"I'm okay with it, really . . . I am," Jace says for the third time, but somehow I'm not convinced. I'm surprised he's even bringing it up after he reacted so well to me telling him about the new child growing inside of my stomach.
"I—" he sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.
"Jace. . . . Are you okay?" I ask, my eyes watching his soft expression, I've never seen him this way, not during my whole life of knowing him.
"This just feels wrong," he admits as we slowly make our way on the pebbled road leading to my mother's house; a place I don't want to visit.
"Jace," I breathe and he gives me a silly smile, something that reminds me of Elijah.
"I'll never be over you," he admits again, the words that hurt us in different ways.
"I thought I was okay. . . You know, I have Rosie, I have your mother's animals to take care of but when I saw you, it—" he stops before he begins again, "it didn't feel right this way, and I know I can't change anything," he quickly says after seeing my lips part, "but ill never be truly okay with all of this," he says, his eyes going to my promise ring and then my stomach.
"Do you want to go inside?" Jace asks me and I shake my head, I didn't realize that we had already reached my mother's house, I was so caught up in Jaces' words, and for a split second I was glad we had shifted onto another topic but now I'm mortified again.
"No," I manage a small whisper.
"Okay," he holds my hand for a brief second before letting me know he'll be quick but the words. Ome out with the wind.
I wait patiently bit my feet take me closer and closer to Jace until I'm a step away from being inside the house.
"Jace?" I breathe but I don't hear him and I stead I see my mother lying on the floor again and myself running toward her, screaming and crying, I see Cody comforting me and I see Miles, I see Bill and I see all of the horrible screams coming from my own mouth.
I gulp down at the memory that is way too vivid in my own mind.
"Madison," Jace says as if he's seen a ghost.
"You don't have to be here," he kindly offers but I press my lips together, with a small tear in my eyes. If Miles is going to pay for keeping this house in the memory of my mother I need to be able to at least step inside but somehow it feels like a sting to my chest.
"I'm fine," I tell him and step inside, not allowing the feelings this house is holding over me to. COmpletely consume me.
"I just needed to water the flowers," he lets me know in a hurry, knowing that it probably best to get me out of here but before I know it my feet take me to my mother's bedroom, I walk in through my room, and then finally to hers. The covers are a faded yellow and so is the pillow.
(Play easy love by sf9 instrumental)
The room is empty with a large shelf far from the room but in a spot still noticeable, somehow it only makes the room seem more empty.
"Oh mom," I breathe, sitting down on the bed, realizing that it's so perfectly made only for no one to lie in it because she's never coming back.
I find warm tears slowly rolling off my cheeks and I know that I will forever feel this way in some way, this feeling will never truly go.
I lie down wrapping my hands around the pillow to feel my mother's smell and then, something sharp sticking into my hand.
My fingers reach to grab the thin material that I quickly reveal to be a letter.
"My last letter to you," I read word for word what is written on the front and stare at the number a thousand and two.
I open the opened letter, hoping Jace will take a few minutes longer so I can read the letter.
The words don't seem too long and they reach a little further than half of the paper,
'You know, the truth is that I thought I'd be stronger without you, that maybe we never were really meant to be, I thought that taking care of little Madison was all that I needed, that I'd be okay this way, that maybe Bill would be able to somehow replace you, but that hasn't happened yet, none of it has. Because the truth of my life without you is that everything has fallen apart after you left, and the funny thing is that, it only made me realize how much I needed you. How much I want you here with me, how much nothing else matters, not our past not you leaving but what matters is that I need you and want you. And I know . . . that if you'd walk through that door, I'd jump into your arms and feel your touch, the way you always held me, made me feel safe like no one else ever could, not even bill although I know he probably loved me more than you ever did.
I will raise Madison to be the woman we both hoped for, and maybe one day she'll marry Jace, the right boy for her, even though I'll always know that with whom she'll fall in love first is with whom she will belong, I've always known that my heart has forever told me that, just like I've known it with you, Peter.
This is the very last letter ill ever send you and the very last words I'll ever say to you.'
-Angela