who send offerings and hymns my way are few in number but lack nothing in energy and fervor. And my sister Tethys still drops in every so often to share the latest news from Poseidon's realm with me." She gestures to the doorway, where I can still hear the soft lapping of the waves echoing down the hall. "So I am content. Though I always wish I could see more of you."
"I wish I could visit more often myself. But the last thing I want is for my brothers to find you."
Her face grows somber for a moment. "I know." There is a brief silence, and then she shakes the heaviness away. "How are YOU doing, Aidoneus?"
"I? Fine, I suppose...no, actually I have a...problem, of sorts. Which is part of the reason I came to speak to you." I rub the back of my neck, suddenly shy of telling my mother that I lured a woman into my kingdom with the hopes that she will be my wife one day.
Maybe everything I've done so far has been a horrible mistake.
She leans forward, all her features sharpening with interest. "Well? Come now, Son, you have piqued my curiosity. Do not leave me hanging on so long."
Deciding to plunge right in, I start before I can talk myself out of it. "I have met someone, Mother, and I think I may be in love with her."
Before the last words have even left my lips, Rhea has leapt from her bench and nearly into my lap. "I knew it! I could feel something different in the air around you. Really, Aidoneus, it is about time you crowned a Queen. Tell me all about her!"
"Well...she —"
"Is she pretty?"
"Pretty?! She is the most gorgeous woman I have ever set eyes on, Mother."
"That is good. I always thought my handsome son deserved someone beautiful. Hopefully she is intelligent, too."
"Not only intelligent, she is constantly trying to learn more. She never seems to run out of questions."
"That sounds like someone else I used to know." Rhea narrows her eyes. "And knowing you, she must be kindhearted, and spirited, too. I am not sure I see your problem yet."
I avoid her piercing gaze. "Well, she...does not actually know how I feel about her yet. I have not exactly been very forthcoming with her. Granted, she has not even been in the Underworld for two full days, so perhaps I am overthinking everything."
"Ah." She returns to her bench, and takes up her weaving. "So you have come to me for advice. Why not go to Hera?"
"Why even ask me that, Mother? I love Hera, she is like my sister, but we both know she cannot keep a secret if it involves a relationship. And —" I cannot resist flattering her a little bit, "— you were the patroness of marriage long before Hera."
Rhea's fingers move slowly and methodically through the threads before her as a satisfied smile curves across her mouth. I know her mind must be working through what I have told her as well. "Why is this woman a secret?" is her next inquiry.
I sigh, reminded all over again of one of the main reasons I started down my less-than-honorable path of courtship. "She is Demeter's daughter."
"Ah." No more need be said. Rhea remembers Demeter well from the days of the Titanomachy. "How do you want to proceed?"
"I do not even know." It takes me a moment to realize I am running my fingers through my hair, an agitated habit from when I was young and easily worked up, and one that I thought I had mastered long since. "I suppose I had some grand fantasy of spiriting her away and everything else simply falling into place. It does not feel like that at all. Maybe if I had more experience with women...?"
She shakes her head, giving me a stern glance. "What, so you could have an endless string of unfortunate paramours and their illegitimate offspring trailing on behind you like your brothers? That is not love, Aidoneus. It doesn't leave you any better at the real thing, only makes you good at seduction. Real love is complicated. If you feel you are moving too fast, take it slowly. Get to know her."
"I am not afraid of getting to know her."
Rhea picks up what I leave unspoken and drags it out into the air. "You cannot be afraid of letting her get to know you then, my Love."
I rise from my seat and kneel beside her bench, stroking the lioness next to me, who is offended at my invasion of her space. "What could someone like her possibly find in someone like me, Mother?"
She sets down her thread again and brushes my hair back from my forehead. Her face is brimming with warmth and devotion, and it strikes me, that for how closely my brothers resemble her, I have never seen those emotions from either of them.
I am also hit with the familiar stab of discomfort reminding me that I look nothing like her.
How can she look upon my face with so much affection, when I am the very image of my father?
"Aidoneus, out of my children, you have the truest heart. You may sometimes feel it is more curse than blessing, but trust me, Hera and Amphitrite would probably trade their thrones in an instant if it meant they could attain that in a husband."
"Thank you, Mother."
She grins. "There are MANY other things I could point out about you, but you should probably learn to appreciate your own qualities without my help. You are certainly old enough to do so."
I am not sure what prods me into voicing my next thought. Perhaps I have always wanted to ask her, and just never found the right way to phrase what I want to know.
"Do you still love Kronos?"
Her expression tightens, as if even the mention of his name still brings her pain.
"You don't have to answer." I back off quickly.
She opens her eyes again. "No, you have him on your mind tonight, I can see it in your face." A sigh. "It seems he is one demon that we both still need to free ourselves from." Her fingers continue to weave through my hair, and I let them.
I know we both still ache for the years we lost so long ago.
"It took me far too long to see what a heartless, vicious tyrant he became. Each time he swallowed an innocent child to ensure he remained in power, he broke my heart into more pieces. By the time Zeus was born, I no longer loved who Kronos had twisted himself into." A tear slides silently down Rhea's cheek, and I reach up to gently wipe it away.
"But even now, thousands of years since the last time I saw his face, I cannot stop loving the man he once was. How I wish you could have met him before, when he was young and led the charge against Ouranos. He was so full of passion and courage then, idealistic and determined to do the right thing." Her eyes roam the room, images I can only guess at playing in her mind's eye. "But I wanted to save my children, and Mother Gaea was angry that Kronos forgot his promises to her. She offered me a way to gain what I wanted, so I took it."
"You still loved his memory, though. Is that why you did not join us in the War?" Her neutrality finally makes sense to me, now that I understand the depth and tangled nature of her feelings.
"Yes." Rhea nods. "Neither Zeus nor Kronos will ever forgive me. They could not understand that my choice stemmed from an unwillingness to hurt either of them. Instead, they both took my lack of action as a betrayal." She laughs, the sound soft and sad. "They are more alike than they would care to admit."
I stand, gazing down at her. "I have always wanted to ask you, but could not face the answer until tonight. Am I anything like him?"
Her gaze does not waver from mine as she replies. "Hardly. You have his brilliant mind, but you use it in such different ways that there is no resemblance between you. Besides —" she slips her hand into mine, unclenching my fingers until our palms lie flat against each other's, "— never forget whose power you inherited."
The stone whispers around us in our shared language, and the unrest within me stills. "You are right, as always. I should be on my way soon. Thank you, for letting me intrude on your evening."
"It was good you came. I think the Fates turned your path here tonight for a reason, my Love. We should have talked about Kronos long before now, but perhaps you were meant to begin healing at this point in time, and not before." Rhea's eyes are wide and dark, their velvety brown depths unreadable. "Some monumental change is on the wind. I have felt it."
I can only stare back at her, any words I could say stolen from my tongue. So she feels it too.
With each passing day, I become more certain that the cycle of order we have maintained to some degree ever since the War is shuddering, slowly bending out of shape to collapse into something new.
"My power may not be as strong as it once was, but I still have my rapport with Mother Gaea. There is change moving even deep within her. I know not whether it brings great good or great ill, but I do know what I felt."
All I can do is nod for her to go on.
"These last two nights, she is both more alive, and more dead, than I have ever known her." My mother's voice lowers, echoing deep and portentous like a message from the Fates. "I cannot understand it."
For my part, I do not see the sense in such a stark contradiction either. "Life and Death cannot exist within the same space. They are fundamentally each other's antithesis."
"As we understand them." Rhea shrugs. "But perhaps even our concepts of fundamentals will be overturned."
"I will keep my mind open in case Gaea has anything to tell me." Thinking that flying would feel good on a night like tonight, I call up my wings, allowing myself to briefly revel in the primeval joy of blood rushing into them as they unfold.
Rhea rises from her bench once more. "If I may ask you such a prying question, what is the young lady's name?"
I smirk at her motherly curiosity. "Persephone."
She looks even more interested. "Now that is a fascinating name. It makes me wonder why Demeter chose it."
"I know." I fold my wings again, anticipating there will not be space for them in the hallways. "Destruction Bringer seems a bit of a dark name for someone like her."
"It is an old name that comes from a variety of different roots. In the form it exists now, it can be likened to the leaves of the white poplar. Dark on one side, light on the other. Its other meaning is 'Destroyer of Death'."
I raise an eyebrow. "Are you warning me to be careful?"
She sighs. "I am your mother. I will always warn you to be careful."
"I know." Embracing her tightly, I smile into her hair. "Until next time. I love you."