Tris
Literal na napatayo ako ng upuan nang mabuga ni Kaylee yung iniinom nitong juice.
Nagmamadali tuloy akong kumuha ng tissue at inabot iyon dito. Matapos nitong makuha iyon para punasan yung bibig ay marahan ko namang tinatapik yung likod nito.
Magkasabay kaming kumakain ng breakfast sa hotel room nito.
"Fifty million!?" hindi makapaniwalang kumpirma nito.
Napapangiwing tumango naman ako. I know it really sounds crazy. Who will spend fifty million just to have a night with someone?
Literally no one! Just no one!
Except to that crazy mad monkey.
"Fuck, Tris." Ulit pa ni Kaylee at itinulak ako palayo. "Magpakulong ka na lang sa kwarto kasama si Eris. Wala akong ganoon kalaking pera. Isang gabi lang naman. Shocks! Ang mahal mo pala pag binenta."
"Wala din akong pera, Lee." tuluyan na akong napasimangot. Paano ko babayaran ngayon yung babaeng iyon? "Ikaw na lang yung mauutangan ko."
Ang yabang yabang ko pa na sabihin sa unggoy na iyon kagabi na titriplehin ko pa yung bayad ko. Tapos wala naman pala akong pambayad.
"Help me, Lee. Hindi ka ba naaawa sakin?"
"Goodness, Tris. Bakit naman kasi ang mahal mo? If that's only a million, I can lend you. But heck, Fifty million? Fifty!? Like heck, hella Fifty million?!" Paulit ulit pa nitong emphasize. "C'mon, higa ka na lang sa kama ni Eris. Wala tayong ganoong pera."
"Gago." hindi ko maiwasan na murahin ito sa sobrang inis ko.
"C'mon, Tris. What's for modesty? Sabi mo naman Eris is lusting after you, right? So just give her a night and let it begone. Tapos na din yung problema natin sa fifty million na yan."
"That's not easy, okay?" Inis na bumalik ako sa pagkakaupo. I put my arms cross over my chest while I leisurely drape my right leg over my left.
"What's not easy, Tris? Isang gabi lang naman. Saka hello, you can just bed Eris and begone in the morning. Nothing new for you. You've been doing that for as long as I can remember."
My gaze averted towards Lee. How can she say that to me as if I am not her best friend?Kung tutuusin naman ay kasalanan nito kaya ako nagkautang ng ganoon kalaking halaga. Dapat lang na tulungan nya ako.
I have been always helping her out of trouble. Ngayon lang naman ako nalubog ng ganito na kinakailangan ko nang humingi ng pabor dito pero heto na naman sya, always saving herself first.
"Fine. Uutang na lang ako kay Mommy." resigned na turan ko.
Tutal naman wala din itong mapapahiram sakin. Kahiyaan naman pag biglang sinabi ko sa tagabundok na babaeng iyon na wala pala akong pera pantubos sa sarili ko.
"No!" Mariing tanggi ni Kaylee. "Hindi pwedeng malaman ni Tita Sammie na may ganoon kang utang. Tiyak na magtataka yon. Anong sasabihin mo?"
Napakunot yung noo ko. Is there anything I can do? E wala nga syang maipautang sakin. Alangan naman na unahin ko pa yung galit ni Mommy.
"I'll tell her the truth that I am just helping you. Maintindihan naman nila sigurado iyon. Lalo na ni Mama."
"No!" Lee's voice raised a little bit higher. "Hindi pwede!"
"Why not?"
"Mauungkat yung tungkol kay Payne!" Lee seems a bit distressed at the thought that her girlfriend will be dragged in this mess. "Ano na lang ang iisipin nila Mommy pag nalaman nila na may perang pumapasok sa account ni Payne galing sa lugar na iyon? Kaya nga sayo ko ipinagawa."
"What about me?" hindi ko maiwasan na hindi maitanong.
Hindi ba dapat ako ang intindihin nya ngayon? Kung hindi naman dahil kay Payne ay hindi ako malalagay sa sitwasyon ko ngayon.
Paano na lang yung takot at galit na nararamdaman ko kagabi habang ginagawa sakin iyon?
I was exploited. My body was exposed. Kulang na nga lang ay tuluyan akong hubaran sa harap ng kung sino-sinong mga tao na nandoon. I was subjected as a sex object infront of the lust-filled eyes of everyone in there.
Kung iba yung nakabili sakin, paano na lang kung narape na pala ako? O kaya nadrugs? Pagkatapos ay pinagpasa-pasahan na parang basahan? Naisip nya ba yon?
That was some kind of traumatic on my part too.
Yet, here's my best friend, telling me to get over it. She even recommended me to just sleep with Eris just to solve our problem. Just for the sake na hindi ma-expose yung girlfriend nito. How great is that?
"Tris, isang gabi lang naman. C'mon, you can do it. Nagagawa mo nga sa iba hindi ba?"
Damn!
If she weren't just Lee, baka sinapak ko na sya. Nakakainsulto na.
"That's Eris, Kaylee." mariing turan ko para magsink-in dito kung sino yung pinag-uusapan namin.
"So?" Kaylee bit her thumb. That's a stress reliever habit she can't fully let go even until now. She's walking to and fro. "Hindi ba dapat mas kampante ka? She's safe. Wala naman siguradong sakit si Eris. Saka hello, baka curious lang iyon kaya gusto itry sayo."
"She wants to bed me."
Natigilan ito nang marinig iyon. Kaylee knows my rules. She knows my limits and boundaries.
"W-wait.." huminto ito sa paglalakad at huminto sa harapan ko. "What?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "You heard me. She wants me to lay on her bed as she do her thing to me."
"That's..." Tumikhim si Kaylee.
Nag-iinit yung pisngi na nag-iwas ako ng tingin dito.
Kaylee knows that I can bed anyone and give them what they want. But they can't do the same to me. I can do them. But no, they can't do me.
Hindi ba kaya nga ang asar nila sakin noon ni Elise ay Freak? I am not feeling inclined to have sex with anyone. I don't feel anything at all. Kahit lust nga ay wala. Mas lamang pa yung pandidiri ko.
"You're turning twenty six, Tris. Malay mo naman kay Er-"
"No!" Mariing tanggi ko. "I am preserving myself for Elle. Just for Elle! You hear me? Kabilin-bilinan ni Mama na si Elle lang yung pwede kong pakasalan. You know the sanctity of marriage and purity to our family."
I am physically attracted to Elle. Mga bata pa lang kami, tanging ito lang yung kayang magpalingon sakin. That's something from all of the things I couldn't feel. Dito nga lang ako natutulala. Dito nga lang din ako natutuyuan ng lalamunan.
And No, I may not be able to feel anything sexual towards Elle but I can make her happy. And she can make me happy by just staying with me; by just choosing to be with me.
"Tris, C'mon." Naglalambing na iniyakap na ni Kaylee yung mga braso nito sa leeg ko. "Help me. Hindi pwedeng malagay sa alanganin si Payne. Alam mo naman na ayaw ni Mommy sa kanya di ba? Pag nalaman nila yung sitwasyon ni Payne, mas lalo nila syang aayawan. You know that Payne is suffering with anxiety and depression lately, right?"
Goodness! Payne spells like a drama and a headache rolled into one. She seems fluent in lies, excuses, and bullshit. But I can't tell it to Kaylee. Tiyak na magtatampo ito at iisipin na pati ako ay tumututol sa girlfriend nitong iyon. Pero totoo naman kasi lahat ng iniisip namin na negatibo patungkol sa babaeng iyon.
Ayoko lang talaga ng gulo at tampuhan pagdating kay Kaylee kaya hinahayaan ko na lang ito sa gusto nito. But if truth be told, no one is really in favor of her girlfriend.
"I need fifty million, Kaylee. Make it seventy kung posible. Otherwise, I got no choice but to ask help from my parents."
"Tris"
"No, Kaylee." Tinanggal ko yung kamay nito na nakapulupot sa leeg ko. "I've had enough of your whims. Panindigan mo din naman ako. It's partially your fault that I am in this mess, So help me too. Hindi lang yung siraulong girlfriend mo yung may kailangan sayo."
"Don't call Payne that way! She's not siraulo!"
"Then don't drag me in your dramas too!" I raised my tone back. Palagi na lang ako yung nag-aadjust para dito.
Imbes na nasa Pilipinas ako para bantayan si Elle, heto ako. Nandito sa tabi nito. Napapahamak at laging nasasangkot sa gulo.
People think it's always me. Whenever I am getting into trouble, ako lagi yung masama. Ako lagi yung basag ulo. Ako lagi yung may problema.
Little did they know that I am always into fights because I am just protecting Kaylee. Pag may nambabastos dito, I am always into the rescue. Ilang beses akong napaaway dahil sa mga gagong ex boyfriend nito.
"So I am just someone full of dramas now?" Umatras si Kaylee palayo sakin. Halatang nasaktan sa nasabi ko.
Fucks! Fucks! What am I doing?
"No, Lee." I took a deep breath. "I am sorry, I didn't mean it that way."
"No, Tris. You said it yourself. Pag napupuno ka na saka ka lang nagsasabi ng totoo. Pag galit ka, those slip of the tongue are your truths. So baka nga punong-puno ka na sa mga dramas ko."
"Hey! Hey! That's not true." Humakbang ako palapit dito. Matampuhin kasi ito.
"Get out, Tris." Tinabig nito yung kamay ko.
"Lee."
"Get out." itinuro nito yung pintuan ng hotel room nito. "I'll ask someone to bring you home. So, get out. " malamig na utos nito.
Napatitig na lang ako dito. I can't really remember when I start to lose my bestfriend. She isn't like that. Dati rati ay ito yung hindi mapalagay pag hindi kami magkasama. Madalas ay iiyak ito pag nasusungitan ko. O di kaya naman ay tumatakbo pa habang isinisigaw yung pangalan ko sa tuwing makikita ako.
Pero ngayon? All I could feel is how cold and distant she is currently to me right now.
Just because of that bullshit Payne.
There's something about that woman that I can't figure out yet. Pag kasama kasi namin ito ay ibang-iba yung kilos niyon. Akala mo babaeng hindi makabasag pinggan. Saka asikasong-asikaso nito si Kaylee palagi. Something that Kaylee is accustomed to.
Somehow, I could feel that Payne truly loves Kaylee. But there's really something about her that doesn't match.
Ang sabi kasi ni Kaylee ay hindi naman daw mayaman si Payne. Nakuha lang daw itong model ng isa sa mga local projects ng agency ng Mommy niya. Nagkataon lang na medyo maganda ang working ethics at feedback dito kaya nagsunod-sunod yung proyektong nakukuha.
I was also there when Kaylee met that woman in one of the Gala we've attended together. I was there when that woman had recognized Kaylee as a daughter of the company she's working for, and shyly said Hello.
That hello turned into casual pleasantries sa tuwing may mga in-attendan kaming mga parties ni Kaylee na kasama yung mga models ng company nila. Then that casual pleasantries turned into exchanged phone numbers. Until the two started hanging out together.
I was also there when Payne asked for permission on Kaylee's parents to formally court her. It took Kaylee couple of months before she told me that she's already dating Payne.
At first, I was happy for my bestfriend. Lalo na at kitang-kita ko naman lahat ng efforts ni Payne para dito. But lately? Things are going different. Palagi na lang nagtatalo ang mga ito. Lalo pa at nalaman nga ni Kaylee na may mga pumapasok na pera sa accounts ni Payne na hindi nito alam kung saan nanggagaling. Sinasabay pa ng anxiety at depression attacks ni Payne pag nako-corner ito.
I just want to help Kaylee. She's my bestfriend. Mga bata pa lang kami, lagi na kaming magkasama. She is a year younger than me. Pero palagi na lang na ako yung umiintindi dito. Minsan pala nakakapagod din maging kaibigan. Nakakapagod din yung palaging nagbibigay. Nakakapagod din yung palaging sumasalo. Tapos pag ikaw na may kailangan, walang handang tumulong sayo.
"I'll just see Elle." Huminga ako ng malalim para kalmahin yung sarili ko. "Pag nasiguro ko na okay lang si Elle at wala namang problema, babalik ako dito."
"No need. Uuwi na din ako ngayon after lunch." Kaylee shake her head. "You don't have to always go all the hassle just to help me, Tris. Tutulungan kita sa perang kailangan mo. Baka may pera si Elise o kaya si Kuya Leo. Just don't tell our parents what Payne is into. That's the only help I want from you right now."
Tumango na lang ako kahit nagsisimula na din sumama yung loob ko dito. Nang tumalikod ako dito ay mas lalong bumigat yung pakiramdam ko. I was expecting she'll say sorry.
Pero nabuksan ko na at naisarado yung pinto ng hotel room nito ay wala akong narinig na kahit ano mula dito. Nakalabas na ako pero hindi man lang ako nito hinabol.
She's really different now.
"You seem gloomy. Want to come over and watch porn on my flat screen mirror instead? I have it at the ceiling of my bed."
Awtomatikong napaangat yung tingin ko nang marinig ko yung pamilyar na boses na iyon.
Ugly Monkey.
"She's boring, right?" itinuro pa nito yung hotel room ni Kaylee na pinanggalingan ko. "No wonder her girlfriend enjoys doing someone else."
"What?" napakunot yung noo ko sa tinutumbok ng mga salita nito.
At anong gingawa nito dito sa lugar na ito? Don't tell me na sobrang liit na talaga ng mundo at dito din ito sa hotel na ito nakastay ngayon? Sobrang coincidence naman yata na parang lagi itong nasa landas ko ngayon.
"Payne. What a name. Such a real pain in the ass no?" napapalatak pa ito habang marahang umiiling.
Did she know anything about Kaylee's girlfriend?
"Kilala mo si Payne?"
Humikab ito. Tila ba antok na antok pa. Inilabas nito yung phone nito mula sa suot nitong white skirt. "Want a copy?"
What?
"But there's a catch." tumitig ito sakin mula ulo hanggang paa bago ngumiti ng pagkatamis-tamis. "You need to spend a week with me. An intimate week with me. Sounds fun, right?"
Bago pa ako makapagmura ay napatigil na ako sa sunod nitong sinabi.
"I just need a company here, Tris. Nothing else. Intimacy for me isn't always about sex. An honest companion who isn't afraid to tell what's running on her mind, a brave one who would fight for her friends. I want that. Ayaw mo ba makita kung sino yung kalandian ni Payne? Hindi ka ba interesado na makilala kung sino yung pinagpalit sa kaibigan mo?"
Natigilan naman ako. Pinaimbestigahan na ba nito yung girlfriend ni Kaylee? Inalam na din ba nito kung anong ginagawa ko sa lugar na iyon kagabi? At kung bakit ko iyon ginawa?
Why? Is she really lusting after me that much?
"No sex?"
"No sex." Itinaas nito yung mga kamay nito. "I told you that I just want to bed you. But I am not forcing you. Pero kung gusto mo magpakagat at magpakailal-"
"Ayoko!" iritableng tanggi ko agad. Wala pa naman akong tiwala sa babaeng ito. Iba pa naman yung saltik nito sa utak.
She grinned widely. "Fine. You have my word for it. No force. No sex. Na-da. Not at all. So?" iwinagayway pa nito yung phone nito.
"Keep your word, Monkey."
"Ikaw lang ang hindi tumutupad sa salita mo, Negra. Wag mo ko idamay."
Lumingon ako sa nakapinid na pinto ng tinutuluyan ni Kaylee. I can't help but to feel sorry for her.
Up to the last time, you're always getting me into trouble Lee. Last na to, okay? Aayusin ko pa yung kasal namin ni Elle.
"Fine." pikit matang pagpayag ko.
A deal with the Monkey. I should be cautious from now on.
*****